Playing together vs playing solo

[gavandd]

Hi All
We have been swinging for a few months now,so still pretty new to this.
We are enjoying and both comfortable with it!We full swap....and love it!
We have only played together,wife is more keen on solo play than I am.
Any advice pros and cons
Thank you G and D

[DigginIt]

Mrs. Diggs and I have always played together, same room up until just recently. We still, as of today, have only played together but that is changing. We will now go to different rooms and opened up solo options with this couple.

I think, for us anyways, that it requires the right couple.

I think the cons are that you may find yourself wondering what they are doing and the mind likes to fill in the blanks. If you have any insecurities, this is where you will find out.

The pros are that you get a little more intimate setting to have fun where you don't feel like it's a performance.

We do feel it's only a matter of time before we move into the solo play realm but again, it's a case by case basis for us and only with a couple we feel very close too.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by gavandd

...We have only played together,wife is more keen on solo play than I am.

I feel like I could answer your questions in a more personalized way if I knew how you and your wife feel about solo play. It sounds like you have differing views, how about sharing those?

Also, when you say "solo" play, do you mean each going out on your own, while the other stays home?

Or, do you mean go out together with a couple and play at the same time but in different rooms?

There's a big difference between the two.

LM

[gavandd]

we go to an on premise club with grp and pvt rooms...so we would go as a cpl but go into diff rooms for playing!
Its not actually differing views as such,i personally enjoy the whole grp thing..and in my head its kinda senseless to play solo....whereas the wife thinks solo may b more intimate for her!
thank you for the input!

[DigginIt]

It's a little opposite for us. I get a little self conscious when I suspect that my wife and the other guy are watching, lol. She doesn't seem to care one way or the other. I'm the one who likes moving into the other room. When everyone is busy, that's great, when it's just two, I'll start laughing if I feel I have an audience.

[exploringRM]

We started as a same room couple. We switched when we went home with friends to their house. We had met this couple before and hung out a number of times but never played. They invited us home after a M&G and they are separate room people. We were fine with it.

Now we are mostly separate room, but there are a few freinds that prefer same room and that is fine.

The separate room situation elimates any distractions for us, we can each focus on our swap partner; It also eliminates the awkward time when one couple is done and the other is not (wife has endless energy!).

Separate is also convenient for when we attend a house party as we seek out partners on our own in that environment.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by gavandd

we go to an on premise club with grp and pvt rooms...so we would go as a cpl but go into diff rooms for playing!
Its not actually differing views as such,i personally enjoy the whole grp thing..and in my head its kinda senseless to play solo....whereas the wife thinks solo may b more intimate for her!
thank you for the input!

gavandd ~ Thanks for providing the details.

When playing separately, you won't know what is happening to the other so it requires a trust and comfort level between you both and the people you are playing with. When you later talk about how your play went, it can be stimulating conversation. With private/solo play there can be a tendency to feel more connected to your partner, that can be positive or negative, depending on how you handle that type of intimacy with people.

It can be distracting for some people when others are in the room - they aren't able to relax and totally get into sex with people watching them or when hearing/seeing others having sex, they may even have trouble reaching climax. Contrarily, if play involves multiple people it can, as you say, add to the moment and make it more enjoyable. You may be more of a voyeur/exhibitionist than your wife.

It sounds like you and your wife simply have differing preferences. If you are both comfortable with including both types of play in swinging, then you can do just that.

LM

[asncpl]

We also started as same room couple. For us we felt there were more security when we were in each other's company. As we got more comfortable, we would give separate room a go. We find it a huge turn-on to talk about what each of us did afterwards and that usually leads to another round of play.

[belgiumcoast]

For us it depends on a few factors:

1) @ home : if there is a click for all four (or more) and it 'feels' like fun playing in separate rooms none of us ever asked the other one if it's ok, we just feel it. (like so many things in the swingers scene...)

2) @ a club: if we know the people already, it wouldn't be a problem either. As a matter of fact 2 weeks ago we went to a club with a couple we met at a private party. When we went up stairs he went into a another room (with my wife) as I did (with his wife). Actually we lost each other for a few hours, and saw each other again in the hot tub. If it's a new couple we would meet I think we would go for same room play.

We love both: same rooms gives you the opportunity to play with 4 (eg I love being fucked while giving oral to someone, or have my wife/play partner suck me when she is being fucked... ). Different rooms however give us more 'after-pleasure', what did you do with him, how...

do we know the couple ? If yes we can play together, or in separta

[lookingfornow]

We started as same room only. It was definitely a security issue and we each like to watch and be watched. Eventually, we did separate room with a couple we knew (mostly because of space considerations) and found it to be enjoyable, too. Still, both playing and in the same building. Even more recently, we have started playing separately. This seems to be a typical progression.

Together is good because it is definitely a "we" activity, there is more security, it seems less threatening to the relationship, it plays to the voyeur/exhibitionist if that is in you, and it allows for group play. There are definitely things that can be experienced in ever changing groups of three that cannot be experienced by two alone.

Separate can be good so long as the insecurities are in check because it is, in our experience, much more intimate. Also, playing separately and alone reduces performance anxieties for some.

We now see both as very good in very different ways. So, we generally follow the lead of the people with whom we are playing.

Very recently, we have begun to explore date nights where we play solo and then come back and share the details of the adventure. We will only do that with people with whom we have previously played together (because of security issues--mainly). So far, that has been fun, too--though neither of us want it to become more than an occassional thing.

[gavandd]

Thank You all for your great advice
We will have a chat and decide on what we are gonna do going forward.
Great board
xxxx
G and D

[willyoats]

I think almost all couples start as same room. It's partly a security and partly a curiosity issue. Then as we become more comfortable with the idea of sex with new partners, we can also accept the idea of not being in the same room. That actually has the advantage of not having any distraction while making love. Certainly that was my wife's feeling. She didn't care if she saw me with another woman (while I always liked to see her with another man...or two). So when she was alone with another guy, she almost always enjoyed it more.

When going to separate rooms, I was always torn between enjoying concentrating on the other woman and wondering what I was missing by not seeing my wife. If I was really into the other woman, that was not a problem. In fact, the very best times I ever had were separate room experiences. But, also two or three of the worst swinging experiences were in separate rooms.

Interestingly enough, it often happened when going separately, if I had a good time, my wife had a lousy time and vice versa. Pure coincidence, of course, but interesting.

[DiscreetDesires]

I'm not sure that we would play solo, because this is about us and sharing our experiences together.
I'm not saying that it wouldn't ever happen, but not at this point in time.
If it did happen, I'm sure that it would have to be with people we knew fairly well and could trust in a situation such as that.

There are definitely pros and cons for each type of play and you just have to figure out if the pros outweigh the cons and maybe meet somewhere in the middle incorporating both types of play.

[Coupleerotic22]

Initially, my wife wanted solo. It was not about is playing together as much as she had never experienced another man. And she was good with it, if I wanted to play alone as well. She had not thought about swinging. Swinging came about as a compromise, because I was not comfortable with her going out alone with another male for many reasons, some selfish, some safety.

So we started same room full swap. Eventually we moved to separate rooms because a favorite couple preferred that. And we were both fine with it as we know them well.

Solo came up again when I had to have abdominal surgery to repair an injury. I made the offer this time as I knew a six week recovery time would be dangerous to my health once I was able to return to play. Six weeks of sexual energy released at once from my wife would have broken my back I feared. LOL. And I knew she would need a little relief during the recovery time as well.

She went to play solo with a male half of a couple we already knew well. In the end she decided she liked playing together better. That is not to say we won't do it again, as it makes getting away a lot easier since we have kids at home. It it will always be someone we know and trust well. I trust her completely, just not everybody else.

I like playing same room because I love to watch her get pleasure and the same for her. She also likes it because if I see she is not having as much fun as she would like, I can reach over and kiss or touch her, in ways only I know, that will raise her level of pleasure without interrupting the flow for either of us.

We like separate rooms because, as she puts it, she is not a multitasker, and can easily be distracted. She has a real difficult time with threesomes because she looses focus and might stop playing with one partner if the other is really sending her for loops. Unfortunately for our playmates, that means she usually stops playing with them as I have the benefit of knowing what buttons to push when. But she is working on it tirelessly . I like it because I have found some women will let loose a bit more and allow themselves to have more fun if their husband is not right there. While other couples are more like me, it raises their excitement level to see the other pleasured. TO each his own.

As for separately, now it is more about convenience than desire. If it works out fine, if not fine. In the end we prefer to be together or at least nearby (within ear shot). If it is someone we have not know for a long while and don't trust completely, then its a no go. She does not hold me to that same standard, but I do out of fairness and love for my wife.

We have not been doing this long but we have found that some couples are adamant about it being one way or the other, being flexible gives us more opportunities to play. We have also found that while some say SAME ROOM only, that may not be the case, some seem to happily break their own rule in that regard. We chalked it up to shutting down the possibility of separate rooms if the other couple is not comfortable.