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What are your swinging rules?

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I would like to hear what your personal rules are for swinging. Everyone has their own set of values and they range from very strict to very liberal.

 

It would be great to have your input so we could perhaps think of some things that we are overlooking that we should be more concerned about.

 

Personally for me and my partner, here are our top rules not neccessarily in any order:

 

1. Both of us need to be ok with each of the other people. We have a 'secret' way of letting each other know.

 

2. Swinging takes place in open setting unless we have swung before and we are VERY comfortable with the other couple.

 

3. No condoms, No intercourse.

 

4. A couple of drinks or a doobie is ok. More than that is not.

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Like most couples, our "list" or rules has been drastically reduced over time. Our current rules are probably pretty permanent though.

 

1. No expectations. If it happens, it happens.

2. We swing together or not at all.

3. All people involved must "click" with each other.

4. Anyone/everyone has the right to say no with no reprecussions.

 

Ok...we could go on with the "guidelines" but these are it in a nutshell.

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Well we haven't been in a couple to couple situation yet. But these are our general rules.

No. 1 - don't fall in love

No. 2 - no condom no sex

No. 3 - no one-on-one sex

No. 4 - no one-on-one meetings

No. 5 - he or she has to approve of the potential partner.

If the opportunity to be with another couple comes up then we will probably discuss more rules.

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Here's ours:

 

1. no expectations.

2. no glove, no love.

3. stay inside the comfort zone.

4. no means no.

5. together or not at all.

6. if the opportunity arises that we can play separate, the other must approve of the potential partner.

 

That's just us.

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Well, believe it or not, even us single people in swinging have rules/boundaries. Mine are:

 

No condom, no sex.

 

Always respect the couples and their rules/boundaries.

 

Absolutely NO unescorted married males or even suspect *single* males.

 

No drunks or dopeheads (like K2, a drink or two...okay. A joint...okay. Cocaine and other hard narcotics...NO WAY).

 

Absolutely NO one on one (meaning just with them in a private room no one else present) with any man.

 

And if I'm going to do a gang bang (which isn't all that frequent...maybe once, twice, three times a year), I must to hear the partner's verbal okay for the male.

 

Of course, No means No.

 

Out of all those the very most important to myself is the second one.

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Gee Quin, you are busting me out as a dope fiend or something. :(haven't smoked pot in years and I don't even drink.  Of course back in the day I was known to have my vices. Now my only vices are pretty ladies in varying degrees of nakedness.

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[*]No drunks or dopeheads (like K2, a drink or two...okay. A joint...okay. Cocaine and other hard narcotics...NO WAY).

K2,

 

I think you misunderstood what Quin was espressing. I believe she was saying she agreed that "like you" a couple of drinks and/or a joint was okay. The heavier drugs were an absolute NO NO! At least that was the way I understood it.

 

Lori

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Your right! I reread it and that is probably what she meant. LOL

 

New rule to add to my list of rules...

 

1a. Try and remember that what I read is not exactly what people meant to say. Too bad we can't see facial expression when people type stuff. That would take care of a lot of problems with interpreting the posts.

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We play almost only with married couples who also play very little and never do anything that the other is unaware of. Anything is possible if we talk about it beforehand and agree to it. No single men. Single women? We've never had the opportunity to address that question.

 

Now, Quin? Sometimes Mr. Alura reads one of her posts and has the desire to drive to Ohio, take her in his arms, kiss her deeply and waltz her all the way across the Great Plains, ravishing her body under the stars on top of Black Mesa, (the highest point in Oklahoma)! If those damned rattlesnakes didn't live there!

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In our Polyamory Lifestyle, our agreements are:

 

1. Unprotected sex with us, but condoms (vaginally and anally)with all others.

 

2. We give advance notice to each other about our next sex partner, or afterward.

 

3. We talk about the sexual experience.

 

4. Sex with friends only (doesn't have to be mutual friends)--no strangers.

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My wife and I are new to this and we have set down a couple rules and a safe word in case things get out of hand and either of us is uncomfortable.

 

We've set rules regarding what sex acts are off limits with others because we want to keep something for each other only.

 

As I wrote in my last post, we have decided for now to play only with couples, no singles. At least the rule presently reads "No singles unless we never intend to have contact with them again." We feel couples are not interested in stealing someone else's spouse, and we have a family and don't need some deranged, horny, freaky guy stalking us. Females may be a different story since the stalking thing is not as big a concern with women, but this is something we'll have to review as we become more experienced.

 

We've also set the rule of no coworkers since we don't need the gossip and publicity with people that don't understand.

 

So what are some of your rules? What rules did you start with? What have you added? And what have you amended? I'm sure many have had a bad experience of one kind or another that either amended an existing rule or created a new one. And we want to be able to consider as many as possible to prevent us from falling into a bad situation. Of course, one person's "bad" situation can be someone else's fantasy. :eek: But you get the idea.

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Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty
"No singles unless we never intend to have contact with them again."

 

Good rules but I just had to laugh at that one!:lol:

 

Our very first extramarital experience we had was suppose to follow the same rules.

 

It was going to be a MFM but we didnt know who yet.

But it HAD to be someone we would NEVER see again.

 

We had a very good mutual single male friend who was getting ready to move. So we went out to the bars with him and a bunch of other people as well. We knew this guy was leaving town but we were not quite sure when. That night when we were partying it came up that he was leaving in two days and we would never meet again. Mrs naughty's eyes lit up!!:claps:

 

She whispers to me "Did you hear that, we will never see him again!" :fun:

 

Well that planted the seed and by the end of the night we found ourselves alone with him in his apartment.

 

We brought up the idea of having him watch us have sex and to take pics with our digital camera. He was game. After a while of watching and taking pics we invited him to join in and of course he had no problem with that. It was basicaly just foreplay with him but this was our VERY first experience with any of this and after that night my cock stayed hard for a week!!

 

Anyway,

We were not suppose to see him again but his move slipped a few weeks so we eneded up seeing him several more times before he left. We even had him over for dinner.

 

We are still good friends even though we dont see each other but we talk a few times a year and send christmas cards and that kind of stuff.

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Originally posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

Good rules but I just had to laugh at that one!:lol:

It was basicaly just foreplay with him but this was our VERY first experience with any of this and after that night my cock stayed hard for a week!!

 

Anyway,

We were not suppose to see him again but his move slipped a few weeks so we eneded up seeing him several more times before he left. We even had him over for dinner.

 

We are still good friends even though we dont see each other but we talk a few times a year and send christmas cards and that kind of stuff.

 

Well, that was a great story! That's the type of thing I hope happens with me and my spouse, a first time experience with someone we can trust and feel comfortable with!

 

They say patience is a good virtue. Well, I'm being patient....and hoping!

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We have basic rules like no pain or degradation, no pets, no children, or bathroom games, but we also live by these rules.

1. honesty

2. no ex-lovers

3. not in our home town

4. and never never ever involve the children, directly or indirectly.

5. use protection

I have no problem of hubby going out on his own if he feels the need and have given him permission, (I had to have surgery in the last two weeks and can't have sex for 4 to 6 weeks), so he is free to play. I just want to know with who and when. We have never had any problems using these guidelines and we are upfront with any couples or singles we meet up with. So far..no one has complained.

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1. Either of us can call a halt to activity, no questions asked.

 

2. We NEVER EVER separate for any reason.

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In the early days, AIDS was not a threat and we were open to a wider choice.

 

Mrs. Alura had a horrible stalking experience by a college professor when she was a coed, which has had a profound effect on our rules. We've written about this in another thread somewhere.

 

Our primary rule is that we do nothing without talking about it first.

 

Couples only (unless we talk about it and change our minds), preferably only those who have been married a long time.

 

We play together but have before and might again do separate rooms. We must always be within hearing range of each other.

 

If one of us does not "click" with a play partner, we don't play with the couple at all. Both of us have, in the past, "taken one for the team" but won't again.

 

If either of us ever learned that our play-partner did not really want to be playing, we'd stop playing with that couple.

 

We only "make love" with each other. If intermarital sex were ever to approach "making love" on our part or theirs, we'd immediately end the friendship.

 

A play-couple must be interesting both physically and intellectually to both of us.

 

A new rule could be established at any time, should the need arise.

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Never in our master bedroom.

 

We have sex with each other between playdates, unless we ever do 2 consecutive days. (most recent rule)

 

We do nothing with others that we don't do together. This doesn't leave a whole hell of a lot outside the normal 3 big NOs: kids, pets, and excrement, but it's there just in case we ever find something. :)

 

We keep each other aware of contact with others.

 

We've recently dropped the "no singles" from rule to "we'll think about it". We don't agree that you'd get more problems with single men than single women. You might have less to fear about physical violence from women, but we both feel that women are more likely to get clingy than men. Stalking is stalking.

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We started with a list as long as Santa's naughty list...

 

No kissing - no genital contact - no playing at our house - etc...

 

But now we are pretty much down to the same rules as Fun_PairTX...

 

It was a lot of fun watching our rules goes out the window :bj:

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We have exclusionary rules like, no pain, no kids, no potty games, no cheaters (I'm fairly perceptive with this one) and no drugs.

 

Other than that, if it works for us its fair game. We don't have a signal and don't talk in code. If we like you, you'll know. If we want to leave we will. We aim for friends first and usually don't play on a first meet.

 

Our rules have changed over time, for the most part there aren't any. We've settled into what we are more comfortable with, not necessarily what we are willing to do.

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When we first started out we had a long list too...but when the first opportunity came up, the rules flew out the window!!! lol

 

But seriously, I think you'll find that most couples have the major rules (kids, pets, potty, pain).

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Our rules we set up we feel are pretty fair.

 

1. No always means No!

2. We never swap on the first meet. We use the first meeting to give everyone a chance to get to know each other to develop a friendship, and to give everyone a chance to see if they are all comfortable with each other.

3. No kids.

4. No potty stuff. That's just nasty.

5. Don't be pushy with us. If you want to get together with us and the time you want to get together with us don't work with us, don't push us into changing our plans.

6. If you want to do something we are not into, don't push it. If we say no, we mean no.

7. Always, ALWAYS use protection, no exceptions.

8. If we get together a few times and we don't swap, it don't mean that we don't want to swap with you, it's because we are wanting to develop friendship. Remember, the best things in life are worth waiting for.

 

Well, that may seem like alot, but we want to totally feel comfortable with the other people we get together with.

 

:8-0::

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Ok, another question. Hubby and I started out with practically no rules (other than condoms) a year ago. We've found ourselves in a couple of situations that have prompted our introducing some rules, but still minimal.

Our #1 Rule is no swinging with married people unless both parties are aware and agree.

That one came up recently.

#2 - no going solo without discussing it with each other first. (and I know some of you don't do that anyways).

How about you guys? What rules are important to you? What situations have prompted them?

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We tend to keep our rules simple.

 

No Drugs, No Drama and NO means NO.

 

With those simple rules most anything can fit into them when a rule is needed at the time. :D

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I agree VegasLee. Our only rule is that everyone enjoys what's going on.

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Dito what VegasLee said as those are the essentials, we also only play together and don't do singles.

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We don't really have many rules, mostly just what Vegas Lee pointed out and add safe sex. We want things to be as natural and go with the flow as possible that we haven't set a lot of boundaries. We've focused more on figuring out what we should use as cues if one is us in uncomfortable than trying to figure out ahead of time what those problems might be. I won't really know until the situation arises. So far nothing has happened that would make us add any further boundaries.

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We have a few that we use:

 

  • Condoms for penetration
  • Both members of a couple must be interested
  • No pain :nono:
  • Nobody gets left out...for us, everyone plays, or nobody plays.

 

We also like to discuss sexual likes and dislikes (everyone has them) with potential play partners before the clothes come off. We have found that doing this helps in avoiding many uncomfortable situations and makes the whole encounter enjoyable for all. :claps:

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We have a few:

 

1. Same-room only

2. No penetration or ejaculation without a condom (at least not ON "T" and especially NOT in her mouth)

3. No spanking

4. No anal

5. No male/male

6. RESPECT at all times.

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We have a few:

 

1. We only swing together.

 

2. No anal for my wife (by her choice she saves this for me only. She says it's okay if I do with other women since I really like it, but I dont think I want to. I like having this only between us.)

 

3. No glove, no love. Although oral without condoms is okay, intercourse with other people only happens with condoms.

 

4. No taking one for the team. We both have to be in agreement with what is happening.

 

5. Both members of the other couple have to be into it. If both members of the other couple aren't into it and one of us is going to be sitting on the sideline with the other's spouse, no deal.

 

6. Married couples must be together, unless we know them and know it is okay with the spouse to play alone.

 

7. And like J&T said, respect. If someone doesn't respect our few simple rules (which only 2 and 3 happen to be about intercourse directly) than they will promptly be shown to the door.

 

Our rules are getting less than when we started (like no single men; we haven't been there yet, but if the right one came along we'd consider it now). But we still have some. Mostly to avoid any jealousy and problems between us.

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ok - maybe, again another thread here (i keep doing this). But how come its ok to do oral with no protection but you need protection for penetration. Sorry if I come over as a bit blonde ... but I am :lol:

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We have a few - not nearly as many as when we first started :lol:

 

1. We only swing together and always same room. This applies to couples we play with. We all four have to be interested with no one sitting out or it is off.

 

2. No anal.

 

3. Always use a condomn for penetration - okay without for oral.

 

4. We don't take one for the team anymore either, we both have but decided it is too easy to not have to be in those situations so why have them.

 

5. Respect all around - Mr Spoo refers to me as a Slut and that is okay but one night at the club the male of a couple heard him and then kept calling me that . . . well Mr Spoo was not to happy and that ended quickly . . . hmmm, didn't see that guy much after that :rolleyes:

 

6. We prefer not to swing with unmarried couples. Actually the rule is we don't, but we have because we liked the couple. It only reinforced the rule - since the female seemed overly interested in preparing herself for club night with Mr Spoo in mind.

 

7. We both have a veto - although that seems to go without saying.

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Mrs WA here :)

 

We always use condoms

We always play together

We both have to agree on our playmates

We only play with married/committed couples

 

:kissface:

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They're pretty simple and a lot like everybody else's:

 

1) We play together, unless we know you well.

2) We both have the power to veto anyone, for any reason.

3) We use condoms for intercourse, unless we know you very well.

4) J does not fellate to completion. Not even me. (Believe me, we have tried, so don't even ask.)

5) No pain, no potty games, no kiddie stuff.

6) No cheaters.

 

The rest is negotiable... ;)

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When I started reading the thread, I thought we didn't have many, but I guess we do:

 

1) Condoms for penetration.

2) Everybody has to be cool with the arrangement. If one of us is not having a good time, that's it.

3) If we play at our house, no playing in our bed...but this one we've talked about changing for certain couples. :)

4) No anal for me. Drew can if the person he's with is into it.

 

Other than that, it's all good. Or, at least we haven't been faced with a situation that's made us get more rules.

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Our rules are:

1. Condoms for penetration.

2. We both have to be present. I do have permission to be with a female alone if I want to, but haven't done that yet.

3. No pain or anything really freaky.

4. If they have a significant other, they both have to be present, or we have to talk to the one that isn't there to make sure it's ok, and only if we have met them both.

5. We only do anal together. We decided that we had to save something for ourselves. The first couple we talked to had that rule and we decided that it was a very good one, so we adopted it too.

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rules

1.condoms or no play

2.swing together or no play

3.no single men

4. no anal

5. same room

 

as we are new these will add/or take away the rules as we go along

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Guest smileytattoo

We only have a few as well...

#1 we only swing as a cpl with cpls

#2 we both have to be interested in the cpl

#3 protection is a must! For intercourse

#4 No kissing on the mouth, we save that for each other, it's a special privilage

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To be honest, our rules vary by the couple. The biggest rule is NO singles, No swollowing, and always play together; we have certain side rules too.... No playing on the first date. The rest are modified depending on the comfort level we have with the couple. I would second that most of the rules mentioned here are ones we have or had at one time.

 

We have a couple that we play with often, and the are practically our best friends too. Our rules are very different, becasue we know them and have developed trust with them. It is amazing to have the ability to take it to the next level sexually with them.

 

The biggest comment I could make on this thread is to be clear on what to do to get out of a situation. Make an exit plan and make sure your spouse is on the same page. Rules or no, we have had uncomfortable situations and we were not prepared to get out of them.

 

We have 2 that work out great: The first is one comes to us and says "ciggarette break" that seems to work well, and no one is the wiser, incase we just needed to clarify something with each other but plan to continue playing.

 

The other is a double hand squeeze. If something is amiss we squeeze each other twice quickly. Mr. Indy takes over from there and we are done.

 

All in all the longer we are in the lifestyle, the more comfortable I am in saying no anyway I have to to get out of situation I don't want to be in or have happen. But in the beginning, It was a challenge for the good girl next door to say no .

 

To tell you the truth, we haven't really had issues or situations where we have had problems: it has been things like having to dance with someone I wasn't interested in, or visiting someones house to play when they have a cat (I am really allergic to cats) :eek:

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I am very new to this but I found it extremely uncomfortable when I asked my husband about our rules to play he was very slow and unsure of any! At that moment I was sure if we played again in the heat of the moment he surely would not remember. :confused:

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Our rules are few but strictly adhered to by both of us.

 

No kissing.

Same room only.

Condom for intercourse.

I'm going to add for the sake of clarity (I had always considered it a "given" but apparently it's not) no bodily functions, pain or child/animal oriented anything.

 

The rest is all good, baby.

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We're still getting our "stuff" together, but have come up with a few.

 

NO mean NO. :nono:

Condoms/protection ALWAYS.

Always same room.

Married couples only.

 

Other then these.....SHE's the boss.

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new2uu said:
I am very new to this but I found it extremely uncomfortable when I asked my husband about our rules to play he was very slow and unsure of any! At that moment I was sure if we played again in the heat of the moment he surely would not remember. :confused:

 

You may want to hold off on playing until the two of you have a little better communication and decide what kind of rules you want. The best thing to do would be to browse around the board here and get ideas (this thread) for what other couples do and establish. Rules and boundaries are for your protection from STD's (always use condoms) and for your relationship as a couple (i.e. same room).

 

Just some suggestions, the main thing in this lifestyle is COMMUNICATION between you and your spouse. You both need to feel safe and secure when you are in a play situation.

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We are new but the rules are not that long. Not as long as some peoples I know of.

 

Protection

No anal except with Mr. Midnight

No pain or icky stuff..water sports etc., not our thang...

I will be treated with respect...i.e. not be called nasty names or treated like a ronco pocket pussy.

 

We allow kissing, oral, I swallow..etc...so these are not taboo with us. Penetration is allowed...

We both must be in the mood, and click..we both have veto power...no questions asked as to why someone veto's someone.

 

I am sure if something happened we were not comfortable with out of the blue we would discuss it asap.

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Ditto to almost all of the above, and to add one: not sure if its a "rule" as much as a preference, we like to start and warm-up with each other before we transition into swap.

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Our rules seem to change all the time. The more comfertable we become with this life style the less rules we seem to have. We will stick to the obviouse condoms, no pain, unless requested, ect. But as far as same room, diffrent rooms, together, alone all of this evolves as we become more experienced.

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Guest smileytattoo

:nono: I guess I did leave off a few that I thought were a given as well:

No children or animals (We stick to over 21 yrs old)

No pain unless I ask for it!

No body functions (Do I look like a toilet?)

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Back when my first wife and I swung...

 

1) Absolute veto power without question either way (like Home Depot's no-haggle policy)...

 

2) Same room only (leaves no areas for speculative jealousy)...

 

We did OK.

 

Uncle Sam separated us long-term, which led to marital demise.

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Here's ours:

 

1. Same room only

2. No pain

3. Condoms if we do a full swop

4. I rule - but if one of us aren't happy, then it's a no go

5. Don't arrange for dinner on the first date. - coffee or drinks

 

Simple and effictive.

 

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