What are your rules?

[katejustkate]

i agree toyally, Except the no pain....No..don't ask!

Originally Posted by smileytattoo

I guess I did leave off a few that I thought were a given as well:
No children or animals (We stick to over 21 yrs old)
No pain unless I ask for it!
No body functions (Do I look like a toilet?)

[nicecpl89511]

We have a few basic rules. The usual about no kids, no water sports, no potty games, etc.

We both have to feel very comfortable about the other couple.
We only swing together.
Unless we know the other couple(s) very well safe sex is the rule.
We are same room swap couple.

Wanda

[greatesc]

We have strict rules
No Anal, just never have gone there
Must be spontaneous and not planned
If we play it's all of us together at the same time, no going off into diffent corners
Have to be friends first
No Pain, water play, hate role playing

[twobears]

Hi there everyone we always use protection for intercourse and somtimes if we know the couple, if in thier work where they are tested yearly, then oral sex we may not use anything. We are new and my husband had the same thoughts as the couple stated on here, I put my foot down! I am in the health field and know the chances we take just being in the lifestyle but that is what we want. With our age a STD could cause health issues I don't want my husband to take, so ALL intercourse is with protection. We are trying in our sex life to find the best style of condom that fits my hubby. I want him to have all of the pleasure that he can. Most people only try one type and one size, so try something different. There are all kinds of condoms for everyone.! If I do not know the couple and we are in club setting even my oral on the male will be with condoms, some men have leakage during oral sex an I DO NOT WANT TO Swallow fresh seman. To the lady that is having difficulty enjoying seeing her hubby enjoy sex with other's, I have to keep in mind, when it comes up in my feeling, that I do want my hubby to be pleased he is only sharing his body functions, not his heart feelings. Safe and pleasure to all!!!

[Atilla]

Our rules are simple: same room, condoms always, no MM action, and if one of us or both of us aren't happy or comfortable then it's done and it doesn't go any further

[pairbond]

We have just 2 rules.

1) Have fun.

2) Remember who you are going home with.

[Tia Vampire]

Safe sex is a must, no oral sex for him and think he's going to kiss me, no anal sex for me, because that's only for my man, and no letting another man cum anywhere on my body.

[LFM2]

Mr. LFM and I have discussed this until we're blue in the face. We used to have this list as long as Al Capone's rap sheet.

We've pared it down to just a few things now...

• No anal for me. It's not that I don't like it, it's just that I don't want some over-eager man going wild in my ass. Mr. LFM is allowed to perform anal if his partner wishes. He is excellent at giving!
• No condoms mean no intercourse. That is something only reserved for Mr. LFM
• No one-on-one meetings
• No kids or bathroom stuff
• Same room only
• Our number one rule: Have fun for Gawd's sakes. Isn't that the reason we wanted to try this?

*disclaimer: These rules may change as we see fit.

[telly2]

Biggest rule, always together, no seperate meetings.
after that what EVERYONE is comfortable with.

[r_poseidon]

No cumming in her mouth (unless we both say ok). Same with cumming on her face. For something like that, have to really like and trust the guy.
No kissing. But with the right couple, we agree that one can go.
Same room only. But again, with the right couple, it would be ok to go seperate.
No anal. She just doesn't like it.
Present and conduct yourself with class. If we were to be seen in public, we would not want to be embarassed.
Be respectful.

None of those are too out of line, am I right or wrong?

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by LFM2

*disclaimer: These rules may change as we see fit.

There has been one significant change to a rule with which JoAnn and I began. The change in attitude was needed on my part. The original rule, "You don't play with the husband unless I get to play with his wife." This rule still holds for occasions when we invited a couple to our home. But I was trying to maintain it for private parties. It ruined the spontaneity. JoAnn would be aching to jump some sexy guy’s bones. Instead she was anxiously watching me to be sure I was making time with the guy’s wife. Finally I said, the hell with it, I'll be OK even if I go home from a party without having had any sex. The dynamics of a party situation are just too subtle and complex to assure that I am going to get intimate every time. I am ready to report to you that this rule change has proven to be very liberating – for the both of us.

Michael

[ventz hurgby]

We are currently drawing up a new set of rules after 15 years of having an open relationship. We are both drafting an individual set of rules with the intention of comparing and blending them to reach our final agreement. Here is my first draft.

1. Contraception.
Both of us take responsibility for contraception, we do not rely entirely on barrier methods nor do we rely upon our lovers taking responsibility for contraception.

2. STDs.
Unless we have agreed that condoms are unnecessary, they must be used for vaginal or anal penetration. We are tested regularly and require our regular lovers to do the same if they are sexually active with others. Negotiated safe sex with trusted partners is safer than “always using condoms”. Ideally, regular lovers would agree to a fluids contract.

3. Strangers.
No sexual activity with strangers until they are friends to both of us. Essentially, no sexual activity on the first few dates/meetings and definitely not before we both agree to take things further. However “special circumstances” may allow that the person is a friend to just one of us.

4. Friends.
More spontaneous sexual activity is permitted with friends that are already seen as appropriate by both of us.

5. Special circumstances.
Under special circumstances (eg. extended OS trips apart) some of these rules can be modified or waived, but only by prior agreement. Any conditions that are attached to the modification, bending or waiving of any rules must be clear to both of us and must be honoured.

6. Rules of engagement.
• We only have sex with others that are, at least, acceptable to each of us.
• Things move as slowly as is comfortable for both of us.
• Frank and honest discussion between all parties involved must precede any sexual activities
• Everyone’s limits/boundaries are respected.
• No one has to “take one for the team”.
• If either of us has concerns in any situation, we stop what we are doing and find a way to communicate.
• No “on the fly” rule changes.

7. Communication.
• Self knowledge is essential.
• Honesty at all times.
• No surprises for all concerned, primaries and secondaries; clear statement of intent, desires, conditions, prerequisites etc. particularly prior to any sexual activity.
• Rational, caring, thoughtful, polite and non-destructive expression of thoughts and feelings.
• Mean what we say and say what we mean.
• Jealousy and other negative emotions will arise from time to time, when they do we have an obligation to find out what insecurity buttons are being pressed in ourselves and tease apart the difference between what is really happening and how we feel before we discuss this with each other. Reassurance and support is required and is reasonable to ask for.

8. Problems.
When we encounter problems we must do some deep soul searching before we attempt to discuss the problem. Any damage done must be repaired as much and ASAP by the person(s) responsible for the damage. A clear plan to prevent such a problem from happening again must be agreed upon.

9. Couples.
Initially we would try same room sex with a couple before full swapping occurs. We stay together when we do initially swap. 3somes and 2somes are desirable and acceptable, eventually.

10. Singles.
Singles must clearly understand what polyamory means in general and specifically to us and respect our limits and boundaries. We would like 3somes to be part of the plan, no specific frequency required, and not essential if someone really doesn’t want to. It is generally not appropriate to have a 3some with a single secondary and another person of their choice unless agreed to by both of us beforehand.

11. Together.
When playing together with others we include sexual contact with each other during the activity. We sleep with each other after the event.

12. Apart
When playing apart we trust each others judgement and must ensure that the secondary is fully informed of our significance to each other and what limits apply. Any competitiveness from a secondary is instantly called and is not tolerated. Any arrangements about communicating with each other, when we will be back, etc. must be honoured.

13. Veto
Only under exceptional circumstances can either of us exercise the power of veto. We must have a good reason to do so and must be prepared to clearly and lovingly explain to the other why we are exercising veto power.

14. Out of bounds.
Certain people are out of bounds; our partner’s boss, therapist, sibling or anyone who has a relationship with our partner that could be compromised by our sexual involvement, any one who is in a committed relationship and is cheating, anyone that either of us know we can’t trust. Our bed is out of bounds unless we both agree and then only if both of us are involved and present. Any situation is unacceptable where our privacy is compromised beyond our agreed limit.

15. Preservation of our relationship.
We both agree that the protection, preservation and nurturing of our relationship is paramount. If a secondary relationship is taking too much time or energy away from us to the point that our relationship is suffering then some management strategies have to change. If either of us falls in love with a secondary in a way that reduces our love for each other then we clearly have a major crisis and should act appropriately. We both accept that at all times and in all circumstances we have to be very thoughtful about how we behave, what we say and the way we say it. We have equitable arrangements; we both have very similar, if not the same, rights and responsibilities. Under unforeseen and distressing circumstances asking for exclusive attention for a period of time is reasonable.

16. Penalties
There is one penalty that applies in all circumstances; if the agreement is not honoured then clearly we don’t have an agreement and the relationship will change. Penalties do not include punishments or revenge, they are concomitant consequences of our individual choices.

Ventz (Husband)

[countrycouple4]

We have not played yet but our rules right now are no cumming in my mouth, no anal, no jealousy of course same room always if one of us is not comfortable then we don't do it the useual stuff things may change but as of right now these are the ones we are set on.

[cubnamy1995]

OK, our rules are a little different from everyone elses. Here are ours.

1. Always use a condom.
2. Full disclosure is a must.
3. Never in our own bed if both of us are not home.
4. Never take time away from each other to scratch the itch.

We have no problems playing seperate. I travel a lot with work, and if I should want a little while out of town, all is fine and good, so long as I tell her about it. Same goes for her. In fact, if I'm going to be out of town for more than a couple of days, I sometimes arrange some "company" to stop by and make sure the pipes didn't freeze up while I was gone. I suprise her with it. I like to see her smile.

We enjoy same room too, it's just not a must. I think the condom rule has been thoroughly discussed already. The bed rule is one of respect. That is our marriage bed, and if we are both there to enjoy it, then we may welcome others into it. But our bed is a sacred place, and we do not share it without mutual participation. The time one is unique I think to different room swinging. There's nothing wrong with us playing apart, but I should have the common decency not to go get my wick wet when she's sitting at home watching Dr. Phil. All of our rules basically boil down to showing each other the respect we rightfully deserve in our relationship, and as long as we've kept that in the forefront of everything we've done, we have never had any problems.

[BryanSamantha]

The title says it all, what types of rules do you have for yourselves when you meet others. Does anything go? Are there things that are off limits??