Should one partners high libido and desire to swing impact an otherwise good marriage

[sahajacpl]

What follows is more of topic for discussion than a request for a solution to the dilemma.

We are talking about a real-life happening in the married life of a couple we have known for many years. The couple, Sue and Mike (not real names) have been happily married (as we and many other friends have perceived) for more than three decades. We were shocked to hear from Sue recently that she intends to file for a divorce from her husband of many years. The question is whether or not one person's (husband or wife) high libido and desire for other sexual partners for sexual play, and, sexual intercourse, for the sake of variety and sexual fulfillment can undermine an otherwise great marriage? Can we ascribe the blame for this situation to the fact that many married couples are now swinging and swapping mates for experiencing and enjoying sexual intercourse with the other's wife or husband. Is the swinging Lifestyle, which all of us members of this Board experience, and enjoy fully, responsible for the adverse impact on Sue and Mike's marriage or for blame to some extent? We don't think so, but there may be other opinions. Is there a way to help this great couple we have known well for many years so they do not walk away from each other and the wife and hubby are able to work out the differences in their respective sexual desires amicably?

The facts are that Sue is a vivacious, sociable and sexually attractive woman that has openly expressed her desire for sexual intercourse with men she has found attractive. Over the years Sue has been expressing to her hubby her desire to play and swap mates with couples where she has found the male as well as the female very attractive. She had hoped that Mike would also want to enjoy sexual diversity and would desire to fuck the other couple's wife/s. There were several occassions when Sue had planned an evening that would have resulted in a foursome play, between us two couples, and a full partner swap for sexual intercourse where we would fuck the other's spouse. On every such opportunity Mike decided to walk away with the excuse that he was tired and/or had to get up early for work. To our knowledge, Sue has never cheated on her husband and has behaved as a model wife, helping Mike in every way she could.

Now Sue has decided to annul the marriage on grounds of mental cuelty. The real reason (we think) is that she will be free to enjoy life as an unattached woman, that would, of course, include erotic relationships including enjoying sexual intercourse with other male partners of her choosing. There will not be her hubby around telling her what to do, who she can play with and fuck and what not to do. The vanilla world might label Sue as flirty or unfaithful just because she desires to experience and enjoy sexual variety and intercourse with men she finds attractive. Given our own experience as a married couple, and, to satisfy both the wife's and husband's erotic desires for varied partners for social as well as for sexual intercourse, we enjoy meeting/socializing, mating, swapping mates and copulating for sexual intercourse with other likeminded, fun-loving, openminded, couples where we fully swap husband and wife for a nights of fun and fucking the other wife and hubby. We think that' what makes swinging and swapping mates with another couple so enjoyable for the wife as well as the husand.

All the same, we are very upset about Sue and Mike's impending divorce and would like to help any way we could to work things out between the husband and wife before they end up in the divorce court. We feel it might be Sue who will be more difficult to convince to change course, based upon her conversations with us.

We would appreciate any and all suggestions and opinions as to whether or not there is a way to help this couple we have so dearly loved. Thanks in advance to all who respond with suggestions or comments.

[slevin]

I wouldn't interfere in their relationship other than to offer support to them as a friend. Sue has decided she wants a sexually active and sexually diverse life. Mike seems to have decided that he isn't ok with it. Sue has decided that sexually active life is more important to her than staying married to Mike. I think it's a reasonable decision on her part; whether she will regret it later or not is another story. Whether I would do the same thing or not is immaterial.

[LikeMinds321]

Your post and this post, "How to fit a third lady..." by NealnAnji, have a lot of similarity. In both cases there is an unhappy married woman friend to be fucked.

I sense you are more interested in coming to Renee's, oops, SUE's sexual rescue by providing your sexual services than you are in seeing her marriage saved.

Stay out of your friend's marriage problems. Let them handle it themselves.

LM

[PB&J]

It also seems very similar to this post by Ratimadan. Wife Wants to Explore and Experience Swinging

[Gordo]

She wants to end a 30 year "happy marriage" on the grounds of "mental cruelty".

My vote is with him. She's fucked in the head. That's positively vicious!

Stay out of it and hope he finds someone that appreciates him.

[VegasLee]

This is "Sue and Mike's" relationship and really none of anyone else's business.

My question would be, would you be near as supportive if it was the other way around? Would you be looking for ways to support them if Mike wanted out to chase after hot little 20 somethings? I have a feeling if you are honest with yourself that the answer would be no.

We see this all the time, old dude tosses aside wife of 30 years to chase young stuff. I have seen a few hundred pretty nasty comments about the men that do that posted in these and other forums.

Funny how things change when it is the women doing the same thing though.

Personally, I would get as far away from them as possible and let them know that IF they work it out we would like to be their friends, FRIENDS ONLY.

[Chicup]

I do have one question, and its a little off topic, but, why do you explain exactly what sex and swinging is in every post?

We are swingers, we know the dick enters the pussy to have mutually satisfying intercourse while swapping partners. No need to spell it out like we are or you are an alien life form, we know what sex is, and we know what swinging sex is.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by Chicup

I do have one question, and its a little off topic, but, why do you explain exactly what sex and swinging is in every post?

We are swingers, we know the dick enters the pussy to have mutually satisfying intercourse while swapping partners. No need to spell it out like we are or you are an alien life form, we know what sex is, and we know what swinging sex is.

I know... it's a strange and off-putting means of expression. Like your native language is "droid" or something. Why do you have to explain what sex is every few sentences? "Sexual intercourse AND fucking"... "swinging and sex".... "putting the dick in the pussy and fucking to orgasm"... it's kind of weird, dude.

But more on topic... their marriage is their marriage. Just listen to them both, and don't take sides. No one can know what's going on in a relationship except the people in it. And when you have something to gain or lose by them splitting up or staying together, you're just asking for trouble by getting involved.

[Fundamental Law]

"Sue" and "Mike"'s issues likely run far deeper than accommodating asymmetry in their libidos if their marriage is unraveling after three decades. As you well appreciate, the partnership bond always involves accommodations, whether it is in the neatness of the house, the desire to redecorate every three years, the sports car... One potentially useful piece of advice to them is to seek professional counseling. Such advice is nonthreatening (or should be), and is a step worth taking.

One might also imagine that Mike might prefer to let Sue play solo rather than deal with a divorce. The companionship of thirty years marriage should not be lightly discarded.

[Tia Vampire]

When it comes to divorce, I think that everyone tries to out weigh the good against the bad. If they have been married 30 years, they know what made them happy at one time and now something has gone wrong in their marrage. They need to sit down with each other and tell each other what is really bothering each other to want to end this 30 year marriage and they need to really listen to each other. I can't see throwing away 30 years of your life just to have sex with a stranger/strangers and not have a person there by your side to share ever lasting memorable moments with. I also think there is more to it than just the libido thing, because if that is the true problem of this situation, there are medications out there for that.

[JustAskJulie]

If one partner is feeling bad enough towards the other to call "mental cruelty" then obviously the marriage is not good beyond just the issue of sex and swinging. One person's high libido and sex drive does not give them the right to make the other person's life miserable. Sounds like they should divorce so that they can both be happy.

[lovinher]

Imagine "Mike" filing for divorce for the same reasons. Members here would have a field day with that. One poster even suggested he let her play solo. Fundamental Law, would you have suggested that if it was Mike not happy with Sue?

Mental cruelity? Now there's a topic.

Sahajacpl, stay out of it. It's none of your business. Sounds like the marriage is over and what could you possibly do anyway?

Mike is probably backing out because he knows his wife just wants some strange cock regardless of his feelings. He already knows it's over.

[sahajacpl]

Good thoughts and comments that are stated explicitly and implicitly in all the posts we have read very carefully.

For us, having known this couple for many years, the mystery still remains. What, if anything, went wrong with the marriage after having been married for so long and having raised two wonderful children, that are (happily) married.

The problem is that neither one will open up even to their close friends. We have decided to stay out. But it still bothers us to see wonderful, longtime and close friends break up.

[lovinher]

A couple we know who are very close friends are going through the very same thing. They have been married 20+ years and now she wants out to play the field (and has). She cannot, or will not, give him a reason. She tells him what a great guy he is and that she will probably never find someone like him again. IMO, she just fell out of love. Something like that cannot be fixed. All I can do listen to my friend, give advice when I can, and be there for him when he needs to talk or vent. I suggest you do the same.

[GeeseWild]

Totally agree, men behaving badly are treated viciously on this site in comparison to women behaving badly. I also think that there is a lot of "holier than thou" comments too. Too many here are far too judgemental when they have so little information to put problems into context. My argument is to provide sound generic advice and realize that specific advice is far more likely to be more harmful than helpful.

Originally Posted by VegasLee

This is "Sue and Mike's" relationship and really none of anyone else's business.

My question would be, would you be near as supportive if it was the other way around? Would you be looking for ways to support them if Mike wanted out to chase after hot little 20 somethings? I have a feeling if you are honest with yourself that the answer would be no.

We see this all the time, old dude tosses aside wife of 30 years to chase young stuff. I have seen a few hundred pretty nasty comments about the men that do that posted in these and other forums.

Funny how things change when it is the women doing the same thing though.

Personally, I would get as far away from them as possible and let them know that IF they work it out we would like to be their friends, FRIENDS ONLY.