"Thanks for your interest, but..." The fine art of letting a person(s) down.

[MulderNScully]

It's the one thing I (Ed) hate to do when it comes to getting responses from other people or couples in the Lifestyle: the letdown. I can't tell you how many couples and single bi ladies we get from time to time where we look, read their profile, and then go "I-I-I don't think we're a fit!" This part is fine, but then comes the other shoe that needs to drop which is our major issue. How do you let a person(s) down when you're just not into them at all?

Lord knows we've been rejected so many times either by a wall of silence or something else. For the couples who don't have a problem putting out a statement "we've read your profile, we don't think we're compatible, continued luck and success in the Lifestyle" I admire them a lot. How can they be so point blank to the quick when I feel like I'm cutting down another potential partner?

I'm sure I (we) know the answer to this one; I'm sure this will be one of those "get over yourself" kind of advice we're getting. But doesn't anyone else feel the twinge of evil for cutting someone's honest attraction down?

Anyway, thought I bring this topic up and hope our fellow swingers can give us some good advice so we can move on.

Mulder
(MulderNScully)

[DiscreetDesires]

Letting someone know that you are not interested in them has always been especially hard for me.
If you are getting these responses on a swingers site, then you can be rest assured that you are most likely not the only one who has been contacted by them, so don't feel that you are their only prospect.
There are tons of people on the sites for them to pick and choose from.

Think about how you would want to be told that someone isn't interested in you, and maybe go with that.
I hate to just ignore and delete emails, so we usually go through the profile and look for interests that are completely different than ours and go with something along those lines.
If they genuinely seem like great people, but we have no interest in them sexually, we will usually tell them that they seem like great people to get to know and it would be nice to meet them out at a club or meet and greet and we can make our final determinations from there.

Everyone hates giving and receiving rejection, but it is a must in the lifestyle or you will lead them on which is not good either.
Just be kind about it and not harsh and you will be fine!

[SW_PA_Couple]

Some people who appear unpromising in their on-line advertisement prove to be interesting in person. So we have come up with a strategy that speaks to the usual reasons for wanting to deflect an offer -- no picture, third-grade grammar, only three words in the profile description. We respond, "Hey, thanks for sending a note. Maybe we'll see you at a local club or meet-n-greet event some time soon; would be nice." It's a bit of a dodge but has worked to our advantage more than once.

[JustAskJulie]

It's easy when you aren't into them at all. "Thank you but we are not interested". Done. Nothing more needed and anything more is only asking for drama.

[monkeycouple]

Seemingly works for us as a general rejection notice.

We use the following statement,

"Thank you. We are flattered that you found us interesting. We are an enjoyable couple and will always strive to remain that way. As you know, attraction is a mysterious thing and getting people to all be turned on to the other is not exactly easy! It was nice of you to email/chat with us, and, at this stage, we do appreciate your time/replies; but, sorry to say..., that there is no attraction for us. At this time, we have decided to continue our search for other matches that works for both of us. Good luck to you in your search for pleasure! Again, thanks, and we wish you well in your search."

Originally Posted by MulderNScully

It's the one thing I (Ed) hate to do when it comes to getting responses from other people or couples in the Lifestyle: the letdown. I can't tell you how many couples and single bi ladies we get from time to time where we look, read their profile, and then go "I-I-I don't think we're a fit!" This part is fine, but then comes the other shoe that needs to drop which is our major issue. How do you let a person(s) down when you're just not into them at all?

Lord knows we've been rejected so many times either by a wall of silence or something else. For the couples who don't have a problem putting out a statement "we've read your profile, we don't think we're compatible, continued luck and success in the Lifestyle" I admire them a lot. How can they be so point blank to the quick when I feel like I'm cutting down another potential partner?

I'm sure I (we) know the answer to this one; I'm sure this will be one of those "get over yourself" kind of advice we're getting. But doesn't anyone else feel the twinge of evil for cutting someone's honest attraction down?

Anyway, thought I bring this topic up and hope our fellow swingers can give us some good advice so we can move on.

Mulder
(MulderNScully)

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by monkeycouple

"Thank you. We are flattered that you found us interesting. We are an enjoyable couple and will always strive to remain that way. As you know, attraction is a mysterious thing and getting people to all be turned on to the other is not exactly easy! It was nice of you to email/chat with us, and, at this stage, we do appreciate your time/replies; but, sorry to say..., that there is no attraction for us. At this time, we have decided to continue our search for other matches that works for both of us. Good luck to you in your search for pleasure! Again, thanks, and we wish you well in your search."

This one's a keeper. Is it copyright or can we use it too? Hopefully the need for a rejection notificaiton will not ever come up again for you or for us.

[monkeycouple]

Feel free to use it! No, it's not copyrighted and consider the statement as public domain from me/us, the writer or Monkeycouple.com.

Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple

This one's a keeper. Is it copyright or can we use it too? Hopefully the need for a rejection notificaiton will not ever come up again for you or for us.

[Learning]

This was a perfect rejection that we got from a couple we went out with the other night. I appreciated their feedback and response. " We've been talking, and it was great to meet you guys too. We thought you guys were great. Would make great friends, but we just weren't feeling it for the other stuff. "