Playing With Friends: Higher rate of success when spontaneous?

[JustAskJulie]

After so many threads about swinging with friends, to do it or not to do it and the variety of advice given. I'm wondering if there is a difference in the success rate if the event is spontaneous (vs planned). If perhaps when it's totally spontaneous everyone is put on the same level and everyone bears the same burden and blame. But, if one couple initiates the play they put themselves in a different playing field and therefore it is more likely to go bad?

[NCfuncouple98]

I could only choose one option, but 2 actually fit.

One was spontaneous and ended great! One was not spontaneous, was planned out over time, and it did not end well.

[slevin]

Interesting results so far; only a quarter of the playing-with-friends occasions have ended badly. Not what I would have expected.

[694fun]

I think there has to be some friendship there, why would you want to play with someone you did not get along with or did not like.

[slevin]

Originally Posted by 694fun

I think there has to be some friendship there, why would you want to play with someone you did not get along with or did not like.

I can ascertain fairly quickly when I'm going to get along with someone; it generally doesn't take building a friendship for me to figure that out. Most people I can tell within a few hours whether we'll get along and have fun. For Katrina she often can figure that out within minutes; she's incredible at it actually. The times I've ignored her intuitive nature about people I've been wrong every time.

We wouldn't play with someone we didn't like

For us it's more about sexual chemistry than actual friendship that will make our playtime fun and exciting. We tried going the friends-first route and that didn't work so well long term. Just too much work to try and make sure friendship is there! It also makes backing away from it more involved than it should be.

[Tia Vampire]

We have played with friends, but it was planned and it ended very well. Especially for me.

[Trace Ekies]

We have not played with friends. Prior to our lifestyle involvement we only had about two friends and we never considered them as play partners.

It would seem to me that spontenaity would be crucial to a successful event that crossed so many lines for non-lifestylers. Planning something that can be so personal takes a certain mind-set that not everyone has and the "heat of the moment" can, as Julie suggested, level the playing field or be an "equalizer".

As experienced swingers, we would wonder if a vanilla couple might feel a bit "ambushed" if they found out about our "hobby" after a sexual liason with us. I can imagine them saying something like "They set us up" and then feeling that the assumed spontenaity was just a ruse to get them in bed.

This is all based on opinion and is not backed with facts due to no experience with a situation of this sort.

Trace

[VanHlebar]

Well as has been documented in one of our threads, we have "sort of played" with a set of friends of ours. Nothing too much yet, but we have gotten naked a number of times together, played a little grab ass under water in a hot tub and while at the table playing games.

That very first time was spontanious and it has ended very well so far. Now after that things have been discussed to a level that really has taken it away from a vanilla couple talking to a LS couple to basically two LS couples. Things will most likely be a little more planned out the next time we actually have a soft swap, just my guess at this point.

-Van

[JustAskJulie]

I realize looking at the poll and the responses now that I screwed up... the poll should have allowed for multiple selections. I may redo it for better results, since as was pointed out some folks do have experiences that fit multiple answers.

[JustAskJulie]

Ok, I just reposted the poll with multiple choice turned on. If you answered it previously please answer it again.

[joaninla]

I've said this on a couple of threads, that for me, as a woman, playing with a friend reduces anxiety so much more than (at least initially) with a stranger. Reduced anxiety results in me getting comfortable faster, being less self-aware and a more enjoyable experience.

[BlackSlip]

My husband and I got together with friends once, it was Great. We still talk about it. She had awesome nipples. Different friends fit into different aspects of our lives. Make sure you are really comfortable with each other.