Discovered that honesty is not always the best policy...

[swinginpdx]

In the approx two years we've been in the Lifestyle, we have come to the disheartening opinion that being honest with those we've played with IS NOT a good idea if one of us has concluded we're "just not that in to" both/one of them.

I have no problem with just moving on and not saying anything once I have conclude that there is not 4-way attraction. My husband, however, believed that we either owed our new friends an explanation or tried to salvage the relationship by suggesting that we restrict the play to those for which the attraction went both ways. This has happened a couple of times and, without fail, we have pissed people off to the point that we are no longer friends.

My husband finally came around to my way of thinking. He had to admit that it is better to say nothing or make up a white lie than to tell someone you are not, after all, attracted or stimulated enough to continue the relationship. At least then you can say "hi" to them w/o a lot of drama next time you run in to them at a club or house party.

I have also learned that if I know right away that there is something that is just really not working for me when it comes to the male of the other couple, I don't second-guess myself. This sometimes results in my husband accusing me of being too picky and making it more difficult for us to find playmates, but I no longer allow this to make me feel any guilt.

Thanks for allowing me to share this. Would be interested in how others have dealt with this (I know it must be common).

[SW_PA_Couple]

My wife and I had to face this question and eventually agreed to a common strategy. I have reason to think this is a fairly common question. I sometimes run too fast with a relationship giving her little time to express her reservations about people or a situation. I have not ever made the suggestion of continuing with the female person while asking her to forget the man -- in that regard, your situation seems to be different. What I think you need to work on is your husband. That he would accuse you of being picky and difficult tells me that he not yet come around to your way of thinking.

I'm eager to read what others might suggest. This is a question worth asking.

~Michael

[DiscreetDesires]

I would love to hear this answered as well.
I always fear rejecting people that we already know because I would hate the lose the friendship, but on the same token.. you just can't help who you aren't attracted to.
I seem to be attracted to many more people than hubby is, and I've just never really been sure how to say anything to the couple, when the topic comes up.