Aren't we all adults?

[2bNakie]

I didn't know where else to put this, so I posted it here.

We've recently started going to clubs again, and have been invited to some parties hosted at clubs. We have met some nice couples, but what we started noticing is that they would seem interested and talk to us at the event we first met them at, and would be ignored at any further events, as well as any emails being ignored.

Now, I can understand that not everyone is going to be interested in everybody. But it seems like these people are all in the same 'group' of long-time friends - and all of a sudden, anyone associated with them is ignoring us, some to the point of being rude. It's almost as if someone decided they didn't like us, and wanted to make sure everybody else didn't like us too.

Perhaps it shows the character of the rest of the people in these groups, and has a silver lining in that it has weeded out a bunch of people we'd rather not associate with anyway. The disappointing part is that it has weeded out a ton of people that frequent the clubs that we liked going to.

I thought we all left High School years ago. It's been 17 years for me, and I have no desire to go back.

[JustAskJulie]

Sometimes this lifestyle can feel like high school. I think perhaps for many it's the first time since then that we've really made an effort to make friends (or get people to like us, or whatever).

I'd say that if you are being treated that way take it as a blessing that it has saved you from the trouble spending too much time on these people. If they are willing to judge you or out you based on the opinion of one couple in the group, they aren't worth your time. Luckily, there are plenty more people out there.

[sweet_tna]

Perhaps it shows the character of the rest of the people in these groups, and has a silver lining in that it has weeded out a bunch of people we'd rather not associate with anyway. The disappointing part is that it has weeded out a ton of people that frequent the clubs that we liked going to.

You said it all right there. The good news is that there are plenty of other people out there to choose from.

=)

[Playful1]

most people never mature past high school. Once you accept this, lots of stuff starts making sense

[HotMoCpl]

I never was part of the "IN CROWD" in high school. Guess that's why I quit and joined the Army. Yes, most people are still stuck in high school....and have failed to grow up.

[The Fuse]

Sorry this happened to you. We've experienced this kind of thing too. One member of the group decides there's something about you they don't like, and suddenly you're getting the cold shoulder from most of or all of their friends. We try to make decisions about people based on our own experiences with them. If there is someone whose judgment we trust, and they say something negative about a third party, we listen but take it with a grain of salt.

I do believe there are a lot of people out there who, in spite of being swingers, still lack independent thought and have fear of what their friends will think. I'm sure some of our friends wonder how we can even talk to so-and-so, and I don't like thinking we might lose people we like over it. But I'd rather have that happen then let their opinion dictate what I do.

[LagniappeDC]

Agreed. Actually don't think lifestyle cliques are all that different from cliques you might experience through vanilla life...it's just that in the lifestyle you are a bit more out there in terms of personal connections so it can be more hurtful. Though, overall, our experience is that those in the lifestyle are actually much more "adult" and open than what we experience when going to vanilla parties. Stick with it, you'll find your "niche"

[Tadahiko]

I enjoyed the hell out of highschool because I never cared what anybody thought, or whether I was popular or not. Of course, I spent my HS years fucking the same two lovely young ladies I still spend my time fucking today, so I guess I don't really know what I'm talking about...fortunately.

[NCfuncouple98]

We have run into the same thing too at times. And I agree some adults are still in high school. We both hated it and got out quickly so we could live our lives. And we continue to live our lives - I wouldn't waste one second on that "clique", there are plenty of others to meet and have a great time with.

Easier said than done sometimes, but just move on past them and don't look back.

[good times]

We have run into this lately too and figured out what was going on, at least some of the time.

A lot of the new swingers club attendees are really not swingers at all. They look at swingers clubs as some kind of titillating risque dance club and have no intention of actually playing with others. They also seek out others like themselves to hang with at the club. We have noticed that often times one of them will check people they haven't seen before out and then report back to the others if you aren't one of them. If you happen to be a real swinger (someone who actually expects to swap partners with others for sex) they will all then avoid you in the future.

[Mr.Essex]

Originally Posted by good times

We have run into this lately too and figured out what was going on, at least some of the time.

A lot of the new swingers club attendees are really not swingers at all. They look at swingers clubs as some kind of titillating risque dance club and have no intention of actually playing with others. They also seek out others like themselves to hang with at the club. We have noticed that often times one of them will check people they haven't seen before out and then report back to the others if you aren't one of them. If you happen to be a real swinger (someone who actually expects to swap partners with others for sex) they will all then avoid you in the future.

*Crosses Reno, Nevada off of travel list*

And I was so hoping to meet those charming people of Reno 911...

[wpafuncpl]

Originally Posted by good times

A lot of the new swingers club attendees are really not swingers at all. They look at swingers clubs as some kind of titillating risque dance club and have no intention of actually playing with others.

Ditto that here too. The ones I love personally are the ones that list him as full swap and her as soft? There must be dozen or more couples on local club website that are like that? And, as you have indicated, birds of a feather do indeed seem to flock together.....

[TheMiddleDoor]

Originally Posted by good times

A lot of the new swingers club attendees are really not swingers at all. They look at swingers clubs as some kind of titillating risque dance club and have no intention of actually playing with others.

ahh yes..wannabees...

seems like everything that's "fringe" eventually becomes "trendy". this is the same thing that happened to the "fetish clubs" (anyone else remember Manray in the boston area?)

they go home and tell all their friends about how wild their weekend was.."we even went to (gasp!) a swingers club! the people were so weird!"

and, not to be outdone, they all start going...and eventually it's a dance club.

then it isn't trendy anymore and the club dies.

on-premise clubs usually make the "trendy" types too nervous...usually the women think it's too much of a temptation for their men...so they usually don't stay long if they go at all.