What's your process for meeting people?

[JustAskJulie]

Ok, so reading LFM2's blog entry and this comment/reply from ExploringRM got me wondering....

How much do you do before meeting, emails? chats? Do you always see pictures of the people? Just wondering if that's part of the reason? We've gotten alot pickier as far as appearance, distance, profile topics.

For those of you who do meet people one on one (dates) what is your process prior to meeting them? I do wonder how varying processes prior to meeting affect the overall likelihood of a successful meeting.

[2inSanDiego4u]

Great idea for a new thread Julie!

We've tried to make meeting people easier and less time consuming than in the beginning. Here are our basic rules for meeting people:

1. Gotta see face pics first.

2. Usually like to have a phone number to make sure they're serious.

3. No more first time meetings for lunch or dinner -- drinks or coffee only.

4. Better to try to meet up at a Meet n Greet, if that is at all possible. We list all the events we go to regularly in our profile. We arrange to meet almost all new couples at Meet n Greets now. This is easy for us since there is a weekly Meet n Greet in our area.

5. We prefer to meet for the first time during the week, not on weekends, if possible. Again, this is easy since the weekly Meet n Greet is on Thursday.

We found we were spending too much time, effort and money at first. Too many long boring lunches or dinners with couples we had no chemistry with. We've found that this new way of meeting people works much better and is a lot less frustrating for us. Another lifestyle couple we know helped us figure out that this way is the best way to do it, for us at least!

[screaminggood]

We usually meet most people at clubs, but if we meet someone online....we tell them which night we'll be at what club and how to identify us.

[exploringRM]

We're still learning And adapting, but our current trend of choosing and meeting people is:

1) Need to see pictures of both people. G rated are fine for us.

2) Profile information needs to be filled in.

3) We seriously examine the photos and profile information and do a first impression question, assuming we click at a personality level, would we play with them. Perhaps shallow, but after meeting a number of couples where we should have been more honest with ourselves in how we liked them physically, we've gotten more picky.

4) Depending on timing, etc, we'll chat with the other couple to see where they are in swining, what are they looking for, etc.

3) They are an hour away +/- or willing to meet a clubs we frequent that are ~hour away.

4) No more meeting in vanilla settings. (though we'll probably bend this if it's a couple we have the hots for..lol)

5) Meet at a lifestyle event: House Party, Club, Meet & Greet. Most recent experiences with these types of meeting is that we tend to meet more people through the evening who's screen names we tuck away for future contact.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by 2inSanDiego4u

Great idea for a new thread Julie!

We've tried to make meeting people easier and less time consuming than in the beginning. Here are our basic rules for meeting people:

1. Gotta see face pics first.

2. Usually like to have a phone number to make sure they're serious.

3. No more first time meetings for lunch or dinner -- drinks or coffee only.

4. Better to try to meet up at a Meet n Greet, if that is at all possible. We list all the events we go to regularly in our profile. We arrange to meet almost all new couples at Meet n Greets now. This is easy for us since there is a weekly Meet n Greet in our area.

5. We prefer to meet for the first time during the week, not on weekends, if possible. Again, this is easy since the weekly Meet n Greet is on Thursday.

We found we were spending too much time, effort and money at first. Too many long boring lunches or dinners with couples we had no chemistry with. We've found that this new way of meeting people works much better and is a lot less frustrating for us. Another lifestyle couple we know helped us figure out that this way is the best way to do it, for us at least!

Mr. Fuse and I have gone through a similar process. We wish we had a weekly Meet n Greet here though! There is about one every month here. But like 2inSanDiego4u, we try now to meet for drinks or coffee instead of committing to dinner or lunch. We usually end up eating though , because whether or not we have a match, we usually enjoy the other couple's company-- and because we are hungry.

But yes, we exchange pictures, an email or two, and talk on the telephone before meeting. We do try to find out what the other couple is looking for before meeting, and we try to let them know what we are looking for. Our efforts to be upfront have probably helped a lot. We (I) will chat if that is how the other couple feels comfortable, but that can be a real time sink, so I keep that to a minimum.

[good times]

Now days we almost always set up the first meet at one of the local clubs. Although we still occasionally meet someone in a vanilla setting, that is getting more rare because we really just don't have time for it. We have also found that if someone is not willing to meet at the club they probably have enough other issues that we wouldn't end up playing with them anyway.

For us we pretty much have to see pictures to agree to meet. Other than that we don't really have any rules. Normally a couple of emails back and forth to work out the time and place is all we do. We do not do internet chat, but we will provide our phone number if that makes someone feel more comfortable. We rarely talk to the folks we meet on the phone before hand though, as we have found that the only reliable way we can determine compatibility is by meeting face to face.

[NCfuncouple98]

Definitely pictures up front. No exceptions. One couple that was concerned about showing their faces offered to chat first - and asked a lot of strange questions. "Have you ever been in a substance abuse program?" Been on probation" Things like that. He was very polite that it would make sense after, but it was starting to feel weird, but he did seem genuine. At the end of the conversation, they did turn on their web cam and explained all. One 1/2 of the couple is a counselor in our area, and so I could understand the need for discreetness! But I was picturing it being some creep asking weird questions! Turns out he was a nice-looking guy, with a very attractive wife!

So far our luck has been at the club, even if they/we don't play on the first meet, we're keeping in contact and have spent time chatting to know their is some interest.

We've only met in person one couple from a website, and there really wasn't any chemistry. I agree with some comments above on this - that can get very expensive quick! Not that our club is cheap either.

We've decided to stick to going to the club for now - and if we chat with someone online, meet at the club, or just drinks.

[twoforone100]

Well lots of good rules so far some of ours repeat


1 We need to see pic's up front. If they can't then at the we tell them to come to the monthly social and look for us.

2 We perfer to chat on im.. We have a list of questions and we ask them. Over a couple of days we as the same questions slightly differently and look for different answers...

3 We ask up front what they are looking for and what their rules are. We also tell them ours and what we are looking for.

4 We always meet for drinks. But would do coffee. Had one too many long boring dinners.

5 We meet in public at first. A house party or lifestyle event. Anything from a bar or the park but in public. We do have a plan to play on the first date if everyone clicks.

6 If we meet we have pretty much decided to play as long as everyone is as pictured and not psycho.

7 We hate the phone. But will give a #. We never cam. We don't like it and the puppy ate it . We never replaced it.

8 Now having said all that we have met same day. The IM's are important to us as we can review them.


It seems to work for us. We are sure we are missing out on a few couples and we are sure some are missing out on us.. Everyone has their rules..

[iapr]

We generally prefer to meet at clubs and partys but there have been a few notible exceptions and some have had great success.

I agree with the other posts about the importance of seeing pics and meeting in a safe and public place but there is one thing that we have started doing recently that I haven't seen mentioned yet and that is having the ladies speak to each other on the phone to set up the details of the date.

This does several important things. First off it confirms that there is a fully aware and consenting female on each side that has seen the other's pics and read the others profile and they are agreeing to meet and it isn't just some creepy single guy or some guy who is trying to dupe his wife into meeting under false pretenses (yes we have had someone try to do that...it didn't work)

It also goes along way in making each woman more comfortable with each other and gives each a chance to determine where and when and under what conditions the meeting will take place.

When the ladies talk to each other and make the plans it is more like a group of friends getting together for a fun evening of socializing as opposed to a couple guys trying to get together so they can screw each others wives.

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

For those of you who do meet people one on one (dates) what is your process prior to meeting them? I do wonder how varying processes prior to meeting affect the overall likelihood of a successful meeting.

Dave is the searcher/gatherer when it comes to finding couples. Most times, people email us and ask us out for drinks or dinner. We always discuss if we find their profile genuine and if there are any red flags that pop up. Since we don't have clubs around here, we're pretty much stuck with either M&G's, house parties, or dates. If this couple doesn't happen to be part of our circle of friends in our M&G's or invited to house parties, then dates are our only means of meeting them.

Dave usually emails with them for a while. Usually less than a week. Sometimes more, not usually less. We usually exchange face pics. They are never "play" pics. Always "G" rated and we're clothed. We appreciate pics of the same. No nudes. In fact, a cock picture will get you deleted by me.

They may IM (their choice, I could care less) and then they usually choose to go to dinner. Dave pretty much keeps the schedule going. We meet for dinner and then choose to either play that night, or discuss when a good time to play would be.

I wish to hell we didn't live in a such a conservative state and there were clubs to go to... I'd love to go to one, even if it was to see what they're like. For now, we're content with our M&G's and house parties.

[dodgechevy]

Pretty much how we go:

Maybe more than half of the people we play with we meet at clubs, but when we meet them online this is how it follows:

1. After reading their email, we check out their pics and profile and see if all is well. We don't like to chat until we can at least see face pics of both.
2. We then chat on Yahoo to find out rules and preferences, basically getting a general feel of the couple.
3. We then have the ladies chat and make plans for a meet up. We will not meet up until this happens. First it confirms that they are indeed a couple, and second, all rules are again confirmed at this point.
4. Meet up at a lifestyle club or restaurant/cafe for drinks.
5. ?
6. PROFIT!

[spamcatcher]

We don't have any hard, fast rules, but we generally:

1) Exchange emails. I prefer several good communications in this medium, but find that most aren't willing to invest the same amount of time that I am.

2) We like to see pictures before setting up a meeting, but don't put a lot of stock in them. Pictures can give the wrong impression either way. Some people look better in pics and some can't take a good picture to save their lives.

3) We prefer to meet over coffee, although we've had our share of dinners with new prospective playmates. We've never had a bad dinner experience, but it can be expensive for retirees like us to go out that often.

4) We prefer to avoid bars/drinks. Often, bars are too smoke-filled and noisy. And we met one couple who had been at the bar way too long and were pretty well sloshed by the time we met them. I guess this served a good purpose in showing us the 'real them', but we would prefer that alcohol not be a factor in getting to know someone.

[MrkLin]

Originally Posted by exploringRM

4) No more meeting in vanilla settings. (though we'll probably bend this if it's a couple we have the hots for..lol)

I'm wondering why you have this rule? Did something happen to make you adopt it, or did you just decide that meeting in a vanilla location was unacceptable?

We like to meet prospective couples face to face in a vanilla location for a couple of reasons. First of all, it's neutral ground for everyone - a no-pressure environment where we can actually hold a conversation without loud music, bustling cocktail waitresses, or hardcore partiers distracting any of us. Second, there's no 'performance anxiety' to worry about - we're just meeting for coffee/drinks with no expectations of playing that day. Third, without all of the above being a factor, we all get a better chance to get to know 'the real you' in an out-of-the-lifestyle setting.

I know some folks balk at the idea of meeting in a vanilla location because they're afraid that "someone will see us." Well, so what? You're just having coffee/drinks with friends. There's no neon sign over your head, saying, "Potential Swingers!" Heck, we were meeting a potential playmate at a coffee shop one evening, when my parents walked through the door. Of course they stopped at our table for a second. We introduced the guy as a friend of ours, and they proceeded to their own table after a bit of small talk. Nothing untoward happened, or had the potential to happen, and we moved on with our conversation.

In the end, if it doesn't work for you - great. I'm just curious as to why you have that rule - that's all.

[exploringRM]

Originally Posted by MrkLin

I'm wondering why you have this rule? Did something happen to make you adopt it, or did you just decide that meeting in a vanilla location was unacceptable?


In the end, if it doesn't work for you - great. I'm just curious as to why you have that rule - that's all.

Fair question For the first few months of our path in swinging we met couples at a life style club (well like 2). Then we met with a few people that don't do clubs, preferin a quieter encounter in general. I just felt it was much easier to find how well things click with being in a more open/free environment of a m&G or LS club.. Talk a little, dance a little, flirt a little as the evening progresses. In the vanilla dinner setting, unless there is that bang of instant attraction, I felt there was really no way to progress to the point where we felt we wanted to play. I don't think I just could not afterward say...let get a room. We don't go with any expectations and have met couples at a meet & greet with no on premise availability.

And we did have an experience of someone seeing us in a location far from our house, and it got back to the wife's mom. It was not too difficult to explain away, but just yet another cover story to fabricate, lol

In the first few weeks of swinging we did meet a couple at a trendy bar and that actually worked out great. But our more recent meetings just didn't go that well, so we decided to setup to meet people at M&Gs or a club. If at a club we would only meet 1 couple so we can give them our full attention and keep open the potential for play later. For M&Gs we will setup multiple meets, just a chance to talk a bit and then after arrange more 1 on 1 (couples) meets.