Would you say anything?

**TNT** · 10-01-2008, 11:00 AM

I'm in a bit of a mood today so thought I'd throw a question out there to you all.

Here's the scenario:

You have an acquaintance that has become somewhat of a friend, this friend introduces you to her new boyfriend (or vice versa, he introduces you to his new girlfriend). Your happy your friend has found someone she seems to really like and get along with however, you keep looking at the new boyfriend thinking "I know him from somewhere", but you just can't place him.

Sometime later, your cruising profiles and BINGO, you realize where the hell you know this man from. He's a swinger.

What do you do?

***JustAskJulie*** · 10-01-2008, 11:12 AM

Does your friend know about your lifestyle?

**Alura** · 10-01-2008, 11:13 AM

Play with them?

Mr. Alura

**TNT** · 10-01-2008, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Does your friend know about your lifestyle?

No, you don't think so as you've never mentioned it to your friend.

Teresa

bbarnsworth · 10-01-2008, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TNT

Sometime later, your cruising profiles and BINGO, you realize where the hell you know this man from. He's a swinger.

What do you do?

Nothing. It'd be none of my business. If he tells her, he tells her. If he doesn't, he doesn't. Whether he does or doesn't, it's not my business. What matters more is how well he treats her, including cheating on her, etc.

**TNT** · 10-01-2008, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alura

Play with them?

Mr. Alura

You're not sure your friend knows that her new boyfriend is a swinger and you're not sure she's a swinger or even that she knows what a swinger is.

Teresa

***JustAskJulie*** · 10-01-2008, 11:39 AM

I'd leave it alone (at least for now) and see what happens.

The one concern I would have is that he ACTIVELY has a profile on a swinger site (for him as a single)... which would lead me to question his intentions. The problem is that you don't know if she knows, and you don't know what their agreements are.

You might try to find a way to bring up swinging in conversation (reference Swingtown) or something and see where they take it.

**TNT** · 10-01-2008, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

Nothing. It'd be none of my business. If he tells her, he tells her. If he doesn't, he doesn't. Whether he does or doesn't, it's not my business. What matters more is how well he treats her, including cheating on her, etc.

That would be my first thought as well. But, let's throw another twist into it.

Since you have recognized him from an ad site, you're wondering and almost certain that he has recognized you and you're spending a lot of time in a vanilla social environment with these two.

Does your curiosity get the better of you and you just HAVE to find out....Is he still active in swinging (which you think he is as he's still checking the ad site daily)? Has he told your friend that he's a swinger and if so and she's cool with it, has he shown her the ad site and she now knows your a swinger. Do you trust in the saying "Discretion is the key"? Do you just become nosy and want to know what the deal is between them?

Teresa

**TNT** · 10-01-2008, 11:50 AM

I know I'm adding a lot of different twist to this scenario...but, I am curious to see how others think, once different twist are added into something that seems at first glance a black and white issue.

Teresa

bbarnsworth · 10-01-2008, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TNT

Does your curiosity get the better of you and you just HAVE to find out....Is he still active in swinging (which you think he is as he's still checking the ad site daily)? Has he told your friend that he's a swinger and if so and she's cool with it, has he shown her the ad site and she now knows your a swinger. Do you trust in the saying "Discretion is the key"? Do you just become nosy and want to know what the deal is between them?

I think I'd still leave it alone, if for no other reason than brand new couples tend not to be ready for swinging as a couple. Give them some months, a year, to find themselves.

I think the most I might do is approach my friend and ask her if she'd ever heard of swinging, watch she thought of it, etc. Make it clear I wasn't propositioning her, just curious.

**BiloxiCouple** · 10-01-2008, 12:08 PM

Stay out of their business.

We recently had a friend get married. He was about to come clean with his soon to be wife about his swinging ways. Come to find out they both go to the same club. Just never met!!! Still got married.

**TNT** · 10-01-2008, 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I'd leave it alone (at least for now) and see what happens.

The one concern I would have is that he ACTIVELY has a profile on a swinger site (for him as a single)... which would lead me to question his intentions. The problem is that you don't know if she knows, and you don't know what their agreements are.

You might try to find a way to bring up swinging in conversation (reference Swingtown) or something and see where they take it.

Exactly...you don't know his intentions or their arrangement but, you're curious as hell to find answers to your questions...basically, just because your nosy.

Bringing up the conversation: Would you bring it up when they both are around or would you find a way to mention it only to him? Only to her?

Teresa

**TNT** · 10-01-2008, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

Stay out of their business.

I do agree with this, totally. But, darn it, aren't any of you the curious types? Wouldn't you really want to know what the deal was for nothing else than to appease your curiosity? You wouldn't do anything with the information but wouldn't you want to know?

Teresa

**BiloxiCouple** · 10-01-2008, 12:21 PM

Teresa, curiousity killed the cat.

Maybe the other half is already a swinger? Now that would be more fun.

Of course we would talk about it either between Elaine and I or someone we know well enough to talk this kind of gossip.

Depending on the relationship I had with one of them, I would hate to see it end because of asking them a question like that. On the other hand, you may end up with a new couple?

**Alura** · 10-01-2008, 12:21 PM

Okay, this post will be a serious one.

I'd talk to him, just to find out what he has told her so that you will be prepared to keep any confidences that need be kept.

"Say, Zeus! Since we know each other from PervertedSwingers.com, I'm wondering if Hera is aware of your swinging life. I'd hate to accidentally let something slip that might embarrass you."

If you're honest and straightforward, you'll end up with the information you need to handle the situation in good taste.

Mr. Alura

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10-01-2008, 11:00 AM	#1 (permalink)
TNT Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 4,196 Location: baker, fl, usa Status: couple SLS Name:tblonde312 Blog Entries: 31	Would you say anything? I'm in a bit of a mood today so thought I'd throw a question out there to you all. Here's the scenario: You have an acquaintance that has become somewhat of a friend, this friend introduces you to her new boyfriend (or vice versa, he introduces you to his new girlfriend). Your happy your friend has found someone she seems to really like and get along with however, you keep looking at the new boyfriend thinking "I know him from somewhere", but you just can't place him. Sometime later, your cruising profiles and BINGO, you realize where the hell you know this man from. He's a swinger. What do you do? __________________ Ted and Teresa No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

10-01-2008, 11:12 AM	#2 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 22,307 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 59	Re: Would you say anything? Does your friend know about your lifestyle?

10-01-2008, 11:13 AM	#3 (permalink)
Alura T-Town Playmates Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 6,126 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Married to Mrs. Alura	Re: Would you say anything? Play with them? Mr. Alura __________________ "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." —Will Rogers

10-01-2008, 11:39 AM	#7 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 22,307 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 59	Re: Would you say anything? I'd leave it alone (at least for now) and see what happens. The one concern I would have is that he ACTIVELY has a profile on a swinger site (for him as a single)... which would lead me to question his intentions. The problem is that you don't know if she knows, and you don't know what their agreements are. You might try to find a way to bring up swinging in conversation (reference Swingtown) or something and see where they take it.

10-01-2008, 11:50 AM	#9 (permalink)
TNT Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 4,196 Location: baker, fl, usa Status: couple SLS Name:tblonde312 Blog Entries: 31	Re: Would you say anything? I know I'm adding a lot of different twist to this scenario...but, I am curious to see how others think, once different twist are added into something that seems at first glance a black and white issue. Teresa __________________ Ted and Teresa No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

10-01-2008, 12:08 PM	#11 (permalink)
BiloxiCouple YOUR PLACE OR OURS?? Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 2,763 Location: Biloxi, Mississippi Status: Couple with benefits SLS Name:graceful	Re: Would you say anything? Stay out of their business. We recently had a friend get married. He was about to come clean with his soon to be wife about his swinging ways. Come to find out they both go to the same club. Just never met!!! Still got married. __________________ Billy & Elaine You can't fix stupid...

10-01-2008, 12:21 PM	#14 (permalink)
BiloxiCouple YOUR PLACE OR OURS?? Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 2,763 Location: Biloxi, Mississippi Status: Couple with benefits SLS Name:graceful	Re: Would you say anything? Teresa, curiousity killed the cat. Maybe the other half is already a swinger? Now that would be more fun. Of course we would talk about it either between Elaine and I or someone we know well enough to talk this kind of gossip. Depending on the relationship I had with one of them, I would hate to see it end because of asking them a question like that. On the other hand, you may end up with a new couple? __________________ Billy & Elaine You can't fix stupid...

10-01-2008, 12:21 PM	#15 (permalink)
Alura T-Town Playmates Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 6,126 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Married to Mrs. Alura	Re: Would you say anything? Okay, this post will be a serious one. I'd talk to him, just to find out what he has told her so that you will be prepared to keep any confidences that need be kept. "Say, Zeus! Since we know each other from PervertedSwingers.com, I'm wondering if Hera is aware of your swinging life. I'd hate to accidentally let something slip that might embarrass you." If you're honest and straightforward, you'll end up with the information you need to handle the situation in good taste. Mr. Alura __________________ "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." —Will Rogers

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