Close call with family

[mysticon]

This looked like the best forum to post this in, since I couldn't see a way to start a new topic; in the swinging and family forum. I've seen posts regarding running into family at lifestyle functions, so thought I would share my REALLY close call. This happened not long after my fiance and I started the lifestyle, on the first site we had joined. A guy messages me on the site one night, which progresses into continuing to chat through personal e mail; with the intention of exchanging pictures. ( since neither of us had face shots on our profiles) The guy was part of a couple, who were looking for a woman to join them; or the guy also had permission to play solo.

One night being extremely tired, I had only skimmed one of the guy's messages; and I notice he left a name and phone number. I didn't think anything of the name, since it is a common one; and being tired- didn't really pay attention to the phone number. So I go back and re-read the message the next day... I think hmmm... that phone number looks familiar. I go back and look at the name... and am thinking uhhh... no way to myself. I look in my phone book to confirm, and it was my brother's cell phone number! Thank god we hadn't gotten around to exchanging face pictures yet! My brother and I don't call each other that often, so I don't know his number offhand.

I wrote back and made a excuse about my fiance and I had had some issues come up, so we were going to hold off. Fast forward to this year, and I've joined a new site; and sure enough- they find and message me again on there! I know it was them again, because it was the same screen name; and all the information was the same. At first, I wondered if they ever suspected it was me, after I ended communication the first time; but I don't think they would message me again if they suspected that- since all my information was the same. I was just really floored though, I would have never thought in a million years they'd be in the lifestyle. I would have thought my sister and her husband possibly, but not my brother and his wife.

[DiscreetDesires]

Oh wow!!
That is the closest call I've ever heard of!
Good thing y'all didn't exchange pics yet.. That would have been a massive disaster!

[bbarnsworth]

Well, could be a disaster or a good thing. Of course you wouldn't play with your brother, but both of you knowing that you're in the lifestyle could be good for other reasons; someone to talk to, discuss the lifestyle, etc. It doesn't have to be bad.

I would never suspect any of my relatives, save one (mother in law) from being in the lifestyle. But, you never know.

My mother in law is currently in a poly-v, and probably unsustainably; everything's on the up-and-up, but there's never been a discussion among all three of them. MIL doesn't know her daughter and son-in-law are in the lifestyle, and won't. Reason; she does a poor job of keeping secrets, though not out of any malice.

[spvcouple]

Yup, that was a CLOSE one there. Depending on your relationship with him, it could be an inside joke that you two share in the future....if you wish to tell him.

Not sure if I would reveal us to a relative EVEN IF we found them on a site that catered to swingers. I would have to think it through once the shock wore off. LOL

[willyoats]

I don't agree that this a disaster in the making. If the brother is a swinger, he clearly knows what swinging is. Why shoudl he be surprised or upset if he finds out that another member of hte family is also a swinger? There might be an irrational emotional reaction just because sisters "are not supposed to do that sort of thing." But, rationally, if he does it why not another member of the family.

No doubt you would not actually swing with him, incest being what it is. However, knowing about it should not be a big deal.

Members our families know about our swinging and are not shocked or put off. They are not actually in the lifestyle, but they all screw (or screwed) a lot of people. They just don't advertise or go to clubs. They find (or once upon a time, found) lots of partners on their own for one-on-one encounters.

[two4youinswva]

The only way this would have been a real disaster is if he had sent you some of the classic "Dick Beside a Coke Can" pics before you realized his identity.

[mysticon]

It might not be a complete disaster if they discovered it was me, but very awkward! My brother and I have never had the kind of relationship, where we'd be able to discuss these kinds of things. I'd also be concerned with them thinking my fiance forced me into this lifestyle, although it was my idea. I tend to be on the shy side until I get to know someone, and have always been pretty closed mouth about sexual matters; so it be hard for anyone in my family to believe it was actually my idea. I'm just very thankful we didn't exchange pictures, or that I didn't call the number without noticing it!

[sahajacpl]

Originally Posted by mysticon

It might not be a complete disaster if they discovered it was me, but very awkward!

However, what would have happened if the two of you, with your respective mates had run into each other at a swing club or at a private couples' sex party?

[dodgechevy]

Call me crazy but if I found out a sibling/close relative was in the lifestyle I would for sure make sure we both knew about each other. That way we could make sure we didn't show up at the same events.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by dodgechevy

Call me crazy but if I found out a sibling/close relative was in the lifestyle I would for sure make sure we both knew about each other. That way we could make sure we didn't show up at the same events.

Yep, that's what I'm thinking too.

Perhaps you could use this close call as a springboard to a more communicative relationship with your brother. It could be a great opportunity to talk. Plus, as the above poster pointed out, you may run into him at an event. Or, someone you both know might mention you. Or any one of a number of more abrupt things could happen. Then when your brother realizes he's contacted you on swinger sites and you didn't say who you were, how do you think THAT will go?

[SecretAsianMan]

Sounds like an opportunity to open a line of communication between y'all ...

[Calguy4fun]

I ran across a very nice ass shot in an ad and after opening the ad I saw my adult daughters smiling face.

[ncmd_couple]

Mysticon,

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. If I had a blood related brother or sister, and I found them on a swinger site, I really wouldn't be too surprised. And if I did, I think I would pick up the phone and set up a private meet just between me and my kin and after a couple of cold ones, would broach the subject.

You two live in the same area, and the chances are that at some point, if both of you are active, that you will bump into each other. Better to get it out in the open between the two of you in advance than to have an "Oh Shit!" at a club or party.

S

[mysticon]

Thanks everybody for replying. I'm pretty safe as far as running into my brother and sister in law at any swinger events. I've never been to a hotel party, and the one time I went to a club; wasn't my kind of thing. Their profile also says specifically that they aren't into swing clubs. If I thought there was a possibility of running into them, I'd at least broach the subject with my sister in law; be a little less awkward for me talking to another woman.

[JustAskJulie]

I think at this point I'd just be honest with him and let him know who you are. As someone else said you may run into them at some point at a club and it'd be better to have it out before then. Not to mention it may actually bring you and your brother closer and give you something to talk about.

My brother lives in another state, but he's also a swinger and a member of this board. It's kinda nice when we do chat to be able to talk about swinger related things. There's not too many people who aren't in our local swinger social circle that I can talk to about these things, outside of this board.