Has Swinging changed your thinking/relationships/life?

[FunCoupleCnS]

Had to bump this. I'm kind of curious myself.

[two4youinswva]

Ok, I'll take a stab at it.

But, since I'm going to tell you our secrets, you have to promise to register on the board and introduce yourself!

For those in the lifestyle, how long have you been swinging?
--We're relatively new. We've been active swingers for about 1 1/2 years. We've played with several different couples. We have only played with couples.

From the beginning until now, how has your relationship changed with your SO?
--I really can't say it's changed a whole lot. You see, we were already deeply and madly in love with each other. We both had been in very poor relationships prior to meeting. So we really appreciate what a wonderful relationship we've had from day one. I will say we do communicate more than ever, and have even more respect for the trust we have in each other.
What was your sexlife like before?
--Fantastic!
And what is it like now?
--Fantastic!

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

My wife and I have considered joining the lifestyle. She has been more hesitant than I have been. We may get there yet. However, I have some questions.

For those in the lifestyle, how long have you been swinging? From the beginning until now, how has your relationship changed with your SO? What was your sexlife like before? And what is it like now?

First let me say if your looking into the lifestyle this is a great place to start. Read through the board and after you register so you can post and reply you can ask more questions that you don't find answered reading through the archives.

Mr Spoo and I have been in the lifestyle about 2 1/2 years. Our relationship was fantastic from our first day together. We are best friends and always talk about everything. So I don't know that the lifestyle has changed that much other than an added appreciation for what we do have and each other. We are more aware that the communication and trust we have is what keeps our relationship strong and without it we probably wouldn't survive in the lifestyle. Our sex life before was .... Awesome! Fantastic! Mind blowing! Still is!!!

Hope you register and let us get to know you. Just remember to start you have to have a great foundation first. Trust, communication and care for each other must be there if you plan to start down this road.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[intuition897]

Been in it over 5 years now, 'graduated' to full swap about 3 years ago. Swinging didn't change our relationship, but we did. We changed our relationship in response to swinging. We had a pretty good sex life before which was amped up with talk of fantasies. We went through some rough patches - and some REALLY rough patches - that were prodded into the open due to swinging. But once we chewed through our problems, we realized exactly how we felt about one another and are living happily ever after. Mrs. Spoo said it very well: swinging really enhances an awareness of each other. You don't take one another for granted the way you often do when you have each other "off the market" so to speak. You gain a real appreciation of, well, everything!

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

My wife and I have considered joining the lifestyle. She has been more hesitant than I have been. We may get there yet. However, I have some questions.

For those in the lifestyle, how long have you been swinging? From the beginning until now, how has your relationship changed with your SO? What was your sexlife like before? And what is it like now?

We have been in the lifestyle about 5 years.

Our relationship is far stronger then it has ever been. Its hard to explain but right now I couldn't THINK of how I could have a better marriage.

Our sex life was very good prior to swinging.

Our sex life is very good but different with swinging.

[Spoomonkey]

We used to have great sex...

Now we have GRRRRRREAT sex!

It definitely hasn't hurt our relationship, but to put a finger on how it has enhanced it is hard. I think that, for us, it is a case of having a stereo cranked all the way to "10" and then figuring out a way to bump it to "11".

But, since we've always been curiously close, who's to say we wouldn't be where we are without swinging?

Spoomonkey

[Jamie&Kieth]

We have been swinging for 20 plus years.

Our relationship seems to get stronger in the sence that we talk about our desires/fantasies between ourselves and the people we swing with. We also talk after the event happens. We both enjoy sex and having sex with other couples. The couples we swing with we know very well and have become close friends.

Our sex life continues to get better as our children get older and more responsible we have more time to spend with each other. LOL I actually think Kieth and I are having more sex now than we did 10 years ago with each other.

We started swinging mostly as a dare and had no clue what was going on. After our first group sex episode WE TALKED ABOUT TOGETHER and we clearly had an understanding of what transpired. My advise, make sure both you and wife have a clear understanding and talk to each other.

[HotMoCpl]

Recently we came to the agreement that we would investigate the lifestyle together. We've always had good communication, but it got better. She also started seeing herself as a woman again. That's a plus. Never have I taken her clothes shopping as much in fifteen years and in the past eleven months. Her first marriage was a crash and burn from the start and its taken me this long to put her back together. Now she "reinventing" herself. I got a feeling that when she says "go", she'll be dragging me.

[WesternSwing]

Welcome to the board. Register and stay around awhile if you like. I'd love to answer these questions for you since they are the most common asked to us by anyone who finds out we are swingers. There are several threads on this if you do a search of active and archived threads, but here is a short answer for you.

My wife and I have considered joining the lifestyle. She has been more hesitant than I have been. We may get there yet. However, I have some questions.

For those in the lifestyle, how long have you been swinging?[/QUOTE]
We have have been in the lifestyle now for almost two years.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

From the beginning until now, how has your relationship changed with your SO?

It has changed so much for the better. Our relationship was good before. In fact if it hadn't have been there would have been real issues getting into the relationship. There is more trust between us then before. Jealousy is a very small issue in our life because we have learned allot about each other and how much we really love each other, in so many more ways then just sex. When jealousy was removed from the relationship and we could talk freely about anything and everything we learned so much more about each other that we just fell deeper in love. We make a very conscious effort to pay allot of attention to each other and the little things that make a relationship great, not just good. Many vanilla friends have said we are the happiest couple they know.

Another thing that has helped improve our marriage is that we get out more now; we get out of the house and have time for us. Whether it's couples dating, going to clubs, or going to parties, we do things together away from the kids. We've taken back part of ourselves as adults.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

What was your sexlife like before? And what is it like now?

Our sex life was really good before. It is even better now. We have sex more frequently with each other then before. We really appreciate our sex together. It is on a so much deeper level then before. It truly is "soul sex". We flirt all day long via text messages and IM when we are at work. It is like 24 hours a day foreplay. I can't even begin to tell you how much we desire each other all day long, every day now. There is no taking each other and/or our sex life for granted.

I hope that helps. Remember, swinging isn't for everybody, but those that can do it are happier then before. A study done by Bellermine University in 2000 asked that exact question. Compared to the G.S.S. (General Social Survey) of married people as quoted from the overview of the survey: "62.6% of swingers found that swinging improved their marriages/relationships, 35.6% said their relationships stayed about the same, and only 1.7% said they became less happy. Even among those who said their marriages were "Very Happy" prior to swinging nearly half (49.7%) said they became happier."

Good luck.

Mr. WS

[DltaCpl11]

Originally Posted by intuition897

Mrs. Spoo said it very well: swinging really enhances an awareness of each other. You don't take one another for granted the way you often do when you have each other "off the market" so to speak. You gain a real appreciation of, well, everything!

We've been looking into the lifestyle for a little over a year and a half. I (female half) was the hold up.

Our sex life was awesome before and is still awesome now, swinging has given us a different little kick!

Dito
I wanted to agree with Mrs. Spoo, when she made the above statement!

Also, if you haven't already done so you should subscribe to this site, it has done wonders for me thanks Forum Members

[BiloxiCouple]

How has the lifestyle changed your life? Your personal or professional life?

We have always been tolerant of other people's lifestyle choices and tried to pass it on to our children. They are open minded most of the time. Peer pressure of course gets them when they are around their friends sometimes. But, I also think they would stand up for certain situations.

In our professional life, we "outed" ourselves to our co-workers years ago. It has never been a problem and some of the other workers have come up and asked us questions about the lifestyle. They also know that we will keep this information to ourselves. It's great to be trusted like that.

And what about you?

[Spoomonkey]

For me personally it has changed my view of myself. It pushes me to work harder on myself, which in turn improves how I feel about myself. I still have a really bad self-concept, but that is improving over time.

I am more faithful to keeping myself in shape - which has plenty of benefits!

So - more confidence and better health. Those are two great reasons to swing

Spoomonkey

[ShellyM]

Mine has been physical mainly. Now that we are swingers Jay and I are very careful about what we eat, and we make sure that we take care of ourselves.....not that we didn't before, but nothing like now. Eating healthy and working out is now a part of our lifestyle...who knows, swinging may have added years onto our lives! I have always been a girlie girl, but now I do extra things like exfoliate my face and use avocado masks...I was blessed with nice skin (thanks MOM!), and I don't wear foundation so its imperative that I take good care of my skin. Please don't think me vain. But I look at it this way: this man is in this for the fantasy, and I owe it to him to show up and to bring it. You know what I mean? I expect for him to look good as well.....ie. smelling good, hair nice and well maintained, etc.

For me, this lifestyle has done wonders. Before I met MrVan, I was in a very abusive relationship (both mentally and physically). I dated this man during high school and then married him after high school. Because of the abuse I faced during those years, I became a very quiet, reserved person and could not be myself any longer. In high school, I was fun, outgoing, and enjoyed to flirt and have a good time (this was the true me). However, when meeting MrVan, I was very shy and did not feel I could express the true me so I kept that hid from MrVan, as I was afraid that he would react the same way my ex-husband did. As years passed, I became comfortable with MrVan knowing that if I was to tell him my fantasies that he would not push me away. Instead, after long talks at night and learning about each other's fantasies, we found out that we truly had more in common than what we thought and decided to give the lifestyle a try.

Well, now I am no longer shy and reserved and I can feel confident about myself again which to me is a huge step. A woman can only take so much abuse before she looses the confidence she once had. Now that I am able to be myself again, has opened me up more than I ever thought. So much that many of our "vanilla" friends will ask what has happened to me to change so much? And I cannot tell them that I am a swinger, therefore I just say " I dont know". But I get many compliments on the person I am now and more and more each day I love who I have become. Thanks to such an amazing husband who has helped me to feel this way about myself again.

I have learned that I need to take better care of myself. And with a schedule each week of working out and watching what I eat, I have also become a healthier person.

So I would say that the lifestyle has made me the woman who I have always been but was not allowed to show until meeting MrVan.

As for relationships, it has definetly made MrVan and I so much more closer than we ever thought possible. To have such a close relationship makes me realize what I never thought could ever happen.

MrsVan

[ShellyM]

Mrs. V,
I think you are a true success story. And I mean this, because I rarely say things I don't mean. I think you and Prettylady are great examples of how women can be in horrific relationships and come through on top. I think that girls like my own daughter can look up to you and see that the end of a bad relationship means the beginning of a great life. I am SO incredibly lucky in that Jay is an absolute prince among men and a gem. I know how lucky I am. And I give you complete respect, because you are 2 strong women.