Advice to Couples With Children

[JustAskJulie]

There's another thread here about couples with children vs. couples without children and it got me thinking about something that was already rolling around in my head.

Recently we contacted a couple that has children (their ad didn't say they had children but given the age it's a safe assumption up front). We asked if they were interested and their first reply was nothing more than "yes we are interested". So we wrote back and asked about making plans to meet for dinner or drinks and gave a basic rundown of our schedule and when we are available. They wrote back with "we'll have to line up a sitter and get back to you".

Ok, so when are you lining a sitter up for? Should we keep our shedules open for you for the next 3 weeks? Or is my initial thought that we will probably never hear from you again correct?

So my advice to those of you who have children, whether you are contacting/being contacted by another couple with kids or without... when you reply back that you need to line up a sitter, try at least give an idea of when you might be considering lining up said sitter.

Would it be rude of me to reply back to them "When do you think you'll be lining that sitter up for?" or would that just come off as pushy (probably the latter). I've gotten internet bitch-slapped before by a couple with kids who got their panties in a wad because I suggested we line up a date to meet and they took that to mean that we should meet tomorrow and how dare we forget that they have kids and have to get a sitter.

So for those that have kids.... we all understand that you have kids... but you have to understand that everyone else can't be expected to just sit around waiting for your schedule to magically open up and for you to get a sitter, so you can let us know at the last minute. I'd dare say that most people with kids have a vague idea of when they might be able to get a sitter, many of you already have one scheduled for every other weekend or so. So if you want to actually meet people then be specific when trying to set up a date and don't just leave people hanging with this vague "we've got to get a sitter" excuse.

//end rant

[BiloxiCouple]

When they have to "line up" a baby sitter, it probably means a soft no? It's not like they have to start interviewing and doing background checks to find a babysitter to go out swinging or on a date or just to get out of the house. They got one somewhere.

We always had a couple of babysitters available. What else are kids good for? Ours are grown and gone now. We may be the babysitters before too long

It seems lots of people want to swing until called on it and then they come up with lots of excuses not to.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

It seems lots of people want to swing until called on it and then they come up with lots of excuses not to.

We've run into this a few times with couples online. They are interested until you expect them to actually meet. Evidently kids make for great for excuses too.

[redgirlwithfrec]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Would it be rude of me to reply back to them "When do you think you'll be lining that sitter up for?" or would that just come off as pushy (probably the latter).

We have kids and do not think it would be rude at all. In fact it was more rude of them to just leave you hanging like that and ff they do not want to meet then they should just say so.

[BiloxiCouple]

It might be better to say, "when you line up a babysitter, call". Instead of trying to ask "when do you think you'll line up a babysitter?"

[Spokaneman]

me and my wife not only have kids, but have family living with us, so our house is never an option to host. we have also not got invovled swinging yet cause of this obstical. by no means though would we give a generic answer like that and jusy leave ya hanging. it is a safe bet they were just scared and getting out of it with thier kids.

[sexcupid]

I would go with Biloxi on this one...more of a 'give us a few days notice when you will be available/have a sitter/etc'...because even though I have children, they are not with us all the time...but that doesn't mean that we can/will meet up with people at the drop of a hat.

Courtesy goes both ways.

Of course, kids do make convienent excuses as well...and they are also prime cootie carriers (ah, germs from school...the gift that keeps on giving )...

I wouldn't think it too pushy if someone asked to nail down a slightly more general time frame...but that's just me. YMMV.

[K&JIntimates]

I'd have to say that you are right. Most people with kids should have some idea as to when they would be able to get out to meet you. In this instance it could very well be that they were either not serious about swinging, one part of the couple was unsure about attraction, or they were just luke-warm in general. Is it kinda rude to answer so abruptly.....yep but what can you do?

[fun4Ds]

We are, the baby sitters this weekend A very cute little boy, by the way

If a certain person should want to meet this weekend.

We would be the baby sitters getting a baby sitter. I just dont see that as impossible.

If, this certain person should want to meet this weekend. ..Hint hint

[Alura]

"Lining up a sitter" can be more difficult than a lot of free couples might imagine, especially if you plan to be out late. Teenagers are usually available only on weekends, and many have to be home early even then. When our kids were young we usually matched our play with weekends the kids would be staying with their grandparents. Our playmates understood.

"Drop In" day care centers are available but sometimes scary and always expensive, especially if you have more than one kid. We once went to pick up our boys and found them huddled in a corner looking scared shitless. The person in charge had no idea who or where they were. We had to walk through the center and find them. When they saw us, they came running in tears. We never did that again.

We seldom went out without our kids. Finding a sitter was a rare and very difficult thing for us. They may not be using their kids as an excuse at all.

I'd suggest y'all and your friends set a target date a few of weeks in the future in order to give them time to arrange for the safe care of their children. If they're able to find a "regular" it will become easier.

Mr. Alura

[maggoo]

It could appear at first that you want them to fit into your schedule
Try what day and time would suit you and we will see if we can accommodate ie change our schedule .Specify an amount of notice you would like .
If the kidds are still a problem accept there excuse and move on .They haven't the guts to say no
Also an initial meet and greet depending on distance can be done in a lot of places with very little expense.
Can remember the time when we would quietly avoid any thing more than say macca's kfc type restaurant with just one income
They would probably bore you to tears yabbering about their rug rats and how great they are
Yeh: Time to get a real excuse

[TravlParty]

"when you line up a babysitter, call"

Love this one, and am going to steal it. This puts the ball in their court, and you can move on to looking for other compatible couples.

We have a couple of young children, and understand scheduling can be complicated. However, you're completely correct in that they should give you some idea as to what their potential times are instead of leaving you "hanging". When someone contacts us and we're interested in meeting, we try to give a list of possible days that we're available, THEN we contact a sitter when we have some idea what may work for everyone.

You may be right that it's a soft no...

If so, it's their loss... :-)

P&S

[BiloxiCouple]

On a personal note. We didn't start swinging or "going out" till the kids were old enough to watch themselves. We did have some time to ourselves. But our priorities have always been family first and still are.

So if we make plans with someone to go out with them we keep the plans. If family has something going on we stay with the family no excuses. Family first.

[aklovers]

How ironic that you posted this. I just told a couple w/out children last night to let me know about Sunday, and I will arrange a sitter! I will definitely let whomever know up front if this would be a good weekend for us to get a sitter or not. Most of the time though I don't even bring up the sitter. Either it's a good weekend for us or not!