Women in the lifestyle

Hi everyone,

We are new to the lifestyle, we have been to one local club several times and had a couple of really hot experiences. ;o) Well my lady has noticed that when we have been playing or talking to other couples it would seem the female half of the couple has more sex than the male half. Alright when I say more I mean alot more lol. I love to watch my partner play, it is really sexy to see her just be totally free, we have talked about it and she thinks the reason that women have more sex is:

a. They can! ha ha
b. Women once they are comfortable unleash their man eater side. She says she is ready!
c. The pure number of men in the lifestyle.

Anyway we are thinking of going to a hotel party that some new friends are going to, we have talked about spliting up so we maximise are chances of hooking up having fun. I am wondering what to expect for her and me. I am a little nervous on her safety (even though our friends do this without a problem), and whether I will be as attractive hookup and be able to play.

We are 30 and 29, and apparently good looking (but as we all know beauty is in the eye of the beholder).

Thanks for any advice.

D

[T-Rex]

Since you are both newbies and you have concerns about your s/o playing separately, I recommend you avoid it. I doubt that you need so split up to maximize your chances of hooking up. In fact, many (most?) couples only play with other couples.

If your s/o wants to do play without you, that's a whole different issue that the two of you need to honestly sort out.

[DarkVoyuer]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Hi everyone,

We are new to the lifestyle, we have been to one local club several times and had a couple of really hot experiences. ;o) Well my lady has noticed that when we have been playing or talking to other couples it would seem the female half of the couple has more sex than the male half. Alright when I say more I mean alot more lol. I love to watch my partner play, it is really sexy to see her just be totally free, we have talked about it and she thinks the reason that women have more sex is:

a. They can! ha ha
b. Women once they are comfortable unleash their man eater side. She says she is ready!
c. The pure number of men in the lifestyle.

Anyway we are thinking of going to a hotel party that some new friends are going to, we have talked about spliting up so we maximise are chances of hooking up having fun. I am wondering what to expect for her and me. I am a little nervous on her safety (even though our friends do this without a problem), and whether I will be as attractive hookup and be able to play.

We are 30 and 29, and apparently good looking (but as we all know beauty is in the eye of the beholder).

Thanks for any advice.

D

Actually Chris Rock said that men are as faithful as their options. Although there is some truth in this, I do believe it has some truth when it regards women as well. It seems to me that she has more options of men being willing to have sex with her. If she were less attractive, she would have less options. In many ways, she is no different than an attractive guy who women throw themselves at.

[Newpants]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I love to watch my partner play, it is really sexy to see her just be totally free,


Anyway we are thinking of going to a hotel party that some new friends are going to, we have talked about spliting up so we maximise are chances of hooking up having fun. I am wondering what to expect for her and me. I am a little nervous on her safety (even though our friends do this without a problem), and whether I will be as attractive hookup and be able to play.

A couple questions - If you like to watch her then why split up?

Also what is taking place now that you think you will maximize your chances hooking up if you split up?

And also, what exactly does, "splitting up" mean to you? Does it mean that you go to the party and basically act as two singles or does it mean that one of you can slip off into a room with someone else without your partner if the opportunity presented itself?

Generally speaking if you split up her chances and opportunities will go through the roof and your's will fall out through the basement floor.

There is one specific scenario where splitting up will benifit the male half and that is if two conditions are in place at the same time. The first condition is where the female half is so picky and has a very limited interest in playing to the degree that she is turning down 99% of the opportunities that come your way. And the other condition is that you are very fit and attractive and have very good social skills and have very good flirting and pick-up skills. In other words if she is a cold-fish and you are a total ladies man then you might benifit from splitting up.

If both of those conditions are in place it might benifit you to split up but otherwise the advantage will always go to the female and fem will always have more opportunities.

[socolais]

I suspect by "maximize opportunities" you mean avoiding the requirement for 4 way attraction. If the other folks at the party know you two are a couple then it may work out well for both of you - give it a try and see if you like it.

My wife and I play separately at parties. She'll hook up with several husbands while I may hook up with one wife. Of the couples that frequent the parties we attend, the requirement for 4 way chemistry would limit us more than what we want. So, yeah the women are generally more active than most of the men. When we're not playing, my wife and I can generally be found in each other's arms.

[DigginIt]

Originally Posted by Newpants

Generally speaking if you split up her chances and opportunities will go through the roof and your's will fall out through the basement floor.

So true Newpants! So true!

We have had conversations across this board that touch on this subject as side discussions to other topics but they hit it on the head.

If you are both very attractive, fit and generally "nice" meaning not arrogant, obnoxious, immature, etc. then it should be expected that you will both do pretty well but you will never exceed the amount of opportunities that your "lady" will have.

Does "lady" mean you are not married? Another topic by itself with swinging but back to the subject.

Men have low standards for the most part (not to be confused with "no" standards )
Check list:
Pulse [check]
Conscious [check]
Fits sliding attractiveness scale(lol, this is really liberal) [check].

The other side of that coin is that women have very high standards but since the men usually do not, IMO ... it comes down to choice and availability. The hottest (non jackasses) will usually get noticed faster and they will quickly accept (see low standards comment above) and your lady is hooked up.

The question is where do you fit with the other available men? There is where you will find your answer to how often you make a connection.

Again, this is all my opinion but honestly, if you are keeping score then that is a huge

If you are going to go home at night and be upset if she hooked up three times and you didn't hook up once (yes, can happen) then don't consider splitting up and stick to playing as a couple.

The opposite of that is true also, if she is okay and your the hot one in the couple then she needs to be okay with the reverse.

[Newpants]

Originally Posted by socolais

I suspect by "maximize opportunities" you mean avoiding the requirement for 4 way attraction. If the other folks at the party know you two are a couple then it may work out well for both of you - give it a try and see if you like it.

My wife and I play separately at parties. She'll hook up with several husbands while I may hook up with one wife.

Socolais said it better than I did. If you mean by splitting up that you are willing to play separately and not requiring that you have a 4-way click with another couple, then yes you may stand a better chance. Socolais' experiences are probably pretty typical in that she will probably have many opportunities and you may have one.

Again, it depends on how desirable you are as a playmate and how good your "game" is. Many of the parties we have been to most of the men have just sat around with their drinks in their hands either just standing there or have been talking about football and stuff with each other while the ladies play with each other or have played with one or two guys that have actually taken care of themselves and put some effort into actually playing.

[Newpants]

Originally Posted by DigginIt

Men have low standards for the most part (not to be confused with "no" standards )
Check list:
Pulse [check]
Conscious [check]
Fits sliding attractiveness scale(lol, this is really liberal) [check].

The other side of that coin is that women have very high standards but since the men usually do not, IMO ... it comes down to choice and availability. The hottest (non jackasses) will usually get noticed faster and they will quickly accept (see low standards comment above) and your lady is hooked up.

The question is where do you fit with the other available men? There is where you will find your answer to how often you make a connection.

I disagree that men have "low" standards. They have differing standards for different situations.

When it comes to dating/comittment/relationships/marriage men have quite high standards and those standards can cover a range of different criteria. However when it comes to purely recreational sex where there are no strings attached and no committments, men's standards for physical beauty can be quite different than for those that they would date or marry (this is why mothers and grandmothers admonish their daughters to hold out on the sex untill they are sure of the man's intentions and degree of his committment to her before she puts-out)

In otherwords men will play with a woman of a lot lesser physical attractiveness than what he would ever date or marry. What he personally considers 'attractive' will depend on that individual sliding scale that you mentioned (you were right on the money on that one)

Many women on the other hand will often NOT play with someone that is much if any less attractive than their own partner in a recreational setting. Women may marry men that are less than beautifull if they are of good character, faithfull, financially secure, socially prominent and good father material but they won't play with them in a swinging situation. Conversly they may play with a very tall dark and handsome stud that is completely worthless for anything else but they wouldn't date or marry him.

This is why so many "nice guys" get so frustrated in the lifestyle. In many ways they are a fine catch and would do well on the vanilla singles dating market but strike out left and right in the lifestyle. They are good husband material but they aren't what women desire for a purely sexual encounter.

Why this comes to play such a big role in the lifestyle is since it is mostly a recreational setting, men's standards for physical beauty goes down while women's goes up (I'm speaking in generalitys of course) Then factor in the fact that in most couples the female is often somewhat better looking and more polished up than the male and you have a recipe for a lot of mismatch and you have a lot of guys sitting on the sidelines while just a couple guys get pretty worn out (and have tired but happy smiles on their faces)

So yes, your final answer to the OP was on the money also. How he will do will depend on how he fits with the other men and how desirable a playmate in general he is.

[DarkVoyuer]

Originally Posted by Newpants

When it comes to dating/comittment/relationships/marriage men have quite high standards and those standards can cover a range of different criteria. However when it comes to purely recreational sex where there are no strings attached and no committments, men's standards for physical beauty can be quite different than for those that they would date or marry (this is why mothers and grandmothers admonish their daughters to hold out on the sex untill they are sure of the man's intentions and degree of his committment to her before she puts-out)

HI Newpants,

It is refreshing to hear well thought out theory regarding gender differences in the lifestyle. I am not certain if I agree with all of them. However, it is certainly more intelligent than the baseless gender myth that men "have no standards." I agree with you that men have high standards when it comes to marriage. For some reason, there is this perception that men are simpletons in choosing life partners and they just want a mate that can cook, fuck and raise their children. I find this not only insulting to men but it does demean the value of women. Yet, I hear women who should know better spout this crap.

[Newpants]

Originally Posted by DarkVoyuer

HI Newpants,

For some reason, there is this perception that men are simpletons in choosing life partners and they just want a mate that can cook, fuck and raise their children. I find this not only insulting to men but it does demean the value of women. Yet, I hear women who should know better spout this crap.

I'm not sure you were understanding exactly what I was trying to say. In very many ways men ARE simple and many a man would be perfectly happy with a woman that simply cooked, fucked and raised children- as long as the cooked, fucked and raised children well and looked good doing it.

The point that I was trying to make is that for many men the level of physical beauty required for him to enter into a committed relationship with someone is much higher than for someone that is just a purely recreational sexual encounter. For many men simply being attractive and putting out is good enough (and obviously there are others that require more but either way their bar is going to be much higher for someone they intend to be committed with as opposed to just having a one-night fling)

Women on the other hand have about 10,000 different criteria for someone that they wish to marry and often are willing to fudge a little on the physical attractiveness and sexual prowess if the man has many other qualities that are important to her. (in other words she will marry a less handsome and sexy guy if he is a good provider, has high social status, a high likelihood of remaining faithfull, is a good father etc etc)

Where men and women often differ in the lifestyle is men will play with someone significantly less attractive than their partner or less attractive than someone they would date or marry, where as women will often place a higher priority of physical attractives and sexiness in a lifestyle playmate than they would in someone that they might consider a marital candidate and they often do not consider playing with someone that is significantly less physically attractive than their partner.

Hate to burst your bubble Dude but men ARE simple and that is not necessarily a bad thing.

[DigginIt]

Originally Posted by Newpants

I disagree that men have "low" standards. They have differing standards for different situations.

When it comes to dating/comittment/relationships/marriage men have quite high standards and those standards can cover a range of different criteria. However when it comes to purely recreational sex where there are no strings attached and no committments, men's standards for physical beauty can be quite different than for those that they would date or marry (this is why mothers and grandmothers admonish their daughters to hold out on the sex untill they are sure of the man's intentions and degree of his committment to her before she puts-out)

In otherwords men will play with a woman of a lot lesser physical attractiveness than what he would ever date or marry. What he personally considers 'attractive' will depend on that individual sliding scale that you mentioned (you were right on the money on that one)

Very well put. I should have distinguished that difference between the standards of choosing my mate and just recreational sex. You know, you think those things in your head when you are writing. Thanks for putting it into context.

I will say that since my wife is "bi" and she has to be attracted to the female as well, it works out quite well for both of us when there is a 4-way connection.

[wisconsin]

Great thread and very well put.
We do play separetely and in most situations have no problems finding playmates.
Physical attractiveness and size of man's package has no value for me when it comes to choosing my partners.What I value is good connection,intuition, and ablity not to get intimidated by me and not being shy.Not interested to warm him up and wait when he gets cooked and ready to play.
Usually guys who sit on sidelines they need to work harder to get laid and be invited again,compare to very attractive ones who gets multiple partners in one night. There are a lot average looking guys with pretty average package who can rock my world and offer an amazing "game".
I have one ''average Joe'' I keep for myself for about a year already and won't trade him for 10 Brad Pitts.
When we come to on-premise clubs we go our separate ways as long as we know owners of the club and I feel safe.
Hubby gets invited by different couples,I pick whoever I want couples,girls or single guys.It's a win-win situation for us.
Mrs.I