Has Swinging changed your thinking/relationships/life?

[imsherona2]

I actually started in the lifestyle as a single lady, being encouraged by a friend of mine who is very active in the lifestyle, speaks at conventions, etc. He had been telling me for several years that I should go, but at the time, I was married to a very "vanilla" man and he would have nothing to do with swinging....so, after my divorce, I was contacted again by my friend and after a long conversation with me, I decided to let my hair down and go!! I found a private home who was BBW friendly, gathered up my nerve, and off I went...and you know what? WOW, I had a very good time.

Now I am not naive by any means, but I did not realize that so many men appreciate a curvy woman, maybe because I was always talked down to during my 19 yr marriage, I don't know, but needless to say, it was a great experience for me.

Today, after meeting my SO, we both enjoy the swing lifestyle, not as often as we used to, but we dabble now and then and it has improved my self-esteem 100%. We are very open with one another, tell each other our fantasies, and explore life together...so all in all, it has been a very positive adventure!!

[tittietwister]

It has improved our communication but also highlighted the weaknesses in how we communicate.

The increased understanding of each other has brought us closer together but has also shown us how different we are and that differences, instead of being bad, are often a source of new energy.

Sexually, that has always been the best part of our relationship and it was somewhat disappointing to find through swinging that we had fallen into a rut. The positive side is that the sex between us has reached new heights because of the new techniques we have learned from others and the hot experiences we can now share.

Socially, while it has improved our social skills and expanded our social network it has also painfully pointed out weaknesses that we must continue to work on.

[bellady]

Swinging has enhanced me and hubbys relationship...we had a great one to start with... but it has only improved it. We feel even closer..sharing this with each other and having a "secret" Knowing that we can have sex with others and still want each other the most...

Also it has inspired me to take better care of myself and loose weight! What could be better than that!!

[CuriousSLS]

Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I'd have to dress different. I'd have to act different. I'd have to grow a mustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains. I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd have to get new friends. I'd have to get orgy friends... Naw, I'm not ready for it.
- Jerry Seinfeld

As mildly offensive as the above quote may be to some of you, I have to imagine that there may be at least some truth to it -- you can't make such a major change and expect everything else to stay the same. So, how has swinging changed how you think, how you interact with other people, and how you live your life in general? I would be particularly interested in each member of a couple describing the ways in which the other has changed...

I ask partially because I've started to realize that one of my major fears is that if my wife and I were to actually take the plunge, I would somehow change in subtle and unwanted ways. Obviously, I wouldn't magically become the sterotypical "orgy guy" overnight, but I have difficulty believing that both my self-image and my wife's perception of me would remain unchanged. To use something of a cliche phrase, I'm afraid that I would no longer be the man my wife married.

Thoughts? Experiences? Thanks in advance...

[socolais]

Answering for myself, I think most of us change gradually over time. A significant behavior change like becomming swingers is sure to cause noticable changes. There's no need to fear change, it's an opportunity to make things better. Swinging has shown me, in a way that would be impossible otherwise, just how lucky I am to have such a wonderful wife.

So yes, you're quite likely to change when you both accept swinging as a behavior you find fun and comfortable. Shopping for new curtains will be an opportunity for a fun time.

The changes I see in my wife are ALL positive - she's happier, more confident, and more adventurous.

[realcplub2]

Ok.. Let me clear up one thing right now!

I have had my 'stache, since I was 17, long before i became involved in the lifestyle..

Now, CuriousSLS.. Let me be blunt.. If this lifestlye presents so many deteriments to your personal views of yourself, your marriage, and the way your wife looks at you.. Stop, double back and forget about ALL OF THIS.

You arent READY, or just not cut out to BE a swinger..

One key element seperates, the way you are thinking, and the way I think.. My personal Image, How my wife FEELS about me, our involvement in the lifestyle, How she feels when we are thinking about heading out the door, for an evening of fun.. And after we have a evening out.. ALL of it.. Is influeneced by CONVERSATIONS, If i have a doubt about anything, I ASK.. and keep asking until I am sure that its all worked thru, or figured out.. and while we, on the board have collectively, hundereds of years of experience.. The board isnt the one I wrap my arms around and kiss goodnight.. I go directly to the SOURCE.. MY WIFE..

Look, its like this, we can answer almost ANY question, to a degree.. but we can't tell you what, SHE, your wife is thinking.. Just like we can't tell you the temp of your ass in that chair.. we can GUESS from supplied info, And asking questions.. but in the end, ITS YOUR ASS.. and its still just a guess based on the info YOU supply.

If this seems like a rant, I apologise, but, finding quotes from famous people and asking the same questions, re phrased.. just pisses me off.. I am sure if you went thru Oprah magazine you could find more to supply a quote to support another negative.. When in reality, its like reading the HOROSCOPE every night AFTER the day is over and saying .. WoW it did apply to me today..

Dude, if you arent into this lifestyle, If you are worried about your wife, your marriage, then reading all the threads on here, talking to ALL of us individually, isnt going to change your opinion, or your mind. The ONLY option, is talking to the person you are thinking of DOING this with.. talk, talk, talk.. then when you think you have covered everything talk some more..

There is one stat we all can agree with.. while yes, swinging can improve a sex life, communication, and add to a marriage..

Of all the people that try this lifestyle.. it won't fix a bad relationship.. If you arent talking before you start, and I am talking about talking about EVERYTHING INCUDING SEX.. Tax bills, gabage bills, groceries.. School.. politics.. whats on the news.. then I can place a sucker bet, that those people will be in serious trouble within a year or two of trying swinging.. and the relationship on the rocks, if not over by then as well..

[PB&J]

Originally Posted by socolais

The changes I see in my wife are ALL positive - she's happier, more confident, and more adventurous.

Oooh! That's me!
Seriously, though, folks, swinging DID change my outlook on life, my attitude towards myself and my body, making me a happier and more relaxed person.

And my best friend, who hadn't seen my husband in 4 years, exclaimed as soon as she laid eyes on him that she'd never seen him look more happy and content. (about half an hour later, after a couple of shots of tequila, I'd explained to her exactly why that should be, and she was thrilled for us)

And we now have lots of cool new friends to enjoy ourselves with, both in and out of the bedroom.

Change is good, my friend, change is good.

[CuriousSLS]

Hey now - I never SAID I was ready, nowhere even close, in fact. I completely agree with you. It wouldn't surprise me if it took years of talking with my wife before we ever attempted anything in real life, and I wouldn't be dissapointed if nothing ever happened. I was under the impression I was posting in the "Curious About Swinging" section.

Do I think that the Seinfeld reference is even remotely realistic after having spent 5 minutes on this board? Certainly not. Had I thought it would have hit a nerve, I wouldn't have posted it. My most sincere apologies. I thought I'd attempt to open a more serious (apparently rehashed) question with a little (miserably failed) humor.

That said, let me be clear - I'm not having any troubles communicating with my wife, I'm not trying to fix a relationship, and I'm CERTAINLY not trying to make anyone do anything they don't want to do. I'm also completely aware that this board isn't going to change my mind or tell me how I should manage my own relationships. I was just wondering what it was like for other people who have actually been through it, that's all, and I wasn't expecting anything out of it. My first post actually helped me think through some things - but my wife was a major participant as well.

I also don't expect you to tell me what my wife is thinking - I ask her myself, just as much as all of you ask your own significant others - but that doesn't mean that I'm entirely sure of myself, or have any sense of what it would be like to actually get involved in the lifestyle.

Again, I apologize for my extreme noobishness, particularly if I've said anything inappropriate.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by CuriousSLS

As mildly offensive as the above quote may be to some of you, I have to imagine that there may be at least some truth to it -- you can't make such a major change and expect everything else to stay the same. So, how has swinging changed how you think, how you interact with other people, and how you live your life in general? I would be particularly interested in each member of a couple describing the ways in which the other has changed...

I ask partially because I've started to realize that one of my major fears is that if my wife and I were to actually take the plunge, I would somehow change in subtle and unwanted ways. Obviously, I wouldn't magically become the sterotypical "orgy guy" overnight, but I have difficulty believing that both my self-image and my wife's perception of me would remain unchanged. To use something of a cliche phrase, I'm afraid that I would no longer be the man my wife married.

Thoughts? Experiences? Thanks in advance...

Lemme' tell you a little secret. You WILL change. Bringing other people into your sex life will do that for you. You'll be members of a super-awesome-secret club with the secret handshake and decoder ring. You'll have sex with other people, and likely more often (with each other). You'll dress sexier/sharper. You will learn to COMMUNICATE better. You'll feel closer to each other. You will realize just how lucky you are to have each other, and be more in love than ever. You'll smile more. Your friends will say you look younger/happier than they've ever seen you. Tell me how any of that is negative.

For Mr. Sweet and me, we never worried about how swinging might change us, because he and I have changed quite a bit since we met, anyway. We were in college. Now we're married with kids and jobs. Change is the only constant in life. But really, the changes HAVE been good ones for us. We're both happier, more confident people. We've lost weight (mostly for ourselves, but lemme' tell ya' what a great calorie burner sex is!), and take better care of ourselves. And Mr. Sweet has learned to be more in touch with his feelings. That's a BIGGIE. He's the type to just keep things to himself, and he's having to share things with me more. We see each other more clearly, and love each other all the more for it.

So keep talking with your wife. Share this board with her. And proceed at whatever pace you feel comfortable.

=)

[rpu3]

Again, I apologize for my extreme noobishness, particularly if I've said anything inappropriate.

You didn't say anything inappropriate - this is the "Curious about Swinging" forum.

My mantra when I reply to Introductions is "if you have any questions, ask!" and you did ask! Please don't let the occasional harsh response stop you from asking questions because you'll miss the other opinions and viewpoints that might be of use to you.

[CuriousLeo's]

Originally Posted by CuriousSLS

I ask partially because I've started to realize that one of my major fears is that if my wife and I were to actually take the plunge, I would somehow change in subtle and unwanted ways. Obviously, I wouldn't magically become the sterotypical "orgy guy" overnight, but I have difficulty believing that both my self-image and my wife's perception of me would remain unchanged. To use something of a cliche phrase, I'm afraid that I would no longer be the man my wife married.

I understand your concerns. Mr Leo and I have only just begun to talk openly, literally 2 weeks ago. We've been reading on here and most likely will not jump into it for years to come. However, just the simple fact that we've begun to communicate as honestly as we've ever have is worth millions to us.
Mr leo has told me almost the exact same thing, he's most worried that I'll look at him differently, that I'll be disgusted etc. but I am not even close! This lifestyle has always been interesting to me, and until he shared this board with me did I even realize it was this common! Of course I've had to reassure him and tell him over and over again that I'm more in love with him now, and I'm just as curious as he is.
Of course we're different people than when we got married. We got married right out of college, we were babies! But isn't the point of being with someone "till death do you part"? To grow and change and evolve as a loving couple?
I can't speak from experience, as we've only had one or two camming episodes, and we're only virgins when it comes to swapping. But I do know, being open and honest with my guy has done wonders for our love.

[jjtrindc]

We would almost argue that we got into the lifestyle looking to change. We've always had a great sex life, but after 20 years of know each other, two kids, two full time careers, we got into a rut. We found exactly what we hoped for...to meet other fun, interesting, sexually open people. We found clubs where the music was hot and the people even hotter.

But we changed more than that. We became more self-confident about ourselves. We communicated more about our wants and desires and even after 20 years found out some new things about each other. Instead of actually fantasizing about things, we tried them. By most accounts we're still pretty "vanilla" having only done some room, voyeurism/exhibitionism, and a bit of soft swap. But just that has increased our bond more than ever before...our sex life is in a whole new category!

And yes, we did change a bit with others. We both started working out and wearing closer fit clothes that showed off our bodies. We're much more social than before -- though after a few drinks we have to watch out how social...lol.

It's an interesting question. Does the lifestyle change you or simply bring out the "inner-you" (omg, I'm starting to feel like Dr. Phil). Who cares. Just enjoy the ride!

[realcplub2]

First Off.. CuriouSLS

I apologise for the harshness of the reply post, As I explained in it, we can't change your mind, your wifes mind, or tell you how you will feel, should feel..

Levity, is a great way to break the ice, and ask questions that are difficult to talk about, and I am sorry I blasted you about it. But as I tried to explain, for every quote, there is also one taking the opposite take.

Dr Phil did shows on the lifestyle and swinging.. and of course he was negative.. BUT his number one guest/expert, and Oprah's, Dr Oz.. has been a vocal noteable, in favor of it.. If he wasnt, would he mentioned so prominantly in the Swing Lifestyle game?

Again, I apologise to all my friends on the board.. And to anyone reading this, being critical wasnt the intention, nor was scolding.. In no way did I intend for the feeling to be "Get Lost" rather.. Ask your partner/spouse/significant other.. they have the answers to the questions asked.

[screaminggood]

Curious, you have a valid question, but I'm not certain you're going to get a valid answer here. Because only the people who have positive experiences with the changes from swinging are staying around on the Board. The people who've experienced it negatively probably have stopped and won't be available to say so. I know there may be a few exceptions, partners who don't swing anymore but still read the Board, but for the most part, you're asking a "closed" group. And the problem for you is that the other half isn't going to be available to ask. TRUST YOURSELF ON THE QUESTION, DO TALK WITH YOUR WIFE, AND IF YOU DO SOMETHING, START SLOW.

[ncmd_couple]

The only constant is change. Swinging has changed our lives, all in a very positive way. Because for the first time we are being totally open and honest with each other. We found swinging because of who we fundamentally are. We stopped lying ourselves and each other and acknowledged our true feelings and desires. We made those changes before we discovered “swinging.” So it is a natural progression for us. It is all good.