The best opportunity

[JustAskJulie]

We've noticed with local swinger events, regardless of what they are, it seems most people wait until the last minute to sign up for anything. There are typically a handful of events going on within a 2 hour radius, and I'm often surprised at the number of couples local to us who will sign up for the events 2 hours away early on but wait until the last minute (if they go at all) to sign up for the local ones. We've also noticed that couples seem to do this when you try to make plans to meet them one on one. You could email them a week or two in advance and then they finally get back to you on the Thursday before you were hoping to meet to tell you they already have other plans... or worse they get back to you around the same time you'd asked if they wanted to meet to tell you that "oops, we just got home (from the suggested meeting location) and now we're too drunk" - yeah that happened last weekend.

We host a group dinner and early on we'd try to announce it like a month in advance, but 90% of the people didn't sign up till the week before, if not the day before the dinner. So, we decided why go through so much trouble on our end, planning something so far in advance (because often when we did other things would come up that we wanted to do, but couldn't). So, we started waiting and when a weekend was coming up (about 2 weeks out) that had nothing going on we'd post a dinner. So far, it hasn't affected our turnout (although this weekend will be our second), and on the last one we still had about half the people signing up the day before or day of.

It got us talking about how it seems like a lot of times people seem to be waiting for the best offer. We've done it ourselves a few times, but have learned the end result for waiting to make plans to see what might come along is that nothing comes along - and that's just what we end up doing.

So when an offer comes along, do you accept it (if you are at all interested), or do you hold off a bit and wait and see what else might come along before you make any plans?

[CXXC]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

So when an offer comes along, do you accept it (if you are at all interested), or do you hold off a bit and wait and see what else might come along before you make any plans?

With our schedules, we have to plan no less than a month in advance. that being said, we have seen the situation you speak of quite often. The day before or the day of gets all the sign-ups.

You are correct. This behavior would best be described as waiting for somehting better to pop up. At least that is my take on it.

Its a lot like going to a club or party, sitting out side waiting for the crowd to show up and leaving after a while. Enough people do this and the parties will never take off.

To Mrs. CXXC and me, the ability to take advantage of an event or party is like drawing a royal flush. We are all in from the start! (Unlike real poker, I can play the lifestyle scheduling game well!)

Perhaps having a cut off date on the sign up will make things easier for you. Say three or four days before the event. When we entertain, we require that all R.S.V.P.'s be in at least a week before the event. That tells us just how many will be there and how much food etc... to prepare.

We feel your pain Julie!

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by CXXC

Its a lot like going to a club or party, sitting out side waiting for the crowd to show up and leaving after a while. Enough people do this and the parties will never take off.

We are guilty of this. We've done it twice in situations where it was obvious when we pulled up that there was next to no one there. We sat and watched to see if more people came in and when they didn't we determined that there were better ways to spend our $40.

[MrkLin]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

We are guilty of this. We've done it twice in situations where it was obvious when we pulled up that there was next to no one there. We sat and watched to see if more people came in and when they didn't we determined that there were better ways to spend our $40.

And how many other couples did the same? You get my drift. Sorry, but it seems kind of silly to me that after driving for 2 hours you were more concerned with spending $40 than anything else. Personally, I'd have gone in no matter how many cars were there. Just my opinion - I could be wrong...

We've discovered that, with house party invitations anyway, 4 weeks out is a good time to send out the initial invitation. I send out a reminder the Saturday before the party, and that's usually when I get most of our replies to the invitation. I asked our guests at a couple of parties if I should just save the 4-week invite, and invite folks to a party a week out, since I heard back from so few of them before the reminder. Every one of them told me that they want the 4-week invite because that gives them notice that a party is coming along. The 1-week reminder gives them motivation to finalize plans (babysitters and such.) Everyone I've talked to who hosts house parties has encountered something very similar to this.

I really don't know if it's people waiting for the best offer, or trying to get things organized within their own lives so they can attend. I wouldn't change a thing, and just accept the fact that most of your replies are going to come in the final week.

[CXXC]

Originally Posted by MrkLin

I really don't know if it's people waiting for the best offer, or trying to get things organized within their own lives so they can attend. I wouldn't change a thing, and just accept the fact that most of your replies are going to come in the final week.

I have to agree with MrkLin here. It may not always be the waiting for the best option to present itself. Mrs. CXXC and I place the lifestyle 4th on our list of priorities.
1. US
2. Family and friends
3. Work
4 Swinging!

Unfortunately, the first three take up 98 % of our schedule. (Work taking 80% of that) the remaining 2% are planned well in advance and we look forward to the time to play.

Eventually, I will hit the lottery and will have freed up 80% of our time! Look out people!

[The Fuse]

If there is no "primo" opportunity, or the possibility of something better exists, people will wait until the last minute. Everyone wants to know who else is going. It's a self-feeding cycle.

We'll sometimes wait till the last minute on things where no one is counting on us, like meet and greets, unless we see there are people signed up we want to hang out with. Today is Thursday. We signed up for a M&G for tomorrow, on Monday. We have emailed with more than one couple about seeing each other there. We consider that a commitment. But if we had been trying to make a two-on-two date with someone, we would have waited to sign up.

[JustMrJ]

Most of the house parties we attend are announced at least a few weeks in advance up to a month in advance. We sign up immediately if we can attend. Sometimes, I'll sign up and we will attempt to clear our schedules for that date (wife works retail so Saturdays are sometimes a problem).

Either way I think we have only canceled one party on short notice when my bride's 'Red Time' started early.

We do see party attendance lists swell up the last few days. By the same token, some people sign up early like us, but have to cancel at the last minute for other reasons (work, family, etc.).

Bottom line, is I don't see anything really unusual about it. Some people may be waiting for the better event, but mostly it's probably schedule.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by MrkLin

And how many other couples did the same? You get my drift. Sorry, but it seems kind of silly to me that after driving for 2 hours you were more concerned with spending $40 than anything else. Personally, I'd have gone in no matter how many cars were there. Just my opinion - I could be wrong...

I'll be honest. We did it once after driving two hours, but it wasn't based on the number of cars in the parking lot. It was after walking in and standing in line and getting a really weird/bad vibe from those who were there. We exited to the car to watch who else went in to see if, perhaps, it improved.

The time it was based on cars was at a more local social and there were 2 cars in the area of the social and not many more in the entire hotel. We arrived right at opening time and watched maybe 4 other couples go in, and no we didn't see any other cars just driving through either. We waited 45 minutes before packing it up and heading out out to find another way to spend our evening. That time we did end up feeling a little bad mostly because shortly after we left another couple we like ended up showing up. They saw the same thing we did (and even went in and confirmed it).

If I'm feeling a bad vibe, I'd rather pack it in before I walk in than spend the money and feel like I have to stay because I'm there and it's harder to walk out. We've had something along those lines happen a few times as well.

There have been at least 3 socials that I can recall where we've paid to get in then been very dissapointed (for various reasons) and either ended up leaving very soon after we arrived or stayed because we felt it would be too awkward (and noticeable) to leave - that last one was the biggest mistake, and the memory of that night is the what has kept us from going into the two socials we've skipped. The two times we ended up going ahead and leaving we had other couples with us who were also not feeling it or feeling as uncomfortable (in one place SQUISHED - too many people at a party can be as bad or worse as too few, if you don't have the place set up well for movement) as we were, so we all left together and went to find someplace where we could still have a good time.

In all of those cases, we signed up and we went (whether we went in or not). We didn't sit around debating the best option or looking for something better to come along... in many cases we thought those WERE the best options (or at least the only ones) - which just goes to show that sometimes the "best" option isn't.

[good times]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

So when an offer comes along, do you accept it (if you are at all interested), or do you hold off a bit and wait and see what else might come along before you make any plans?

If it sounds interesting we would be inclined to accept right away.

That being said, we rarely do that. Our regular life schedule is usually so full that we generally don't decide what we are going to do on a given day until shortly before we are doing it. For example, we will normally decide to go to the club less than an hour or two before we head out to go.