Exclusive play groups? aka secret society swingers?

[Newpants]

I occasionally do some lurking on a couple of vanilla sex/dating/relationship forums (that can be an interesting thing in and of itself)

Anyway, recently I came across a thread by a guy who said he and his wife had gotten into swinging approx a year and a half ago and he was kind of telling their story and opened up the thread for some Q & A.

In responding to people's questioning he began to describe their swinging experience and he described how they were members of a "group" that consisted of approx 8 couple's and each couple would take turns hosting a play party about once a month.

To get into this group a couple would have to be brought into the group by another couple and they would have to come and meet everyone but they could not do any playing untill they got STD tested. They had to meet everyone and everyone had to agree that they would play with the new couple and the new couple pretty much had to agree that they would play with everyone in the group. (that seemed a little fishy to me)

Everyone had to agree to STD testing and present the results and had to agree to play only within the group and could not play outside the group at all. And of course they were all sworn to strict secrecy and could not reveal any names, locations etc. (obviously he was spilling the beans but didn't reveal any names or even state etc)

During the parties they had some games where people's play partner(s) were randomly selected for that evening. It almost sounded like an old fashioned key-party but the play was restricted to group settings and noone was allowed to pair off one-on-one behind closed doors.

This account was an interesting read and he did sound like he knew what he was talking about. Nothing set off any blaring alarm bells that he was just dreaming it up but some of the stuff just seemed a little unrealistic to me.

We have known some people that have regular house/hotel parties that have a somewhat regular following, but I have never heard of a club that was so exclusive/restrictive and had so many rules and conditions and hoops and hurdles to jump through.

Everyone loves a good secret society story and I was wondering if any of you know firsthand of any such "groups?" Have you ever been in one? Have you ever been approached by someone wanting to set up something like this? Would you be interested in something like this if you were given an opportunity?

[PB&J]

About a year ago we had someone on here describe a set-up almost identical to that for a group that they belonged to: Poll: Are You Willing to go Bareback?

[cocpl2007]

We've met two couples who expressed being members of such a "society" as you call it. Initially, by what they disclosed to us, they each had a small group of select "friends" who gathered on a regular basis for play. Each couple had the latitude to bring another couple into the group, for group approval. We didn't get far enough to discover all the "in's and out's" of how each group was structured and sustained.

Your story is akin to the theme in the movie "Eyes Wide Shut"

[Coupleerotic22]

I have heard of them. I have never been involved in one. There are certainly elements of it that are appealing, but elements I could so without as well. The emotional draw of exclusivity are strong for many people. Would I join one? I am not sure, I guess it would depend on many things, but I would likely consider it.

[N&G]

I would like to know how you bring in a new couple if you can't play outside the group. Do you go to a "Meet and Cheat"? I doubt in real life that you can find a group of couples where nobody is playing with others. Would you be willing to give up your existing friends? Maybe you just won't tell them. Years ago you could have a group where everybody played with everybody else but times have changed. I've heard people talk about wanting to start groups of this nature but I've never seen it happen and doubt that I ever will.

[N&G]

Originally Posted by Newpants

In responding to people's questioning he began to describe their swinging experience and he described how they were members of a "group" that consisted of approx 8 couple's and each couple would take turns hosting a play party about once a month.

In real life you have 2 couples hosting parties and 6 couples giving excuses why they can never host. Everybody wants to go to a party but few want to put in the time or expense of putting one together. Eventually the hosting couples will get tired of doing it and the parties will be over. We used to host parties years ago along with a few other couples but no more.

[exploringRM]

The agreeing to play with all present (at some point) would keep us away. We like to have control over who we interact with. One reason we don't like party games that pair people off randomly.

[VegasLee]

There was a group like there here in Vegas for a few years. They had about 16 to 20 couples involved.

Interesting part is that two or three times a year many of them would end up with a STD and there would be big fights within the group over it.

This went on for three or four years and the group pretty much ended up splitting up and most of them started going to clubs again.

Seems some felt if you where going to have sex with the same group all the time it was just like having sex with your spouse all the time.

Also that it appears a few of them could not be trusted to party just within the group.

Most of them ended up hating each other by the time the group split up. To many emotions, commitments and rules involved to keep it fun.

Why take a lifestyle that can be so much fun and turn it into so much work and drama.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by Newpants

Would you be interested in something like this if you were given an opportunity?

No not at all, I couldnt imagine this type of circle would invite us though, because I would be like.... WTF ?

fun4ds

[asncpl]

Never heard of this kind of "secret" group, but we were invited to join a small group where we had to be "approved" by the members. There was nothing secret and they didn't require us to be exclusive. Most of the time we picked our play partners and sometimes there were games where partners were randomly chosen. Other than that, it's just like a bunch of lifestyle friends getting together for a good time. We were never asked to host, but just to bring food or donation to cover food and drinks. While we do play bareback, this was not one of those situations where we would do it. We went to a few events but eventually stopped going.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Newpants

...recently I came across a thread by a guy who said he and his wife had gotten into swinging approx a year and a half ago and he was kind of telling their story and opened up the thread for some Q & A.

I'd be interested in reading this thread since it's in a vanilla sex/dating/relationship forum.

Could you provide a link to the thread?

LM

[The Fuse]

I can't imagine finding a group of more than three or four couples where all the couples have the desire to play with everyone else, much less agree to play with no one else. Too many problems. I could see if everyone had at least a few matches within the group, but a closed group like that would be a real breeding ground for drama.

Plus, an earlier post had a very good point. How would new couples ever be identified and brought in without the very strong possibility that play had already occurred between them and their "sponsor"?

[GerdOEvert]

Aftger our years in the lifestyle over two different time spans, this is the type of group we would like here in the Wild Wild West.

The open club scene is just to fraught with danger which can be professionally harmful.

Also, it may sound snobbish, but with a group you can come from many of the same backgrounds, be about the same age, and all that.

Otto & Eileen

[Alura]

Mrs. Alura and I tried to establish a group which was similar if a bit more lax in the rules. We knew we couldn't completely shut out the STD problem. We thought that a group of couples would naturally have fewer contacts. We managed to get three couples together once. Okay, it made for a memorable evening, but we considered ourselves lucky to find just one other couple.

We envisioned a group that had children like we did. The families would become friends and do other things than swinging. For instance, if we held a birthday party for each kid in his home, his parents would oversee the party while the rest of the couples escaped somewhere to play.

The logistics were just too great. We couldn't find enough couples to make it work.

Alura

[Newpants]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

I'd be interested in reading this thread since it's in a vanilla sex/dating/relationship forum.

Could you provide a link to the thread?

LM

This particular thread is in the 'Relationships' section of the forums of Men's Health website but I don't know if I can find the exact thread again since I was just skipping along through old pages and the thread was a couple years old.

It was interesting to read. I am not a member there but I was wanting to question the same things that many of you mentioned such as why be excusive to a small group/agreeing to play with everyone etc etc, where as on this thread 95% of the questions were, "how can you let another man touch your wife???" Like I said it is interesting reading vanilla forums now and then

Anyway there are 3 forums in the 'Relationships' section and I think it was in the "committed" section back around the summer of 2008. If I am able to find it again, I'll post it because it was kind of interesting.