Do you need to feel attracted to your playmate when swinging?

[cpl36996]

my wife feels she has too feel attach to the other male in oder to have an mfm or at least feel some atraction. is this is true in all women when swinging?

[LFM2]

Not for us. We keep it simple. It's just sex.

[lustylearning]

Ummm, attracted, yes. Attached, no.

[hornykat74]

For me that has to be some kind of attraction, both physically and intellectually. If I can't hold a conversation with someone, then no matter how hot I think they are, nothing will happen

Cheers, Mrs K&T

[Edison Carter]

Susan here-- I always feel a connection to any person I have sex with. Now, what's really important is that you realize it's just for the moment. Even with regular play partners, any connection should exist in the moment only. If you continue with it after playtime you will seriously be messing with your head

[cpl36996]

thank you ladies for your input on the subject.
but i try to explaing to her she have to see all these as a playtime not as a replacement, may be my words were not clear enought to her. how should i approach this to her.

[3sumff]

I found out a long time ago that all the people we have swung with. My gf was not very attracted to all the male part. Faked all the time, but once. Man, she is good at faking it! It leaves me wondering....lol! She let me know there needs to be some connection between her and the other guy. I just would like to see her have a good time. Period

[sweet_tna]

It's sure as hell true for me. Why would I want to have sex with someone I'm not attracted to?

=)

[realcplub2]

I would say she is still having difficulty seperating the whole emotional side.. the differences between love and sex..

Its a daunting task, for some impossible.. When we ran up against this, i just explained it like this, suppose we went out, nice place, dance floor, DJ, or Band, if someone came up and asked her to dance, would she decline if it was Ok with me, and at the end of the night, its still just us.. regardless of who she DANCED with?

The arguement was but thats just dancing.. To which I countered, yes it dancing, and this is just sex.. Short term sex at that, like a evening dancing, or a day out playing softball or touch football.. There are no emotional components involved in those, If you can enjoy the FUN in the activity.

If you feel comfortable, with the situation and the person.. which can be a stumbling point.. why not go for it?

[red96]

My Mrs. has to have a physical attraction to our playmate, but emotions are left out of the picture.

[socolais]

I'm not really sure how to define "attraction", but I do need to feel something toward a playmate in order for me to have fun with it. Sometimes I'm turned on by her appearance and I always need to be able to communicate effectively with her. I need to be able to respect her as an intelligent individual that takes pride in her herself and her accomplishments. It should be someone I feel an urge to "show her a good time" and perhaps contribute toward a lasting friendship. If any attraction remains after the playtime, I want it to be friendly.

[quivers4me]

There has to be an attraction of some sort for me to want to have sex with a man (or woman). I was at a LS party last night and about half the men there were a turn off for me. Why? Who knows, just no chemistry for me. The other half I could have very well been turned on by.

Now that does not mean that I would develop any type of emotional connection with them past wanting to have sex. I'm in this to have fun and explore my sexual, sensual side. It's only sex and for me it will stay that way. As soon as I feel I can't maintain that attitude it is time for me to get out of the LS.

[jjtrindc]

Hmmm...attraction, yes...but "connection" more so. Does the guy have to be totally hot with rock hard abs? Doesn't hurt, but that isn't going to seal the deal. Has to be some sort of mental connection...smart, funny, interesting...for my wife to really be interested. We totally respect others who can "jump in the pile" and come out with a smile, but right now we need to have some other basis for getting naked with others.

[hornykat74]

Originally Posted by realcplub2

Its a daunting task, for some impossible.. When we ran up against this, i just explained it like this, suppose we went out, nice place, dance floor, DJ, or Band, if someone came up and asked her to dance, would she decline if it was Ok with me, and at the end of the night, its still just us.. regardless of who she DANCED with?

The arguement was but thats just dancing.. To which I countered, yes it dancing, and this is just sex..

This explanation struck a chord with me. I see it kind of similar. I'll see if I can explain. I see playmates as additions to OUR sex life. Kind of like vibrators, porn and handcuffs. All these things add to the arousal factor of what occurs between me and Mr K&T. People are no different. I still need to be aroused by all these things, so it's not any different when adding people to the equation. If that vibrator or porno we are watching doesn't do it for me, we aint going to use it! So if there is no attraction to a person, I'm not going to play with them.

Now I'm not suggesting that people are like objects, but it helps me to see them as an addition, not the main objective. So yes, it's sex with other people, but they are enhancing the intimate sex I have with Mr K&T.

Cheers, Mrs K&T
p.s I know I answered this already, but when reading the above response, these thoughts popped into my head

[Playful1]

Attracted yes, be that physically or mentally, or both hopefully. attached, heck no. I dont want to get attached, beyond maybe friendship if that happens.

For me, it's just sex, so I don't feel any need to be attached emotionally to the guy or girl.