Tipping point that got you started swinging?

[Coupleerotic22]

I was replying to a new member thread about how long we had been thinking about swinging and it got me to thinking. What was the tipping point for you that got you into swinging.

For us it was a long journey. We married young, 3 or our parents were not alive for us to talk to about how we should handle being married. We made a lot of mistakes, not serious, mostly communication. That built up over years and neither of us were as happy as we thought we should be. Well she wasn't anyway, being the male I was blissfully ignorant.

After many years of marriage, to her credit, she just came out and told me she was not happy, but loved me and did not want a divorce. We had the BIG talk. We talked about everything in some seriously long mentally and physically draining nights. We found out most of what was keeping either of us from being happy were misconceptions that we had built up over years of communicating poorly. We agreed to never hold anything back again, and haven't. Our marriage has been incredible ever since, she is now very happy and I am too.

Flash back a little. We had talked about sexual fantasies in the bed room many times over many years. But when the topic came to should we/could we try it the answer was always an emphatic no. She was insistent that it would NEVER happen, so I was satisfied that it was just part of our sexual fantasy world and there it would stay.

Flash forward to after the BIGtalk. One of the things I found out was that she was curious about being with other men and she was a little envious of my sexual activity before we met. She had never been with any other man than me. She brought it up even though she said NEVER previously. I think she had been afraid because of our prior misconceptions. So we began talking about what that meant to our relationship and what we should do. After a several weeks we decided to take the plunge. And we have been having fun ever since.

As I read other post on this site, I must admit, I see some couples that clearly do not communicate like we do (and have met several in the LS as well). I can not imagine trying to live the LS without being that open and communicating 100%. Had we tried this before the BIG talk, then we would have failed miserable and likely ended up in divorce.

[Alura]

What a great story, Coupleerotic22! Thanks for sharing.

Alura

[willyoats]

It's interesting to look back 25 years and ponder this question.

We got married because we wanted to have lots of sex, but that was at a time when good boys and girls didn't just shack up or sleep around. A few years later two things happened: we discovered that we were not really very good at the sex part, and having multiple partners before marriage became quite commonly accepted. I began to wonder what I had missed.

Meantime, my wife had had an affair just to experiment. That didn't bother me at the time because we had give each other permission to go outside for sex play, and her affair was no threat to an otherwise really great marriage.

But, after a few years I came to the realization that I actually wanted to find out what I had missed, in spite of the fact that by that time we were having a really good sex life. I told my wife that I didn't want to go to my grave having had only one sex partner. (There's open communication at its best!) Based on her experience, i.e., the sneaking around and deception, etc., we both felt that the idea of my trying to have an affair was unappealing. Massage parlors and hookers were unappealing. All in all, swinging seemed like a pretty good bet. There are lots of willing potential partners, it's easy to schedule, and there is (at least in our case) no real threat to the marriage.

So, we agreed to do it, and the outcome was almost all positive.

[DigginIt]

I think we were lucky enough in that fact that we did communicate well. Mrs. Diggs and I started talking about swinging about three years ago. We both felt our sex was fantastic but the lust factor just wasn't there any longer. We missed that "I want you so badly" feeling that leads to ripping each others clothes off but we also knew that we were and are truly soul-mates.

After two years of talking, we decided that it wasn't trust or jealousy that was preventing us from taking the step but our own fear of someone finding out. That reason was the absolute least important reason to not do something and so we jumped right into the lifestyle!

Haven't looked back!!!

[Coupleerotic22]

Originally Posted by willyoats

I came to the realization that I actually wanted to find out what I had missed, in spite of the fact that by that time we were having a really good sex life. I told my wife that I didn't want to go to my grave having had only one sex partner. (There's open communication at its best!) Based on her experience, i.e., the sneaking around and deception, etc., we both felt that the idea of my trying to have an affair was unappealing. Massage parlors and hookers were unappealing. All in all, swinging seemed like a pretty good bet. There are lots of willing potential partners, it's easy to schedule, and there is (at least in our case) no real threat to the marriage.

So, we agreed to do it, and the outcome was almost all positive.

That is exactly what our conversation was like, except that it was my wife want to find out what she missed. And that you worded much better than I.