Performance problems

[cupl4fun]

Okay. This weekend we went to our first party. The party wasn't very good but we met two couples whom we really liked. We went to one of the couples homes and had some fun. I had a really hard time getting "up" though and when I did after I put on the condom I would go limp after just a little while. I never have had these kind of issues. The other guys seemed to have the same problem and I know my wife was unable to orgasm. All the couples are new at this and this was our first full swap. Are these kind of problems common win you start? Does it go away when you're more used to it and relaxed?

We actually really had a lot of fun and are all planning on getting together this weekend. Just a little disappointed that we didn't have even more fun.

Thankfully I don't have to worry about my tongue staying erect.

[SecretAsianMan]

It's a common problem (I think) -- sometimes it's a performance anxiety thing. In some cases - I've gotten very much used to "riding bareback" with my regular partners and the reduced sensation in a condom tends to ...ahem... bring me down. And if these aren't your "regular" condoms - and these are like those "prolong" type condoms which have a numbing chemical to further reduce sensation and make you last longer... fehgettabut it!! May as well have just zapped my junk with a taser - my genitals go completely numb with those things.

It may just take a little time to get used to each other & relax... try not to think of the "performance" aspect of the moment and just learn to go with it.

[realcplub2]

Its normal. as S.A.M. said...

But more over the biggest key is to remember deep down inside that, you are doing this for FUN.. and if the wood isnt co-operating, you still have plenty of tools, right at hand..

PUN INTENDED..

Relax and go with the flow.. all systems will be up and running as soon as you remember that, the hardest part is already OVER.. everyone already was NAKED, and Everyone WANTED to have SEX..

And remember one other thing.. the motto I have lived by the ENTIRE time we have been swinging..

If you can't be good in bed, at least be FUNNY

[awesomecplmn]

Originally Posted by realcplub2

If you can't be good in bed, at least be FUNNY

I was just telling my husband this. He hasn't yet experienced any performance problems, but we were discussing the issue. And I basically said....all the woman wants is for you to find a way to please her and be lighthearted about it. I would love it if a guy just joked about it and went on with finding other ways to satisfy me.

Sex is often quite hilarious. Just because we're swingers doesn't mean every experience is some mind blowing sexual nirvana.

[TravlParty]

A bit of advice. After 1 such episode, we decided to try out different condoms for sensitivity. We researched via the internet and found reviews. We took those to heart and ordered several different brands.

We started using them at home so that his equipment would get used to the feeling. It's much more relaxing with your partner.

It's really helped.

[PlayfulSeniors]

It is a very common problem. The little pills, blue or yellow, will solve the problem. I now use then anytime we are going to play with other couples.

Don and Ann

[socolais]

I've been there too. I started exploring the medications for assistance. It just took a little time for me to get acclimated to the sensory overload and my high self-expectations. I never tried the pills, relaxation worked for me.

Here's one cool thing I noticed - when I shower with dandruff shampoo instead of regular soap, I have a lot more control over the equipment.

[nhcpl1968]

Yes it is normal to have these problems from time to time with new playmates. as far as the condoms go try different ones out with your wife. as you are more comfortable with her .you will find the ones you like then stick with them

[just_me]

I've had performance problems before when swinging. I think a lot of guys do.

Never had a problem when having sex with my wife when it's just us.

[2inSanDiego4u]

Originally Posted by socolais

Here's one cool thing I noticed - when I shower with dandruff shampoo instead of regular soap, I have a lot more control over the equipment.

Anyone else experience this? It sounds really off the wall, but you never know...

[good times]

Yep, real common for this to happen. While it is slightly more common when you are new, we have been swinging for over five years and it still happens to me once in a while. Over time the reasons are different. At first it is usually because of sensory overload or to many distractions. After you have more experience it more often happens for other reasons, to late/tired, or the woman you are with just isn't doing it for you.

As far as the pills like Viagra and Cialis goes, at least in my case they usually won't help. The fact is, the pills will not make you less distracted, and they won't make a woman who isn't compatible with you suddenly turn you on. The only thing they have helped for me is in the case of condoms, if you can get it up, they can help keep it up.

My guess is it is a sensory overload problem in your case. the best cure for that is to relax, take it slow, and try not to get worried about it. Worrying about it almost guarantees that you will have performance issues. If you find the problem persists, you might want to try playing with your wife in a group setting for a while. This allows you to get used to having sex with others around distracting you, without any pressure to perform.

For condoms, they really have to fit you in order to work. After a bunch of performance problems while using condoms, my wife and I went and bought every brand and style we could find and tried them out at home. the result was that I found one that works ok for me (Kimono Microthin large in my case). It is amazing the difference using the right condom can make.

[willyoats]

It's not an uncommon problem for both sexes to have difficulties at first.

My wife didn't have orgasms with anybody but me for a long time. We had lots of fun with lots of guys, but I was the one who got her off. Even after a world of experience there were only about 4 guys besides me who could get her off. It was a matter of trust and relaxation.

For me, there were times that I couldn't get it up, and I know the reason in every case: incompatibility at some level. If I was really into the other woman, I has hard as a rock. If I had lingering doubts, I was pretty limp. It's purely psychological.

Viagra, etc., does not help overcome psychological barriers unless you think it will. Then it is no better than a placebo, which does work in some cases because all the guy needed was the belief that he could do it. I tried viagra twice as a kind of experiment when a buddy was giving htem away. Both times I had the blue vision and an organsm that was hardly worth having. It may work for other guys, but I think it is not worth the trouble.

Being able to relax with the right partner is the best aphrodesiac in the whole wide world.

[cupl4fun]

Thanks for all the great advice guys. I'm sure I'm over sensitized and under relaxed. We'll start "practicing" with the condoms (great advice by the way), especially since I've only worn them like three or four time in my life. Never thought I'd have to practice that! Anyways great advice everyone! Thanks again.

[JustMrJ]

This happens to me quite often, so I just use the other tools I have... fingers, tongue... lips, etc...

Once I am much more comfortable with my partner it goes much better. Also, if you think it's distractions (usually in a party situation), you can move to a quieter location. This can make a HUGE difference as being able to focus on your partner and not others around you can really help.

Good luck... and have fun!

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by cupl4fun

Thanks for all the great advice guys. I'm sure I'm over sensitized and under relaxed. We'll start "practicing" with the condoms (great advice by the way), especially since I've only worn them like three or four time in my life. Never thought I'd have to practice that! Anyways great advice everyone! Thanks again.

Chiming in late here, but as you've seen, it happens to everyone. I was also gonna' recommend practicing with condoms. You may also want to add a drop of lube before applying the condom, for a little extra sensation.

It's easy to overthink things and let the nerves get the best of you. Glad ya'll found a way to make the best of things and still have fun.

Hugs,

=)