Understanding soft swap

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by padoc

Swinging is about having choices, in playmates AND play. Soft swap is a choice that some couples have made and thats their right. If a couple is upfront with us about soft play, we have no problem playing to the comfort level of the least comfortable in the group. This is supposed to be fun and soft play can be a lot of fun. The ultimate goal of sex is generally an orgasm and we frankly care more that an orgasm happens rather than the orifice in which it happens.

Well, personally, I'd say the ultimate goal of sex is sex. Sometimes an orgasm doesn't happen for me and that is fine. For me the goal of play is to experience being physically intimate with someone who excites me.

We've been full swap from the beginning, but up until part way through our first outing, we were planning on starting out as soft swap. This was, simply, because my husband was not quite comfortable with the idea of us fucking someone else right away.

I think when it comes down to it, there are a lot of reasons why a couple may decide to be soft swap, and they mostly come down to some kind of "not ready" or "not comfortable" feeling. (Or... they could really and truly just have the desire for girl play. It does happen.) Those feelings could stem from low self-esteem, as another poster wrote, or from fear of loss, or a desire for a little fun but also needing to hold back something to feel secure. Whatever the feelings, we respect them even though we don't feel the same way ourselves.

[Coupleerotic22]

Originally Posted by padoc

Swinging is about having choices, in playmates AND play. Soft swap is a choice that some couples have made and thats their right. If a couple is upfront with us about soft play, we have no problem playing to the comfort level of the least comfortable in the group. This is supposed to be fun and soft play can be a lot of fun.

I wouldn't dispute any of that. The goal for me, as the OP, was to satisfy my curiosity and to better understand why people make that choice, not to criticize them for it or deny them the right to make the choice.

We did not make that choice, it did not make sense to us. But the collective knowledge of this forum has helped me better understand why others do. More power to them.

[Pleasure King]

Originally Posted by Coupleerotic22

I am just curious. I really don't get soft swap. This is in no means a knock on soft swappers, I am just trying to learn and understand.

First, definitions seem to be all over the place. I have seen it defined as; FF play only; oral only, finish with spouse; oral only but finish with swap partner; just watching each other (I don't even think of that as swap, just exhibitionism/voyeurism); and maybe another variation or two I am forgetting.

Second, and the real question, what is the real barrier to going full swap? The risk of STD is only slightly less, if at all. Oral really isn't that much less intimate than intercourse, so fear of jealousy of one over the other doesn't make sense to me.

Can you guys help me understand the motivation behind soft swap?

TIA
Mr. Couple

You're correct in that oral being not that much different in intimacy than intercourse. It's just that seeing another man's penis entering your woman's vagina can be very unsettling for a man. And to a woman it can feel like cheating on her man even though he may be right there watching everything unfold. To some intercourse is the final barrier. It's one thing to see her lick someone's pole and have him cum in her mouth. She's in control. But the minute she lays on her back or gets on all fours for him she surrenders that control to him. She's completely giving herself to another man in the herd of men after her. At least on the surface it appears that she totally submits to him. That can really mess with some couples if they're not ready for it.

So as at least one other person has said soft-swing is a way to ease into the swinging world. It's a barrier that people have to find their own way through. But it's way cool when a couple gets to the point of wanting a full swap.

[SoFlaCp]

We are full, have been since the first experience. No questions on our part - we've embraced the thrill and just have fun. We have had some soft, and it has been fun. But for both of us, we increasingly want to be with with couples / play that is totally open to the moment. We love spontaneity the rush / smiles that come from letting go.

I (guy) find that if my partner is less than enthusiastic, I will lose interest. This has occured in a few soft situations because...well tracking rules and dealing with rationalization can put a damper on things (for us). It is also very confusing to understand the rules (we ask and respect - don't want to go where not wanted)...and then have couple talk and act as if rules are to be bent. I.e. "I want you to fuck me, etc.". Maybe just sex talk but still confusing.

In the end, we acknowledge and respect that everyone has their own method and reasons for the lifestyle. But for us, Soft is huge wall that usually fits into our definition of "drama" . We will still try sometimes, but increasingly we just don't pursue a soft couple...and if contacted we make our preference clear. So...yeah, long winded way of saying we don't get soft swap. We also recently decided against newbies for the same reasons after a couple of odd experiences.

[ClosetSwinger]

We started out soft swapping.

Reason being was that if we couldn't handle soft swap then we would know that full swap would not work for us. I had no idea how I was going to feel seeing my husband with another woman and vice versa. In my head it just seemed easier to get over a soft swap situation rather then actually a full swap where we had both had sex with someone else.

After we soft swapped for the first time we almost immediately knew we could handle it and a week later we full swapped.

[Galanga]

We’re a full swap couple. Always have been. We stay away from the soft swing crowd. It’s too much like being hungry and watching other people eat. But one of the sexiest encounters I ever had was about 20 years ago with the male half of a couple that wasn’t even soft swing.

My husband and I were at our usual swingers club. In those days the clubs were all off-premise, meaning overt sexual contact was prohibited. The clubs were mainly for meeting other couples for an afterparty. But, this club was notorious for “sneaky” activity, like fucking up under the skirt while “dancing” slow. Usually a mob of other couples would pack around the “receptive” woman to shield her extracurricular activities from those off the dance floor. Men would then take turns behind the woman for a quickie up under her skirt. Soon other women would usually be inspired to do the same thing, and it would get very hot very fast. The “dance group” would eventually break up when it got obvious enough that management couldn’t pretend to not notice anymore. They would then cut the music and make a gentle announcement about the rules.

So one night after I was the main course in one of these “dance mobs”, I retreated to the washroom to clean up. If you’ve ever done the stand-up-quickie-on-the-dance floor technique, you’ll know that you can’t really bend over far enough for a good penetration. So you arch your butt up just enough for him to “get in, get off, and get out”, and that’s usually a shallow penetration … but quite effective nonetheless. The problem is that when a guy starts cumming, he tends to get overzealous and tries to push it in all the way – resulting in the opposite. It flops out causing the latter half of his orgasm to squirt out all over your ass. So this is a fun, but messy, venture.

Anyway, after returning from the washroom my husband and I sat in the lounge area for a cool down period. Across the table from us was a middle aged couple sitting in the booth chair against the wall. They didn’t get up from that corner of the room all night, and it was pretty clear to me that they were newbies. So I started making small talk. The woman was very talkative, the man a lot less so. She was smiley and bubbly, and he had a blank look on his face as his eyes darted from one low cut dress or pair of bare legs to another.

After a few minutes I had them analyzed. They were a couple who weren’t swingers and had no intention to ever be. They were a once exciting, but now boring, couple with fading looks, fading ego, and a fading sex life who decided they would spend one otherwise drab night watching the freak show at the swingers club they heard of. She was at one time gorgeous – that was obvious, and to a good degree, still was. But to her, the lines in her face and tits that pointed downward were intolerable. So there she was at a club watching what was in her mind women aging just like her “lowering” themselves in an attempt to cling to whatever youth they had left. Now she could feel good about herself. After all, she’s aging gracefully and has no desire to make a “fool” of herself like THEM. And if that’s not enough, there were men 10 years younger than her staring lustfully at her! Wow, now that’s an ego boost!

Her husband, on the other hand, had a rock solid erection in his pants (I’ll get to how I knew that later) and didn’t care one bit about his ego. He wanted to get on that dance floor, and it was quite clear that he watched me while I was on it. He asked his wife twice if she wanted to dance, and her answer was “are you kidding?”. His wife was wearing a blouse buttoned up to her neck and a pair of blue jeans that I’m sure had three layers of underwear underneath. I, on the other hand, was wearing my typical I’m-open-for-quickies-from-behind-on-the-dance floor attire, which consists of a microskirt, halter top, and nothing under either. The woman seemed to enjoy chatting with my husband, most likely because he was her age. Her husband just stared at my cleavage when he wasn’t distracted by some tight ass in a short skirt.

Normally we would excuse ourselves from a couple like this, but I decided to have a little fun and toy with his psychology. I reclined in my seat, stretched my leg out under the table, and began to stroke up and down his shin with my foot. At this point he had only two ways to react – he could either reject me, or he could pretend he didn’t notice. Either decision had to be carried out without alerting his wife. The rejection would be to pull his leg back and perhaps shake his head “no” at me. But instead, he did what I expected him to do – under the guise of reaching for his beer, he scooted himself forward so that his torso was pressed against the edge of the table. Now his wife wouldn’t be able to see what was going on under the table.

I stared in his face and continued to slowly stroke my foot up and down his shin, reaching slightly higher and higher on his leg with each upstroke. In a short time he was also reclined back so that his hips were protruding under the table. My husband, knowing what I was up to, began to distract his wife with heavy conversation about how swingers are really losers, a topic she in which she would gleefully be engrossed. The man's leg suddenly became apparently itchy. Under the pretense of scratching his leg, he would reach under the table to feel up my thigh. The psychology was great. He wanted to feel me up as much as he could, but couldn’t do it long enough to alert his wife.

And I just kept my foot gradually climbing up his leg, eventually finding the space between his legs, and then moving closer and closer towards his penis. Then I stretched both legs forward and both feet between his thighs. Soon his body was in a contortion reminiscent of some medieval torture machine – from the chest up he appeared to be sitting normally at a table nursing a beer. But cloaked by the edge of the table and the bottom of his sternum his hips were reaching desperately for as much of my legs as physics would allow.

He kept glancing over to his wife to make sure her bitch session with my husband wouldn’t end before he did. I just kept staring at him blankly. Occasionally he would look at me, but would quickly divert his gaze elsewhere. One of his hands was wrapped around his beer, his forearm resting on the table as casually as if he was watching a card game, while the other hand was now feeling up the side of my thigh continuously.

When my foot finally reached his penis it felt like he had a wooden dowel in his pants. Now both my feet began very slowly stroking up and down the shaft of this thing in his pants. And I stared into the face of a man struggling to appear as though he’s waiting for a bus from the waist up, while waiting for an orgasm from the waist down. I curled my big toe into his zipper and made a gesture with it as though I was trying to pull his zipper down and said to him “ya wanna dance?”. By that time another “dance mob” had formed on the dance floor and he was mesmerized by it. His wife instantly perked up with “no, we don’t dance”, which she said to him, not me, then continued her conversation with my husband. In a flash, the hand that was feeling up my leg pulled down his zipper and he retrieved his penis through it.

I cupped the arches of my feet into a pseudovagina around his penis and held my feet still as he subtly pumped the head up and down in the crevice, his hips moving no more than half an inch under the table, his chest and head motionless above it, and his hand hastening the goal of all this by taking in the feel of thigh skin. And as the table masked the subtle fury taking place under it, I turned my head to his wife and began describing to her what it’s like to be in the middle of a mob on the dance floor. “See that?”, I said … “ya know what’s happening to her? … Watch that guy … see him get behind her? … You can’t see through the crowd, but watch his face … watch his face … that will tell all … watch … there – did you see his eyes twitch? … His cock just found its target, and now he can feel it climb up inside her. See how she arched her back up to take it in deeper? … That’s the sensation I like the best. When you first feel it go in and you arch up your butt so you can feel it go up into your insides … keep watching his face … it won’t be long now. Sometimes they can stay inside you through the whole thing, but sometimes they get cum on your ass. That’s all part of the fun”.

That’s about as far as I got in my description when I felt those warm lashes appear on my legs and the skin to skin friction between my feel suddenly vanish with the lubrication of semen. I glanced over at him and watched his lips and eyes quiver … the expression of a man struggling not to announce the ecstasy to which he wasn’t supposed to be privy that night, especially with a woman almost half his age. About half way through his orgasm I said to him “ya sure ya don’t wanna dance?”. Every pair of tits, every inch of thigh, every contour of ass, and every image of fucking that taunted him that night drained out all over my legs. And I kept my feet clutched around the remnants of his erection, now sliding frictionless, until every drop was out, the whole time I kept describing how messy your ass gets on that dance floor. Then I reached down, slid my hand up my thigh gathering a gob of her husband's desperation, and let it glisten in my hand in the light above the table, and I said "see how messy that dance floor gets ... I must have missed a spot"

That was one of the sexiest encounters I ever had … and it didn’t have to involve my pussy.

[noobwithboobs]

we are soft swap for a few reasons, but the number one reason is that I am "addicted" to giving head. and he likes to watch me do it. It's exciting for us both. We may full swap sometime, we may not, I don't really know right now. He has insecurities thinking about seeing me having intercourse with another guy, I *think* I am OK with seeing him with another woman, but I guess I won't really know that until it happens. So, for now, we just enjoy what we are doing

[shrevecouple]

Originally Posted by noobwithboobs

we are soft swap for a few reasons, but the number one reason is that I am "addicted" to giving head. and he likes to watch me do it. It's exciting for us both. We may full swap sometime, we may not, I don't really know right now. He has insecurities thinking about seeing me having intercourse with another guy, I *think* I am OK with seeing him with another woman, but I guess I won't really know that until it happens. So, for now, we just enjoy what we are doing

I know firsthand it's a turn off seeing my guy in full intercourse with another woman. I wish it weren't so but it is. I wish I could wipe it from my memory. It actually replays in my mind at times when I am just sitting snuggling with him watching a movie.

No matter how some don't see the difference for some of us there is and we can't help it.