Has Swinging changed your thinking/relationships/life?

[akamgaxoxo]

I definately feel swinging has changed our life as well. My hubby and I were also very good friends before we got married, and kept that same mentality after we got married. We have always shared thoughts and feelings with one another...better than some couples we know that have been married for years and years. We apply this level of openness to swinging as well...sometimes that has been a great thing, and well other times not sooo good when issues come up. But we work them out and keep all lines of communication open.

As far as sexually speaking, it's been great for us, like someone else said though, some of the fantasy aspect of this has died for us...but well we try to keep some sort of fantasy going for just each other and it makes for hot times between just the two of us later on!

[tazzie_n_truck]

It has changed our lives postively, our sex life is better, we are more open minded and open to new things, and has brought us closer to each other.

[stoutgatte]

Positively, we're much closer on a relationship level than ever before. And of course the variety of partners is always a plus...

[hmr]

So many dittos, so little time.......

[WesternSwing]

It has changed our lives for the better. We are getting out of the house more, going out and having fun together. That alone has helped our relationship. It has also intiated a very open line of communication between us. We talk about our feelings to each other more (a very big step for me since I am the one in the relationship that bottles it all up inside). It really defined why we are together.

As others here have heard me say before, after you've had sex with other people and your spouse still loves you so much their heart is about to explode, it exposes and emphasizes the emotional, and companionship reasons you are together. The real reasons. The role of sex between you is not diminished in the least bit, and the other aspects of the relationship are greatly accentuated. There is no doubt in your mind that your spouse is with you because they really, really, really want to be.

Mr. WS

[justus_n_md2]

I feel bad about talking about how bad swinging has been for me, but...

For now swinging isn't working for me. I wanted to try swinging, but my S/O wasn't interested at first. Now after about 6 months, several house and hotel parties. What we learned is that we are on different pages even after much talk after.

In the beginning I thought we agreed that we would swing as a couple, with other couples, try soft swap and gently roll into it. That didn't happen after our second hotel party. My S/O has taken to being with other men very easily now while I've had some of those pesky issues with performance, anxiety and comfort level. What I discovered is that my S/O was a bit selfish in her pursuit of happiness while I was primarily regulated to the sidelines. As of yet, I haven't had intercourse with another female after 6 months.

Even though we would talk about my comfort level, what we liked, didn’t like, her and my actions, she’s tried to understand and she’s said she would try to be more understanding. But I feel she really isn’t understanding where I’ve been coming from. I just started being okay with her being with other men, but I don’t know if I’m just feeling left out of things while she’s having fun. Some of her actions have been like staying involved with several guys for extended periods of time before taking a break and leaving me isolated on a couple of occasions where she left me to go with someone without me knowing about it. Even after we've talk and she said she wouldn't do it again, something always happens that we don't think about. Like this one time were we were away for the weekend with a group of other couples, at night while a couple of us were down stairs watching tv, she and I were together. I decided to go upstairs to talk to one of her friends who was having issues with her boy friend. After about 15 mins. one of the wives of a couple we knew wanted me to come down stairs because my S/O wanted me. Next thing I knew we were walking back to the their room and she and the wife's husband were in the bed naked and getting it on. I must say that I was a bit thrown off and unprepaired for the situation.

Like this one time were we were away for the weekend with a group of other couples, at night while a couple of us were down stairs watching tv, she and I were together. I decided to go upstairs to talk to one of her friends who was having issues with her boy friend. After about 15 mins. one of the wives of a couple we knew wanted me to come down stairs because my S/O wanted me. Next thing I knew we were walking back to their room and she and the wife's husband were in the bed naked and getting it on. I must say that I was a bit thrown off and unprepared for the situation. This is just another example what she may do without thinking. I felt she could have waited for me. Later that evening when we decided we were going to leave, I almost had my clothes on when I noticed she rolled back in the bed to give the guy one more roll in the sack. She said they guy wouldn't stop playing with her, so she just gave in. To me that was very selfish and inconsiderate. These are just several examples of situations that occurred that has make if difficult for me get pass what I call "her selfish" actions. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of everything.

I think now, my patience is running thin now. I’ve tried talking with her about things numerous times about me not being comfortable with the house/hotel type parties and her response is now like, I’m just jealousy that she’s having fun and I’m not. I wanted us to sort of pull back to a level that would help me (like soft swap or 3-some with another female), but she feels that I should catch up to her. It’s sort of too hard for her to go back to mild now. She feels that she has tried to not make me feel insecure, but she really doesn’t know what will make me feel better about things. I tried to explain that it’s very difficult for a male to function without an erection. I have not had intercourse with a another female since we started swinging.

I’m wondering if I’m being like the female and being too emotional about things. I want her to have fun and I’ve put my situation aside and told her to have her fun. But it’s clear I’m putting a damper on her fun and I can see that she doesn’t want to stop swinging. The other night when trying to talk again (she feels I’m picking on her), we got into a heated talk and she told me maybe we should just swing separately. I’m wondering if we need to be in separate rooms or just stop swinging. I hate to stop without resolving our problems. I actually don’t think she feels she’s doing anything that should affect me other than it being jealousy

Any words of advice? I know this is sort of one sided.

[EvilMJ]

WOW justus_n_md2!

I personally don't think you are being too emotional. It sounds as if your wife is being on the selfish side of things. Swinging only goes as fast as the slowest partner and she doesn't seem to want to comprehend that. You guys need to stop/slow down until you reach your comfort level or it is going to have a negative effect on your marriage.

Successful swinging is based on communication and love between a couple. THe first time we played hubby had the same performace difficulties and felt too overwhelmed, so we decided to slow down and just soft swap until we felt comfortable to move ahead. It worked wonderfully and now we can have fun without any stress at all. Separate rooms will not solve your problem.

Rules are rules...if you have set them then you need to stick with them unless both of you agree to change them. She has to agree that even if the situation is such that she thinks she should be able to step over the line, then she needs to speak to you first and get your agreement and vise versa.

When you start putting the swinging before you SO then there is a serious problem to be addressed!

[Newbies46514]

I voted for the better. It took our already good communication with each other and brought it to a new level. We've always been very open with each other in all aspects of our lives but this has brought us a new awareness of each other and why we think the other is so special to us. Andy being with another woman was great! But it also made us both appreciate each other more in so many ways, and not all of them sexually. Over all even though we've only had one experience, it's been better all around.

[TeamSoBe]

* We work out a hell of a lot more, especially when we are intimidated by the latest new potentials.

* I am very shy. I used to be really extremely horrifically shy but now I'm just down to very shy. I used to be kind of a whiney snively bitchy clingy totally dependent type of lover. Came from not much experience with women before marriage. Now I realize fully that I can get laid on my own without her and I have more confidence from all of the practice. That surprisingly (to me anyway) allows me to treat her better since I'm way more laid back about everything on a day-to-day basis.

* Trauma creates bonds. We had some shitty negative times and a lot of pain getting to where we are. Might see some more of that. Having my wife right there in the room with me caring for me while I overcame the pain of her fucking around on me, rather than hearing about it afterward like a normal guy in a normal relationship. Stuff like that. We went through all of the shitty stuff together and we are much stronger for it.

* Success creates bonds. One of the happiest memories of our marriage is the first time I fucked another woman. Sounds odd but I was afraid and she wanted to help me and she did.

* Teamwork creates bonds. I know her type. She knows my type. We are permanently wirelessly bonded 24/7 as a best-friends-slash-lovers pair. If we couldn't be totally open and honest about our sexual desires and chase people together as a team then we wouldn't be able to let each other in so far and open up so much and spend so much time connected at the mind. If I were chasing girls on the side then I would have to block her out and lie to her. I don't, I use my camera phone to send picture messages of girls to her instead. I get pictures messages from her of guys with long hair, sometimes obscured by drool on the lens.

* We are both more giving and understanding with each other. It's hard to get all irritated and resentful that she forgot to take the trash out again when she invites girls over to suck my dick. I have a guy who she likes who I can call any time if I want her to cook my favorite meal as thanks after he's gone.

* We get laid with hot new people on a regular basis. We get bored of the people we're fucking, we go out and find new ones. Nuff said.

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by justus_n_md2

Any words of advice? I know this is sort of one sided.

I'm with EvilMJ. The most important person in swinging is your SO. After the playmates are gone, your SO is still there. And they will be the ones that are there loving you even when you're old and and don't have any teeth.

Unfortunately we hurt the ones closest to us the most, because we think they'll understand us. We are nice to strangers, but yell at eachother. We won't tell a neighbor "no" to helping them with some project, but we'll tell our own kids we'll take them to the zoo another time because you're helping the neighbor. After all, they love you, so they'll understand.

It sounds to me like she is getting carried away with swinging, and is losing sight of what's important in her life: her marriage to you. Once again, when the playmates are gone and forgotten you'll still be there. How many of those playmates would come to the hospital if she was injured in a car accident? But you'd be there with a 24/7 bedside vigil, right? That's what she has to remember.

From what you said, she needs to step back a minute and reassess the whole situation.

Now back to our regularily scheduled post, since this is probably a better matter for another thread altogether.

Mr. WS

[Mistral Wind]

I was shy at first and Tim helped me find my true sexuality. I believe that most women are capable of having great sex and can be multiple orgasmic.

What we women find hard to accept is accepting ourselves and not feeling guilty about enjoying sex. When you get down to the nitty gritty we women can out-fuck our men and finish off half the men in the room without breaking into a sweat. That is how nature built us.

To cover this we make out we only do it for our men folk. Once you can be honest and say to yourself “I love to fuck!” you are halfway there. Tim has been wonderful in encouraging me and making sure I have always been safe and cared for so we swing together and very seldom on our own and both have absolute trust and love in the other half so we know it enhances our relationship rather than damaging it.

Swinging has definitely enhanced our marriage.

[FunCalifCple]

Interesting topic, for us the lifestyle and the swing club environment has helped us over the years develop confidence in meeting and communicating with new people which has carried over into our everyday business life. There is much more to be gainded from this 'swing' evnironmnet than just sex, as we both found out. Just our 2 cents worth.

[HotMoCpl]

We haven't even started. We're still in the planning stages and considering what our signals will be and so forth. Has it changed our lives...YES! We're more open in our communication then ever over the past fifteen years we've been together.

Cheers.

[HotMoCpl]

Let me add a couple more comments here. Have dabbled in loosing weight for several years now. After I started having serious discussions with my wife I made a more intense effort and will soon be on an exercise regimin. I'm also working harder with the V.A. to get new dentures. She has her bunyun surgery scheduled for next month. It might be a while before we attend a dance at Springfield Social Club, but we're going to look good and feel better when we do.

[RippleCpl]

After only two months in the lifestyle, I've noticed some rather big changes in myself (Mr. RippleCpl) and in my relationship with my wife. Aside from some of the ones everyone talks about (better sex between us, stronger relationship, etc.) here are some others:


1. LESS MASTERBATION - I used to masterbate 3-4 times a week. In the two months we've been lifestylers, I've only done it once. It's not that I am trying to avoid it, it's just that I haven't really felt like it. Yes, we are having more sex, but not enough to make up the difference. I think I used to masterbate out of sexual frustration. I desired variety, and I couldn't have it, so I'd beat off to help me stop thinking about it. Now that I have fully sanctioned variety, there is no frustration.

2. PORN - Much less/different interest now. Porn doesn't seem as "dirty" or "foreign" to me now. I guess it used to appeal to me because I wanted to do all those things, but couldn't. Now we are doing those things, so porn seems redundant.

3. GIRL WATCHING - There's a street near our house filled with bars that cater to college aged kids. When we'd drive down that street, I used to give myself whiplash going from cute girl to cute girl. Now I hardly notice them. In my mind I'm thinking "They're probably not swingers, so I'm not interested".

I guess all these things point to my sex drive going down, and in a sense it has. I was obsessed by what I couldn't have (other women), so I constantly thought about it, driving myself crazy. Now that Mrs. RippleCpl and I have begun swinging, I'm more relaxed and I know that in time, all my fantasies could come true.

Mr. RippleCpl