Are we too picky?

[lilitalian]

My wife and I are very new to this lifestyle. We have only had one experience... involving my wife giving oral pleasure to another man while I watched. Anyway, I am very hooked on the idea of watching her play some more with other men and she is very open to it as well. We have attended a couple of the swinger clubs in Arizona and Las Vegas but left the clubs very discouraged. These clubs seemed to attract older couples and men, many of which are far from fit. The younger men were all non-english speaking hispanics and tended to stalk (my wife prefers anglos and loves the physique of black men). We are a white couple in our early 40's, physically fit and are seeking like-minded and, somewhat, physically fit couples and men. Are we just looking in the wrong places or are our standards unrealistic?

[realcplub2]

I wouldnt say you are too picky, rather you are looking where as you say without saying it.. your options are limited

Best suggestion figure out what you are willing to be involved in and look on the net for those who meet the criteria

As far as considering yourself picky.. Dont, these are people you are considering sharing an intimate time with.. its your choice who, what ,where , when and how..

[VegasLee]

Are you picky? I don't think so. You want what you want.

Something to consider when going to a club though is the Avg. age in this lifestyle is 42+. You will find younger, you will find older. I don't know what you are referring to when you say they attract older because I don't know how old you are.

Also, this is America. The land of not in shape people in general. Swinging attracts most all shapes, sizes and races. Not all of them will be for you. That just how life is. Nothing wrong with that, just the way it is.

Keep hunting, you will find what you want. It may take time or you may find a Jackpot on your next trip out. We have gone for months over the years of not finding what works for us and we have been at this 30+ years. It happens.

Good luck to you.

[JustAskJulie]

Try different clubs, as well as the same clubs on different nights. The more narrow your search the less likely you are to get lucky every time you go out. You have to be patient. The crowds change even weekend to weekend, especially in Vegas (where you are dealing with so many tourists), but definitely from club to club.

[ENCRYPTEDTX]

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

The first thing you must tell yourselves is that you both must be 110% comfortable in any situation in order to have fun and enjoy. Wanting a person or people who fit your exact criteria is what the lifestyle is about.

When you hear of people "taking one for the team" they were certainly outside of their comfort zones.

You are new, and you need to have the most wonderful, amazing, mind blowing experiences to want to continue in the lifestyle. If you have only mediocre or average experiences, you are not getting the full effect of what the lifestyle has to offer.

Often times new people have very specific criteria of who they want to meet and very specific ideas of what they want to happen. This is fine as these criteria and ideas of fun are probably what you have discussed, and are COMFORTABLE with (that damn comfort word again....)

I tell everyone that comfort and communication are very very very very very very very very (get my point yet) very very important to having a great time.

Kyle

[lilitalian]

Great feedback! Thanks very much.

One last question...We are visiting Vegas again within the month...in your opinion, is there a particular club that stands above the rest? I have been reading more positive reviews about the Red Rooster but see that it is a bit off the beaten path.

Thanks once again :-)

[magnum]

Originally Posted by lilitalian

My wife and I are very new to this lifestyle. We have only had one experience... involving my wife giving oral pleasure to another man while I watched. Anyway, I am very hooked on the idea of watching her play some more with other men and she is very open to it as well. We have attended a couple of the swinger clubs in Arizona and Las Vegas but left the clubs very discouraged. These clubs seemed to attract older couples and men, many of which are far from fit. The younger men were all non-english speaking hispanics and tended to stalk (my wife prefers anglos and loves the physique of black men). We are a white couple in our early 40's, physically fit and are seeking like-minded and, somewhat, physically fit couples and men. Are we just looking in the wrong places or are our standards unrealistic?

Good luck.

I have been to parties where everyone is very "not fit"...but then again I have been to partie where my play dates have been nice. I recommend with another respondent said, find the people you want to play with on spcecific sites.

[Newpants]

Originally Posted by lilitalian

Great feedback! Thanks very much.

One last question...We are visiting Vegas again within the month...in your opinion, is there a particular club that stands above the rest? I have been reading more positive reviews about the Red Rooster but see that it is a bit off the beaten path.

Thanks once again :-)

Having never been to Vegas I can't offer any specifics about where to go there but different clubs often do have different "flavors" so to speak. There are clubs where the "less fit and attractive" do feel more comfortable and are more accepted and so their numbers are higher than at other clubs but I've never come across a club that only allowed fit and pretty people.

You can always look around and see if you see what you like. Go to a club and let Mrs Lilitalian look around and if she sees anyone she likes you can make the approach and take your chances like anyone else. If you walk in and scan the room and noone fits the bill then just leave and go somewhere else and look around.

If there is a secret password to a beautiful people-only club, we certainly haven't been given it.

[Trace Ekies]

Always remember, this is YOUR lifestyle and you should make of it what YOU want.

With that said, you have to be cognizant of the fact that as you narrow your search criteria the narrower your returns will be...this is not bad, just a simple fact of swinging.

Like you, we have found clubs and open parties attract all shapes, sizes and attitudes. While we have met many nice people we weren't inclined to play with many of them. No offense to them, just not what we're looking for.

Don't have a fear of being "picky" or "too picky", just be honest with yourselves that your criteria may reduce your number of playmates a great deal and act accordingly.

If you only want to have sex with blue humanoids...you'll be limited to Avatar characters...and they're more rare than the "single, bi-, freak in bed females".

BTW...sex with blue chicks is hot...

Have fun,

Trace

[Adam-n-Eve]

Based on your description of what you're looking for (somewhat, physically fit, for example), it doesn't sound like you're too picky. But, since I haven't seen the people you've turned down, I can't really judge.

However, I can say that we were too picky when we first got into the lifestyle. We were both nearly 40 when we started swapping, but we looked like we're in our early 30s; maybe 35 max. We met when we were 31 and 32, so we'd never had sex with anyone who looked 40-50. I (Adam) wasn't too thrilled about being with some who looked 45 when the oldest looking woman I'd ever slept with looked about 35 -- and there's a big difference between the two (I say this as I close in on 43).

Our first couple was in their early 20s, but our second was older. She was 44 and he was like 48. They kind of took charge and we just went with it. We had a great time and definitely lightened up after that. Since then, I've learned that being too picky just means I lose out on some great sex. In fact, some of the best sex I've had has been with girls who were older or just average looking at best.

Don't get me wrong, a hottie is always nice, and I have to be attracted to a woman to have sex with her, but what I find attractive is different today than two years ago, and I'm better off for it. In fact, I would have missed out on my favorite partner (other than Eve) if my standards had remained where they'd started. And I'm extremely happy that I didn't miss out on her.

Of course, as everyone has already stated: having sex with someone you don't find attractive is not an option. Don't do it! But, at the same time, I would say that if you're only open to models, I think you're going to miss out on some fun times.

[eroticlens]

Not picky at all. You want what you want. Period. Never settle for less.

[texas_couple]

I don't think you're too picky, not at all. I don't believe that anyone should lower their personal standards just to make "something happen". However, if that personal standard is an airbrushed model from a magazine, then they'll be waiting a long time...that's not a realistic standard. That being said, we all have personal standards - we're not looking for models, but the other people have to take pride in themselves and how they carry themselves.

[twohots4u2]

We don't think you are too picky. After all, having sex with someone is a great thing, and you want to really enjoy the one you are with, and the same goes for you mate.

We recommend that you check with the club and go on a night which is couples only. That eliminates the packs of single guys who tend to follow good looking women around.

Like wise, stay in the couples only areas of the club. They are usually nude there and thay makes for easier meeting.

Actually, we have been hosting our own parties for about a year now. We only invite folks that we are comfortable with and enjoy their company. As Tina says, all our guests are "hand selected!"

[Powerglide]

Hey, you're attracted to what you are attracted to. But when I was younger, I was "too picky," if that's the right term: I didn't realize how much great sex was waiting for me on the other side of conventional standards of attractiveness. Maybe if you give one of those older couples a whirl, your standards of what is attractive will expand.

[Coupleerotic22]

Yes, you are too picky.


At least you are in the minds of everyone you did not pick. Fortunately for you, the only opinions that matter are the opinions you two have.

I suppose there are examples of being too picky. For example, you both find a couple that are hot, great personality, super chemistry, a perfect match in every way, but his shirt is just a couple shades too blue.

But in that situation I would be thinking you were just really too afraid to swing and looking for an excuse not to, rather than chalk it up to being too picky.

Being unrealistic about people could be an issue. I mean if you expect the couple you play with to look better than Catherine Zeta Jones and Brad Pitt (or whoever people think are the sexist people in the world these days), well, you could be waiting a while. Or forever.