They called her a whore

[JustnCase]

First we would like to say we are swingers, with experience and have enjoyed the respect, ideas and comments, this board brings forth.

However, I travel occasionally with a group of vanilla men and women on various jobs. Two men (vanilla) who know of our lifestyle, came to me with this information/situation.

These two men approached me and talked of a job they were on recently. While there, conversation at the water cooler was about a particular couple who are obviously in an alternative lifestyle. And I should add, known or at least labeled in the community, as swingers. The female of this couple works on this job and the husband farms in the community. These two men, looking for lodging and new to the community, were approached by this woman with the offer of using their property to park their camper while there. Nice place with a private lake.

Without the woman present at this "water cooler" conversation. The general consensus about this woman was degrading. In fact, when one called her a "whore" several jumped in to acclaim she would be at their camper with full intentions of sex. Some even said they had sex with this woman. Yes, she is attractive, very attractive. And obviously without a doubt, her husband knows everything she does.

Sure enough, this woman did knock at the camper door. She offered laundry service throughout their stay. Her husband, from everyone including these two men who discussed this with me, found him to be of good character and likable guy.

One man said he See's her a a kind, attractive woman, nothing more. He has no problem working with her or even considering them as possible vanilla friends.

The other says, he was intimidated by her forwardness/flirty nature. And actually a bit confused as to why ? Because he gave no inclination he was interested. He wanted to know why, knowing his married status, wedding ring on his hand she would flirt with him. He felt she was being disrespectful of his wife at home. Although vanilla, he and his wife know a few swingers and somewhat of the lifestyle. This crossed his boundary of respect he has seen from swinging wives/couples.

I thought I would bring this forward to others. Just in case, I should meet this woman/couple.

My wife tells me I will do the right thing. Although, I'm a bit unsure what the right thing is.

This isn't a simple don't play at work , mix business with pleasure, shit where you eat, situation. We are experienced enough to know that. Like I say, their known in the community. A community we could find ourselves in.

I was hoping for viewpoints from men and women alike, on how you would feel, knowing what I know at this point.

JustnCase

[slevin]

I'm not sure what the issue you're facing here is. Are you concerned that you will meet her and want to play with her, but not sure if you should because of the label they have in that community? Or are you concerned that she will approach you inappropriately?

Honestly, if I had to be that concerned about whether living my life the way I want to is going to have me ostracized from the community that badly...I wouldn't be living there. I lived in a small town like that in the past where everyone gossiped about everyone and were very small minded. I got the hell out of there and won't ever move back to a place like that.

[JustAskJulie]

Like Slevin, I don't quite get "it". It sounds to me like some guys being an ass at the water cooler and making more out of something than is actually there.
She knocked and offered laundry service, nothing more. She was being nice. She may be friendly (and even somewhat flirty) by nature, that may just be who she is, it may not be any indication of her swingerhood or her desire to have sex with anyone. Unfortunately, because people know she is a swinger they will read more into it, they will take things and twist them to meet the expectations THEY have of who she is - a whore.

It's sad how people listen to others gossip and hear rumors and then make judgements based on what others say. She has been determined to be a whore therefore she is, it wouldn't matter what she did. If all she did was say hello to these men she would have been labeled as coming onto them. Yet, had they known nothing of her lifestyle they probably would not have thought twice about any of her actions.

[realcplub2]

Water cooler conversations about sex are usually the fodder for one ups-manship

Being out in the community, is different than being outted. Being outted usually leads to people talking about shit they diont understand. 8 yrs ago, we moved to the sunshine state, and among the first freinds we met was a couple in the lifestyle, nice folks but not our cup of tea. freindship was all that we share with them.. about 6 months afterward, it came out that they were swingers, them and his sister and husband, known to play as well.. and thru the most vanilla of organisations.. Cub Scouts.

Then the same people who months before, were telling us thru scouts how nice they are, how good they are with the kids.. were now.."those people"

So to that end, the two guys, that related the whole story, should be told not to read to much into it.. unfortunately the water cooler stories, have already colored the opinion they formed about these genuinely warm people.. Nice Vanilla Acts, like her simple offer to do thier laundry became flirty advances.. Why, Because thats what they were expecting..

How you deal with this person is completely up to you, but I would suggest that you not take the water cooler conversation to heart and let yourself decide.

[it'sso]

I think the guys who were relating the story to the OP haven't quite graduated into adulthood. Branding somebody a whore seems to fall on women, only. In reality, most guys that I am acquainted with, if they are telling the truth rather than fantasizing, would fit that description far more readily.

[JustnCase]

First, my apology for not having a chance to respond to everyones suggestions, observations and advice.

Originally Posted by slevin

I'm not sure what the issue you're facing here is. Are you concerned that you will meet her and want to play with her, but not sure if you should because of the label they have in that community? Or are you concerned that she will approach you inappropriately?

All three actually, and this has past the stage of possibly meeting, to knowing her and her husband now.

Honestly, if I had to be that concerned about whether living my life the way I want to is going to have me ostracized from the community that badly...I wouldn't be living there. I lived in a small town like that in the past where everyone gossiped about everyone and were very small minded. I got the hell out of there and won't ever move back to a place like that.

There was no getting out of the community. I was heading into the community, not something I could avoid or abort much less, divert. But you were right slevin, you saw my issues for what they were.

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Like Slevin, I don't quite get "it". It sounds to me like some guys being an ass at the water cooler and making more out of something than is actually there.

Thats a fault of people, not just men but women as well.

She knocked and offered laundry service, nothing more. She was being nice. She may be friendly (and even somewhat flirty) by nature, that may just be who she is, it may not be any indication of her swingerhood or her desire to have sex with anyone. Unfortunately, because people know she is a swinger they will read more into it, they will take things and twist them to meet the expectations THEY have of who she is - a whore.

Your so right Julie, so so right.

It's sad how people listen to others gossip and hear rumors and then make judgements based on what others say. She has been determined to be a whore therefore she is, it wouldn't matter what she did. If all she did was say hello to these men she would have been labeled as coming onto them. Yet, had they known nothing of her lifestyle they probably would not have thought twice about any of her actions.

Funny thing, she actually not only has a sexual nature that is quite alluring, she has the authority and power to control many situations.

Originally Posted by realcplub2

Water cooler conversations about sex are usually the fodder for one ups-manship

Yes it's just human nature, especially in the vanilla world, how many strut to compare dicks, until show-time.

Being out in the community, is different than being outted. Being outted usually leads to people talking about shit they diont understand. 8 yrs ago, we moved to the sunshine state, and among the first freinds we met was a couple in the lifestyle, nice folks but not our cup of tea. freindship was all that we share with them.. about 6 months afterward, it came out that they were swingers, them and his sister and husband, known to play as well.. and thru the most vanilla of organisations.. Cub Scouts.

Ah, I get what your saying. This couple we have met now, are involved in many community activities. It seems my concerns were not unfounded but well worth, preparedness.

So to that end, the two guys, that related the whole story, should be told not to read to much into it.. unfortunately the water cooler stories, have already colored the opinion they formed about these genuinely warm people.. Nice Vanilla Acts, like her simple offer to do thier laundry became flirty advances.. Why, Because thats what they were expecting..

Not disagreeing, but perhaps I wasn't clear that these two men, although strictly vanilla, have been exposed to swingers actually through us on a few occasions. Our friends and the wives/single females have been most respectful around them, their wives and even children. We live very discreetly around all, not in the lifestyle. These two men have been to cookouts and more around us. So I can see her flirtations, coming off as crossing their personal boundary. She did make a mistake. I've spoken about it with her now. She does understand, but we understand what a 4th drink might cause one to do/say/insinuate also. Its all good now

How you deal with this person is completely up to you, but I would suggest that you not take the water cooler conversation to heart and let yourself decide.

Thank you, I did just that.

Originally Posted by it'sso

I think the guys who were relating the story to the OP haven't quite graduated into adulthood. Branding somebody a whore seems to fall on women, only. In reality, most guys that I am acquainted with, if they are telling the truth rather than fantasizing, would fit that description far more readily.

Again, I wanted to thank all of you who posted your thoughts. Sometimes just conversing with fellow swingers, is well worth the time. In this case, all is well now. It turns out my wife was right, and glad to know she had faith in me even though I had my doubts not always knowing the right things to do.