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eldiablo311

Question for women - how and why did you start swinging?

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I just want to get the woman's perspective on why you decided to swing.

 

Who brought it up originally in your relationship, him or you?

 

Did your relationship always involve this type of activity, from the start, or did you guys get adventurous later on and decide to try something new...if so which of you brought the idea up to the other first?

 

If this was your husband/S.O.'s idea, then how did you feel about it initially...and how did you feel about it after doing it for awhile?

 

I am just curious if women were hesitant at first to do this, but then realized at some point that they themselves were really turned on by it? The people that thought at first NO WAY, then after much talking and consideration and time you decided to give it a try and then found out you REALLY love it! I get the sense from reading posts on these sites that guys generally push for it, and women are generally hesitant but go along with it at first, then after awhile they realize they actually really enjoy it.

 

I would love to hear your thoughts!

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You know, I really do dislike that when somebody solicits replies from woman then a man answers. But I'm going to take the risk of being disliked. My wife has no separate profile at this Web site so I will answer on her behalf.

 

She is the one who talked me into joining the swing lifestyle. She likes men who like women who like men. So she she first assured herself that I was a man who like women who likes men and told me whom she had seen interviewed on the Oprah Show -- a man and a woman who were swingers -- and she asked me, "would you do that?"

 

Men often do not give enough credit to the women in their lives. These women have desires; they have initiative; they are, I believe, generally more adventurous than men.

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I'm not in a relationship and wasn't in one when I got into the lifestyle. My parents were open swingers and I've always been something of an exhibitionist. I guess swinging was my fate. :blush:

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Another couple approached us with swinging when we were at a resort in Key West. I think the problem was that they introduced it as the other woman being bi, but the guy was not. Thus, in my mind, it was more about girl on girl activity and I just wasn't into that.

 

I got married straight out of college and had perhaps 3 sexual partners prior to marriage so this would have been a total "no" for me back then. But, my husband had died and I spent several years out there in the date scene and became much more casual about sex. At some point, I realized that I was sometimes the Wednesday night date (or booty call) and they guy also had a Friday night date or wife. So, I too, got to the point where I would play the game and have multiple dates and multiple partners each week. Tom and i weren't married yet but it had been an exclusive relationship for almost two years. We talked about the offer and I explained that I could easily and happily do the other guy but just couldn't do the girl thing. We walked away from it.

 

A few weeks later, the guy from the couple showed up in our city and Tom and I met him for drinks. The topic came up, I explained my position, blurted out that I could easily do another guy or even two guys but just didn't know about another woman. Well, both Tom and Danny picked up on "my offer," Danny playing the role of the more experienced, sophisticated swinger, suggested that a threesome would be a good first step. We had a few more drinks, some minor petting at the bar and then upstairs for my first MFM. I liked it, Tom said it was the best blowjob I had ever given him (with Danny doing me from behind all the while,) so a month later, I orchestrated another one with a guy sitting next to us at a bar. After a few more, we moved to couples as well.

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. . .

Men often do not give enough credit to the women in their lives. These women have desires; they have initiative; they are, I believe, generally more adventurous than men.

 

:) Thank you for your understanding.

 

@OP

 

I'm a single woman. At the moment I don't have any desire to get involved with anyone romantically. I decided to swing because I want free unattached recreational sex.

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It was I the female half that got the ball rolling. I have always liked men.. after being married and having kids it was the natural thing to do for me. I talked my husband into it and have not looked back.. for me I am not a one man woman.. a girl needs variety.

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I brought it up to my husband after years of marriage and the sex life was getting dull and routine. We had some open conversations about unfulfilled fantasies, and with my sister already an experienced swinger with her husband, the pieces fell in place for us to take the plunge. I think women should get a bit more credit in terms of being sexually adventurous. The obstacle is usually the emotional side, at least for us married couples.

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I know for my wife, she is bi-sexual, and she has always said that she wants to be with a girl again, and she has on our honeymoon with another girl who was there with her husband on their honeymoon. Me and the other husband sat back with beers and enjoyed the view, it was difficult for us to stay back and not participate! Lol!

 

Anyway my wife finally had sex with another guy this last January in front of me, as per our conversations, and she was reluctant but decided to try it. I think my wife feels nervous and worried perhaps about how I would feel about her wanting another guy. She knows, without a doubt, that I am fine with her fucking another girl, as long as I am present. I have been jealous in my past, but after January's experience with the other guy in front of me and another experience a couple of years ago in Vegas with a male stripper, I think she is finally understanding that I am fine with it as long as I am there.

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You know, I really do dislike that when somebody solicits replies from woman then a man answers. But I'm going to take the risk of being disliked. My wife has no separate profile at this Web site so I will answer on her behalf.

 

She is the one who talked me into joining the swing lifestyle. She likes men who like women who like men. So she she first assured herself that I was a man who like women who likes men and told me whom she had seen interviewed on the Oprah Show -- a man and a woman who were swingers -- and she asked me, "would you do that?"

 

Men often do not give enough credit to the women in their lives. These women have desires; they have initiative; they are, I believe, generally more adventurous than men.

 

I don't mind you posting, don't worry, thanks for the post!

 

I agree, I think women are very adventurous, I just think women tend to be more discrete about their desires for fear of being labeled a bad person or something. It's almost expected that guys are kind of dogs, generally I think, therefore men don't worry about being more open about there sexual desires and exploits! Lol

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I'm not in a relationship and wasn't in one when I got into the lifestyle. My parents were open swingers and I've always been something of an exhibitionist. I guess swinging was my fate. :blush:

 

Love it! I also have always been an exhibitionist and I am also a voyeur...I love watching my wife fuck someone else! Such a turn on!

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I liked it, Tom said it was the best blowjob I had ever given him (with Danny doing me from behind all the while,) so a month later, I orchestrated another one with a guy sitting next to us at a bar. After a few more, we moved to couples as well.

 

So it sounds like you were the one to bring it up.

 

That is super sexy, I would love for my wife to give me a bj while getting fucked doggiestyle! So hot! Your husband is a lucky man!

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:) Thank you for your understanding.

 

@OP

 

I'm a single woman. At the moment I don't have any desire to get involved with anyone romantically. I decided to swing because I want free unattached recreational sex.

 

Good for you! I think that is completely natural to feel that way and enjoy that kind of sex. I think man or women, it is completely natural and normal to want to fuck other people...even if you are with someone you love with all of your heart! I think it is completely fucked up and wrong to go behind your S.O.'s back and fuck someone else...but if it is up front and you both agree to it...game on! Lol

 

So do you feel that most women are like you, that they get turned on by the thought of fucking other men other than their husband/S.O.? I feel that in my wife's case she has been a little reluctant to admit that she is turned on by the idea of fucking other guys because she is afraid that I would think badly of her, be jealous or feel differently for her afterwards. I think she is starting to realize that that is not the case and that as long as we are both on board with it 100% then I am going to be fine and not think any less of her and I won't be jealous...in fact it will most likely draw us closer together.

 

Our past 2 experiences have done exactly that.

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It was I the female half that got the ball rolling. I have always liked men.. after being married and having kids it was the natural thing to do for me. I talked my husband into it and have not looked back.. for me I am not a one man woman.. a girl needs variety.

 

In my opinion, all girls need variety, just some are more willing to admit it than others! Though I could be wrong...

 

I want to give my wife as much pleasure as I can! I absolutely love watching her fuck!

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I think women should get a bit more credit in terms of being sexually adventurous. The obstacle is usually the emotional side, at least for us married couples.

 

I feel like you are right, my wife's hang up, with fucking other men is the emotional side of it. I think she feels like it would make her a bad person in my eyes or I would feel bad about it and jealous...she is starting to realize this is no the case as long as I am in agreement and present. I have told her as long as it is just sex and there is no chance of it developing into a relationship, then I am fine with it. This why one of our biggest rules is no friends and no co-workers. If it is some guy she meets on a trip somewhere, in a town we don't live in, then I am absolutely fine with that.

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Maybe I'm wrong, but I would think most women would be pretty excited and happy to know that their husband was "into" letting her fuck other guys...or girls, as long as it was made clear by the husband that there would be no negative feelings toward her or jealousy in the marriage as a result.

 

I know from a guys perspective, I don't know any guys, including myself, that wouldn't be thrilled if their wife told them that! Every guy I know would love that, they just can't admit that feeling to their wife, unless they want a divorce! LOL

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My husband was involved in the lifestyle for years prior to meeting. It was something I wanted to try since I was always very sexual and it was a pretty easy fit for me.

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I am bisexual, swinging did not "bring it out in me" as I knew I was from early on. That being said, I started on this path at 19 when with a group of friends who half-jokingly suggested an orgy (we were young, drunk and it was the 80's). It was at that orgy that I witnessed shyness, embarrassment and fear... but I was filled with freedom, openness and joy. I knew from that time on that I was on a path of sexual awareness that was just a part of who I am as a person and I have never been happy in life being monogamous and not at least swinging so I choose to be who I am :)

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Maybe I'm wrong, but I would think most women would be pretty excited and happy to know that their husband was "into" letting her fuck other guys...or girls, as long as it was made clear by the husband that there would be no negative feelings toward her or jealousy in the marriage as a result.

 

I know from a guys perspective, I don't know any guys, including myself, that wouldn't be thrilled if their wife told them that! Every guy I know would love that, they just can't admit that feeling to their wife, unless they want a divorce! LOL

 

I think this might be true if a woman married early or has been married for a number of years. In my case, I had been married and then found my self single (a somewhat young widow) and out on the dating circuit for several years where you have your fair share of of other men before meeting my new hubby. Perhaps just two years into dating with him, we had our first MFM. The idea of just doing another man really had no appeal to me. The idea of doing two men and the idea that my new boyfriend would be excited by doing this were the motivators. After a few MFMs, we went to a couples club and did same room swaps. Not totally boring to do another guy but, if really that exciting either. Now, move that up to more of an orgy situation, multiple couples with maybe a couple of single guys thrown in, multiple partners, etc. and you have something exciting again. Maybe its just me or just the timing of one's experiences.

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So what do your "vanilla" girlfriends say on this subject? If you have any and if you ever talk about other guys, which if you are like guys when you hang out together I'm sure you do! Lol

 

Do your "vanilla" friends ever express any interest in sex with other guys or flirting at the very least...even though they are in a marriage or relationship?

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The idea of just doing another man really had no appeal to me. The idea of doing two men and the idea that my new boyfriend would be excited by doing this were the motivators. After a few MFMs, we went to a couples club and did same room swaps. Not totally boring to do another guy but, if really that exciting either. Now, move that up to more of an orgy situation, multiple couples with maybe a couple of single guys thrown in, multiple partners, etc. and you have something exciting again. Maybe its just me or just the timing of one's experiences.

 

So you enjoy sex with other men now? It is exciting and fun for you now?

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Sounds like the consensus among the women so far is that they definitely like the ability to flirt with and or fuck other men when they are in a marriage/relationship. Sounds like it is a turn on for you to have that option. Is that pretty much the consensus?

 

I think I can speak for most guys, when I say that guys, even the most faithful, are checking out, fantasizing about, or maybe even flirting with other women on a pretty regular basis, be it at the gym, at work, at the store...just that most men have to try to hide this fact from their spouses. I suspect the same is somewhat true for women.

 

What I am saying is, my theory is I don't think monogamy is natural and most women have similar thoughts as men...they are just smarter about not being as obvious about it and maybe they don't think about it as often as guys, but they still do it...but that is just my opinion...I could be wrong! LOL

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I know from a guys perspective, I don't know any guys, including myself, that wouldn't be thrilled if their wife told them that! Every guy I know would love that, they just can't admit that feeling to their wife, unless they want a divorce! LOL

 

I know quite a few that would not be thrilled. They just aren't into sharing, swinging, or anything of that type. Nothing wrong with it. It's just not their thing, and I can respect that.

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I'll have to agree with the above, most guys I know, while they certainly are checking out other women themselves every chance they get, would totally freak out if their wife brought up the idea of swinging and wouldn't bring it up themselves because A) she would freak out too, or B) while they like the idea in theory as it pertains to them, the fact that it is a two way street and would pertain to her also, don't like that at all. Personally, I know that having those type of attitudes would not be healthy for me, but that's for me, I fully understand and accept that many others have lived long and happy lives together having those attitudes.

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In my 20's I had a friend with benefits so it was easy to experiment sexually. I was back then living in Argentina. Then we both got jobs in Brazil and move there and the experimentation continued. We went to a dance club and we picked up a girl and took her home. The 3 of us had a lot of fun. So my friend suggested we tried a swingers club. I was reluctant at first but after we tried I loved it and knew I could never go back. We did everything ... Men, women, orgies ... you name it.

 

A couple of years later I moved to the US, met my husband and got married. I never hid from him what I had done and that I wanted to go back to swinging at some point. He was totally against it so I let it go. 10 years went by and I though it was time to bring the idea back. This was 3 years ago. We have gone to a swingers club the last couple of years, met some couples and had some experiences. It is still not completely natural for him but he enjoys it. I'm the one always making plans and lately I slowed down a little due to work and he has been asking when are we going so he likes it more than he wants to admit :)

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I know quite a few that would not be thrilled. They just aren't into sharing, swinging, or anything of that type. Nothing wrong with it. It's just not their thing, and I can respect that.

 

I'll have to agree with the above, most guys I know, while they certainly are checking out other women themselves every chance they get, would totally freak out if their wife brought up the idea of swinging and wouldn't bring it up themselves because A) she would freak out too, or B) while they like the idea in theory as it pertains to them, the fact that it is a two way street and would pertain to her also, don't like that at all. Personally, I know that having those type of attitudes would not be healthy for me, but that's for me, I fully understand and accept that many others have lived long and happy lives together having those attitudes.

 

I agree, all of the guys that I know and have known throughout my life in the past, either working with, friends with, or acquaintances with, as far as I know would NOT be okay with sharing the wife/girlfriend they are with with another guy! I'm not referring to a two way situation. I'm referring to a FMF or the wife watching the husband/boyfriend fuck another girl...the reverse situation to my O.P. What I am saying is that most of these guys, with the exception of the very most religious guys, WOULD be down to fuck other women under the right circumstances. For instance, if their wife said, "I want you to fuck me and my girlfriend sometime", or "I want to watch you fuck another girl in front of me, then fuck me afterwards."...something like that, most of the guys I have ever known would be THRILLED to hear something like that and totally be down as long as they were sure it wasn't some kind of trap and their S.O. really, legitimately meant it.

 

What I am suspecting, is that most women would feel the same way (be THRILLED and/or really turned on by the idea), in a reverse situation, i.e. MFM or the husband watching the wife/girlfriend fuck another man and getting off on it.

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Adrieli> I feel like you, that my wife likes the idea of fucking other men more than she likes to admit. I think my wife really wants to prove that she is a great, loving, faithful, trustworthy wife...and she is afraid to destroy that image for me. What I am trying to convey to her is that as long as we are both on the same page, and in 100% agreement...then she can fuck another man or woman and it won't affect our marriage in a negative way at all! In fact, so far it has brought us closer together and made our sex hotter!

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Hi, this is Petra.

 

Who brought it up originally in your relationship, him or you?

 

Did your relationship always involve this type of activity, from the start, or did you guys get adventurous later on and decide to try something new...if so which of you brought the idea up to the other first?

 

Well although it was my fiance, now husband, that brought up the fact that I was still sleeping with my old boyfriend, ex-fiance, it was I who was doing the playing. He said it was OK with him, so we got married. And I'm still screwing my ex. Later on I set hubby up with one of my girlfriends. We're now a poly foursome, hubby, our girlfriend and I live together. My boyfriend lives nearby. Other than a short term affair I had and another couple that played with us four for a while, we've been polyfidelious.

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couplers> That is an interesting dynamic! Sounds like you and your husband were equally turned on by the idea of you fucking another guy. I think at some point I would be fine with my wife having a "boyfriend/fuckbuddy" that is STD tested and that sees my wife on a somewhat regular basis...as long as I am always present when they meet up.

 

I still think most women would be really turned on by the idea of fucking another man with their husbands approval. I believe it is human nature to think about and want to fuck other people...for a man and a woman alike. I think the big hang up is that women are worried about hurting their husbands feelings by admitting they are turned on by other men and want to fuck other men. Also I think women are worried about causing feelings of jealousy or distrust within the relationship...as well as having their husband think of them as a "slut" or something bad like that.

 

This is where trust is a huge factor for whether a couple can admit this to each other or not. But regardless of being in a trustful enough relationship or not...I believe the majority of people think about other people and get turned on by the thought of what it would be like to fuck someone else.

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Getting into the lifestyle sounds funny to me. I have written before that before meeting my husband I was a little more adventurous sexually. He knows my past and we have talked about for all the years we have been together. We have 3 children and though we have joked about finding another couple we never acted on it. We would read ads on different sites and have always talked about meeting one of the couples. One night we decided to place an ad, for fun, to see who would answer. We got plenty of answers from all types of couples and plenty of single men. I hope no one reading this is offended but we would laugh at some of the responses. Were we one of "these" nut jobs? How many dick pictures and fat people pictures did we get? I am not saying we are perfect or even close to it. We didn't even think we could go through with it even if we found a couple. We wrote a few of the couples who answered. Some were fakes, we knew that. We ended up writing a young couple. We thought they were fakes at first. Why would a couple looking like that want to meet an older couple like us. She was cute and he was an Adonis. We took the bait and met them, really thinking it was going to be a scam. Ended up Alan got the better deal. No I shouldn't say that. The cute little thing that he chose was really nice. My first bi experience since being married. My first swing experience could have been better. My second one was.

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cplnluv1> I completely understand...my wife and I are the same. In fact sometimes my wife has said to me in the past "I don't want to be one of those couples!" meaning skeevy and dirty and weird. I think there are a lot of swinger couples that are not like that at all, and in fact we have met some that are super cool and no pressure, non skeevy types! LOL

 

It is still a weird idea for us too, since we both were raised very traditionally and with the idea that when you are with someone, you are faithful to them and other people are off limits once you are married. What we are figuring out I think is that marriage is what the individual couple makes it...if you want it to be super religious and monogamous and that works for you...go for it! If you want to play around once in awhile within a certain set of rules and that works for you...go for it!

 

I think what we are realizing is there is no one size fits all type of marriage rules that will define how a happy and loving marriage is.

 

I also think that since we are entertaining the idea of, at least for now, her playing around with other people...this gives us both even more motivation to hit the gym regularly and keep ourselves looking good! LOL I like the motivation!

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couplers> That is an interesting dynamic! Sounds like you and your husband were equally turned on by the idea of you fucking another guy.

I still think most women would be really turned on by the idea of fucking another man with their husbands approval. I believe it is human nature to think about and want to fuck other people...

 

It wasn't so much that my now husband, David, was/is turned on, by the idea (or reality or sight) of another guy and I having sex, he's just very cool with it. It just happened very naturally. After my ex-fiance, Red, and I realized we weren't going to work as a marry couple, we broke up, and I moved out. But I still was in love with him (and he with me) and we never stopped seeing each other or having sex. I met David, we started dating, became more serious, and started having sex. I had told David about my break up with Red, and David calmly said to me that he knew that I still had feelings for Red and was still sleeping with him. (As a matter of fact, after having sex the first time with David, I went and had sex with Red.) When I admitted it, expecting the tantrum and maybe the end, David said it was fine with him, that he wasn't seeing anyone else, wasn't going to use this as an excuse to do so, and to just go with it. Although having two men seemed natural to me, I was still amazed with David's attitude. Red and David are totally different, Red the creative/crazy thinker/artist type, David the engineer/MBA/logical guy, but they get along just fine. I appreciate that David neither demands to hear the detail of my sex with Red, not does he avoid it; if I want to talk, fine; if not, fine.

 

 

You are right that it is human nature to want sexual variety, the one thing a spouse cannot give by himself or herself alone to the other spouse. Although David was content with our one-way situation and I jealously didn't want him near another woman, when my friend Clair said she found David sexy, my jealousy boiled over. I snapped so much that without missing a beat I said, "I think that can be arranged." I immediately regretted saying it, but not wanting to chicken out with Clair, I proposed it to David. He asked me if I was sure, and not wanting to be a wimp, I said yes. Watching them, especially David kissing Clair, entering her, making her orgasm, cumming inside her, hurt me so bad it felt really good. I hated it so much I made sure on the spot we arranged for them to get together again. Until that moment, I really didn't have lezzie tendencies, but went crazy licking David's cum out of Clair's pussy and sucking his dick to smell her. The "reclaiming" sex with David afterward was unbelievable.

 

 

...at some point I would be fine with my wife having a "boyfriend/fuckbuddy" that ... sees my wife on a somewhat regular basis...as long as I am always present when they meet up.

 

El Diablo - Why would you always need to be present when your wife is having sex with someone else? Among our circle of four (was six for a while, and occasionally they visit) we had sex with whoever we wanted when scheduling permitted. Although sometimes it is just two of us that get together because we want to copulate alone, it is mostly driven by our schedules. If I am working late for instance, hubby and Clair will fuck without me. Tell your wife that you love her and are willing to let her enjoy other men, encourage her to tell you her fantasies and be a good listener. It's about HER, not you. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

- Petra

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My husband and I have always had a very open line of communication. I think it came up in a conversation that he confided in me that he and his friend had shared an ex-girlfriend of his, and that it was really fun! I also shared at that point that it was a fantasy of mine as well as being with another woman! It was great knowing from the beginning of my relationship I could say whatever I wanted that was on my mind and nothing would be "off the table". Fast forward 10 years later, we are in love more than we have ever been. We had swung once in our relationship with his cousin and his gf at the time. She was not into lady/lady play and we experienced a same room swap of each couple. We recently talked about how hot and exciting the exploration of a new couple and how I basically forgot that this WAS an option even in our marriage!! I would prefer finding a couple that is friendly (not clingy) and be able to hook-up on various occasions. We as a couple have communicated that we would prefer not to swing alone (although my husband said lady/lady play is acceptable as long as he can watch it) Basically we can play in any situation (heterosexual/lesbian) as long as the other is included.

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I'm going back to the original question.

 

Dave brought up the idea of swinging to me. We started swinging after more than a couple decades of marriage. Our marriage wouldn't have survived swinging any earlier in it. It just wouldn't have.

 

When he initially brought up swinging to me, I was almost offended. I say almost because I'd thought of sleeping with others guys... in fact walking through Home Depot or wherever I happened to be and looking at those cute butts... I always wondered what it would be like to sleep with them. But not in a swinger sense, but more of a cheater sense. I never thought of including Dave in my secret fantasies. Of course, acting on those thoughts was out of the question. We started swinging when our kids were past babysitting age. I think our youngest was 15 or so then.

 

I initially wasn't so hip to give this a go. This is how I found The Swingers Board... I was on a quest for knowledge and research. I became friends with a guy here who answered all my questions so I could at least sound intelligent when I talked with Dave so we could have some great conversations and and I could have some better feedback. He really gave me some food for thought and he wasn't biased. It was to this day, one of the best moves I've ever made. I'm glad that we're still friends, even though this guy hasn't swung a day in his life.

 

We jumped in feet first and had a full swap the first time and haven't really looked back at things. We're just comfortable with each other.

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I'm going back to the original question.

 

Dave brought up the idea of swinging to me. We started swinging after more than a couple decades of marriage. Our marriage wouldn't have survived swinging any earlier in it. It just wouldn't have.

 

When he initially brought up swinging to me, I was almost offended. I say almost because I'd thought of sleeping with others guys... in fact walking through Home Depot or wherever I happened to be and looking at those cute butts... I always wondered what it would be like to sleep with them. But not in a swinger sense, but more of a cheater sense. I never thought of including Dave in my secret fantasies. Of course, acting on those thoughts was out of the question. We started swinging when our kids were past babysitting age. I think our youngest was 15 or so then.

 

I initially wasn't so hip to give this a go. This is how I found The Swingers Board... I was on a quest for knowledge and research. I became friends with a guy here who answered all my questions so I could at least sound intelligent when I talked with Dave so we could have some great conversations and and I could have some better feedback. He really gave me some food for thought and he wasn't biased. It was to this day, one of the best moves I've ever made. I'm glad that we're still friends, even though this guy hasn't swung a day in his life.

 

We jumped in feet first and had a full swap the first time and haven't really looked back at things. We're just comfortable with each other.

 

I love reading about a couple's "origin story"--whether it be when they met or started in the LS--thank you so much for sharing that! :)

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You are right that it is human nature to want sexual variety, the one thing a spouse cannot give by himself or herself alone to the other spouse.

 

Watching them, especially David kissing Clair, entering her, making her orgasm, cumming inside her, hurt me so bad it felt really good. I hated it so much I made sure on the spot we arranged for them to get together again. Until that moment, I really didn't have lezzie tendencies, but went crazy licking David's cum out of Clair's pussy and sucking his dick to smell her. The "reclaiming" sex with David afterward was unbelievable.

 

El Diablo - Why would you always need to be present when your wife is having sex with someone else? Among our circle of four (was six for a while, and occasionally they visit) we had sex with whoever we wanted when scheduling permitted. Although sometimes it is just two of us that get together because we want to copulate alone, it is mostly driven by our schedules. If I am working late for instance, hubby and Clair will fuck without me. Tell your wife that you love her and are willing to let her enjoy other men, encourage her to tell you her fantasies and be a good listener. It's about HER, not you. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

- Petra

 

That is a great point of what I am saying "sexual variety...the one thing a spouse cannot give by him/herself alone to the other spouse." That is a great way to put it! And like you said, I think it is a natural, normal feeling to have for both men and women to want sexual variety. I feel that most people have those urges...just that in "vanilla" relationships you have to hide those feelings and desires, which I feel sometimes breeds a somewhat dishonest relationship where you cannot share everything you think with your partner and thus sometimes can lead to cheating because you have this unfulfilled desire. That is not to say that if a person has those desires, that they will definitely cheat.

 

I understand what you are saying about watching your partner fuck someone else and it hurt you, but at the same time it felt good! LOL It is weird, but that is what makes it so exciting for me. The almost emotional pain and shock of seeing that, but at the same time there is something so sensual and erotic about seeing your lover fuck someone and be totally engrossed in that person physically for a short period of time. To watch the passion and raw sexual energy between them, and see how turned on my wife can get with another man, or woman and to see how turned on my wife is making that other person! So hot, just makes me realize how lucky I am to be with her! And yes the reclaiming sex is AMAZING!

 

As far as why I "need" to be there when my wife is having sex with someone else. Well that is because everything my wife and I do regarding sex is about us...the reason we would include another person into our bed is primarily for us and to share an amazing experience between the two of us...with another person. I am super turned on by watching my wife as I described and my wife wouldn't do it anyways if I wasn't there because I am 50% of the reason she is doing it. Like I mentioned before, at some point I may be willing to allow my wife to fuck someone without me there, if she was willing to do that, but I would definitely want to know all of the details and she wouldn't mind telling me because we are husband and wife and of course I should be included in anything that happens with her sexually or otherwise and visa verse...we are soul mates and love each other...we share all of our experiences together, that is what makes us closer.

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It was great knowing from the beginning of my relationship I could say whatever I wanted that was on my mind and nothing would be "off the table". We as a couple have communicated that we would prefer not to swing alone (although my husband said lady/lady play is acceptable as long as he can watch it) Basically we can play in any situation (heterosexual/lesbian) as long as the other is included.

 

I agree, it is so great to be able to say whatever is on your mind and not have to worry about some big fight! To know that you spouse will embrace your fantasies and not judge and that we can both talk about people we would like to fuck without worrying about hurting the others feelings!

 

I will let my wife fuck whomever she wants, as long as I can watch/participate!

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I'm going back to the original question.

 

Dave brought up the idea of swinging to me. We started swinging after more than a couple decades of marriage. Our marriage wouldn't have survived swinging any earlier in it. It just wouldn't have.

 

When he initially brought up swinging to me, I was almost offended. I say almost because I'd thought of sleeping with others guys... in fact walking through Home Depot or wherever I happened to be and looking at those cute butts... I always wondered what it would be like to sleep with them. But not in a swinger sense, but more of a cheater sense. I never thought of including Dave in my secret fantasies. Of course, acting on those thoughts was out of the question. We started swinging when our kids were past babysitting age. I think our youngest was 15 or so then.

 

I initially wasn't so hip to give this a go. This is how I found The Swingers Board... I was on a quest for knowledge and research. I became friends with a guy here who answered all my questions so I could at least sound intelligent when I talked with Dave so we could have some great conversations and and I could have some better feedback. He really gave me some food for thought and he wasn't biased. It was to this day, one of the best moves I've ever made. I'm glad that we're still friends, even though this guy hasn't swung a day in his life.

 

We jumped in feet first and had a full swap the first time and haven't really looked back at things. We're just comfortable with each other.

 

 

 

I think this illustrates my theory perfectly, that most women probably do, at some point in their relationships, start thinking about what it would be like to fuck another guy...and in fact it turns them on a lot! As has been said in other posts here "a girl needs variety" and "it is human nature to want sexual variety"! I know this desire is true for most men...but this is showing me that it IS in fact true for most women also.

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I love reading about a couple's "origin story"--whether it be when they met or started in the LS--thank you so much for sharing that! :)

 

I never become tired of telling this story so here it goes again -- she saw it on Oprah. There was a period in her life during which anything she saw on Oprah she had to try.

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I think women are different than men in this respect. If we spent any time on the dating circuit, we have gone through a period when we can fuck as many other guys as we really want. Part of the attraction to relationship is it makes sex more intimate, and more secure. If our first encounter had been a simple swap, I'm not sure I would have been into it. Instead it was an MFM, something I hadn't done before, something exciting, something that (I was told) would turn my boyfriend on. So, it was a much more enticing opportunity than I had ever had before, sexually speaking.

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chiccouplexx> I agree, women in general when they are single have much more opportunity to sleep around if they want than men, and I agree even for a guy when you are in a relationship the sex is so much more intimate and I love that!

 

It is interesting though that you say that the idea of having an MFM with your boyfriend was a turn on since you hadn't done that before. So it sounds like, at least to some extent, under the right circumstances, fucking another guy was an exciting idea for you. I can imagine, as woman, it would probably be very exciting to have 2 guys focusing all of their attention on you!

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Oh yes, the idea of fucking two men was exciting and especially so with one of them being my boyfriend. This is true even though I had done it. So, the idea of just fucking another man was not a big turn on; the idea of fucking two at once, that was the turn on. Even now, we have done a number of MFM's and several swaps with other couples. With a few rare exceptions, the swap thing is just ok. But, move it into multiple couples in more of an orgy arrangement than a swap arrangement, ok, now I'm in. That's excitement.

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chiccouplexx> I agree, MFM's are hot...so far my wife and I have done one and I loved being able to participate and watch what she was doing with the other guy at the same time! I think if she gets a better guy next time, bigger dick and less nervous, it will be much better for her. Plus we were both a little weirded out since it was the first time another guy fucked her...for some reason, for us it seems less weird if she is fucking another girl! LOL Maybe because that is more socially acceptable. Most of the guys I know would give you a high five if you told them your wife fucked another girl in front of you...not so if you told them she fucked another guy in front of you!

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chiccouplexx> I agree, MFM's are hot...so far my wife and I have done one and I loved being able to participate and watch what she was doing with the other guy at the same time! I think if she gets a better guy next time, bigger dick and less nervous, it will be much better for her. Plus we were both a little weirded out since it was the first time another guy fucked her...for some reason, for us it seems less weird if she is fucking another girl! LOL Maybe because that is more socially acceptable. Most of the guys I know would give you a high five if you told them your wife fucked another girl in front of you...not so if you told them she fucked another guy in front of you!

 

My hubby maintains that he has gotten his best blow jobs from me when another guy is either licking or fucking me........and he really loves blow jobs :EG:

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My hubby maintains that he has gotten his best blow jobs from me when another guy is either licking or fucking me........and he really loves blow jobs :EG:

 

Nice! Yeah, I don't doubt it! I have a really hard time cumming by just a bj, but I can imagine if my wife was getting fucked doggiestyle while giving me a bj! Holy crap! That would be a different story I think!

 

I love the feel of my wife's pussy when I fuck her after fucking her with her big dildo and making her cum! You can tell she was just fucked by another dick, and that really turns me on!

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I think vanilla women compensate the need for sexual variety by buying shoes lol
I'm sure that Imelda Marcos would have made a really successful swinger. But she was the wife of a head-of-state and could not. Thus the shoes.

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LOL! In my opinion, there is a lot of compensation and denial out there in the "vanilla" world! I feel, swingers/hotwifer's/open relationships, are the ones that are truly the closest and most honest with each other! And when you love someone...there should be NO secrets and hiding of how you feel about anything...just one man's opinion though!

 

I love being able to talk to people like you! I can't do this, other than with my wife in regular life! Thank you!

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I guess I feel that I love my wife so much and trust her so much that I am willing to allow her the pleasure of sleeping with other people if she wants to...and I am hoping that she appreciates that gift, if you will, and is turned on by the thought of having the freedom to do that in our marriage. I believe most women would like this freedom...a lot!

 

Seems like most women agree so far that it is a turn on.

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