What are your rules?

[WesternSwing]

We have a few:

1. We only swing together.
2. No anal for my wife (by her choice she saves this for me only. She says it's okay if I do with other women since I really like it, but I dont think I want to. I like having this only between us.)
3. No glove, no love. Although oral without condoms is okay, intercourse with other people only happens with condoms.
4. No taking one for the team. We both have to be in agreement with what is happening.
5. Both members of the other couple have to be into it. If both members of the other couple aren't into it and one of us is going to be sitting on the sideline with the other's spouse, no deal.
6. Married couples must be together, unless we know them and know it is okay with the spouse to play alone.
7. And like J&T said, respect. If someone doesn't respect our few simple rules (which only 2 and 3 happen to be about intercourse directly) than they will promptly be shown to the door.

Our rules are getting less than when we started (like no single men; we haven't been there yet, but if the right one came along we'd consider it now). But we still have some. Mostly to avoid any jealousy and problems between us.

Mr. WS

[hotblonde47]

ok - maybe, again another thread here (i keep doing this). But how come its ok to do oral with no protection but you need protection for penetration. Sorry if I come over as a bit blonde ... but I am

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

We have a few - not nearly as many as when we first started

1. We only swing together and always same room. This applies to couples we play with. We all four have to be interested with no one sitting out or it is off.
2. No anal.
3. Always use a condomn for penetration - okay without for oral.
4. We don't take one for the team anymore either, we both have but decided it is too easy to not have to be in those situations so why have them.
5. Respect all around - Mr Spoo refers to me as a Slut and that is okay but one night at the club the male of a couple heard him and then kept calling me that . . . well Mr Spoo was not to happy and that ended quickly . . . hmmm, didn't see that guy much after that
6. We prefer not to swing with unmarried couples. Actually the rule is we don't, but we have because we liked the couple. It only reinforced the rule - since the female seemed overly interested in preparing herself for club night with Mr Spoo in mind.
7. We both have a veto - although that seems to go without saying.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[WA_Cple]

Mrs WA here

We always use condoms
We always play together
We both have to agree on our playmates
We only play with married/committed couples

[BradAndJanet]

They're pretty simple and a lot like everybody else's:

1) We play together, unless we know you well.
2) We both have the power to veto anyone, for any reason.
3) We use condoms for intercourse, unless we know you very well.
4) J does not fellate to completion. Not even me. (Believe me, we have tried, so don't even ask.)
5) No pain, no potty games, no kiddie stuff.
6) No cheaters.

The rest is negotiable...

-B

[Pepper & Drew]

When I started reading the thread, I thought we didn't have many, but I guess we do:

1) Condoms for penatration.
2) Everybody has to be cool with the arrangement. If one of us is not having a good time, that's it.
3) If we play at our house, no playing in our bed...but this one we've talked about changing for certain couples.
4) No anal for me. Drew can if the person he's with is into it.

Other than that, it's all good. Or, at least we haven't been faced with a situation that's made us get more rules.

Pepper

[cumply21]

Our rules are:
1. Condoms for penetration.
2. We both have to be present. I do have permission to be with a female alone if I want to, but haven't done that yet.
3. No pain or anything really freaky.
4. If they have a significant other, they both have to be present, or we have to talk to the one that isn't there to make sure it's ok, and only if we have met them both.
5. We only do anal together. We decided that we had to save something for ourselves. The first couple we talked to had that rule and we decided that it was a very good one, so we adopted it too.

[nhcpl1968]

rules
1.condoms or no play
2.swing together or no play
3.no single men
4. no anal
5. same room

as we are new these will add/or take away the rules as we go along

[looking2swing]

Dito to everything that has been said!

We only have a few as well...
#1 we only swing as a cpl with cpls
#2 we both have to be interested in the cpl
#3 protection is a must! For intercourse
#4 No kissing on the mouth, we save that for each other, it's a special privilage

[northindycpl]

To be honest, our rules vary by the couple. The biggest rule is NO singles, No swollowing, and always play together; we have certain side rules too.... No playing on the first date. The rest are modified depending on the comfort level we have with the couple. I would second that most of the rules mentioned here are ones we have or had at one time.

We have a couple that we play with often, and the are practically our best friends too. Our rules are very different, becasue we know them and have developed trust with them. It is amazing to have the ability to take it to the next level sexually with them.

The biggest comment I could make on this thread is to be clear on what to do to get out of a situation. Make an exit plan and make sure your spouse is on the same page. Rules or no, we have had uncomfortable situations and we were not prepared to get out of them.

We have 2 that work out great: The first is one comes to us and says "ciggarette break" that seems to work well, and no one is the wiser, incase we just needed to clarify something with each other but plan to continue playing.

The other is a double hand squeeze. If something is amiss we squeeze each other twice quickly. Mr. Indy takes over from there and we are done.

All in all the longer we are in the lifestyle, the more comfortable I am in saying no anyway I have to to get out of situation I don't want to be in or have happen. But in the beginning, It was a challenge for the good girl next door to say no .

To tell you the truth, we haven't really had issues or situations where we have had problems: it has been things like having to dance with someone I wasn't interested in, or visiting someones house to play when they have a cat (I am really allergic to cats)

[new2uu]

I am very new to this but I found it extremly uncomfortable when I asked my husband about our rules to play he was very slow and unsure of any! At that moment I was sure if we played again in the heat of the moment he surely would not remember.

[findtime]

Our rules are few but strictly adhered to by both of us.

No kissing.
Same room only.
Condom for intercourse.
I'm going to add for the sake of clarity (I had always considered it a "given" but apparently it's not) no bodily functions, pain or child/animal oriented anything.

The rest is all good, baby. facelick

[HotMoCpl]

We're still getting our "stuff" together, but have come up with a few.

NO mean NO.
Comdons/protection ALWAYS.
Always same room.
Married couples only.

Other then these.....SHE's the boss. Surrender

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by new2uu

I am very new to this but I found it extremly uncomfortable when I asked my husband about our rules to play he was very slow and unsure of any! At that moment I was sure if we played again in the heat of the moment he surely would not remember.

You may want to hold off on playing until the two of you have a little better communication and decide what kind of rules you want. The best thing to do would be to browse around the board here and get ideas (this thread) for what other couples do and establish. Rules and boundaries are for your protection from STD's (always use condomns) and for your relationship as a couple (i.e. same room).

Just some suggestions, the main thing in this lifestyle is COMMUNICATION between you and your spouse. You both need to feel safe and secure when you are in a play situation.

Mrs Spoomonkey