Does Everybody Have Sex On There 1st.meeting?

carrysmith · 02-17-2010, 03:51 AM

I really dont know if this has happend to anyone else or if any one here can relate to what we are saying..but at the club we attend & few private partys we;ve gone to,we get approched by alot of people!, they seem to be the best folks in the world, we start talking & they agree & do everything we do,at 1st it was a real surprize it seemed everybody that spoke to us was identical to ous and to our life style,but anyways we tell them our rules for partying they say ok to everything right,but when we start playing around they basically kissed there asses with our rules & are just trying to (FUCK) me & my husban ( mainly me) anyways they can! once we tell them to slowdown on there agressiveness & tacttics, they imidately get pissed off & fade away!, after that they wont talk to us anywere espeically if im with my husband, if im alone the guy will send his wife over to me immidately!..what ever happen to taking it slowly, becomeing freinds,letting time take its corse, get comfertable with eachother or just having a few drinks,some dancing soft touching & a funnite and leave some fun/fantassies for the nexttime???...would u guys say that the aggrestion/pushynes level has gone up among the swinger lifestyle especially at clubs??..

The Fuse · 02-17-2010, 07:52 AM

carrysmith,

Every post of yours that I've read seems to be about something pretty nasty-- people doing drugs, towel sharks, pushy people, and the like.

While most of us have encountered something unsavory occasionally along the way, it is more the exception than the rule. In contrast, you seem to post about so many of these experiences that I have to wonder if you are simply choosing the wrong places to go. Everyone in Miami can't possibly be so awful.

I would advise you to find a different club, and talk to the owners or hosts before attending. Tell them what you have seen in other places and make it clear you are not looking for those things. See what they say. Make it your business to find a classy place, and to fit in. If someone is doing something unsavory, tell security or a host.

exploringRM · 02-17-2010, 08:10 AM

Not everyone has sex on the first meeting, but typically at a party people go there to play. That being said, there is no excuse for bad behavior or ignoring your rules.

We've been to several parties where there were soft swap, and no swap (more sex in same room with partner) couples, and no one pressured them into doing anything. But I will say that is we are going to a party or club and we would like to "play" will won't spend tons of time with a couple that that is not interested in play that evening. We won't be rude and will talk but we won't spend the entire evening just getting to know someone when there may be play opportunities with other couples.

VegasLee · 02-17-2010, 08:19 AM

I pretty much agree with what has been said so far.

People go to clubs to have sex in most cases. Those that want to hook up online, go to dinner and such are the ones that tend to be more of the slow players. Once people take the time to go to spend the money and go to clubs they are looking to hook up most of the time. Many are not looking to become your life long friend. We have friends, we don't go to the club looking for more of them.

I completely go along with "The Fuse." You have not posted anything positive about the Lifestyle since you came to these forums. Most people that have such negative experiences as you do would find a new hobby. This one does not appear to be for you at all.

Once or twice with bad experiences I could go along with it is the other people. Always having bad experiences then maybe it is time you start looking at yourself to see what it is that is attracting all the "wrong" type people to you.

DigginIt · 02-17-2010, 09:58 AM

I will say that if a couple has come to a party/club to hook up then they don't want to waste any time. If you give them the signal that you are not playing that night then they are going to beat feet to the next couple they are attracted to until they find a couple that is also looking to hook up.

We were at a social this past Saturday. It was fun and we met a couple there that we spoke with for quite awhile. As soon as they mentioned going back to their hotel room, we told them that we don't play on initial meets. We are a friends first couple. As soon as we told them that, you could see them beeline to their second choice couple followed by their third choice, lol. I don't fault them and we still continued to talk all night but they had an objective and we understand that. It sounds to me that you don't get that and when you may be interested but just not interested for that immediate moment, you get offended when they move out to search for someone else looking for sex that night or even at that moment if it's on premise.

If you want to find people more your speed then filter them out though the websites and stay away from the clubs if you don't like the way things operate there. Just understand that they are there for a reason that may not be the same as yours.

We now have a lot of friends at the social that we kiss up too and dance with, etc. Most are all close friends or friends we have already had great nights with which could give the wrong signals to someone watching but when they approach us, we are just bluntly honest. We don't hook up on the first date ... unless they are just ultra hot

mikeandjenn2001 · 02-17-2010, 03:58 PM

Normally when we go to clubs, we're not expecting anything to happen. If we meet another couple we're interested in and all are comfortable, we'll move on to a room for fun. If we were to meet a couple at a club and they told us that they don't play on the first meet, we'd be understanding and still talk to them and hang out with them, but that's us.

You have to understand that not everybody is in the lifestyle for the same reasons and if somebody is going to blow you off because you won't play with them on the first meet, that's their loss.

**good times** · 02-17-2010, 05:03 PM

Yep, we go to the club to hook up with folks for sex. If we meet someone we are interested in, and they do not want to have sex, we move on, as they are obviously not the people we went there to meet. If we meet someone, and have sex, we may, or may not become good friends later.

The idea of going to a swingers club to make new friends is one I just do not understand. The fact is, rarely do people at a swingers club have anything more in common than they are looking for others to have sex with. Not unlike any other social venue were folks gather to share a common interest, like a motorcycle club for example. At the motorcycle club, folks gather to find others interested in motorcycles. At the swingers club, they gather looking for folks interested in sex with others. Seems pretty simple to me.

DigginIt · 02-17-2010, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by good times

The idea of going to a swingers club to make new friends is one I just do not understand.

Agree with the 'new' friends comment for the most part but many go to hang out with their 'existing' swinger friends to flirt, dance and generally have a good time. Also, when we are there, we meet friends of those friends and therefore you have new friends, lol. You are not necessarily there to meet new friends but you do meet new friends.

YZF · 02-17-2010, 05:34 PM

Since we got into the LS Mrs. YZF and I have yet to meet with a couple (or third) withhout having sex first. We have had a couple of times that were supposed to be "meet only" dinners at a restaurant that we wound up having sex with at the end.

Edison Carter · 02-17-2010, 06:02 PM

Susan here- Just curious, what are your rules ?

I've not been to many Clubs, but the atmosphere is definitely more sexually charged than a night out with another couple or a meet and greet house party.

When we're at a Club, sexual immediacy, within reason, is the scene. The boundaries are broader and should be because of the environment. I won't do anything I don't want to, yet will push the boundaries of enthusiasm a bit more and allow that too. Too have a lot of rules really is just looking for trouble.

From our point of view, if we play with others at a club, it's definitely more of a 'meet and mate' scene. I'm not expecting to ever see a play couple again after a night at a Club. and that is perfectly fine

**BiloxiCouple** · 02-17-2010, 06:10 PM

It's like everyone is always being wrong/problem around ya'll. Instead of trying to point a finger all the time, try holding up a mirror first and looking into it. Ask the question, "What have I done to get to this situation?"

Not everyone can always be the problem and not every club you go to.

Like others have said your previous posts speak for themselves.

it'sso · 02-17-2010, 07:09 PM

My theory is that there is somebody out there for each of us. I think the OP and her husband have found theirs. It isn't unusual for one or both members of a couple to not be what another couple is looking for when playing.
Had it happen to me more than once to the point that I m now just an observer.

**two4youinswva** · 02-17-2010, 09:14 PM

If we had as many bad experiences at clubs as you seem to have had, we would have given up on swinging a looonng time ago. At some point you're going to have to decide whether or not swinging is for you. If I queried the Magic 8-Ball on your behalf, it would probably give the response "Outlook not so good".

We go to the club with no expectations, but the main reason we go is to be open to the possibility of having sex with another couple when there is a mutual attraction. So, yeah, we've often, and mostly had sex on the first meeting.

SoFlaCp · 02-17-2010, 11:10 PM

Yeah, we have bumped uglies on the first date frequently. We are here to have fun, if we match up well and like the couple, why not?

BTW - we go to the club to have fun with each other and indulge our exhibitionist side. If we get lucky and meet up with others and get to swap - then that is a great capstone to what is already a good night. We've only met one towel shark that was a problem in 4 visits, so I'd say we are having pretty good luck. This is the Trap in SoFla - but couples nights only.

carrysmith · 02-19-2010, 03:35 AM

ok so what do u do or say when the club doesnt have a host ( never has ),the mamangemnt is mess & everything goes in1 ear and out the other & its the only swingers/sex club in miami,, and yes ive done my reaserch its the only 1!, no one else as even attemped to start another swingersclub here casue there isnt enough buissness 2 support it.

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02-17-2010, 03:51 AM	#1 (permalink)
carrysmith Has Left the Building Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 67 Location: miami Status: couple	Does Everybody Have Sex On There 1st.meeting? I really dont know if this has happend to anyone else or if any one here can relate to what we are saying..but at the club we attend & few private partys we;ve gone to,we get approched by alot of people!, they seem to be the best folks in the world, we start talking & they agree & do everything we do,at 1st it was a real surprize it seemed everybody that spoke to us was identical to ous and to our life style,but anyways we tell them our rules for partying they say ok to everything right,but when we start playing around they basically kissed there asses with our rules & are just trying to (FUCK) me & my husban ( mainly me) anyways they can! once we tell them to slowdown on there agressiveness & tacttics, they imidately get pissed off & fade away!, after that they wont talk to us anywere espeically if im with my husband, if im alone the guy will send his wife over to me immidately!..what ever happen to taking it slowly, becomeing freinds,letting time take its corse, get comfertable with eachother or just having a few drinks,some dancing soft touching & a funnite and leave some fun/fantassies for the nexttime???...would u guys say that the aggrestion/pushynes level has gone up among the swinger lifestyle especially at clubs??..

02-17-2010, 07:52 AM	#2 (permalink)
The Fuse Way too opinionated Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 1,826 Location: Southeastern Virginia Status: Single Female Swing Lifestyle Name:The_Fuse	Re: Does Everybody Sex On There 1st.meeting? carrysmith, Every post of yours that I've read seems to be about something pretty nasty-- people doing drugs, towel sharks, pushy people, and the like. While most of us have encountered something unsavory occasionally along the way, it is more the exception than the rule. In contrast, you seem to post about so many of these experiences that I have to wonder if you are simply choosing the wrong places to go. Everyone in Miami can't possibly be so awful. I would advise you to find a different club, and talk to the owners or hosts before attending. Tell them what you have seen in other places and make it clear you are not looking for those things. See what they say. Make it your business to find a classy place, and to fit in. If someone is doing something unsavory, tell security or a host.
	__________________ Through every dead and living thing, Time runs, like a fuse. -- Jackson Browne

02-17-2010, 08:10 AM	#3 (permalink)
exploringRM Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 850 Location: York, PA Status: Couple - he posts/reads Swing Lifestyle Name:hereforfunrm	Re: Does Everybody Sex On There 1st.meeting? Not everyone has sex on the first meeting, but typically at a party people go there to play. That being said, there is no excuse for bad behavior or ignoring your rules. We've been to several parties where there were soft swap, and no swap (more sex in same room with partner) couples, and no one pressured them into doing anything. But I will say that is we are going to a party or club and we would like to "play" will won't spend tons of time with a couple that that is not interested in play that evening. We won't be rude and will talk but we won't spend the entire evening just getting to know someone when there may be play opportunities with other couples.

02-17-2010, 08:19 AM	#4 (permalink)
VegasLee Laura's Male Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 1,951 Location: Las Vegas, Nevada Status: Laura's Male	Re: Does Everybody Sex On There 1st.meeting? I pretty much agree with what has been said so far. People go to clubs to have sex in most cases. Those that want to hook up online, go to dinner and such are the ones that tend to be more of the slow players. Once people take the time to go to spend the money and go to clubs they are looking to hook up most of the time. Many are not looking to become your life long friend. We have friends, we don't go to the club looking for more of them. I completely go along with "The Fuse." You have not posted anything positive about the Lifestyle since you came to these forums. Most people that have such negative experiences as you do would find a new hobby. This one does not appear to be for you at all. Once or twice with bad experiences I could go along with it is the other people. Always having bad experiences then maybe it is time you start looking at yourself to see what it is that is attracting all the "wrong" type people to you.
	__________________ You all laugh at me because I am different. I laugh at all of you because you are all the same.

02-17-2010, 09:58 AM	#5 (permalink)
DigginIt Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 960 Location: Florida Status: He writes, she corrects spelling. Swing Lifestyle Name:DigginIt	Re: Does Everybody Sex On There 1st.meeting? I will say that if a couple has come to a party/club to hook up then they don't want to waste any time. If you give them the signal that you are not playing that night then they are going to beat feet to the next couple they are attracted to until they find a couple that is also looking to hook up. We were at a social this past Saturday. It was fun and we met a couple there that we spoke with for quite awhile. As soon as they mentioned going back to their hotel room, we told them that we don't play on initial meets. We are a friends first couple. As soon as we told them that, you could see them beeline to their second choice couple followed by their third choice, lol. I don't fault them and we still continued to talk all night but they had an objective and we understand that. It sounds to me that you don't get that and when you may be interested but just not interested for that immediate moment, you get offended when they move out to search for someone else looking for sex that night or even at that moment if it's on premise. If you want to find people more your speed then filter them out though the websites and stay away from the clubs if you don't like the way things operate there. Just understand that they are there for a reason that may not be the same as yours. We now have a lot of friends at the social that we kiss up too and dance with, etc. Most are all close friends or friends we have already had great nights with which could give the wrong signals to someone watching but when they approach us, we are just bluntly honest. We don't hook up on the first date ... unless they are just ultra hot

02-17-2010, 03:58 PM	#6 (permalink)
mikeandjenn2001 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 118 Location: Dayton, OH Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:mikenjenn2001	Re: Does Everybody Sex On There 1st.meeting? Normally when we go to clubs, we're not expecting anything to happen. If we meet another couple we're interested in and all are comfortable, we'll move on to a room for fun. If we were to meet a couple at a club and they told us that they don't play on the first meet, we'd be understanding and still talk to them and hang out with them, but that's us. You have to understand that not everybody is in the lifestyle for the same reasons and if somebody is going to blow you off because you won't play with them on the first meet, that's their loss.

02-17-2010, 05:03 PM	#7 (permalink)
good times Mod Squad Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 6,919 Location: Reno, Nevada Status: Married to Mrs Good Times Swing Lifestyle Name:randp	Re: Does Everybody Sex On There 1st.meeting? Yep, we go to the club to hook up with folks for sex. If we meet someone we are interested in, and they do not want to have sex, we move on, as they are obviously not the people we went there to meet. If we meet someone, and have sex, we may, or may not become good friends later. The idea of going to a swingers club to make new friends is one I just do not understand. The fact is, rarely do people at a swingers club have anything more in common than they are looking for others to have sex with. Not unlike any other social venue were folks gather to share a common interest, like a motorcycle club for example. At the motorcycle club, folks gather to find others interested in motorcycles. At the swingers club, they gather looking for folks interested in sex with others. Seems pretty simple to me.
	__________________ R (He is R, she is P)

02-17-2010, 05:34 PM	#9 (permalink)
YZF Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 198 Location: Texas	Re: Does Everybody Sex On There 1st.meeting? Since we got into the LS Mrs. YZF and I have yet to meet with a couple (or third) withhout having sex first. We have had a couple of times that were supposed to be "meet only" dinners at a restaurant that we wound up having sex with at the end.

02-17-2010, 06:02 PM	#10 (permalink)
Edison Carter Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 733 Location: Naperville, Il Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:EdisonCarter	Re: Does Everybody Sex On There 1st.meeting? Susan here- Just curious, what are your rules ? I've not been to many Clubs, but the atmosphere is definitely more sexually charged than a night out with another couple or a meet and greet house party. When we're at a Club, sexual immediacy, within reason, is the scene. The boundaries are broader and should be because of the environment. I won't do anything I don't want to, yet will push the boundaries of enthusiasm a bit more and allow that too. Too have a lot of rules really is just looking for trouble. From our point of view, if we play with others at a club, it's definitely more of a 'meet and mate' scene. I'm not expecting to ever see a play couple again after a night at a Club. and that is perfectly fine

02-17-2010, 06:10 PM	#11 (permalink)
BiloxiCouple Julie's Helper Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 4,002 Location: Biloxi, Mississippi Status: Couple with benefits and retired Swing Lifestyle Name:graceful	Re: Does Everybody Sex On There 1st.meeting? It's like everyone is always being wrong/problem around ya'll. Instead of trying to point a finger all the time, try holding up a mirror first and looking into it. Ask the question, "What have I done to get to this situation?" Not everyone can always be the problem and not every club you go to. Like others have said your previous posts speak for themselves.
	__________________ *Live in the moment before they are gone.*

02-17-2010, 07:09 PM	#12 (permalink)
it'sso Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 263 Location: Lakewood, Ohio Status: married male	Re: Does Everybody Have Sex On There 1st.meeting? My theory is that there is somebody out there for each of us. I think the OP and her husband have found theirs. It isn't unusual for one or both members of a couple to not be what another couple is looking for when playing. Had it happen to me more than once to the point that I m now just an observer.

02-17-2010, 09:14 PM	#13 (permalink)
two4youinswva Better than Ice Cream Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 6,653 Location: va Status: Couple. He posts, She reads	Re: Does Everybody Have Sex On There 1st.meeting? If we had as many bad experiences at clubs as you seem to have had, we would have given up on swinging a looonng time ago. At some point you're going to have to decide whether or not swinging is for you. If I queried the Magic 8-Ball on your behalf, it would probably give the response "Outlook not so good". We go to the club with no expectations, but the main reason we go is to be open to the possibility of having sex with another couple when there is a mutual attraction. So, yeah, we've often, and mostly had sex on the first meeting.
	__________________ Knew a girl named Nikki I guess you could say....

02-17-2010, 11:10 PM	#14 (permalink)
SoFlaCp Here to Stay Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 55 Location: Palm Beaches, FL Status: Couple	Re: Does Everybody Have Sex On There 1st.meeting? Yeah, we have bumped uglies on the first date frequently. We are here to have fun, if we match up well and like the couple, why not? BTW - we go to the club to have fun with each other and indulge our exhibitionist side. If we get lucky and meet up with others and get to swap - then that is a great capstone to what is already a good night. We've only met one towel shark that was a problem in 4 visits, so I'd say we are having pretty good luck. This is the Trap in SoFla - but couples nights only.

02-19-2010, 03:35 AM	#15 (permalink)
carrysmith Has Left the Building Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 67 Location: miami Status: couple	Re: Does Everybody Have Sex On There 1st.meeting? ok so what do u do or say when the club doesnt have a host ( never has ),the mamangemnt is mess & everything goes in1 ear and out the other & its the only swingers/sex club in miami,, and yes ive done my reaserch its the only 1!, no one else as even attemped to start another swingersclub here casue there isnt enough buissness 2 support it.

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