What are your rules?

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by BryanSamantha

The title says it all, what types of rules do you have for yourselves when you meet others. Does anything go? Are there things that are off limits??

Not every thing goes, unless you have come to an agreement on that. The rules can be made by both of you...it's not like it's always the female half of the couple 'laying down the law'.

For us, things that are off limits: no barebacking, no anal, and probably no rough stuff (that requires trust...and while I may be f*cking you for the evening...I'm probably not going to trust you not to hurt me or stop if I throw a safe word out there because I just don't know).

And those are what we have whittled it down to from our initial conversations airing what we would be uncomfortable with the other one doing.

Maria

[purpletiger]

Ours are condoms a must, we always play in the same room.

Other than that, we seem to bend them as we go

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by BryanSamantha

The title says it all, what types of rules do you have for yourselves when you meet others. Does anything go? Are there things that are off limits??

Every couple has their own comfort levels and rules. These usually change as you grow and mature in the lifestyle. We have only a few. We both play or no play (I don't think thats a "rule" however, just how we play), no anal and condoms. Other than that we usually go with the feel of the couple and the situation.

[fun4Ds]

we started with many, now we have few.
if i wear a condom, then my friend so do you.

Mrs.fun does no anal ill have to agree,
no anal no anal especially on me.

with just one more, we would have three
oh i'v got it... were not into pee.

[good times]

We only have two, at least two that I call a rule. Their are a few things we won't do, but they really aren't rules, we just aren't into it (like anal).

Our rules are, we both play or no one plays, and have fun or move on. Can't think of any others.

When we first started in the lifestyle we had a bunch, now it is pretty much just the two. We found that most rules didn't really accomplish anything useful and usually got in the way of the fun.

We actually discussed it and made our rules together, I don't ever recall any that one of us dictated to the other, even when we had a bunch of them.

[Menage_a_Trois]

Well 1st off we have no rules - more of what we would refer to as guidelines and they are really simple.

1 - for us girls like GT said no anal.......not our cup of tea within the lifestyle.

2 - If one plays we all play..........we don't like leaving someone alone on the sidelines - just not fair or polite and frankly for us - it becomes a distraction during our playtime for the one who goes off to play if the other(s) are left out because we are worrying about if they are having fun or bored, etc.

We don't worry about RULES..........we have found if we always worry about our partners needs and feelings first that the rules become unimportant. We understand that we are doing the lifestyle together and if something isn't working for one then we discuss it, figure it out and move on - there is no getting upset or holding grudges etc. so therefore there isn't room for RULES for us.

[socolais]

In the beginning, we read so many discussion about rules that we figured we should have some too. Our list was as long as anyone elses. In a moment of inspiration, we decided to flush the rules and state our preferences in a positive light. So we have preferences that describe what we enjoy rather than rules that state what we wont do.

We prefer respecting the feelings and individual preferences of our spouse. (domestic tranquility)
We prefer play with experienced swingers. (minimizes drama potential)
We prefer small house parties. (plenty of variety in a fun environment)

You can call it a universal rule of swinging - "no" means no without regard for anything previously understood.

Each decision to play is based on our assessment of the potential for fun and that includes the ability to communicate effectively along with mutual motivation.

We decided separate room play was not an issue with us and we "graduated" to full swap on our second playtime. We discovered that it's not so much "what" or "where" we do with our playmates that makes the difference. We're here because of the sexual excitement we'll take home with us (and we're more than happy to contribute toward your excitement). We can be just as excited by a fun cuddle session or a sweaty, grunty full swap - it's all in the attitude.

[NakedInSeattle]

Rules? We don't need no stinking rules!

Seriously, our rules are just common sense and one firm one...no going on dates separately.

[WesternSwing]

When we first started we had a bunch of rules, and I still remember posting them here in a similar thread.

Since then we have pretty much removed all of them except two that are important to us:

1. Condoms are always used
2. Let each other know what we are doing before we do it, not afterward. Basically this is a "Honey, I'm going to go play with so-and-so in this room over here, are you okay with that?" Neither of us has ever said "no", it's more of a courtesy to each other so that we're not left all alone at a party or club wondering where the other went.

Other than that we've pretty much discarded the rest as we've become more comfortable in the lifestyle. We had a rule about what sex acts were off limits and we kept to ourselves only. That one is gone. We had a rule about playing solo. That one is gone. We had a rule about same room only. That one it gone. It think out of 10 or more rules they've all be discarded now except those two.

Mr. WS

[sweet_tna]

We only have a few rules/guidelines/things we don't want to do. Call 'em what you will, the important thing is that they're what my honey and I have agreed upon:

1) Condoms are a must.
2) We are a package deal. This is open to OUR interpretation, but generally means we both play or at least have the opportunity to do so.
3) We choose not to participate in anal, watersports, or really painful stuff.

=)

[cuzzeyesaidso]

We have been finding out lately that in order to experience more things in this lifestyle, we will have to do away with some of our rules. We've taken the "no rules" approach lately. Well almost. We still won't do anal with anybody yet.

[ShellyM]

We have no issues with rules or comfort levels of course...the only time we hesitate is when a couple has a laundry list of them. Not that its offensive, but long list of rules tell us that there is a possibility of issues and drama. PLUS I just cannot remember too many rules lol. Really the only rule that equals absolutely no play from jump is no kissing. We love kissing too much to compromise on that one.

[des1re06]

Rules - the list is getting shorter as we go along.

1) NO anal for her, he is allowed to participate with a condom only. She doesn't like it, don't go there!

2) We must both like the couple/single. We always reserve time to discuss the couple before proceeding. If either feels uncomfortable, it's off.

3) Separate rooms - Only at house parties, where we know the couples in advance do we separate to different rooms.

4) We don't go out on dates without each other (no alone dates).

5) Couples who cause drama are not given a second chance.

6) No calling her or him on the phone behind the other's back. There's a time/place for swinging, so please don't call us during work hours.

7) No naming names to other couples. General stories are ok, but no names. This is only broken in our close knit group, where everyone knows each other. Even then, we don't tell all.

Mr. & Mrs. D

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by socolais

We prefer respecting the feelings and individual preferences of our spouse. (domestic tranquility)

It really does come down to this for us.

We had rules, but realized that some of them were very artificial and based on everyone else's experiences and comfort zones. The truth is - our rules change with our play mates. With some, we can do things (for comfort reasons) that we wouldn't consider with others. And I can't really say that its about being extremely close either - there are just some couples or singles who give us a unique "vibe".

It'd be a shame to limit potential with inflexible rules...

So - for us - we simply know what hurts the other and choose not to do it (respect). And we talk constantly to make sure we are on the same page - throwing out "what if" scenarios that we evaluate together.

Now, of course, we do have our own inflexible rules based on our interests and comfort levels, but that reflects who we are - not what is right or wrong within the lifestyle. It is your experience, make it exactly what you want it to be!



Spoomonkey

[pervgeeks]

We have our top 10 list on our profile of rules, preferences, must-haves, etc. that we made together. Many formed after some serious trial and error.

http://pervgeeks.swinglifestyle.com/