How much of a friendship are you looking for?

[ALilOEverything]

I was reading through various posts today and the importance of friends first keeps coming up again and again. I too am one who really prefers to make friends and not just jump into bed with a different person every time.

What I really realized in reading different posts that it's a different kind of friendship I look for than in the vanilla would. I'm not looking for a friend to call when I'm upset and needing a shoulder to lean on. I'm not looking for a friend to visit me when I'm sick or to be for me if tragedy strikes. I have friends for that already.

I realize that I'm more looking for a just casual acquaintances. I want people who we can chit chat with on a semi regular basis about the more simple things in life but nothing really serious. I want to be able to hang out with them at clubs and parties but it to be okay if do or don't have sex with them that night. I've found the more seriously I get involved with the friendship with a swing partner the less I actually want to be with them sexually. The only person I want to have that deep connection with when I have sex is my husband.

So for those of you who look for friendships in yours swing partners, how much of a friendship are you actually looking for? Is it a different kind/level of friendship that you have with your vanilla friends (setting the difference of sex aside)?

[CXXC]

How interesting that you should bring this topic up now.

Mrs. CXXC and I were just having that very same discussion yesterday. TO what depth do we want to have a relationship with our LS friends?

In our lifestyle adventure, we have discovered some truly remarkable individuals and couples. In that group of people, we have found a handful who would fit the bill as those we could call upon for help in any given situation. We consider ourselves truly blessed whenever we find ANYONE, vanilla or Lifestyle, with whom we can trust so deeply.

However, I would have to say, at this time, we have been forced to re-evaluate our requirement for "Friends first". You see, we are peculiar people when it comes to letting people into our lives and hearts so deeply. Perhaps not so peculiar, but more restrictive. After meeting so many people in our lives, we have litterlly thousands of associates. Out of the number of individuals with whom we have encountered, we can honestly say, we have only gathered a handfull of true friends.

Perhaps we would do well to define what a friend in the lifestyle would be. And you have done a wonderful job of filling that task. We are not talking aobut a friend to whom we place in the ranks of blood relative loved ones. We are not even asking these individuals to support us in our dreams and desires for happiness or good fortune.

A friend in the lifestyle is, at best, a distraction from all of the little tasks we have in life. A LS Friend is one whom we can call, set up a fun evening of sex (or not sex) dinner, dancing, frivolity and most of all, self actualization that we are still desired by members of the opposite sex.

These "Frineds" are the people we trust with a closely guarded secret. They posess the same fear of discovery as we do. Therefore, we are united by a our desires further. Our LS friends share with us our passin, fun, excitement, quirks and SO's.

the next question that begs to be asked is; what happens when the LS friendship develops into that deeper relationship of true and treasured friend. As we have seen in our lifestyle involvement, the sexual aspect takes a back seat. The revered lifestyle friends become something more of a family member and sex begins to lose its appeal.

Mrs. CXXC and I have come to the conclusion that for now, we are looking to find sexually compatable people with whom we can share the good times and fun with BEFORE we walk down the path of friendship!

Thank you for a really great question!

[exploringRM]

We were a friends first couple when we started. We found it very difficult to get through deciding on couples, no playing right away, etc. Time is limited, we just can't go through meeting after meeting to decide if we are friends.

After a few months we switched to liking a couple at a base level is enough to have a play session. That typically would involved reading their online profile, chatting a bit, find some attraction.

But we have a variety of levels of friendship. And for some these friendship go so much deeper than our vanilla friends. Just so much more to share.

[MrXxotic]

Over the years we've had friends that became playmates and playmates that became friends. We are neither friends nor playmates with any of them. Sex and friendship doesn't seem to work for us long term.

In an ideal world we would have one or two couples and one or two single men that we like well enough to spend quality vanilla time with. Someone to share a beach condo, mountain cabin, or weekend ride with. They wouldn't have to be friends just someone that shares a common interest in addition to sex.

We also like the freedom of hooking up with people we find attractive and having NSA sex.

[BamaRide]

What I want in my lifestyle partners is to be able to understand them and what makes them tick. My mindset is eutopian in nature so I see the 'best sex' being derived from knowing my partners and their desires...the triggers... and them knowing mine. It's not quite poly in that I don't have to 'love' my partners but I do respect them and really consider them among my friends.

BamaRide

[TheLorax]

We're not looking for best friends type situations, though we wouldn't avoid it either. Basically we'd like people with whom we could enjoy a hike, a short vacation, an evening out, and so on. And if sex happened as a part of that, great. If it didn't happen at any particular time, no big deal, but knowing that it could happen adds some fun to the friendship.

[SecretAsianMan]

I prefer to make friends with them... even if we do jump immediately into bed together - I'd at least like to get to know them & be friends later.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by ALilOEverything

I realize that I'm more looking for a just casual acquaintances. I want people who we can chit chat with on a semi regular basis about the more simple things in life but nothing really serious. I want to be able to hang out with them at clubs and parties but it to be okay if do or don't have sex with them that night. I've found the more seriously I get involved with the friendship with a swing partner the less I actually want to be with them sexually. The only person I want to have that deep connection with when I have sex is my husband.

My sentiments exactly!

[LFM2]

We're right up there with Julie and ALilOEverything.

We're not interested in making best friends out of swinging friends. We're happy to hang out and laugh and talk. Maybe have sex and maybe not.

[N8ture Girl]

Originally Posted by LFM2

We're right up there with Julie and ALilOEverything.

We're not interested in making best friends out of swinging friends. We're happy to hang out and laugh and talk. Maybe have sex and maybe not.

Glad we are not the only ones that feel this way..

When we first jumped into the LS, we wanted friends first, then play later...just didnt work out and luckly we realized that pretty quick. So we soon ditched the friends first rule....

[ncmd_couple]

Well, we are in kind of a different situation. We just moved to NC a few months ago. I have no friends at all within hundreds of miles. L has a few through her job. It would be nice to meet a couple where I could become friendly with the guy and have someone to do guy shit with. Ya' know, shoot sporting clays, that kind of stuff. It would be nice if they were also swingers so that if they wanted to come over for a weekend of sun by the pool there wouldn't be any hangups.

S

[Tia Vampire]

We would like to find friends that sex was an option with each other when ever we got together to do whatever. After we finished with our evening out on the town, the four of us would go back home or to a hotel to have unbelievable sex all night long into the early morning hours. That is what friends with benefits mean to us. Of course we would have to be good friends first.

[SheLovesTheSun]

The kind of friendships that we're looking for in swinging would be more causal, hey let's have some fun thing. Sometimes you have a stressful week and you just want to let it go, de-stress, and just have a good time. Overall, having a friendship with the people we're swinging with is important; it just won't be a deep friendship.

[ItTakes3]

We have a split decision. My wife wants to become friends first and if it leads to the bedroom, great! If not...well, it's always nice to have another friend.

Sadly, I'm more the typical male...interested in sex first and usually not much interested in friendship. I'm more interested in becoming friends with my wife's partners than with mine.

[Elena]

Extremely interesting. We have always been the kind of couple that wants to be friends with our play partners. I'm not talking best friends that you spend any extra minute with. But the kind of friends that you can BBQ with, go to the bar with, go to the lake with, go to dinner with. Whatever. Then we can have awesome sex when the mood strikes. It doesn't have to be everytime that we get together, but of course the more often the better. LOL I just find that when you are friends, things come more naturally. One couple that we usually play with are the type that we can laugh with while we are having sex. Mainly because there is that comfort level there. I guess I agree with the OP in what we are looking for.