Some rules are just asking to be broken

[JustAskJulie]

I've been reading through some of the archived threads on boundaries and I've run across a few rules that stood out to me as things that people were just asking for trouble on... either rules that you just can't be expected not to break, or rules that you can't expect another couple to actually follow, when it comes down to it.

Most of them have to do with cumming, either not to or where to.

Examples
- a rule that neither half of the couple can FINISH (cum) with someone else. - I'm sorry but when I get close I'm cumming. If I get that close and then have to stop and change partners, chances are I'm not going to cum at all that night.

- He can't finish in another woman's mouth (or worse, even if he pulls out, she gets pissed because the other woman goes back to clean it up). The latter bit of that actually came from a post in the archives where the guy actually did pull out when a woman was giving him oral (because that was the rule that he and his wife had) but then the other woman went back down and cleaned him up. The wife of the guy who came got pissed at her husband?! Hello!? Even if you have a rule that you don't finish with someone else, if the real rule is that you don't want to see anyone licking up his cum or swallowing it, then you might want to reword that rule.

Other rules I've run across seem to be in place only to test the partner, to see if they really will stay within the boundaries...but at the same time because of what the rule is, it's like they put it there just because they know the partner will break it and it will give them something to take issue with.

So what other rules have you run across that you thought.... yeah that's just asking for trouble?

[Alura]

I agree, Julie. Making such rules is fertile ground for failing to do what is expected and will probably do little more than cause hurt feeling. When we have sex, with our spouses or not, it's more fun to do it with mindless abandon. I'd hate to have to keep something in mind that I must not do.

The only rule Mrs. Alura and I had was that we wouldn't "make love" with anyone else. All other sex acts were not just allowed but expected. We didn't have to think about not making love with others. It couldn't have happened.

If rules are made by a couple, they should be certain that their partner playcouple knows what they are.

Mr. Alura

[truckerbuddy]

can you over think the rules?? oh hell yes.. when it comes to having fun and just enjoying the moment. a rule can so get in the way of havein a good time..

should you have rules?? yes .. but make them ones you can keep. if there to over the top,, will you find anyone to play with????

[funcpl4life]

No kissing.
Just seems like it's going to get broken.

Mr FC4L

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by funcpl4life

No kissing.
Just seems like it's going to get broken.

Mr FC4L

I agree with this one.

[Chicup]

I wish I had saved the profile of a couple we met, I posted it here once.

They had it all spelled out..

-You can touch her above the waist through her shirt.
- He can touch you above your waist naked and below your waist threw your clothes.

It went on and on and on. You would need a lawyer to ultra soft swap with them.

[Edison Carter]

While some rules and boundaries seem normal, a stack of rules = a stack of fears.

[femnewb4u2]

I may have said this in another thread. One of my biggest "fears" in playing is being with a couple with lots of rules, complicated rules or a particular rule such as no kissing. I am concerned I will get caught up in the passion/fun of the sex play, break a rule, or simply start to, and then hurt someone emotionaly or create drama in an already vulnerable situation. I have wondered if I am over sensitive to the subject in the drama category since it could become a two against one situation. Visions also of being the catalyst for one partner testing the other through the rules.

Having said that I do understand there is a variety of rules and reasons for them. I respect the couples that have them as it serves a need for them. But rules, number and type, will be a factor for me in whether I play with them.

[JustAskJulie]

I could see no kissing at all before another one that I ran across.... you could kiss... but no tongue/ french kissing :rollseyes:

And Chicup, I remember that post, I think I just read it again recently (it's i the archives now), that list was one that I can't see anyone wanting to play with.

[Alura]

I'll always remember an amazing kiss delivered by an amazing lady in Nashville... I'm glad she and her husband had no such rule!

Mr. Alura

[kita kain]

One of our rules that I strictly enforce is: my wife must kiss me deeply after she's had pussy on her lips! She broke it when she kissed me deeply after having dick on her lips! Talk about "some rule are just asking to be broken.."

[JandY]

Having read through this topic, it's patently clear that rules are hard to adhere to.

But if a rule is known prior to engaging in any form of (particularly a sexually physical) relationship, then such a rule should be complied with unless it is waived.

Or does "No" not mean "No" anymore?

[PB&J]

Originally Posted by JandY

But if a rule is known prior to engaging in any form of (particularly a sexually physical) relationship, then such a rule should be complied with unless it is waived.

Or does "No" not mean "No" anymore?

Oh, absolutely no means no! I think that the point here is that it is not the "other couple" that will break the rule, but half or both of the rule-making couple itself who will not be able to keep the rule. Therein lies the drama, as many many threads on this site can attest to.

I know that we would steer clear of a couple that had those sort of potential drama bombs as rules. (not to mention that playing with a no-kissing couple, as we did in our newbie days, was just too hard. Complying with the other couple's rule was a given, as far as we were concerned, but the effort required to comply with the rule interfered with our enjoyment of the activity.)

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by JandY

Having read through this topic, it's patently clear that rules are hard to adhere to.

Not all rules. As the thread title indicates, some rules are hard to adhere to. The thought being that the couple with such rules are setting themselves up for failure.

Or does "No" not mean "No" anymore?

See, that's an easy rule to adhere to.

Our rules are easy for us to keep: Play together, communicate when it doesn't feel right, and respect the veto.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by JandY

Having read through this topic, it's patently clear that rules are hard to adhere to.

But if a rule is known prior to engaging in any form of (particularly a sexually physical) relationship, then such a rule should be complied with unless it is waived.

Or does "No" not mean "No" anymore?

No means no... but whether it's the rule making couple or the other couple - when you make rules like this, the point is that it becomes very hard to keep them.

To tell someone "oh you can kiss me but no open mouth". Then try to remember that 3 hours later. "Oh shit, I opened my mouth and inserted tongue... now I feel like crap". It's not a matter of doing it on purpose, and no one is suggesting that such rules would be broken on purpose. Moreso that such specific and detailed rules are going to be hard to remember in the heat of the moment and if you focus so hard on trying to remember them, you're no likely to have much fun in the process.