Dr Dumb or How I learned to open mouth and insert foot to the knee...

[warrencouple]

The title sounds rather flip, but for some reason, I'm going with it...

The other day, the Mrs and I were on our way to the bookstore. While driving along, the topic of our getting into swinging came up again (brought up by me) Well, we still have yet to jump in, but we had sent an e-mail to a local on-premise doing an open house (no play obviously) in a couple weeks. I don't even know what I said to start this, but I made probably the dumbest, stupidest statement I could have made.

"I'd want to put my foot down and say we still go to the open house."

This after I've been telling the Mrs that we're going at *her* pace, and sticking with *her* comfort level. Needless to say, she was (quite rightly) irritated at me, as well as (worse) hurt. I can deal with her being peeved / mad at me, that happens. I hate when I hurt her for any reason.

We did discuss what happened, and she is no longer mad / hurt (she says) But, she asked if I was going to post the story, and I've decided too, partly just to get it off my chest.

Thanks for listening, to anyone who got through this...
Mr.

[LFM2]

I think there are time that we sometimes just don't think before we talk. I know I have no filter between my thinking brain and my talking mouth.

I think it's a good thing that you two just keep talking. Keep all thoughts and ideas open to discussion and keep things nonjudgmental. It's hard when one partner wants to go faster than the other.

Wanting to jump in both feet first is common when one partner is ready. Trying to get the other partner as interested in swinging and thinking the same as you is often just as hard.

[ownerspet]

I think you're very fortunate to have someone that is open-minded and open enough in communication with you to not just close themselves to the idea completely. Good luck in your journey and be sure to keep the communication open in your relationship! One more thing as you continue down this path, be sure to always remember this is about both of you. Not just you and not just her, but both of you.

.... that's my 2 cents.......

[warrencouple]

Yeah, as I discussed with the Mrs that afternoon, I think the linkage between my brain and mouth disconnected, and the mouth ran away without the brain...

So far, throughout our relationship and marriage, we've managed to avoid ever going to bed mad at each other. Or, at least getting to sleep while mad at each other. We've been able to at least talk about things, and get them sort of settled, before going to sleep.

Mr.

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by warrencouple

So far, throughout our relationship and marriage, we've managed to avoid ever going to bed mad at each other. Or, at least getting to sleep while mad at each other. We've been able to at least talk about things, and get them sort of settled, before going to sleep.

Mr.

That's good advice for any couple to follow.

[Willing29]

As the others have said keep TALKING. Another way to maybe make you both comfortable is to possibly lay down some ground rules for you club visit, such as only playing with each other but being around the highly sexually charged atmosphere.

[warrencouple]

Originally Posted by Willing29

As the others have said keep TALKING. Another way to maybe make you both comfortable is to possibly lay down some ground rules for you club visit, such as only playing with each other but being around the highly sexually charged atmosphere.

Yeah, we've actually had our rules set from shortly after I first brought up the subject. Currently:
1. No swap, hard or soft. Same room sex (only with each other) is OK
2. Go at the pace / comfort level of the slowest (I obviously tried to break this one)
3. If / when we get to any form of swap, condoms are a requirement, no exceptions (I'm "fixed," she's not, but we don't want kids, and definitely want to avoid STDs)
4. Nothing gets decided in the heat of the moment, if we feel we are ready and want to play with another couple (soft / hard swap), we will do that *next time* after we've had time to cool down, and discuss it rationally

We've talked about going to an on-premise at some point, and possibly playing in the "exhibitionist" area, although I've joked that we'll go to do that, and I won't be able to "perform" but she'll be ready, willing, and able...
She got a laugh out of that one when I told her...


Thanks again
Mr.

[JustAskJulie]

I think when it comes down to it, we (women) can deal with you guys saying stupid things so long as you realize that you did it and apologize

[Willing29]

Originally Posted by warrencouple

Yeah, we've actually had our rules set from shortly after I first brought up the subject. Currently:
1. No swap, hard or soft. Same room sex (only with each other) is OK
2. Go at the pace / comfort level of the slowest (I obviously tried to break this one)
3. If / when we get to any form of swap, condoms are a requirement, no exceptions (I'm "fixed," she's not, but we don't want kids, and definitely want to avoid STDs)
4. Nothing gets decided in the heat of the moment, if we feel we are ready and want to play with another couple (soft / hard swap), we will do that *next time* after we've had time to cool down, and discuss it rationally

We've talked about going to an on-premise at some point, and possibly playing in the "exhibitionist" area, although I've joked that we'll go to do that, and I won't be able to "perform" but she'll be ready, willing, and able...
She got a laugh out of that one when I told her...


Thanks again
Mr.

sounds like a good set of rules to start with, actually is sounded like ours when we first talked about it. Just remember that rules are made to change. Good luck and keep the communication open which it sounds like you already do.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I think when it comes down to it, we (women) can deal with you guys saying stupid things so long as you realize that you did it and apologize

Thankfully. Or else I'd have been out on my ass a loooonnng time ago.

[warrencouple]

Mrs. here. His statement hurt, yes, but I forgave him and moved on pretty quickly, especially after we were able to really talk it out. Of course, he forgot one thing: No matter if he wanted to 'put his foot down' and say we're going, he can't make me do anything I don't want to. Telling me we're going whether I want to or not is a sure way of
1. causing me to lose my temper and,
2. ensuring I'll be sitting in the car the entire time he's inside the club.
I'm usually really easy going and he can get me to do most things without much effort but telling me I'm going to do something and have no choice in the matter brings out the stubborn little b**ch in me.

[rpu3]

Of course, he forgot one thing: No matter if he wanted to 'put his foot down' and say we're going, he can't make me do anything I don't want to. Telling me we're going whether I want to or not is a sure way of
1. causing me to lose my temper and,
2. ensuring I'll be sitting in the car the entire time he's inside the club.
I'm usually really easy going and he can get me to do most things without much effort but telling me I'm going to do something and have no choice in the matter brings out the stubborn little b**ch in me.

I hear you on this one. It wouldn't go down much differently in our home. I'll put up with a fair amount from people, but telling me that I have choice in a particular matter really sets me off, especially from The Spousal Unit.

Thanks for stopping by with a bit of your take on the conversation!

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by warrencouple

Mrs. here. His statement hurt, yes, but I forgave him and moved on pretty quickly, especially after we were able to really talk it out. Of course, he forgot one thing: No matter if he wanted to 'put his foot down' and say we're going, he can't make me do anything I don't want to. Telling me we're going whether I want to or not is a sure way of
1. causing me to lose my temper and,
2. ensuring I'll be sitting in the car the entire time he's inside the club.
I'm usually really easy going and he can get me to do most things without much effort but telling me I'm going to do something and have no choice in the matter brings out the stubborn little b**ch in me.

I'm right there with you. You can lead me, but you can't force me... and the more you try the more of a fight you will have.

I'm glad you guys were able to work through this, it shows you have good communication.

[sweet_tna]

Mr. Warrencouple: Yeah, you stuck your foot in your mouth. But you did good by 'fessing up to it and apologizing right away. Looks like you've got a good set of rules going, but keep talking . . .(and remember to BE PATIENT).

Mrs. Warrencouple: Glad to hear you chiming in on this one, and I'm with you . .. Anyone trying to tell me I have no choice in something is going to have blistering ears at the very least. Glad ya'll are working through this.

So . . . what books didja' get?

=)

[Willing29]

I can tell you one thing, if I said something like that I could forget about going to a club and them the sex would dry up. Not worth the risk, it's better to simply ask nicely.