Who have you told?

[Coupleerotic22]

We keep our private lives private. We have not told anyone in our family about our "hobby".

And we have only told 1 person outside the lifestyle about it.

The main reason we told him was to cover our tracks on the outside chance something happens to both of us at once. We don't want our families or children to find out by going through our computers after we are gone. We know they will go through them, as we have photos, personal info they will need on the computers.

So we looked for a friend that could 1) deal with our hobby without freaking out or change how he relates to us. 2) could keep his mouth shut 3) Was computer savvy enough to cover our tracks. 4) Our family knew and trusted.

So we confided in him, it was a very interesting conversation. Anyway, who have you told? Why? How did it go?

[cocpl2007]

We've not "told" anyone. However our "adult" children, and/or some ex-relatives found our ad on another site. We were confronted about it, and it didn't go well. BUT, we left it as "their" problem, not one we would ever again discuss with them. Curiously, the one who confronted us, in a very condescending manner... of course, as these things go... is the one who had a child before she was married. And her husband of 17 years has admitted to cheating on her. So, it is certainly understandable that she would be the most judgmental one! We're not sure any of the rest of the family, nor any of our friends care to know about our sexuality. We don't pry on theirs, nor do they on ours.

As for having someone we trust know about it, so that he/she can erase all this stuff after we're gone... not an issue for us, we'll be Dead! And besides we don't want our heirs killing themselves trying to "find" this stuff, it is right here!

We have had and still have a ball playing with other couples

[Learning]

We have told no one. Funny thing that we do is when we go on vacation we round up everything we own which is adult orientated and seal it in a box. We tape a note to it noting that this is adult personal stuff and they ate to destroy it if we were to die. Yes we would be dead but heck I don't want to tarnish our memory for those left living because they just wouldn't understand.

[Trace Ekies]

We've told a number of people...one of her sisters and several of our friends...like most, we have a need to tell and have told a select group.

I hadn't considered the possibility of something happening to both of us and covering our tracks...I'll need to give it some thought.

Trace

[LFM2]

Maybe one person. I'm not really sure. One daughter found us on an internet site, so she knows, but other than her, nobody. I'm almost guessing that the one that we told has forgotten about it, since we haven't talked to her in years.

[VegasLee]

I could never bring myself to do something that I feel would tarnish the thoughts of my loved ones once I am dead and gone.

I have never understood how anyone can do something that would bring shame to them and their family if found out once they are dead.

[Brian and Jo]

All our family and most of our vanilla friends know we are nudists and have no problem with it. But we have kept the fact that we are also swingers a secret from them.

[Coupleerotic22]

Interesting thought VegasLee.

First congratulations on having a family that clearly would understand better than ours.

But it goes beyond just that. If our lifestyle were to be public it could hurt those we love.

We have small children, if it were public, they could be the subject of ridicule.
I own my own business, which could be damaged by knowledge of our lifestyle. I hope that business carries on after me and gives my children a better life.
My family would likely be surprised but not shocked, I have always been the black sheep in the family, lol.
My in-laws on the other hand would be mortified and it would embarrass them. They are very very conventional.
I would like our lifestyle friends to know we are gone, so they don't wonder what happened to us. Some don't live close, so they may not know.

We maintain what we do in our private lives is just that, private. But we also realize that it could become public by accident. In life we have the opportunity to do damage control. In death we would have to rely on others that may not know how to do that for us.

The bottom line is we choose to think of them and their feelings. I guess we could take the approach that they should just "deal with it", but we chose not to.

Or we could take the approach that if anyone else might find it embarrassing to them, then we should not do it at all. That would make for a pretty boring life.

In fact, if I am not mistaken, you income is based in the swing lifestyle. I would think you would, better than most, understand our concerns. I mean if the option forced us to choose to our families feelings versus participating the lifestyle, we would choose family every time. In fact most of the people in the lifestyle we have met feel them same. Most have kept their swing life from their families because it would be hurtful to them. If everyone decided they need to choose one or the other, I think the industry of swinging would take an enormous economic kick to the gut. But like most, we have chosen to live our life, but take precautions to protect our families. We have just put some thought into carrying that over into death.

[Fundamental Law]

One person you probably SHOULD tell is your physician or other health care provider. S/he is ethically bound not to disclose that you have multiple partners. The information you provide will trigger additional laboratory tests that are considered appropriate and prudent for non-monogamous individuals.

Physicians make a cultural assumption that married couples are monogamous. This is not a value judgment: those of us who have been in practice long enough understand that exceptions to monogamy happen. However, testing one or both marital partners for STDs can be disruptive to a marriage unless a lot of groundwork has been laid.

Help your caregiver out and let them know that you are not monogamous. You do not have to explain, justify, fear exposure or castigation.

[asncpl]

Mrs. A here. My best girlfriend knows but that's it. I have to say it's nice at times to get the perspective of someone not in the lifestyle and who also knows me since high school.

I think a few friends also know we go to nude beaches for vacations, thanks to a mixup with the sharing of our online photo albums , but they have no clue that we are swingers.

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by Coupleerotic22

Interesting thought VegasLee.
In fact, if I am not mistaken, you income is based in the swing lifestyle. I would think you would, better than most, understand our concerns.

Lots of things in your post but I will start with this one.

The club belongs to Mike and Chris. Not Laura and I. We are going on 17+ Years of working with them but I do not get paid. Mike and Chris are like my parents to me since I did not have any.

Years ago I was the VP for a national company that after 16 years went BK and took my retirement with them. I stated that day I would never work for anyone else.

I used to own a bunch of restaurants and I sold them. Then I started and built up an ISP here in Vegas when the Internet started. Got into the Porn business and about 30 years and saved up my pennies.

Due to my health we sold most things off and retired. We have ran food service in a private school for the last few years, as volunteers, not paid. We also do some out side catering. None of my businesses have ever been hurt by my lifestyle.

We have six kids, ten grandkids. All the kids know about us. They had to since I have been on T.V., Radio, Newspapers and arrested over this Lifestyle. I have stood in court four times in my Life defending this Lifestyle. One of our kids, our oldest boy does not approve but he is not ashamed of us. He admires us for the fact that we stand up for what we believe in even though it is not for him. That works for us.

Now my life does not work for everyone. It has worked great for me because of the way we have always handled it. No one has ever been able to use our Lifestyle against us because we never lied about it or hidden it. They had nothing to "tell" someone because we are "out". No way of damaging us.

I do not put down those that do not come out.

I do wonder how people that feel they would have so much to lose can be part if this Lifestyle though.

That is just something I could never do. I would never put my family in a position to have to defend me or be ashamed of me for the things that I do in my life. Alive or dead.

I am not saying how you lead your life is right or wrong, just not for me as mine is not for you.

We all have to do what works for us. That does not keep me from wondering how people can do it the way they do though.

[starryeyes]

We have told no one.... except for those that we play with. They seem to be able to keep their mouths shut or open depending on the situation.

All kidding aside, it's been said why tarnish anything with our loved ones. As for friends, we have friends in both the vanilla world (those that aren't told) and those in the lifestyle (those that are told). Like virtually anything else, some people know some things about us and others don't.

[nola40scpl]

our oldest knows and doesn't really much care. our son chooses not to know. my siblings know and have even had one ask for advice.

the mother in law knows and says as long as we're both happy who cares what others think. our close vanilla friends know, but those that disapprove aren't really that close. some that approve are envious because we have that relationship. what we have found is that those that don't approve are the ones who are cheating on their significant other and everyone else knows about it so it's a tendency to ignore the negative considering the source.

as far as the employer goes, i don't let on in anyway because i feel in the long run he'll end up being judgemental even though he wouldn't realize how many clients i know from the lifestyle.

i guess living in the area we live in, things like the lifestyle are a little more 'accepted' to a certain degree. if someone asks us it's usually because they've seen us somewhere so there's no use denying it but it's not something we 'flaunt'.

[Edison Carter]

Susan here-- Never hide it , yet never advertise. We do not have children and not a lot of family, so that's not a concern. I was confronted once, by a wife who had caught her husband trolling on the internet and put her in her place. I'm an academic, so, while I'm typically surrounded by liberal people, sex does not seem to part of their liberal perspective, unless it's cheating on a spouse, which seems to be rampant. I sometimes think my colleagues do wonder about me. Someone will say something so adolescent about sex that I roll my eyes or quip something that is very alternative. One time a woman colleague brought up the idea of an affair and I replied,"Why stress yourself with lying and deception. Hell, get a 'permission slip' from your husband and even have him watch. Or, heck, get another couple so he can have fun too." Her reply,"There you go Susan, throwing it back in my face, like always." Sheeesh. Ultimately I told her to seek marriage counseling or do the decent thing and divorce the poor schlep and then pursue what she wanted.

[fun4Ds]

We got busted out by our kids, no biggy though, they're adults. They're the kind of vanilla's you'd like. They've all read the Swingers Board and hold nothing against anyone in the lifestyle.

We only tell those we pursue, but if we find ourselves in someone's home or personal surroundings and your on the sneaky sneak about swinging, then we want to be sneaky with you.

We like the sneaky part, sneaky is good, sneaky is fun.

If we are in your town, will you share your sneaky with us, we promise not to tell.



EDIT: I guess on topic I believe Coupleerotic22 has a good idea entrusting one person to wipe all evidence and traces... you know, should something happen to both of us. For us, that would be our oldest son. He has the combination to the safe and computers and they might all probably take a peek at any pictures before the burning ceremony. Not to look at dads ass or moms tits but just to see who we were with.