Responding to a question about another couple

[exploringRM]

We recently were asked about a couple (#1) from another couple (#2) as cpl #1 contacted #2 and passed on that they (cpl #2) know us. We know both couples, really good friends (and played) with #2 and have hung out a bit with #1.

I'm curious how others handle this. We didn't have anything negative to say about #1, but even positive comments are subjective. We may say #1 are a really nice couple but #2 may not view them the same way.

At times when we meet new people we find out we have mutual friends and generally we always say how nice or friendly the mutual friends are. Never any details about if we played or things like that. I don't have an issue with that type of conversation, but when another couple is relying on us for a recommendation I feel a little put on the spot.

So when asked about a mutual couple/friend how do you respond? What if you had something negatvie to say? In either case, it's your own perspective/opinion of which another couple may not feel the same way.

[VegasLee]

Unless someone is a total Nut case and that fact is well known I don't tend to give negative opinions of others. Just because I did not click with someone does not mean they are great people.

If someone asks me I tend to be hones. Either I liked them or I did not. Most people that know me know I will say it as I see it. Both in person and on the Internet. There is not two versions of "Lee".

You never need to give details. What you do or do not do with others is your business. If you click, great, if not, feel free to express that but with a disclaimer if it was just a personal thing between you and them.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Some of the biggest mistakes I have made since my wife and I became involved in the lifestyle were to comment to one couple what I thought of another couple. I no longer venture opinion. I seek ways of diplomatically side-stepping questions. Some facts I will give such as, "Yes, we know them." I might sometimes add a small fact like, "Gee, I guess we haven't got together with them in a while," then steer the conversation somewhere else.

~Michael

[The Fuse]

We try to speak in generalities about others when asked our opinion. Occasionally we will say a little more, but always qualify it with something to the effect that our opinion is only that, and if the questioner is curious about someone, they ought to try to get to know that person or couple and take anything others say with a big grain of salt.

Sometimes we really have to bite our tongues. A while ago we were on a first dinner date with a couple, who brought up a third couple we both know. We had decide we didn't like the third couple and didn't want to pursue even a friendship. Our dinner dates said they had met this third couple at a party previously. The third couple, though they said they knew many party guests, weren't talking to anyone and weren't being talked to. Our dinner dates said they noticed this, and the third couple basically said yes, they knew people and weren't socializing. Our dates said they decided to engage with this couple and had a great time. Mr. Fuse and I were looking at each other wondering... if we met a couple at a party who were being unfriendly to multiple couples they knew there, and it was a mutual unfriendliness, we'd wonder whether there was a good reason, and tend to be cautious. But... our dates said they had a great time. That's all that matters. We weren't about to try to scare them away from someone they enjoyed. However, it did make us wonder about their judgment. We didn't have overwhelming chemistry with them anyway, which was convenient.

[DigginIt]

Just a little interesting twist on this. After having fun nights with two couples who know each other very well but no longer play together; both couples were very curious (initially, not any longer) about what we thought about the other couple.

Since they both frequent these forums ... we responded with and would respond with to anyone who asked us about either of them "We really enjoyed their company" followed by a mischievous smile on our face.