Initiating a meet with another couple then not being interested

[exploringRM]

We don't do alot of online contact/meetings, but if a couple contacts us, shows an interest, we will meet if we think there might be a connection.

I was curious how many of you initiate a meet with a couple and then decide you are not interested for whatever reason. While we don't feel rejected, we had a couple contact us to meet at a m&g. We spoke for a few minutes then they sort of disappeared into the crowd. I just though it a bit abrupt, since they had contacted us. It's just a m&g, not a date and no expectations were there so no bigge. Of course it's subjective but I think we are reasonable attractive and easy to get along with so; nothing that would chase people away.

So it just got me wondering how many here have been the initiator in a meeting only to quickly say never mind.

[AskMeOk]

Yeah, I guess we've done that. The more you know about a couple before the meet, the less likely this is to happen. We don't demand a lot of information up front, but ALWAYS meet in a public place before proceeding further. Sometimes an in-person shows some incompatibility.

So, maybe there is something you could add to you profile or..... maybe it was just the other couple's peccadilloes....

[advice]
Forget it and move on.....
[/advice]

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by exploringRM

. . . While we don't feel rejected, we had a couple contact us to meet at a m&g. We spoke for a few minutes then they sort of disappeared into the crowd. . .

Too many distractions exist at a meet-n-greet event. Same is true for a swingers' club. Not too long ago, a man and a woman invited a meeting at a club. We said OK. Before they arrived, some long-time acquaintances made an offer we could not refuse. Guess we spent a lot of time in the play room. By the time we emerged, the people who had made the on-line invitation were off the idea. To us, no big deal. We're thinking we will probably meet them again some time somewhere. They, however, were feeling passed over.

A two-by-two meeting at a restaurant is a better location.

[exploringRM]

Originally Posted by AskMeOk

Yeah, I guess we've done that. The more you know about a couple before the meet, the less likely this is to happen. We don't demand a lot of information up front, but ALWAYS meet in a public place before proceeding further. Sometimes an in-person shows some incompatibility.

So, maybe there is something you could add to you profile or..... maybe it was just the other couple's peccadilloes....

[advice]
Forget it and move on.....
[/advice]

Nothing to move on from, some things workout, others don't. The other couple were not experienced and some apprehension on their part I think, though they knew we could not stay/meet after.

[exploringRM]

Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple

Too many distractions exist at a meet-n-greet event. Same is true for a swingers' club. Not too long ago, a man and a woman invited a meeting at a club. We said OK. Before they arrived, some long-time acquaintances made an offer we could not refuse. Guess we spent a lot of time in the play room. By the time we emerged, the people who had made the on-line invitation were off the idea. To us, no big deal. We're thinking we will probably meet them again some time somewhere. They, however, were feeling passed over.

A two-by-two meeting at a restaurant is a better location.

It wasn't a date by any means, and yeah alot of distractions..even for us as we made sure we spent time with them, we had other friends there as well, and we did introduce them around.

Regarding the 2by2 meeting at a restaurant, been there done that when we first started, most likely not again.

[good times]

Funny this is often how it happens with us, can't tell you how many times we set up a meet and decided we weren't compatible within the first ten minutes of meeting them. So, my guess is it happens all the time.

[The Fuse]

I'm not sure it matters who makes the first suggestion to meet or get together. Any one of the four people involved can decide they're not interested.

The meet and greet situation does have a lot of distractions, but then again if you invite someone to a two on two date and then decide you aren't interested, there aren't any other options for them or for you.

I do think it matters a bit if the couple you've invited out are inexperienced. They will not be used to people inviting them out and then not paying much attention to them. To an inexperienced couple, every situation they encounter is that much more significant. So if we meet someone who's just getting into the lifestyle at an event, we are less likely to go flitting off after only a few minutes if we are the one who's invited them. At the very least, we'll spend some time talking to them and trying to see that they are comfortable, and introduce them around if we know others there. On the other hand, someone who's been around for a while is more likely to have a thicker skin and be more comfortable to start with. So we feel less obligation to spend more attention on them than just to be polite, if we aren't interested.

[sexycouple1]

We try to avoid "arranging" any meet ups at any parties or M & G. Maybe a quick hello through the mail to say we will say Hi IF we see you there but no more committment than that. If we actually do meet up with them then so much the better if you it hit off with no expectations or feelings of obligations.. But to answer your questions directly...yeah we have been brushed off by a few other couples we kinda "set up" to at least say hello and talk to a little bit. They weren't rude by any means ....just distracted by the other couples they had already met earlier in the night..hence why we don't set up meetings. I think its fun to flirt a little bit through the mail if you target a couple going to a party that you might want to find..its all in the name of fun if they flirt back a little...

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by exploringRM

I was curious how many of you initiate a meet with a couple and then decide you are not interested for whatever reason.

Our favorite approach has been to meet a couple one on one, somewhere other than a swing club. Out of all the couples we've met this way, only once did it not result in play. So we have felt fortunate, considering we are picky and getting us to agree on a couple is rare. The one time we realized the four of us weren't a match turned out a very nice meet. We spent about an hour together for lunch. That probably went so well because we don't feel they were interested in us for play either, and we all knew how to handle the situation.

There is a rhythm to initiating a meet and handling it properly, so that neither couple is left feeling deflated. And I'm not talking about finding there isn't mutal interest to move towards play, that is a separate issue. There is a lot to how you handle the approach.

I can remember, early on, when a couple wrote to us wanting to meet. They lived 2 hours away and we made plans to drive to meet them (our preference to go there). Before the meet we wanted a phone call with all four on, to assure us that we'd made the right decision. As newbies we were all excited and eager to move forward with this meet. But the call turned us off. And it was because of the business-like ho-hum approach this couple had about meeting. They were experienced swingers. We got the impression that we were just another couple filling their weekend. It wasn't US they were interesed in getting to know, we were merely something to fill the open time slot in their busy life.

We wrote to them the next day and cancelled.

The best times we've had have been in private meets and it is because everyone goes in enthused, looking to discover a new experience, excited for the opporutnity to make new friends. Full attention is on each other. It can be hard to get that across when you meet in a swinger club filled with distractions. At a club, there is this feeling of urgency to make a decision about someone in a few minutes. We feel a timer has been set and we're waiting for it to go off. For this reason, we never arrange a meet at a club with people we feel we'll click with. We want time with them without the timer ticking away.

It's important not to make an invitation seem like a 'private' meet at a club, when the chance of you being the only people on their mind is next to zero. Maybe this couple made you feel this way through their invite. Or maybe you got the feeling there was a greater connection already established when there wasn't. This can happen so easily through e-mails.

The times we have e-mailed couples about seeing them at a club it has always been when we've seen they are on the attendees list. (We are interested in them, although we don't feel the chances are high we will be a match.) Since we are going too, we drop them a quick note to say we hope our paths may cross at the club because we'd like to say hello in person. This has worked well for us. We've never hooked up this way, but we made new friends, whether we chatted for 5 minutes or half the night. No one was expecting more than to say hello IF we came upon each other. It was very casual, non-committed approach.

What should be kept in mind is that how you initiate a meet and what you - and they - are expecting out of that meet plays a big role in how you feel after meeting, whether you hook up or not.

LM

[exploringRM]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

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It's important not to make an invitation seem like a 'private' meet at a club, when the chance of you being the only people on their mind is next to zero. Maybe this couple made you feel this way through their invite. Or maybe you got the feeling there was a greater connection already established when there wasn't. This can happen so easily through e-mails.

LM

We didn't feel they were obligated to spend their entire time with us. It was at a M&G and other people for them to meet perhaps. It's just the first time we've experienced a couple contacting us, and then not being social throughout the evening. We didn't expect them to spend their entire time with us, and we had other friends their to interact with as well so it's not like we were left stranded. I was just curious how often that happens with those intiating meetings.

Typically when we meet a couple there are some email exchanged back and forth, just to see what each other are into, etc. I didn't have time to do that this week so there was little "pre-screening" beyond our profiles.

They were a nice & attractive couple, I sent a "nice to meet you" email. If they want to meet again, they know where to find us

[Pensacolapair]

Yes, we have on occasion realized shortly after meeting a couple we contacted that it wasn't going to work. Like other couples, we have developed covert communication between us that allows us to know if one of us has thrown a flag on the play. Once it has, we simply let the other couple know, straight up. It used to bother us, but after being accused of 'leading people on' a couple of times, we decided sooner is better than later.

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Our favorite approach has been to meet a couple one on one, somewhere other than a swing club....LM

This is us...as we also feel clubs have too many distractions. While it's true that if things don't pan out, there are other's potentially available, our ratio of meets vs play is much higher with those we meet 2 on 2 for dinner or drinks in a neutral setting. The dynamics in our area are a bit different than most places, and IMO frankly aren't conducive to meeting and hooking up on the spot cold at the club.

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

What should be kept in mind is that how you initiate a meet and what you - and they - are expecting out of that meet plays a big role in how you feel after meeting, whether you hook up or not.
LM

Very important!! We have had many couples approach us who are looking for 'guaranteed' play. So many that once we get the impression that's where their head is at, we quash meeting them for that reason alone.

We do not have a 'no play on first meet' rule, and have played on first meets probably more often than not. But there have been times when we didn't..and there will undoubtedly be more in the future. We were recently contacted by a couple who said early during the 'everyone is who they say they are' phone conversation that their playtime was limited and therefore they were looking for people who didn't have a problem with 'playing on a first date'. My wife replied that we had no such rule, provided everyone hit it off. The husband asked, rather nastily, "what does hit it off mean...? " We had them on speaker, so G looked at me, shook her head and walked out of the room. I simply told him that we appreciated the interest, but on second thought we didn't want to run the risk of wasting their time - and hung up. The phone rang a few minutes later we let it go to VM - the wife explaining that they had been jerked around before, and her husband didn't mean anything negative, yadi, yadi. Maybe we are too callous, but if you gotta ask what that means, we are obviously on 2 different channels.

We make it clear that an agreement to meet means that we like everything so far. Where it goes from there is something that both parties determine as the situation develops. We also feel that the minute you or we decide it ain't gonna happen - let it be known! No hurt feelings, no harm/no foul.

M

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by good times

Funny this is often how it happens with us, can't tell you how many times we set up a meet and decided we weren't compatible within the first ten minutes of meeting them. So, my guess is it happens all the time.

Agreed.

[JustAskJulie]

It's happened more times than I care to admit and every time it does it reminds us why we don't do one on one dates and only meet people initially in groups. At least at a M&G if you meet and realize your don't click you can just move on, not so easy when you meet for a couple on couple date.

Just to expand it's usually a personality issue... as in nothing in common.