mutual satisfaction

[bobcat2712]

My wife and I have had several "encounters" with people we have met. Unfortunately, my wife's satisfaction hasn't equaled mine. We have talked about it after each and have tried to make adjustments, but she gets frustrated and I get frustrated because I want her to have as good a time as what I have.

Some of the issues

There's the obvious:
- the gentlemen (for whatever reason) can't get hard ---- our solution - for me to make sure I include her in with myself & partner

Less obvious:
- my wife has a hard time reaching orgasm (we've tried multiple products from various stores with little success)....and the partners I've been with have a much easier time and have been able to have multiple O's.

I want my wife to have a GOOD time and enjoy herself......this lifestyle isn't just for me but for both of us.

Any ideas or feedback would be appreciated.

sincerely
Bobcat

[DigginIt]

I think there has been a few threads similar in nature to this one but always a good subject.

Four out of the last five couples we have been with ALL had problems with erections. Funny enough, three of those four all stated at sometime during the night that "they don't NEED ED drugs ...." umm, okay, whatever, keep telling yourself that guys.

There is a lot of pressure on you the first time you meet a couple. The second time, less, the third time even less but for me, and obviously others, the distractions are overwhelming it seems. An ounce of prevention as the old saying goes .... Get over your pride and get some Cialis. Why is this such a problem with some guys?

My wife and I think there are a lot of wives that need clitoral stimulation in order to reach an orgasm and that requires a partner that cares for more than just his own satisfaction. My wife only reaches it from oral sex and with very few exceptions. Then, it still takes at least about 10 minutes if she is very sexually charged with an average of 15 - 20 minutes.

We try to find couples that are proud of their 'oral' abilities. At least if they can't get it up, they can still get her off

Are you looking for regular swing couples or are these mostly one night stands. We try to find couples that we can build up a little intimacy with so they 'learn' what she needs.

Good luck because we know how frustrating it is.

[ncmd_couple]

Well, there isn't much you can do about the other guy not getting it up. There have been multiple discussions about that topic here.

One suggestion is that your wife needs to tell the other man what she wants him to do. All women are different, and on a first encounter, it is sometimes difficult to satisfy a woman unless she guides you, tells you what she likes, and what isn't doing it for her.

S

[JustAskJulie]

Hey BobCat, your wife's problem is probably as common (if not more) than the problem of guys not being able to get it / keep it up in the first place.

I'm in the same boat with her as far as having a hard time cumming. In general, I don't. But in a swinging environment it is very difficult for me to orgasm due to so many distractions. It is frustrating yes, but I've learned to just let it go and enjoy what I do get out of the encounters. I've also learned to not be afraid to help things along. I take a toy with me and/or I use my fingers to pleasure myself while they are doing whatever they are doing. It's not a knock on their ability, it just takes more for me to orgasm with the distractions.

When you combine that with running into the guys who can't get it/ keep it up it becomes even more difficult because they are one tool down. The key there is to encourage them to use the other tools and not get stuck on that one tool they can't use (and then still help out where/if necessary).

[magnum]

Originally Posted by DigginIt

I think there has been a few threads similar in nature to this one but always a good subject.

Four out of the last five couples we have been with ALL had problems with erections. Funny enough, three of those four all stated at sometime during the night that "they don't NEED ED drugs ...." umm, okay, whatever, keep telling yourself that guys.

There is a lot of pressure on you the first time you meet a couple. The second time, less, the third time even less but for me, and obviously others, the distractions are overwhelming it seems. An ounce of prevention as the old saying goes .... Get over your pride and get some Cialis. Why is this such a problem with some guys?

My wife and I think there are a lot of wives that need clitoral stimulation in order to reach an orgasm and that requires a partner that cares for more than just his own satisfaction. My wife only reaches it from oral sex and with very few exceptions. Then, it still takes at least about 10 minutes if she is very sexually charged with an average of 15 - 20 minutes.

We try to find couples that are proud of their 'oral' abilities. At least if they can't get it up, they can still get her off

Are you looking for regular swing couples or are these mostly one night stands. We try to find couples that we can build up a little intimacy with so they 'learn' what she needs.

Good luck because we know how frustrating it is.

I just wasnted to say hey, and that you guy's sound like a fun couple. Do you ever play with single males? How do you feel about afican american male paymates?

[magnum]

Originally Posted by bobcat2712

My wife and I have had several "encounters" with people we have met. Unfortunately, my wife's satisfaction hasn't equaled mine. We have talked about it after each and have tried to make adjustments, but she gets frustrated and I get frustrated because I want her to have as good a time as what I have.

Some of the issues

There's the obvious:
- the gentlemen (for whatever reason) can't get hard ---- our solution - for me to make sure I include her in with myself & partner

Less obvious:
- my wife has a hard time reaching orgasm (we've tried multiple products from various stores with little success)....and the partners I've been with have a much easier time and have been able to have multiple O's.

I want my wife to have a GOOD time and enjoy herself......this lifestyle isn't just for me but for both of us.

Any ideas or feedback would be appreciated.

sincerely
Bobcat

Good luck...I might take Digginit's advice and find a regular couple/playmate that you can play with, one that will be willing to make sure your wife enjoys herself to the fullest and is not just in it form himself. Is your wife Bi???Maybe you can find a woman to please her as well???

[DigginIt]

Originally Posted by magnum

I just wasnted to say hey, and that you guy's sound like a fun couple. Do you ever play with single males? How do you feel about afican american male paymates?

Denver is quite a ways away, lol. We do play with single males on occasion but we haven't in quite awhile due to having such good connections with other couples at the moment.

We have no bias towards anyone as long as there is attraction

[magnum]

Originally Posted by DigginIt

Denver is quite a ways away, lol. We do play with single males on occasion but we haven't in quite awhile due to having such good connections with other couples at the moment.

We have no bias towards anyone as long as there is attraction

Hey, thanks for the reply. If I get to Florida one day soon, I will drop you guy's a line. I am due for a vacation. If you find your selfs heading west, let me know as well.

Cheers

[Willing29]

I have to agree, if someone is having stage fright then it's time to reach for vitamin V or something else to make you rise to the occasion. It's terrible to plan a date get and then not be able to get it up. The guys just have to swallow their pride and talk to their doctors, it's only awkward the first time . But to answer the original question if everyone is not satisfied and walking away smiling, then it will not be a pleasant experience. As Diggin said if you are new to the LS find some folks that everyone (all 4) is very comfortable with and just have some fun. Good luck and have fun!

[SaSsyNsWeEt]

Wow Bobcat, you have explained us to a T!

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by bobcat2712

Some of the issues:

- the gentlemen (for whatever reason) can't get hard ---- our solution - for me to make sure I include her in with myself & partner

Ok...just a thought...how is this fair for the other guy? I mean, basically you are down to having a FMF while the other guy is left on the sidelines.

For whatever reason he/they can't get it up...it never fails to amaze me that guys seem to forget that they have a tongue and fingers that should still be in working order (I know most guys get embarassed when their shiz don't work and the anxiety of knowing that his wife is over there getting the fucked like there's no tomorrow just adds to the pressure).

Regardless of his lack of performance, have you ever considered just swapping back to your wife and let the other lady go back to her husband? Or do separate rooms so there is less pressure to perform?

- my wife has a hard time reaching orgasm (we've tried multiple products from various stores with little success)....and the partners I've been with have a much easier time and have been able to have multiple O's.

I agree that this is a pretty common problem as 1 its way easier for ladies to fake an O or feign interest in a partner b/c we can always use lube...most guys can't just spray or rub lotion on their cock to make it work.

First of all...tell people up front. Most guys view this as a challenge and want to be the one that gets you there. Secondly...define having a hard time getting there? She takes more than 3 seconds to get there?

We have come across quite a few ladies in the LS that barely need to be breathed on to be hitting an orgasm (I kid I kid...altho not by much ) and here it takes me at least 10-15 min of oral to get there. Yeah...not exactly an ego boost when my guy is over there fucking the daylights out of the guy's wife, she's screaming the roof down, and he thinks he's down on a tootsie pop (insert ED for the guy anywhere at this point). There have definitely been times that I have had uncharitable thoughts after a party. Sometimes I chalk it up to guys that are used to having someone that has an easier time to get there...other times its more along the lines of "at least I know why she wants in the LS...dude barely does oral and is done in 2 minutes." Yeah...its frustrating.

Also, as Julie mentioned...when doing same room or being in a playroom/common area at a party/club....there are just too damn many distractions...people milling around, possibly a porn playing in the background, people having sex, etc...and if someone already has a hard time getting there, then all of these things can be the kiss of death for an O.

Most ladies aren't comfortable telling a partner exactly what they want...but if they aren't doing something that works...pipe up. Are there times that I feel like I shouldn't have to 'lend a hand' if the guy isn't doing enough of what I like...sure because I wonder why bother with having a partner if I have to do all the work....but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do to make it a good experience.

Good luck