Slightly self conscious about body hair

[lovemonkey#1]

Hi All,

So, we haven't swung in quite a while but we've talked about doing it again sometime possibly in the future. All in all, we've been with about 5 or 6 couples and most of those we ended up having multiple sessions with (one couple we ended up swinging with exclusively for over a year). I'm excited about the prospect of getting involved in the lifestyle again but I must admit that I'm very self conscious about my body hair.

I consider myself reasonably attractive. I am a musician and I seem to get hit on a lot by the ladies after shows. I get lots of approving smiles from women when I go out dancing with my wife. I dress well, I'm a nice guy, I have an ok build, etc. But when the clothes come off in front of someone other than my wife I get really nervous because *ack* I have a hairy butt. My wife says that she likes it because she likes the way it feels when she runs her hands through it and that it looks cute but frankly, I think it's kind of a liability.

We've been with a few couples where the other guy was kind of hairy too but we dated one couple where both of them were completely shaved. We played with them once and then they abruptly stopped calling us and then they said that they just wanted to be vanilla friends. I'm convinced it was because of my body hair.

After that we met a new couple and before we played with them for the first time I actually shaved my ass because I was too embarrassed to have that happen again. My wife was very displeased with it because I didn't tell her that I was going to do it and the guy in the other couple ended up having a hairy ass anyway so it probably wouldn't have been a big deal.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm all for keeping the hair if it makes my wife happy (and quite frankly I don't really want to deal with shaving it all the time) but I am a little self conscious around other ladies. I know there are lots of women out there who don't like hairy guys and I'm wondering if I should say something about it in our profile or what. How forthcoming should I be about it? I don't want to waste time getting to know a couple and then have them not be interested in us because my ass is a deal breaker.

Thoughts?

[MrsPandMe]

I'm a hairy guy and I've never run into this problem, at least overtly. Everyone has their preference, and I have found that there are as many women who prefer hairy men to those that don't. You can't please everyone, man!

Point is, it's who you are, and there are women that love it! Run with whatcha brung, brother!

Mr P.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by lovemonkey#1

My wife says that she likes it because she likes the way it feels when she runs her hands through it and that it looks cute

There's your answer. Who's feelings do you care about the most? Ted has long hair, a lot of women don't like long hair on men...I LOVE it....he's often said, until the day I tell him to cut it, it won't ever get cut. I do so love that man!

Do what makes you and your wife happy.


Teresa

[Newpants]

Unless you have some kind of actual hair growth disease or pathological condition, it is your hangup and one that other people probably don't care about even if they notice in the first place.

We all have our own little body-image issues and things that we get hung up ourselves that other people don't give a crap about and then we fixate on it and think that is why we are being rejected or that we aren't getting requests to play again.

My butt barely has any peach fuzz and we get rejected and we have people that we have only played with 1 or 2 times so I know butthair isn't the cause.

Guys have hairy butts, that's one of the things that make us guys. some chicks dig it, some chicks don't and most probably don't even notice or care one way or another.

Butthair isn't a big turn off to a lot of people but being self-conscious and obsessive is. If you have enough of a hangup about it that you are acting inhibited and reclusive, that is what is causing you issues, not a hairy butt.

[lovemonkey#1]

Thanks for the feedback, guys. I do realize that it is my own hang up but wasn't sure about how to get over it. Of course I want to make my wife happy but if I plan on participating in swinging I have to be somewhat concerned about being desirable to other women, right? And it is my body after all. My wife knows that I prefer her hair long but she cuts it short from time to time because it makes HER feel good.

And to be clear, I'm not exactly obsessive over this issue (hence the title of thread "Slightly self conscious...") I'm just somewhat insecure. I think I'm pretty successful at not making it outwardly apparent but I was just looking for a little reassurance to help with my internal struggle, that's all. To be honest, most guys I've seen naked DON'T have hairy butts so that made me feel kind of uncommon or that I should be doing something about it. Kind of like women feel the need to shave their legs and armpits in our society. I wasn't sure if I somehow missed out on something in the guy code .

[ALilOEverything]

Originally Posted by Newpants

Butthair isn't a big turn off to a lot of people but being self-conscious and obsessive is. If you have enough of a hangup about it that you are acting inhibited and reclusive, that is what is causing you issues, not a hairy butt.

This is so very true! I can overlook a lot of things if someone is outgoing and confident. A guy worrying over things they can't control can definitely make someone look less attractive.

You are who you are and it's important to find play partners who accept you for that. Don't try to please everyone, it's not possible and just makes it more stressful. A woman who likes a hairy butt, or doesn't mind one, is a "match". A woman who doesn't like it isn't a match, move on, don't worry about changing yourself to pleasing her.

[Miss Sunshine]

are you totally covered with excessive hair or just your butt?

[lovemonkey#1]

Originally Posted by Miss Sunshine

are you totally covered with excessive hair or just your butt?

No, I'm not totally covered. I have a tuft of hair on my chest and a happy highway leading down to my pubic area. I have hair on my arms and legs but nothing excessive. My butt hair is crawling up my lower back a little but not too bad.

I mean I feel like I've got an average amount of hair but I was just concerned about my butt. For the most part I'm ok with it but sometimes it makes me feel a little gross.

[Miss Sunshine]

maybe you need to send all us ladies a picture so we can judge,

[The Fuse]

What's wrong with shaving it off? I know it's a pain, but you shave your pubic area, don't you? I shave both front and back, because if someone's going there they don't want to have to deal with lots of hair. I hate shaving, but it's just part of what I do to make playing with me nice for my playmates.

[JoCoCpl]

Originally Posted by lovemonkey#1

We played with them once and then they abruptly stopped calling us and then they said that they just wanted to be vanilla friends. I'm convinced it was because of my body hair.

It's human nature to make a personal insecurity the scapegoat when something doesn't go as we hope. For us, it's our "few extra pounds." We know we don't look bad, but it's what we're insecure about to an extent and to us, that's why "couple X" isn't or won't be interested. It becomes our focus and gets in our way sometimes.

As we've become more experienced in the LS, we've come to realize that there may be any number of reasons that someone may prefer to stay "just friends" with us - same with us about others. Just be yourself, be confident, and let the good times roll. I know from experience that it's easier said than done, but it all starts with you and your mindset!

BTW, I have a hairy back and shoulders that I sometimes feel a little insecure about - we take the time to shave it sometimes - it's a pain, but a relatively easy fix. If it will make you feel better, go ahead and shave or maybe use some Nair for Men (don't get it on the front side!! ) For that small an area, it really won't take long and you won't have it in the back of your mind all the time.

Good luck!

[lovemonkey#1]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

What's wrong with shaving it off? I know it's a pain, but you shave your pubic area, don't you? I shave both front and back, because if someone's going there they don't want to have to deal with lots of hair. I hate shaving, but it's just part of what I do to make playing with me nice for my playmates.

Well that was partially my concern. I was trying to determine the balance between being comfortable my appearance and making myself attractive to other people at the same time. I know that I can't please everyone, nor do I want to, but I suppose I was looking for some sort of validation that it is ok to be hairy and if I do decide to shave it's for the right reasons. I'm not losing sleep over this, just feeling the need to get some outside opinions.

And no, I don't really shave anything down there but I do try to keep it at least trimmed and and nicely groomed. I do that much.

[lovemonkey#1]

Originally Posted by JoCoCpl

BTW, I have a hairy back and shoulders that I sometimes feel a little insecure about - we take the time to shave it sometimes - it's a pain, but a relatively easy fix. If it will make you feel better, go ahead and shave or maybe use some Nair for Men (don't get it on the front side!! ) For that small an area, it really won't take long and you won't have it in the back of your mind all the time.

Good luck!

Thanks for the input!

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by lovemonkey#1

Well that was partially my concern. I was trying to determine the balance between being comfortable my appearance and making myself attractive to other people at the same time. I know that I can't please everyone, nor do I want to, but I suppose I was looking for some sort of validation that it is ok to be hairy and if I do decide to shave it's for the right reasons. I'm not losing sleep over this, just feeling the need to get some outside opinions.

And no, I don't really shave anything down there but I do try to keep it at least trimmed and and nicely groomed. I do that much.

I think you should do whatever will make you comfortable and not self-conscious. Whatever will give you that little extra boost of self-confidence, or at least make it so that you're not worrying about something that niggles at you. When you're playing with someone you don't know well, in my opinion it makes sense to do little things to take away little mental blocks and anxieties. It may not be necessary, and it may be a bit of a pain, but if it removes something you feel self conscious about, I think it's worth it.

Personally this is why I shave my ass, try to freshen up with a clean wipe shortly before play, and try to make sure my nails are painted. All of those things just remove little things that might make me self-conscious. Maybe my playmates would never notice one way or the other. But I'm not worrying about whether he or she thinks x or y or z about me is nasty, because I've taken care of it.