What happens after the first couples date?

[norcalplay]

Me and my wife just had our very first swingers date ever. It was very nice, both of them good looking clean people. They had done this once before and had a threesome once or twice aswell. So they were more experienced but not pushy or innapropiate.

We had a few drinks at a nice bar then the husband said "well this is the part of the night in which we decide what to do next". Since my wife seemed MUCH more into it than I thought she would be, we both agreed to accept their invitation to their place. A short cab ride later there we were, we were offered a drink, we all had it and then we sat down to talk a little bit.

My wife and his wife were sitting on the same couch and started kissing!!!! I was extremely surprissed! Then after a few minutes my wife came on me and we started kissing and the other wife did the same for her husband. My wife wispered in my ear that in a few seconds they girls would switch! I said OK.... obviously.

The switch happened and his wife started kissing me and I kissing her, it was actually great, BUT I was terrified! Kissing, making out, dresses came off, his wife took my shirt and my pants off, so I did the same to her. My wife was already topless by then (through out the whole thing my wife and the husband were ahead of me and his wife, I didnt mind because I wouldnt want to be the one crossing lines)

His wife was the agressor on our end and on the other end the other two seemed neck to neck.

They started the nakedness and the oral sex, we followed shortly. I think the only let down was that I was a bit uneasy and so I could not get a full erection.... now i am no giant but I have a good size and I am solid and can last like the energyzer bunny..... but sadly not right there and then! My wife told me that the other guys was also not that hard and that I was the bigger man too!

Anyhow, then the husband went down on my wife... so we followed and I went down on his wife.... I had fun doing it, eventhough at homeyou wont catch me down there.

His wife liked it and so I was able to regain some confidence. Still the night ended with out the grand finale for anyone and eventhough it was fun I think it was not enough for anyone. It was me I believe who kinda put the brakes on, but I could see that both mine and his wife were also kind of done too. He was the most willing to keep it going.

I mentioned a couple times how amazing his wife was and that as far as me not being 100% there it was because of it being just the first time. We talked a little bit more put our close on and left.

NOW all this for the question!

What happens now?

Me and my wife left their place got home and next morning we received a text from them (by them i mean him, because apparently he is the director in their swinger affairs) asking if we got home safely and that they had a great time and hoping to see us soon. We replied in very like fashion.

So what now?

Do we look for another couple or wait and see if we get a text from the first guys? (this all happened 3 days ago on Sat. night).... in the one on one dating world usually the guy takes until Tuesday or so to ask for a second date. In the swingers world there are guys at both ends so.... what happens?

Us being the younger noobs, rather see if they call/text us.

Now, how interested are we? I like her more than my wife likes him probablly .... I mean I am a good looking guy

I would have a second date see what happens and then redeem myself, if not alone because I want to have my honor back

MOREOVER, we BOTH feel that having a couple to play with more than once is GREAT because that way we get more comfortable and free and willing. We are swingers NOT promiscuous.

Let me know what you wise ones think.... thanx.

[realcplub2]

First and foremost, Welcome to the board...

Now to the best advice we can offer

Discuss this with your wife in depth.

If you both agree that you were ok with the evening for the most part, I would suggest calling.. ( TEXTING IS NO BETTER THAN EMAILING ) and see where they are on this, and getting back together again..

However, if this encounter wasnt the fireworks and rockets red glare for your wife.. Be polite and not decline, but deffer it for a little while, and see how the other couple reacts.

Now for the better parts, I can almost promise if the same conditions occur for the second time, it will go 300% better, because lets face it, you have laread gotten naked with them once, there is a small bit a familarity there. And it will be much more relaxed. Nerves will be greatly lessened..

In either case, so long as you both enjoy what you are doing, thats all that matters.

[sweet_tna]

Hi, and first of all

Sounds like overall, your first swing experience was positive. As for where to go from here, that's something you and your wife need to decide. Sit down and talk about what you liked and disliked about the evening, and the other couple. Keep in mind that everyone is at least a little nervous their first time, and that it almost always gets better the next time.

So . . . if you and your wife are interested in giving it another go with this couple, then give 'em a call and see what you can work out. Either way, there's no reason you can't keep looking for other couples in the meantime (if you're interested in finding other playmates).

This is YOUR experience, so do what feels right to you!

=)

[norcalplay]

Thank you! both of you you seem to have it right. I will just see what happens over the next few days

[norcalplay]

Here I have a question related to this..... When dating individually it is common knowledge one calls for a follow up date say 3-4 days later or say by Wednesday if you want to go out again that weekend....

With swingers is there a similar?.... maybe one waits twice as many days cuz there is twice as many people?

[slevin]

Originally Posted by norcalplay

Here I have a question related to this..... When dating individually it is common knowledge one calls for a follow up date say 3-4 days later or say by Wednesday if you want to go out again that weekend....

With swingers is there a similar?.... maybe one waits twice as many days cuz there is twice as many people?

There is no rule. Even in individual dating that whole deal about calling 3 or 4 days is out the window. People might still follow it, but people who are successful at dating women don't bother with it. That's just playing games usually.

If you want to meet them again, let them know. We've told people the next day we'd love to get together with them again sometime soon. We've also not contacted people for days or weeks afterwards. It all depends on our schedule, how the night went, whether they contact us before we get a chance to contact them etc. I've got no problem sending an email the next day (in fact I almost always do) to say we had a great time, we'd love to see them again and hope we can all get together again soon. If we had a particular time in mind I'll usually wait until I hear back from them before tossing it out there.

Also, just food for thought here....you're sitting there wondering when to call, wondering if you call too soon will you freak them out and scare them off....they are probably sitting there in their house wondering the exact same things.

[norcalplay]

Hahaha I like the last thing you said! Yep it has always been the "same shoes"... Guy Girl Guy Guy Girl Girl and now Couple Couple.... same deal.

When I was at my dating prime I did do the 3-4 days rule or call by Wednesday, not necessarily to play games but to NOT have the girl feel like a butty call if I called Friday and said, "hey tonite... you down?"

So I always thought that a bit of technique was needed, finesse

We just want to learn the signals, cuz it is different than what we were used to. We have had many requests to our profiles and winks and slaps and grabs and god knows what else. So far we are interested in 2 couples, but we have only met 1 of them so far.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by norcalplay

Here I have a question related to this..... When dating individually it is common knowledge one calls for a follow up date say 3-4 days later or say by Wednesday if you want to go out again that weekend....

With swingers is there a similar?.... maybe one waits twice as many days cuz there is twice as many people?

As has been said, there is no such rule. Swinging while similar is very different from dating.

It's important that you and your wife talk and figure out one important factor - then you have to find out how the other couples feel about this same factor.

Just as in dating you have several types of sexual relationships...

One night stands - hit and quit it, move on find a new couple. Many swingers prefer this or something similar to it (play a few times and move on).

Fuck Buddies/ Friends with benefits - some couples look for other couples to be friends with AND more. This works if both couples agree. And typically in this scenario both couples are still free to see others without the need to tell each other what they are doing.

Committed/Polyamorous Couples - these couples are looking for an emotional attachment between all 4 or enough of the 4 to make it worth agreeing to only see each other. In this scenario you are basically going steady with this couple.

It sounds to me like you want the second option, or at the very least want to see them at least one more time. But, it's important to know where they stand and you will soon find out.

I'd say pick up the phone and call them or shoot them a message and say "hey we'd love to see you guys again, how about ......" and give them a date that works for you. You'll find out soon enough by their reply what the likelihood is of getting what you want.

If you do want one of the latter options (a maintained relationship) you need to be clear about this up front from the first meet. There are couples who want this but there are just as many who want to keep it at sex only and nothing more. Really, whatever it is that you decide you want out of your swinging encounters it is important to make that clear upfront to the couples you meet.