UGH, what is it with some people

bi4me2 · 08-12-2010, 08:38 PM

Went out to dinner tonight with a couple we met online. Nice enough people on the phone and in real life but something that has happened more times than we care to admit happened again.

He is all over the wife, not really aggressive but you could tell he was 'hot to trot', could barely keep his hands off of her all while his wife was 'there'. She talked and was nice enough but honestly at times it almost seemed like she wanted to be elsewhere. She even told my wife she has to have a few drinks before she can do anything.

This has happened to us too many times now and it's starting to frustrate the hell out of both of us. Now granted she is a seriously good looking woman so we expect this to a degree but I'm no toad and honestly I don't even think it has to do with how I look at all it seems like we just happen to meet couples where the wife seems to 'be along for the ride'.

Is it just us or is this more common than we think it is?

VegasLee · 08-12-2010, 09:42 PM

Hate to say this is more common then it should be.

We will NOT meet people for dinner or drinks from on line any longer.

We are at the club and they are welcome to come meet us there. If we hit it off, great, if not there is 100's of others there for each side to meet up with.

As soon as we hear "has to have a few drinks before she can do anything" we are done with them. Yes, Laura drinks and I don't but she does not have to have a drink to play. That is a big red flag with us. If you HAVE to drink, we want nothing to do with you.

bi4me2 · 08-12-2010, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Hate to say this is more common then it should be.

We will NOT meet people for dinner or drinks from on line any longer.

We are at the club and they are welcome to come meet us there. If we hit it off, great, if not there is 100's of others there for each side to meet up with.

As soon as we hear "has to have a few drinks before she can do anything" we are done with them. Yes, Laura drinks and I don't but she does not have to have a drink to play. That is a big red flag with us. If you HAVE to drink, we want nothing to do with you.

Hear what you are saying but in this area the few clubs are really bad. That leaves us stuck with online or trolling the 'vanilla world' .... boy do we miss south Florida!

LikeMinds321 · 08-12-2010, 10:20 PM

I took a look at your Swing Lifestyle profile. After reading it, I think that is why you are having this problem.

Your profile reads like a husband pimping out his wife. The public pictures are only your wife, nothing of you.

I don't think there would be many women interested in you as a couple because your profile comes across as if you're most interested in getting the right guy to do your wife, and the right woman for bi play, than giving anything of yourself to another woman. I'm not surprised you're getting overly-eager men with unenthusiastic wives.

LM

**BiloxiCouple** · 08-12-2010, 10:43 PM

What VegasLee said. The "club" has a way of weeding out some of the wannabeeeeeeee's. Besides if one couple falls thru there may be someone else that you click with and don't have to waste all the online time.

I don't need to be your friend to have a good time with you. I need to be a friend to spend a lot of time with you, which rarely happens with us. We know a lot of people in the lifestyle here. Only a couple are friends that we are willing to spend time with.

**LFM2** · 08-13-2010, 02:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VegasLee

As soon as we hear "has to have a few drinks before she can do anything" we are done with them. Yes, Laura drinks and I don't but she does not have to have a drink to play. That is a big red flag with us. If you HAVE to drink, we want nothing to do with you.

Can I get an AMEN!!

bi4me2 · 08-13-2010, 07:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

I took a look at your Swing Lifestyle profile. After reading it, I think that is why you are having this problem.

Your profile reads like a husband pimping out his wife. The public pictures are only your wife, nothing of you.

I don't think there would be many women interested in you as a couple because your profile comes across as if you're most interested in getting the right guy to do your wife, and the right woman for bi play, than giving anything of yourself to another woman. I'm not surprised you're getting overly-eager men with unenthusiastic wives.

LM

(her) I don't get that impression at all from our profile. But, even still, I find it awfully rude to be pawed on the first meeting. I'm not a play toy.

I will reread our profile again and adjust it as needed.

LagniappeDC · 08-13-2010, 07:55 AM

While we haven't had a chance to see your profile, definitely worth giving it a second look from an objective angle. If you don't have pics of the male half as someone else says, that is a red flag for us. For us a well written profiles spends equal amounts of time describing both people, or has a lot of "we" statements. Same with pictures. Ours definitely has more of her, but we have several of us together.

Now, in terms of your particular situation where you don't have a lot of clubs, also see if there are meet and greets. Honestly, for us, we aren't great at picking up folks at the club so not the best option for us -- though we totally agree with what the others said.

You may want to try having your wife speak to the other wife on the phone prior to meeting. You might be able to get a sense of her interest before you meet in person. We've had that request a couple of times and while it doesn't make the date a sure thing, it may help.

Good luck!

Learning · 08-13-2010, 07:55 AM

As for your question, unfortunately you have to kiss a few toads to find a good couple. Caulk it up to a bad date and move on because there are people out there for you. We've been on countless dates with very nice people but no chemistry, we keep on looking (well not right now but when we were active). It's worth it.

I just glanced at the profile too. As much as you had a horrible situation recently I wonder if your profile is the right place to air it? If I saw this on a profile I would tend to steer clear.

bi4me2 · 08-13-2010, 08:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Learning

As for your question, unfortunately you have to kiss a few toads to find a good couple. Caulk it up to a bad date and move on because there are people out there for you. We've been on countless dates with very nice people but no chemistry, we keep on looking (well not right now but when we were active). It's worth it.

I just glanced at the profile too. As much as you had a horrible situation recently I wonder if your profile is the right place to air it? If I saw this on a profile I would tend to steer clear.

It doesn't seem to matter what we write since this has happened many times over the years with many different profiles. Even still it shouldn't matter, you don't act that aggressive (yes more then what hubby noticed) upon your first meeting.

As for the newly added blurb. It's a rant that is not a permanent part of our profile.

Learning · 08-13-2010, 08:31 AM

Cool to know that! The lifestyle isn't easy is it? So when you find great couples it's mind blowing. As for the rant, I was just thinking at least it's fun dinner conversation instead instead of a rant on a profile

would live to hear if you meet some good people. In our case we found a lot of our friends at a hotel party 2 hours from the home.

bi4me2 · 08-13-2010, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Learning

Cool to know that! The lifestyle isn't easy is it? So when you find great couples it's mind blowing. As for the rant, I was just thinking at least it's fun dinner conversation instead instead of a rant on a profile

would live to hear if you meet some good people. In our case we found a lot of our friends at a hotel party 2 hours from the home.

(him) Yeah the rant was up for a while, just out of frustration but I took it down.

The Fuse · 08-13-2010, 08:46 AM

Hi there,

Discerning couples and single males should have the smarts to read the signs and not come on too strong on a first date if you don't want them to. And yes, when there's a couple whose female half is plainly only along because her husband wants her to be there, there is a problem. If you meet someone and you think that's the case, I suggest you politely but directly ask them whether they are both positive about the idea of sex with others, and ask if the wife feels there is chemistry. It's best for your female half to put this question to the other wife alone.

Now... as to your profile, I hope you don't mind a few comments.

First of all, if your male half wants to play, I suggest you post public pictures of him in your profile to go with the fantastic pictures of your female half. It only stands to reason that if there is a woman on the other end, she is going to want to see him too.

Second, I understand you are frustrated with single guys that take up your time, act real and then disappear. This is a very common frustration. It sucks, but it does happen. Here's what's important though: keeping a positive tone on your profile will attract people with a positive attitude, i.e. people who are fun to be with. A negative tone will attract negative people. It is so tempting to vent on your public profile. But personally, reading that stuff just puts me off, and it well might put off the very people you're trying to attract. It might feel good to know the object of your ire is getting told off, but he's not the one you should be concerned with.

Also, I'm sure she gained no more than ten pounds and that it's coming off fast, but it might be a better idea to simply take new pictures and not state in your profile that she is not at the same weight the pictures indicate. Otherwise people may not believe she looks like her pictures, since you pretty much say she has gained weight. This is a sensitive issue since sooooo many people post pictures that are over five years old and sometimes 50 pounds off. People will assume the truth is much worse than you state. And she is certainly gorgeous at her present weight anyway.

Overall, I like the things you wrote but the tone is pretty intense for me, and that is saying a lot. If we met you I'd be pretty much expecting you not to like us or to find some fault with us. I realize that is vague, so I apologize, but really it's the tone of what you say and what you emphasize rather than the content.

Good luck! It does take practice to weed out the people who are either fake, or couples who don't both want to be there or who are rude and too forward.

bi4me2 · 08-13-2010, 09:08 AM

Quote: