Second Choice or backup plan

***JustAskJulie*** · 12-01-2008, 12:35 AM

How would you feel if you'd been out with a small group of couples and after watching one couple chase another couple all night and get turned down to play late in the night they turned to you and said "so you guys wanna play?"

Would you care that they hadn't really expressed in any interest in you up to that point? Would it make a difference if you'd played with them before?

FYI: we were not the ones involved in this, just watched it go down so we don't know the details regarding the history between the couples in question other than that we know they knew each other before that night.

ncmd_couple · 12-01-2008, 07:43 AM

Well, I think that makes a good case for asking the couple early on in the evening if they are interested in playing! One of the advantages of this lifestyle is variety. There may have been a number of factors in play. Say for example, we had played with both couples in the past, enjoyed their company, Couple A we played with last week, but it had been a couple of months since we had played with Couple B. I might be more inclined to initially invest time in Couple B. If that didn't work out I might then focus on Couple A. I don't think I would be offended if we were the second choice. Sometimes a couple plays with one couple, then after a break, plays with a different couple.

S

slevin · 12-01-2008, 09:42 AM

This is a very interesting question! I'm not totally sure how we'd feel; I can imagine cases where we'd be insulted and cases where we'd be indifferent to that and happy to play. I think that if we had tried to show some interest and engage with them only to be rebuffed while they chased another couple then we'd likely decline to play with them. If we'd all been out having fun and we hadn't 'made our move' with them, but found them fun and attractive then we'd probably play with them. I also think that if we'd played with them before, but they hadn't played with the other couple before, then we'd totally understand that and not care.

Purely guesswork though!

I also wonder how we'd handle the situation if we were out with more than one couple we were attracted to, but focused on one of them as who we wanted to play with. If we got rejected, would we shift focus to the other couple? Would we feel bad about how that might look to them, how it would make them feel? I'm not sure.

**fun4Ds** · 12-01-2008, 10:44 AM

We wouldn't mind being second choice or third,.......................or forth. Connections hit at different times throughout an evening. Heck, think of all the people on-line your not first choice. Although, we have been first "choice" a time or two, it feels good. We wouldn't think it fair to take away anyone else's feel good.

As long as we are not the "Well, your better than nothing choice."

That has a certain "grudge f##k" or something, feeling, effect,..... I don't know how to describe it. Its not exactly good........ we gave our best....

socolais · 12-01-2008, 11:10 AM

I don't think about playmates in any sequence or order. I think who I pursue depends on the kind of sex I'm in the mood for. Sometimes, I want it slow and easy with some playmates and other times I might want it off the ceiling fan with another. But ultimately, I'm there for a good time. Some opportunities will happen because of someone else's interest and some I make happen. As long as it remains fun......

**LFM2** · 12-01-2008, 12:19 PM

In the scenario you describe, it doesn't sound so bad to be second choice. I think we'd be OK with it and have fun.

But like Fun4Ds said, as long as it's not a, "Well, you're might be better than nothing" choice.

***JustAskJulie*** · 12-01-2008, 03:13 PM

Based on what we observed of this scenario it looked more like a case of "consolation prize" or "well since they aren't going to play and you're the only other couple still here, you'll do".

**good times** · 12-01-2008, 03:25 PM

What, you mean you all don't have a "fall back" couple?

We Have had this happen, have even done it ourselves. Doesn't mean the couple wouldn't have chose you first at all. Often times, in our case anyway, we will get to the club and start a conversation with someone and it seems like it might lead to sex. Only to find out after spending an hour or two with them that they aren't compatible with us for some reason. At that point we move on, and if we are really in the mood to play we might see that Joe and Jane, who we have had fun with before are available so we approach them.

So, I think that it doesn't really matter.

sexcupid · 12-01-2008, 05:37 PM

If we definitely got the 'consolation prize' vibe...I don't think we would say yes to playing with them anyway. It's a totally different environment to be hanging out with a group of folks that we've already played with and are friendly with compared to watching someone pursue someone else and then when rebuffed, come and proposition us.

Did couple 2 actually go off to play with them?

Sounds like good people watching at the very least.

**BiloxiCouple** · 12-01-2008, 05:42 PM

Seconds or sloppy seconds doesn't bother us.

sweet_tna · 12-01-2008, 06:43 PM

I guess the bigger question is here, would you have been interested in playing with them had they approached you earlier in the evening?

We've been on both ends of this situation. Sometimes, we run into a couple we really like or haven't seen in awhile, and get caught up talking to them. If things don't pan out and we turn to another couple, it would definitely be someone we'd be interested in playing with anyway, had we not run into the other couple first.

And yes, we've been the ones that got asked to play when someone else didn't work out for the asking couple. Our criteria was the same.

=)

Tia Vampire · 12-01-2008, 07:28 PM

Like others have said here, we wouldn't want to be that, I guess you'll do couple. We ourselves will flirt with a number of couples before we find a couple that we are both comfortable with. That is why it take until the end of the night before we get busy.

lustylearning · 12-01-2008, 09:55 PM

While I wouldn't want to play with anyone who gives us the "afterthought" feeling, there are couples that we will always be happy to play with, and frankly, it wouldn't matter if they were chasing newer or different peeps throughout the night. But those couples are couples that we know and are close to. New folks would probably come off wrong approaching us that way.

twoforone100 · 12-10-2008, 06:24 PM

Will you be our back up plan?

lustylearning · 12-10-2008, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twoforone100

Will you be our back up plan?

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12-01-2008, 12:35 AM	#1 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,294 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	Second Choice or backup plan How would you feel if you'd been out with a small group of couples and after watching one couple chase another couple all night and get turned down to play late in the night they turned to you and said "so you guys wanna play?" Would you care that they hadn't really expressed in any interest in you up to that point? Would it make a difference if you'd played with them before? FYI: we were not the ones involved in this, just watched it go down so we don't know the details regarding the history between the couples in question other than that we know they knew each other before that night.

12-01-2008, 07:43 AM	#2 (permalink)
ncmd_couple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 2,252 Location: North Carolina Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:ncmd_couple	Re: Second Choice or backup plan Well, I think that makes a good case for asking the couple early on in the evening if they are interested in playing! One of the advantages of this lifestyle is variety. There may have been a number of factors in play. Say for example, we had played with both couples in the past, enjoyed their company, Couple A we played with last week, but it had been a couple of months since we had played with Couple B. I might be more inclined to initially invest time in Couple B. If that didn't work out I might then focus on Couple A. I don't think I would be offended if we were the second choice. Sometimes a couple plays with one couple, then after a break, plays with a different couple. S
	__________________ Try anything once, twice if it is fun, three times if it is real good!

12-01-2008, 09:42 AM	#3 (permalink)
slevin Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 1,216 Location: Toronto Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:sk_forfun	Re: Second Choice or backup plan This is a very interesting question! I'm not totally sure how we'd feel; I can imagine cases where we'd be insulted and cases where we'd be indifferent to that and happy to play. I think that if we had tried to show some interest and engage with them only to be rebuffed while they chased another couple then we'd likely decline to play with them. If we'd all been out having fun and we hadn't 'made our move' with them, but found them fun and attractive then we'd probably play with them. I also think that if we'd played with them before, but they hadn't played with the other couple before, then we'd totally understand that and not care. Purely guesswork though! I also wonder how we'd handle the situation if we were out with more than one couple we were attracted to, but focused on one of them as who we wanted to play with. If we got rejected, would we shift focus to the other couple? Would we feel bad about how that might look to them, how it would make them feel? I'm not sure.

12-01-2008, 10:44 AM	#4 (permalink)
fun4Ds Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 6,489 Location: Behind door #2 Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:mrmrsfun	Re: Second Choice or backup plan We wouldn't mind being second choice or third,.......................or forth. Connections hit at different times throughout an evening. Heck, think of all the people on-line your not first choice. Although, we have been first "choice" a time or two, it feels good. We wouldn't think it fair to take away anyone else's feel good. As long as we are not the "Well, your better than nothing choice." That has a certain "grudge f##k" or something, feeling, effect,..... I don't know how to describe it. Its not exactly good........ we gave our best....
	Last edited by fun4Ds; 12-01-2008 at 12:40 PM.

12-01-2008, 11:10 AM	#5 (permalink)
socolais nothin special Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 1,251 Location: Dallas Status: M. Male - half of a novice swinging couple Swing Lifestyle Name:Bruce_Melissa	Re: Second Choice or backup plan I don't think about playmates in any sequence or order. I think who I pursue depends on the kind of sex I'm in the mood for. Sometimes, I want it slow and easy with some playmates and other times I might want it off the ceiling fan with another. But ultimately, I'm there for a good time. Some opportunities will happen because of someone else's interest and some I make happen. As long as it remains fun......
	__________________ I like her because she smiles at me and means it

12-01-2008, 12:19 PM	#6 (permalink)
LFM2 ~This space for rent~ Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 4,750 Location: across the tracks Status: Couple	Re: Second Choice or backup plan In the scenario you describe, it doesn't sound so bad to be second choice. I think we'd be OK with it and have fun. But like Fun4Ds said, as long as it's not a, "Well, you're might be better than nothing" choice.
	__________________ Dave & Holly

12-01-2008, 03:13 PM	#7 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,294 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	Re: Second Choice or backup plan Based on what we observed of this scenario it looked more like a case of "consolation prize" or "well since they aren't going to play and you're the only other couple still here, you'll do".

12-01-2008, 03:25 PM	#8 (permalink)
good times Mod Squad Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 6,919 Location: Reno, Nevada Status: Married to Mrs Good Times Swing Lifestyle Name:randp	Re: Second Choice or backup plan What, you mean you all don't have a "fall back" couple? We Have had this happen, have even done it ourselves. Doesn't mean the couple wouldn't have chose you first at all. Often times, in our case anyway, we will get to the club and start a conversation with someone and it seems like it might lead to sex. Only to find out after spending an hour or two with them that they aren't compatible with us for some reason. At that point we move on, and if we are really in the mood to play we might see that Joe and Jane, who we have had fun with before are available so we approach them. So, I think that it doesn't really matter.
	__________________ R (He is R, she is P)

12-01-2008, 05:37 PM	#9 (permalink)
sexcupid Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 1,195 Location: San Antonio Status: couple/f Swing Lifestyle Name:sexcupid	Re: Second Choice or backup plan If we definitely got the 'consolation prize' vibe...I don't think we would say yes to playing with them anyway. It's a totally different environment to be hanging out with a group of folks that we've already played with and are friendly with compared to watching someone pursue someone else and then when rebuffed, come and proposition us. Did couple 2 actually go off to play with them? Sounds like good people watching at the very least.
	__________________ Maria

12-01-2008, 05:42 PM	#10 (permalink)
BiloxiCouple Julie's Helper Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 4,002 Location: Biloxi, Mississippi Status: Couple with benefits and retired Swing Lifestyle Name:graceful	Re: Second Choice or backup plan Seconds or sloppy seconds doesn't bother us.
	__________________ *Live in the moment before they are gone.*

12-01-2008, 06:43 PM	#11 (permalink)
sweet_tna Being good is overrated Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 4,221 Location: Poconos, PA Status: The boss of Mr. Sweet Swing Lifestyle Name:Sweet_tna	Re: Second Choice or backup plan I guess the bigger question is here, would you have been interested in playing with them had they approached you earlier in the evening? We've been on both ends of this situation. Sometimes, we run into a couple we really like or haven't seen in awhile, and get caught up talking to them. If things don't pan out and we turn to another couple, it would definitely be someone we'd be interested in playing with anyway, had we not run into the other couple first. And yes, we've been the ones that got asked to play when someone else didn't work out for the asking couple. Our criteria was the same. =)
	__________________ I'd rather go to hell for doing something I enjoyed than heaven wondering what it's like.

12-01-2008, 07:28 PM	#12 (permalink)
Tia Vampire Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 1,059 Location: Florida Status: Single Female Swing Lifestyle Name:tiavampire	Re: Second Choice or backup plan Like others have said here, we wouldn't want to be that, I guess you'll do couple. We ourselves will flirt with a number of couples before we find a couple that we are both comfortable with. That is why it take until the end of the night before we get busy.

12-01-2008, 09:55 PM	#13 (permalink)
lustylearning Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 814 Location: Virginia Status: female half	Re: Second Choice or backup plan While I wouldn't want to play with anyone who gives us the "afterthought" feeling, there are couples that we will always be happy to play with, and frankly, it wouldn't matter if they were chasing newer or different peeps throughout the night. But those couples are couples that we know and are close to. New folks would probably come off wrong approaching us that way.

12-10-2008, 06:24 PM	#14 (permalink)
twoforone100 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 218 Location: Richmond Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:twoforone100	Re: Second Choice or backup plan Will you be our back up plan?

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