Question for the "yuppie" lifestyles?

[lilitalian]

My wife and I are in our early 40s and just recently launched ourselves into an open marriage. Now, we are trying to figure out where to go from here... We have had only a single experience but are very hooked and wanting to further explore. Unfortunately, however, with our new quest to seek out partners with which we connect, we have been met with some degree of frustration. As we are professional, upper middle-class, and physically fit, we really appreciate more upscale places and like-minded people. The few "swinger clubs" we attended in AZ and NV (we live in AZ), although filled with wonderfully friendly people, were just not to our liking. In fact we left all of these places within 30 minutes of arriving. The few people we have met with from the lifestyle websites have been disappointing - never seeming to live up to their profile and pictures. I am sure we have just not learned how to effectively filter through the people on the site.
Perhaps we are just being too impatient. Nevertheless, to those who live in AZ (or NV), are there lounges, parties or like places where we would more likely find people to connect with who place importance on similar characteristics as we do? That is, "yuppie-like", physically fit people?

Thanks for reading :-)

[wisxxxfun]

Not really, the thing that we have found about the LS is that people from all walks of life connect, middle class hooking up with upper high class. It's really about the chemistry, not about the other persons background. And sometimes it takes a while to make that spark happen. If you are leaving after half an hour, you are not giving anyone a chance. We understand that looks are important, but most swingers are not as picky as some people think, a good personality and chemistry goes a long was too

[Coupleerotic22]

Lol, I have not heard the term yuppie in some years.

The people in the lifestyle span a broad spectrum of socioeconomic, demographic, physical and other traits. In previous post you have asked if you are being too picky and where to look.

I don't think you are too picky, as you asked previously, you want what you want, but you may be making judgments too quickly and on site as opposed to getting to know people. As you say you left within 30 minutes. That seems to be a very short time period to meet or even see everyone in a room of 200 people. Not to mention, parties can last for hours, people come and go, arrive at different times, etc. It is very likely that the people you are looking for are in that room at some point, but you may have missed them.

As for where to look, there are other environments, where swingers get together. For example house parties. There are also "wine socials" around here. They are much like wine tastings, but most, if not all of the guest are in the lifestyle or at least comfortable with it. Getting invited to those events, however, requires getting to know people. And I don't think you can do that if you are in and out in 30 minutes. A greater degree of patients would serve you well in that regard.

The lifestyle seems to be far less judgmental on a number of levels. You might be surprised at who will introduce you to whom. We have met artist, lawyers, butchers, judges, truck drivers, and entrepreneurs. And we all seem to mingle and get along quite well. It is more about the person and personality than anything else.

I also would not be too quick to judge a book by its cover. Two of the wealthiest men I know, have very few tell tell signs of their wealth and status. Both are in the 9-10 figure net worth range. Both are successful entrepreneurs turned philanthropist.

But usually when I have seen them they are wearing jeans and sneakers. One spends his free time digging holes with bobcats for a new building project on his expanse of land. He does it because he enjoys it. The other could usually be found underneath one of his many classic cars, restoring them, he loved to get greasy and feel the parts of the car as he put it together.

The point being, if I did not know much about them, I would never guess at their wealth or status. And they like it that way. Too many people want to get to know them for what they have and not who they are, so they tend to gravitate towards the average Joe, that enjoy the same things they do.

My best advice is take your time, there is not rush at you age. Ne patient, get to know people, they are generally much deeper than they appear at first glance. You might be surprised to find out who you are sitting next too and chatting with. And you might find, while they are not yuppies, they have a personality worth knowing.

[The Fuse]

This is funny, because not that long ago my husband said something about yuppies, seeming to identify with the term. We're in our early 40s as well. I told him we're no longer in the age range to be yuppies, since the 'y' stands for "young". Neither do we live in an urban area. "Yuppie" = "Young Urban Professional". We qualify as professionals, but that's only one out of three .

Our attitude is not to filter on the trappings of class, so much as to filter on character. It's hard enough to find people who are in shape and attractive, whom you like, and who are looking for the same things sexually that you are. Why worry about whether their pearls are real? We can enjoy good conversation in a more humble setting. Swinging isn't about ball gowns or expensive wine or fine dining. It's about good times, good sex and good company. We try to find ways to include people, rather than ways to exclude them.

I would recommend going to another gathering and just being friendly to a lot of people, even people you know you're not sexually interested in. Those people know other people. Sooner or later you'll find the ones you want to sweat with. But in the meantime, if you develop a reputation as stuck-up, no one will want to hang out with you.

That said, there are certain clubs that have a reputation for filtering on looks and "upscale-ness". Around here, we have to drive to Entre Nous in the D.C. area to find that kind of place. We prefer to find local friends. Lots of smart, classy people do not outwardly show their taste all the time with clothes, cars, expensive outings etc. They show it in conversation and in action.

[ClosetSwinger]

PERFECTLY SAID!

Originally Posted by The Fuse

This is funny, because not that long ago my husband said something about yuppies, seeming to identify with the term. We're in our early 40s as well. I told him we're no longer in the age range to be yuppies, since the 'y' stands for "young". Neither do we live in an urban area. "Yuppie" = "Young Urban Professional". We qualify as professionals, but that's only one out of three .

Our attitude is not to filter on the trappings of class, so much as to filter on character. It's hard enough to find people who are in shape and attractive, whom you like, and who are looking for the same things sexually that you are. Why worry about whether their pearls are real? We can enjoy good conversation in a more humble setting. Swinging isn't about ball gowns or expensive wine or fine dining. It's about good times, good sex and good company. We try to find ways to include people, rather than ways to exclude them.

I would recommend going to another gathering and just being friendly to a lot of people, even people you know you're not sexually interested in. Those people know other people. Sooner or later you'll find the ones you want to sweat with. But in the meantime, if you develop a reputation as stuck-up, no one will want to hang out with you.

That said, there are certain clubs that have a reputation for filtering on looks and "upscale-ness". Around here, we have to drive to Entre Nous in the D.C. area to find that kind of place. We prefer to find local friends. Lots of smart, classy people do not outwardly show their taste all the time with clothes, cars, expensive outings etc. They show it in conversation and in action.

[Coupleerotic22]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

Our attitude is not to filter on the trappings of class, so much as to filter on character. It's hard enough to find people who are in shape and attractive, whom you like, and who are looking for the same things sexually that you are. Why worry about whether their pearls are real?

Well said, excellent advice!

[realcplub2]

I would applauded and echo everything Ms FUSE said. As well as Couple Erotic22's views.

There is one thing we all bring to the lifestyle, OURSELVES, and our expectations.

The limitations you discuss as far as what you have experienced thus far, I can not fully address because, the limited discussion on said experiences, and why they were so negative was never discussed.

But I would suggest that you expand both your search parameters and your target range, in distance as well as those you are looking for. Slight compromise can lead to unexpected and amazing results.

Suppose you are limiting the age groups, raise and lower your searches.. and the results can be tripled. If its a distances, at worst if you find like mind playmates you make a weekend trip of it, or they the same to you.. The same rules apply to clubs, or house parties, Swing Lifestyle offers a section that shows local parties.

Be Broad of VISION, and NOT narrow of MIND,
lest ye lose, before ye FIND

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by lilitalian

My wife and I are in our early 40s and just recently launched ourselves into an open marriage. Now, we are trying to figure out where to go from here... We have had only a single experience but are very hooked and wanting to further explore. Unfortunately, however, with our new quest to seek out partners with which we connect, we have been met with some degree of frustration. As we are professional, upper middle-class, and physically fit, we really appreciate more upscale places and like-minded people. The few "swinger clubs" we attended in AZ and NV (we live in AZ), although filled with wonderfully friendly people, were just not to our liking. In fact we left all of these places within 30 minutes of arriving. The few people we have met with from the lifestyle websites have been disappointing - never seeming to live up to their profile and pictures. I am sure we have just not learned how to effectively filter through the people on the site.
Perhaps we are just being too impatient. Nevertheless, to those who live in AZ (or NV), are there lounges, parties or like places where we would more likely find people to connect with who place importance on similar characteristics as we do? That is, "yuppie-like", physically fit people?

Thanks for reading :-)

Bad news, America is fat and out of shape.

Swingers are pretty normal for American's so most are fat and out of shape. The types of swingers you describe are out there, but its a minority of a minority.

My advice to you is careful screening using online adds to find what you like. Clubs are very hit and miss and sometimes just the day you are there will be a higher proportion of swingers of a certain type. Another thing I've seen is that some dating sites seem to attract more of one kind of crowd than another, and this varies a lot depending on where you live.

In my area, one is almost all white trash, one is middle America, and the other is more upscale. The owners of the upscale one are weasels though so there is that issue there. At any rate if you are looking for a subset of a subset its going to take time.

Sometimes there are more 'pretty' people oriented parties out there, but you may have to travel, and if they are a dud, thats a lot of money for a dud.

Its a controversial topic because people get emotional on looks but you like what you like.

Oh and Fuse, you have yuppies written all over you two (in a good way).

[SW_PA_Couple]

In this part of the world, the beautiful people go to Friction Parties. Don't they have that kind in Arizona or Nevada?

[Playful1]

All I can say is...give it more than 30min and get to know a few of those folks. You'd be amazed at how a great personality can overcome a 'so-so' body or face.

[VegasLee]

I know you come to Vegas.

Would not suggest our place for you. Your welcome to come but you are not going to find that "yuppie" type there. Just plain folks.

My suggestion for Vegas would be to sign up at www.kasdie.com and look for the parties that THEY hold. They meet in High end clubs here in Vegas, that you will pay to get into and then if you "fit" with them you are invited back to their mansion.

Many different places, including us promote parties on their web site but what you are looking for is the type of parties that "Kasdie" throws. You should fit in just fine there. You just might be bordering on being a bit "aged" but there are some your age there also. They tend to be the young 'yuppie" crowd but they don't mind a few "mature" ones if they are hot.

There is someone out there for everyone, just takes time and hunting.