Has Swinging changed your thinking/relationships/life?

[ALilOEverything]

I have found that I'm more confident in myself, inside and out. We didn't have a lot of friends before and now we have a couple couples who are really becoming good friends. It's really helped me loosen up a lot. And also knowing I'm still desirable to others after 3 kiddos.

I'm more relaxed about sex issues. Not that I was uptight before but now nothing really phases me.

As for watching those of the opposite (or same for that matter) sex, I find I do a lot more looking than I did before

[intuition897]

Mr. Ripple, I think it's true. When people try to ignore sex or pretend like they don't enjoy it or think about it - when it's taboo and forbidden - it becomes an obsession. It's just human nature to want the very thing one is denied. So... after your spouse says, "Well? Go find out! See if the grass really IS greener on the other side and get back to me about it.", you start to realize sex is basically just a physical act. Pussy is just pussy. Dick is just dick. (Pardon my crudeness) It's not this mystical magical experience we've built it up to be in our restricted minds. It's fun, it feels good, it gets the blood pumping... but in the end, it's not as satisfying as the mind-blowing sex with each other when you get home. THAT's where it's at.

[good times]

I agree with a lot of whats been said so far as far as I have seen some of the same things.

My self image has probably changed the most, I never considered myself very attractive before we started swinging. While I don't have to fight the women off with a stick or anything I was quite surprised at how many women have said that they find me attractive. I have to confess that I thought I got my wife in large part because she had poor eye sight.

The other thing I've noticed is that if we would go to a vanilla club before we started swinging, I would be oogling all the hot looking women and then when we got home be hornier than a three balled monkey and have to have a marathon sex session with my wife. On new years eve we went to a vanilla function and their were many young scantily clad women there, and while I did notice them, it didn't have the same effect as it used to. I don't know if that is good or bad but we did decide that in the future we will be spending new years eve at the swingers clubs.

[northindycpl]

Yes.. we have changes too. We both have become more relaxed and more free in our thinking, and with the conversations we have with each other.

We are also both a lot more self assured, and willing to do what feels good for us. Like looking at girls.... Before Mr. Indy wasn't sure where to put his eyes, or would look away hoping I wouldn't catch him... Now I poiint them out and ask him. It is really hot to discuss that with him.

We clean up and party. With kids and all of the responsibilites we have sometimes it was just easier to throw on comfy clothes and stay in to watch movies. Now we are dressing up, having fun with each other shopping for new clothes and we are going out on the town!

[two4youinswva]

Her: She has become more self-confident. Lost 35 pounds and started dressing up almost every day. She was always sexually liberated, but really is now! Just like NorthIndy said, we look at the girls together too!

Him: He has become more outgoing socially. He now holds hands and kisses in public more often (gasp!) He shows his affection for her more often in sweet little ways.

Both: The one-on-one sex was great before, but is now incredible! And we have become avid readers of The Swinger's Board!

[mrs good times]

I think the biggest change for me is that we now have a social life. Before swinging we worked and stayed home but now we go out almost every weekend and have met some great people.

[tazzie_n_truck]

(Tazzie typing for a change y'all..lol) Truck has definately become more open minded through all of our expirences. When we married he was more of the "walk the straight and narrow path thing" and I was the "wild one" -still am to his family LOL. With the lifestyle we've certainly had many expirences (most good) and I think our marriage has lasted longer in the sense that we didn't get into a rut as far as sex goes.
Every expirence with a new person is just a fun as the first time was. I've become even more open minded , much to the chargrin of other family members..lol! I know I've just become a better person all around I've felt better about myself even though I am a bigger person. That makes Truck happy.

[NotsoNew]

Great post!!

While we had a great relationship before swinging, it is more intense now. And we really seem to be more in tune with each other - this is kind of hard to explain. We really go into this together as a team and as we have gotten more into the Lifestyle, a glance between us can speak volumes.

We have always been pretty open about talking about sex, but now it is even more so. And while our sex life has always been good, it is now on a different level and hard to believe but even better than it was before.

We are more secure about who we are (although there will always be the times of self doubt by me [she] ) but come less often now. Not obsessed with it any more.

Also, many things do not phase me anymore (never phased hubby lol) - previous post examples are good ones. But as I stated in another post, I do find myself having to be careful with what I say recognizing that much of the world is not as open as we now are.

[dutch51]

Originally Posted by ALilOEverything

I have found that I'm more confident in myself, inside and out. We didn't have a lot of friends before and now we have a couple couples who are really becoming good friends. It's really helped me loosen up a lot. And also knowing I'm still desirable to others after 3 kiddos.

I'm more relaxed about sex issues. Not that I was uptight before but now nothing really phases me.

As for watching those of the opposite (or same for that matter) sex, I find I do a lot more looking than I did before

Wifey here- I agree with everything ALilOEverything wrote, except I was more uptight about sex before, lol. Now when hubby and I talk, I don't get embarrassed like I used to.

The increase in self-confidence has been a big boost for me, and it has carried over into all parts of my life, not just at the clubs. I've been a mommy for so long and been in that mindset that it's nice to be reminded by other people that I'm a woman too (hubby's always made me feel pretty womanly).

Great topic by the way, RippleCpl!

M.

[CowboyBob]

1. We talk about sex more. A lot more.

2. Porn. I used to hide it. Now I share it. Sometimes we get it together and talk about it.

3. the sex has always been good. These days we've been more prone to experimenting, including when it's just us.

4. We've noticed the friends we circulate with tend to be fellow swingers more than non-swingers. Even when we don't do anything, the people we have contact with are people we've met in the lifestyle. I think it's a matter of who we feel comfortable with and you've gotta admit when you've been making the beast with two backs with your buddy's wife while he was diddling your own wife, that's a great way to get over uncomfortable feelings.

5. We've been out to a few non-swinging clubs and I find them boring these days. Yeah, there's a lot of dancing and sexually-charged rubbing up against each other, but I keep expecting them to get more graphic. I was watching these two girls dirty-dancing at a straight club a couple months ago, and while most of the crowd was whooping and hollering at the sight, I kept thinking, "come on! Lift up her shirt! Suck her titties! What're you waiting for?"

6. Yes, confidence. Not just in thinking we're attractive to other people, but in SAYING, "You know, X really has the hots for you," or "I'd really like to get Y in bed sometime."

[looking2swing]

We have only been the lifestyle for several months, but there have been some changes within our marriage. We go out more as a couple just to relax. Our daily sex lives are definately better. I am no longer the one wanting sex every day, all day. And now I don't feel guilty or self concious when I dress sexy to go out.

[TNT]

Nothing like being in the lifestyle to build self confidence .

One of the biggest changes Ted and I both have experienced since starting to swing is that we are both much more open and talkative when meeting strangers. He and I both will strike up conversations with anybody now, no matter where we are at. And...people seem to want to talk to us. Strangers will come up and start conversations with us, which was something that never happened before swinging. I think both of us project a friendly openess that makes people feel comfortable to approach us. Of course, it could be the silly grins we wear all the time and they are just wanting to know what the hell we're grinning about

As with everyone else, we were always very close and the sex was always great but now it's just magnified 1000x. We also appreciate each other more and are much more attentative to each other.

All in all things were great before swinging and they just keep getting better and better.

Teresa

[DBL D]

I don't masterbate as much either. Kinda miss it, but I'll survive.

I look around as much but not with the same mind set.

I have my antenna up for when I hear that a gal is a bisexer, that's for sure. Always have.

I think I have become more patient with Fem D, although it doesn't seem that way all the time. I find that I have been much more sensitive to her concerns, and will try to help out with them if I can. Some things she has said that she can only deal with herself.

The communication between us is a lot better than it ever has been.

Porn is still very interesting to me though.

I think the sex between us is superior to any time in our history together. facelick

Male D

[Avril & Dec]

Hi since we are relatively new to the scene - its good to read all the responses. For us we have experience both emotional and physical differences.
The emotional side is we are a lot more happy and content in our new lifestyle and always look on the bright side of life now.
Physically - I masturbate more by myself now while Dec dosent - yet it was the otherway round. Also after man years of a good sex life I actually didnt orgasm thru penetration alone and needed oral or toys. Now I have been doing so - not only with my new partners but also with Dec - we dont know why - ( perhaps someone could answer this) because nothing physical has changed except I seem to be much more sensitive and feel everything.
Finally , just talking about our different partners when we swap and comparing notes has made our sex life so horny now - I even smile at work now thinking about what we did the night previous and what we will do the next time.
Another Finally, yes perhaps we may seem boring but its true - as a couple we actually talk more about a lot more.

Avril & Dec

My wife and I have considered joining the lifestyle. She has been more hesitant than I have been. We may get there yet. However, I have some questions.

For those in the lifestyle, how long have you been swinging? From the beginning until now, how has your relationship changed with your SO? What was your sexlife like before? And what is it like now?