Doctors orders.... Cheat on your spouse ?

[fun4Ds]

This is something that sometimes bugs me....


I was invited to a private chat some time ago by a woman on Swing Lifestyle. She told me in the beginning she was in fact married, although her profile was listed as a single female. I asked why, and she told me she was looking for an affair. She said that her husband, had in fact, cheated on her sometime in their past.

This isn't something I have personal experience in, so I told her she should see a professional and maybe take a healthier path. We are pro marriage/relationship and she told me it was her shrink who said she should do this.... ?

I stood the ground that swinging is in no way cheating, and she said many things to follow that leads me to think she was being honest about this coming through her therapy.

She said it would be closure for her, not her relationship, as she had no intentions of getting a divorce, but that this is on a personal level ?

Personally, I think it would be a whole new can of worms to deal with.

What are your thoughts ?

Can someone have a healthy affair, under the guidence of a therapist ?


fun4ds

[interested-05]

from the experience my brother had with a therapist, he may be looking to play with her without directly saying so.
Sounds more like a divorce in the making, than the growth of a healthy relationship.
Depending on the relationship with her spouse, it is something they really should try to work together on, rather than going behind his back to simply get even.
However:
When i was single, I dated several women who were still married and seperated. I dated one gal who was married, but her spouse was continuing to cheat on her w/o regard to her feelings, and was in general denigrating her in a number of ways.
In which case, it "may do her good" to find a friend to play with. Why? She may need to rebuild her self esteem and find self acceptance so that she can move on with her life.
Also, from personal experience, as the guy that had been cheated and walked out on, it wasnt until I allowed myself to find someone to play with, before I could rediscover my self worth, and reevaluate what was important in life for me.
In the long run, I look back and life is better today than it had been for a long time.

[DigginIt]

I think she needs to find a new therapist.

Since when is getting even through a tactic that equates to "revenge" considered healthy? Let's not even go down the route that the man could go psychopathic if he catches her

Two wrongs don't make it right and this sounds completely insane.

Maybe Interested-05 is right, maybe the therapist is hot for her.

[bbarnsworth]

Assuming the therapist's advice did in fact happen...and noting I'm not a trained psychotherapist or even remotely close...

QUACK QUACK QUACK <flap> QUACK QUACK QUACK

[padoc]

Dr Malfi NEVER played with Tony Soprano but she didn't do him much good either. Go figure!

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by padoc

Dr Malfi NEVER played with Tony Soprano but she didn't do him much good either. Go figure!

How true was that... but then she was seeing her own therapist!

Fun4Ds, she really needs to find a new therapist. I have no idea what kind of therapist would condone cheating as a way to avenge her cheating husband. Maybe she is her own therapist and this is what she's telling herself... Do unto others as they do unto you? Just sayin'.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

She said it would be closure for her, not her relationship, as she had no intentions of getting a divorce, but that this is on a personal level ?

I think there is a much bigger story behind what she said (above).


Maybe this woman misunderstood what her therapist said, or has taken what he said and twisted it around.

Maybe this woman "heard" what she wanted to hear, i.e., permission from an authority figure to cheat.


Who knows. Whatever occurred, she has decided to place an ad on a swinger site.

LM

[mikeandjenn2001]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Maybe this woman misunderstand what her therapist said, or has taken what he said and twisted it around.

Maybe this woman "heard" what she wanted to hear, i.e., permission from an authority figure to cheat.

That is always a possibility as I do not know any counselors that will suggest cheating as a form of therapy.

The counselor probably said something along the lines of "Take some time out for yourself, go have fun" and misinterpreted it as permission to cheat.

[Chicup]

Time to play devils advocate.

Now let me be clear, if the womans side of the story is true, than I can't see many professional therapists saying that for a lot of reasons.

But.......

Husband has affair and its tearing you up inside. I could easily see how in some circumstances having an affair could speed up the 'healing'. I'm not talking 'well you had an affair so I did too, so there!' but a secret affair where you can feel 'even' maybe see it wasn't that big a deal and move on.

[moosetwitty]

I would fuck the living sh** out of her. It's your responsiblility to service her.

[Rivertour]

No doubt in my mind, she needs a new therapist. I have my doubts that one would actually recommend cheating and agree, maybe the therapist is looking for some action. Shame on him.

If she wishes to "get even" then the Swing Lifestyle site may not be her best place.

Personally, I wouldn't get involved with her myself, not because I'm unwilling or my spouse wouldn't allow it, I just don't think I'd want the drama that could and probably would result. Don't see many positive scenarios coming from this situation.

[michianacouple]

Originally Posted by Rivertour

No doubt in my mind, she needs a new therapist. I have my doubts that one would actually recommend cheating and agree, maybe the therapist is looking for some action. Shame on him.

(yes shame on him. but I have heard from very good people about things that were told to someone in therapy)

If she wishes to "get even" then the Swing Lifestyle site may not be her best place.

(These are the things that give all of us that are in the "lifestyle" for fun a bad name)

Personally, I wouldn't get involved with her myself, not because I'm unwilling or my spouse wouldn't allow it, I just don't think I'd want the drama that could and probably would result. Don't see many positive scenarios coming from this situation.

Yes I agree, Rivertour. Plus I want to say I am not picking on you, your post was the last one and I agree with you so I done a quote. Have a great day


I agree with most all the post here. And I will add that due to a Long Talk I had with a Man year’s ago over a medical/Doctor issue about my Daughter. (This Gentlemen was the Big Cheese, the Number One Man in a Medical Insurance Company)
This Man had a Medical Doctorate Degree, a M.D. and he also has a Doctorate Degree in Psychiatry. Yes, wouldn’t we all love to see our Daughters bring home a Man with two Medical Doctorate Degree’s!? He was the number one man at the Insurance Company plus he wanted to stay on top of his games so he also had Two smaller practices, one as a MD one as a Psychiatrist.
After talking to him for some time He told me his Feelings on a “Therapist”. “They do not have enough education and Knowledge on and about how the Human Mind works to diagnose and treat a person and do it correctly!” He said “It is like letting a Candy Stripper do Brain Surgery!”
He told me that most patients he sees in his Psychiatry Practice were seen by Therapist before they came to him due to their Insurance. As one example he said one patient he could have fixed up in three months, but it took him 6 months to straighten out what the Therapist screwed up then the three months to straighten out the original troubles the patient had. He felt that all Doctors should be required to get both Degrees, and then go into what ever Practice they wanted to go into. That way they would fully understand how the Mind affects the Body and how the Body affects the Mind! That way they can treat a patient the correct way for Body and Mind!
Plus I know a few people that work in the medical fields and it is far from perfect. We all have gone round and round with the so called experts in their field about how the Dr. above them never make mistakes, and would not code papers wrong. But our Insurance did not pay the claim because the papers were coded wrong and it takes 6 months of talking to get it thru their heads it correct the codes and resubmit the claims so they can get paid!
Sorry for the long reply!
Just want to say you need to be very careful when you pick a Therapist!

[Edison Carter]

Susanhere--Therapist, physicians, are like any profession: there are good and bad ones, varying skill sets and more. You have to do your homework. Yet, really, the solution to an affair is to have one yourself ? What about the other person involved ? Are they just collateral damage in an action that is abhorrent, in and of itself ? Sure sounds stupid to me. Besides, has any form of revenge, ever really brought closure ?

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by moosetwitty

It's your responsibility to service her.

No moosetitty, it's not my responsibility. My responsibility, would be to understand the right thing to say to a woman, who is obviously hurting. She wanted to talk to me on the advice from someone else. Whom I dont know, she wouldn't say.


fun4ds

[it'sso]

Hope nobody reads too much into this, but my take on the medical profession is that they are ALL still learning and it wasn't all that long ago the the "numero uno doctor" sat you down and removed from a goat skin pouch a few snake leg bones and some chicken teeth and threw them on the ground to read them in order to perform his or her diagnostics.
If you have problems with your spouse and you can't solve them between the two of you, you should find different accommodations.
my opinion only