Swinging Without Oral

[JustAskJulie]

This is something we've been discussing a bit lately and the recent topic on "keeping down with the jones's" brought it to the forefront of my mind to create a topic and get others POVs.

I've posted elsewhere on here about my struggle the last year with TMJ. A few of you know what I'm dealing with (as you are dealing with it too). There are a lot of things that I do that I shouldn't be doing in an effort to correct the problem sooner and get back to a normal life. At this point I've been instructed to be a couch potato from the chest up. There are certain things that I know will bother me and set me back or at least leave me sore for a few days. There are times when even sex is not a good thing (I never realized how much you tense your entire body just before you orgasm - and to make it worse when I feel my body tensing up at that point I fight it which just makes it worse).

So the question is oral sex. I can give it without much pain in the process (although at times I will have to stop due to pain when I'm giving it), however if I don't have pain while in the action I will most likely pay for it the next day in tightness in my neck and jaw. So, really, it's something that if I'm thinking I avoid (because I know the consequences).

Realizing all of this we've basically decided to back off on really any swinging for a while until I get past this (just one more thing I've had to give up to get past this). But, I'm curious. If we didn't choose to take a break from action altogether. How important do you feel that oral sex is in swinging? IMO, it's pretty important (which is part of why we are backing off). I just can't imagine swinging without it. I'm sure I've swung without it but I can't recall it. I can recall many a time where I didn't have sex with someone but I gave them oral, but I can't recall a time when I ever played with someone beyond making out on a dancefloor without oral being involved.

[PB&J]

I had that in our pre-swinging past, for about a year ... and yes, there were no blowjobs for PB while it lasted. (he was very relieved when it was finally over).

I suppose this question would best be answered by a man, about how satisfied he would feel without it. Would YOU feel satisfied without administering oral? I know for some women it's their favorite part. I know that I personally would still enjoy myself, and don't think I would want to take a break because of it. However, it would require being pretty upfront about it with potential partners.

[swvacouplelookn]

I wouldn't think you'd have to take a break because of it. Of course you'd have to let potential playmates know what's going on first, and that might cost you a few opportunities if it were that important to them. Speaking for most men, though, we wouldn't want to subject you to pain and discomfort just to get our jollies. That being said, we'd sure miss the good ol' knobby though!

[SW_PA_Couple]

#1 -- Best to follow the advice of your physicians and medical people so you'll get though it all as quickly as you are able.

#2 -- A woman, now among those we consider friends and not simply casual acquaintance, declared early, "I don't do oral". She is as much fun in bed as any woman I know. No problem in my mind that her husband very much relishes oral sex. If he's getting something from JoAnn that he doesn't get at home, that all seems part of the benefit of swinging to me.

~Michael

[bicuriocpl]

For me, no oral would be no big deal, after all there are other parts of the body that can be used. Done right, a handjob can be just as immensely satisfying. That being said, I do think as long as your playmates knew ahead of time, there shouldn't be a problem.

[two4youinswva]

Add me to the list that wouldn't mind a bit if I couldn't receive oral.
I guess I'd actually be more upset if I were in your shoes Julie; not being able to give oral.

[Sunswept]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

There are times when even sex is not a good thing (I never realized how much you tense your entire body just before you orgasm - and to make it worse when I feel my body tensing up at that point I fight it which just makes it worse).....

.... If we didn't choose to take a break from action altogether. How important do you feel that oral sex is in swinging?

Awww, how frustrating.

My partner had a bout with TMJ, hers was caused by "bruxism", she unconciously ground her teeth in her sleep, so the dentist gave her an insert to keep that from happening, eventually she "unlearned" doing that. I got TMJ too at one point, but mine was from an impacted molar. (TMJ is so complicated.) We were both so oral, it was vexing, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

First, oral is not the only tool in the toolbag. Yeah, it is an important tool, but the TMJ forced us into doing other things, in fact it lead to us inventing a game where we would put certain acts "off limits" (no oral, or no hands, or no ...well, name something. lol!) and we would have to invent substitutes! That game outlasted the TMJ, and we were even able to incorporate that, and what we learned from that, into swinging!!!

Yes, tensed orgasms really affected her TMJ too, even when she was not doing any oral at all! Like your case, it really affected her the next day and sometimes for a few days. Ouch. We also quit swinging for a while, even sex. But it became all too much, and so not us.

She had a few experiences with a playmate of ours, doing mutual massage and "sensual indulgences" (she and her were both LMP's) -when she had these suprising "relaxed" orgasms... and they were so powerful! Remembering that gave her ideas, so we experimented with that. As a starting point for making relaxed orgasms more concious and not so accidental, we used various combinations of breathing, imagery and touch. Roberta DeLong Miller wrote a book called "Psychic Massage"... and she used that book as a way of getting me on the same page ( I was clueless at first) and exploring that phenom.

To make a long story short -in the first chapter of that book, Miller has an exercise...and she basically talks about moving breath energy within your body while relaxing your body. If you take breath "energy" to mean "sexual energy" (which it is) ... we were able to "learn" how to get ourselves so turned on, how to exchange that energy and yet also get so relaxed that the orgasms just happened seemingly out the blue and were amazing. There was no resisting them! You just get so hot you just sort of explode. These orgasms also have a characteristic of having no post orgasmic "let down" and just made us even hotter. We were able to apply what we had learned with our swinging partners using word play and guiding touch...to everyones fun! So when all was said and done, we ended up with another "tool" in our toolkit, one maybe even more powerful than oral.

Some people seem to have an easier time learning to do these relaxed orgasms than others, but its worth a try. Hope some of this helps. Where there is a will, there is away!

[DE_BBC]

interesting thread...

As a man....I love, LOVE, LOVE getting head, nothing better than a nice sloppy wet BJ. A women that knows what she's doing down there is a real keeper. I'm convinced that if there were more BJ's in the world, there'd be less war. Think I kidding? Wives try this out: Next time the hubby is fussing or upset about something...just reach in pull the dick out a give him a great BJ. I bet whatever the problem was will be gone in 2 seconds. LOL

In all seriousness though...I do think oral sex is an important aspect of sex. It's like the appetizer before dinner. Can you have a great meal without an appetizer? Of course you can. But the best meals have all three courses.

But...we are men, so if the guy is going to get laid, I'm pretty sure he can go without the oral.

[Meetussoon]

If you are open and honest with potential playmates, and it turns them away --------they were not a great choice in the first place, and take exposing their selfishness as a blessing.

Focus on getting better -- the hand-job, and finding a way to orgasm without clenching (teeth).

Be well and enjoy

Tom

[spvcouple]

First of all, we certainly wish you the best and hope for a speedy recovery. Though we are not familiar with the ins and outs of TMJ it sounds painful.
Mrs spvcouple does NOT enjoy giving oral. It just plainly is not something that she enjoys and she gets offended when someone expects it as a part of routine play. Most partners understand and continue to play in other ways with her. A few back off completely (their loss). We have even had a few older men who are unable to perform without first getting some head.
Name anything else that is done playing with others and you will find that it is not an expected part of playing. Vaginal intercourse (soft swappers don't). Anal (many ladies won't). Bi-play (some don't swing that way).
It is simply one of the few things Mrs spv doesn't do.

[truckerbuddy]

Originally Posted by DE_BBC

interesting thread...

As a man....I love, LOVE, LOVE getting head, nothing better than a nice sloppy wet BJ.]

I will have to go with that DE BBC.

but do i have to have it every time I'm in bad or I'm going to get me some? NO.. If it happens GREAT but its no the end of the world if it don't.

BUT if a lovely lady cant give oral. that don't stop me from going down town,, if you get my drift. I have had it both ways ... Its all good

[sweet_tna]

Add me to the list of those that would say no oral isn't a deal breaker. Yes, Mr. Sweet and I both enjoy it, but if our playmates were upfront with us and explained things to us, we'd understand and adjust accordingly.

=)

[JustAskJulie]

If full-swap intercourse were still on the table, I could probably manage to survive swinging without oral. BUT (and it's a bit BUT), I'd rather give up kissing than give up GIVING oral sex when it comes to swinging. I could give up receiving oral sex without a problem, but it is one of my favorite things to give it and watch/feel the pleasure on someone else's face/body.

Unfortunately, as I said, due to the way intercourse causes my entire body to tense up, it's even being limited between the two of us. As it was we were barely on the border of full swap. We'd worked out way there before our break last year and lost a huge amount of our comfort level due to that break. So now we were in the process of working out way back with a couple of couples that we are comfortable with. So basically for us it would be/had become an issue of trying to soft-swing without oral sex (at least without me giving it) and somehow for me that just doesn't seem to leave anything. Since giving oral is probably my greatest pleasure within swinging, anyway.

Which leaves me not able to do much of anything when it comes to swinging. It sucks big donkey balls! That's why we've basically opted to more or less take a break from actually playing and just enjoy the social aspects at this point. It's not to say that if something came up that neither of us could resist and we didn't know if there'd easily be another chance at them later, I'd probably risk the pain I'd feel the next day for the fun I'd have that night.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Since giving oral is probably my greatest pleasure within swinging, anyway.

Yes, there are many people, typically women, who derive as much pleasure from providing pleasure as receiving. It took me a while to catch on to this.

~Michael

[cplnuswing]

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

Add me to the list that wouldn't mind a bit if I couldn't receive oral.

Add me too. If receiving oral sex happens, then fine, but it isn't an integral part of the experience for me and whether or not it happens doesn't make it a good or bad experience overall.

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

How important do you feel that oral sex is in swinging? IMO, it's pretty important (which is part of why we are backing off). I just can't imagine swinging without it.

From the range of the responses, like many things to do with swinging, it appears this is one of those "depends who you ask" type questions. For some, it's important, for others, not so much.

I think your last statement pretty much sums it up - if it is an important part of the experience for you, but you know up front it is not an option right now, then you go into any potential experience with two strikes against you from the start in terms of it being a good one that you would enjoy. If you know up front you won't enjoy it since oral is off the table, then why set yourself up against such long odds?