half empty / half fool

[socolais]

I've been reading several comments here lately that made me wonder what are other people's decision processes in playmate selection.

I infer that many folks look for negatives in the pool of potential playmates and use a process of elimination to narrow the field down to just a lucky few. On some occasions, everyone at the party might be eliminated on the basis of "show stopper negatives" in their appearance or personality. Quality over quantity. Narrow strike zone. Gotta feel the chemistry.

I think there are some other folks that look for positives in the available playmates and decide which positive characteristic they'd like to enjoy today. A sex party is like a buffet - grab what you want and leave the rest. Many negatives can be overlooked for the duration of the playtime. Most folks have something good to offer if we'll just give them the chance. Personality over appearance. Constantly changing (unpredictable) strike zone. Chemistry is in the mind, not the eyes.

Nothing is ever pure black and white, but I think I tend to use the second approach and rarely eliminate someone from consideration.

[BiloxiCouple]

My glass is half full. Do you want to share it?

I know what you are saying. I think first impression is still a big indicator if we are going to play or not, at least in the short term. We have a couple of known deal breakers for us, bad teeth, cheerleaders and dipping. Other than that we are pretty open to anyone, I would like to think so anyway!!!

Overlooking for the duration of playtime? I can over look the cheerleader thing. Not the other two.

[LikeMinds321]

We use the first approach. If negatives show up right away we don't go any further. I think the negatives have to be considered along with the positives. We would be "fools" not to consider them.

Many times the negatives don't show up until you play with people and I think that is why people often play only once with people.

LM

[jjtrindc]

I guess you could say that we were using the "half empty" approach for a while. Then we met a couple at Desire that honestly were not our "body types," and we really didn't have that much in common. But, damn, we just clicked. We still maintain regular contact even though they live in another state (yet another dealbreaker for us). My wife and I still laugh at how this works...but don't analyze it too much. And, yes, we played a bit with them and had to planned to play during a visit but situation wasn't right.

At Desire, we had the time to really had the time to get to know them. Unfortunately, back in the "real world" we don't have that time...so looks can take preference. Though, ultimately, personality and the ability to click is our top priority. That's why we prefer to meet couples who don't mind spending time trading emails and IM's -- though understandably that's not for all couples.

As such, we don't meet as many couples as we could, but we've been fairly lucky in that we typically "click" with those couples we do meet. As in life, many personalities in the lifestyle. If you stick to what's right for your, we ultimately believe you'll meet couples that you are happy with. Of course, it's a box of chocolates out there so don't be afraid to eat that one with the coconut in it (lol, I hate coconut)....cause you never know.

[2insandiego4u]

We described how we feel about this in a response a few days ago:

Just an observation...

First impressions do matter though and there are definitely some "showstoppers" like the OP said! Bad teeth is one of ours too. If the person does not take care of themselves (hair, dress, hygiene, general appearance) we are probably not interested in finding out more about them.

[cupl4fun]

We unlike a lot of people think that the majority (75%-85%) of people are attractive. I mean some people are "beautiful" but almost all humans are attractive to us. We would almost certainly decide based on how well we got along with somebody. I would rather be with a nice 190 lb. woman than an arrogant 130 lb. woman. Mrs. cupl is even more this way than I am. Having said that though there are some people we just wouldn't swing with probably like others; people with bad teeth, people who don't take care of their bodies, and the very overweight. But just by appearance we would be willing to swing with about 3 out of 4 people we run across. So I guess our cup is 3/4 full

[K&JIntimates]

I've noticed that when K and I are talking that we represent each half of what socolais is saying. K uses the negatives approach. Whether it's appearance or personality or a combo of the two. I guess his is what you might call 'the narrow strike zone'.
I, on the other hand, look at couples from the "I like _____ about them" and "____ might be fun to do tonight". This is why I don't have a type, it changes largely on what I might be in the mood for or what I feel.
We met one couple where the Husband was ok looking and there were some things that didn't mesh well personality wise but he was into talking 'dirty' during foreplay. Since I like this I was excited, at one point I was so excited that I fell off the orgasmic cliff! lol
Here recently we met a SF at a club. She didn't fall into K's type but I could tell that she likes to play, knows what she's about, is open, and would be an 'equal' match to what we would offer her. If that wasn't reason to investigate further I don't know what is.
I'm hopeful that K will someday adopt the 'half-full' attitude and let our cup runnith over.

[good times]

When we are initially perusing the crowd for suitable candidates for play, it is all about physical attraction. So we are looking for folks we find attractive, and not rejecting folks based on "deal breakers". Once we choose someone to approach, then we start looking for deal breakers. The most common deal breaker for us at that point is that their play preferences don't match ours.

If I initially see someone who is, for example, 50 pounds overweight, or has rotten or missing teeth, that isn't really a deal breaker, I just don't find them physically attractive. So, since I don't find them attractive in the first place, their really isn't a potential deal to break at that point, in my opinion.

[2insandiego4u]

Originally Posted by good times

If I initially see someone who is, for example, 50 pounds overweight, or has rotten or missing teeth, that isn't really a deal breaker, I just don't find them physically attractive. So, since I don't find them attractive in the first place, their really isn't a potential deal to break at that point, in my opinion.

Umm, sounds like you basically just said that bad teeth and being overweight are showstoppers, in A LOT more words!

[lustylearning]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

My glass is half full. Do you want to share it?

Excellent.

[sweet_tna]

Well put, Socolais! I think that's why I don't have a particular "type" when it comes to what I look for in a play partner. I go by what DOES attract me, versus how few things about them are turnoffs. And it's rarely the same thing from person to person . . . except, of course, for chemistry.

And Biloxi? What about a cheerleading COACH? Can you overlook that? (If I promise not to do any cheers?)

=)

[Chicup]

Half empty or half full, I'd say neither.

There is a physical Rubicon for women that I have and its a combination of factors, but regardless, on one side is a yes and on the other is a no. I don't know who I'm going to play with on any given night, but I know who I'm not in the first glance around the room. No one should apologize for what they find sexually attractive, its as selectively subjective as a Russian judge at the Olympics, not fair, and filled with a lifetime of bias, but it is what it is.

Much like Goodtimes, the deal breakers come after. If I just don't like the personality for some reason, we won't play. Unstable, uncouth, uneducated, underarm hair (I was running out of un's), are all things that will turn a 'oh shes cute' into a 'ummm no'. As Goodtimes pointed out a lot of times you find the deal breakers during/after play, and I put those into the regret category.

Its not a buffet where I might want a little of this and that, its a simple yes or no. Either Mr. Happy is 100% into the task at hand or 0%.

Swinging to me isn't a bucket list, I'm not looking to do as many things or try as many types of women as I can, its simply an outlet of my normal sexuality in what I find attractive. There are times I wish my strike zone were larger, it would make play time less of a variable, but you can't just change what turns you on. My preferences HAVE changed, for one thing now that I'm getting older I find older women more attractive than I did 7 years ago when we started this, but that is just a natural evolution, not because I wanted it to happen.

[realcplub2]

The biggest non starter for us is, when we get a well written letter, and when we finally get them online to "talk"... well.. they Can't, or worse, I carry a great conversation, then put the Mrs on, and.. the blood rushes away from the brain.. and scant seconds into the conversation.. So what are you wearing.... and its an instant turn off for her.

She holds the wrong opinion, that, if they cant carry on a sensible conversation anonymously, how in the hell can we converse in person?

I have explained that, while some are sensible, others can be crude.. that doesnt mean that all are

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Many times the negatives don't show up until you play with people and I think that is why people often play only once with people.

LM

Amen to that!

Originally Posted by good times

When we are initially perusing the crowd for suitable candidates for play, it is all about physical attraction. So we are looking for folks we find attractive, and not rejecting folks based on "deal breakers". Once we choose someone to approach, then we start looking for deal breakers. The most common deal breaker for us at that point is that their play preferences don't match ours.

If I initially see someone who is, for example, 50 pounds overweight, or has rotten or missing teeth, that isn't really a deal breaker, I just don't find them physically attractive. So, since I don't find them attractive in the first place, their really isn't a potential deal to break at that point, in my opinion.

This pretty much sums us up as well. We can tell from glancing around a room if there is anyone we MIGHT be interested in playing with, and after talking to those we MIGHT be interested in, we can then determine whether or not we still are.


For us it's not a buffet, nor are we going out to eat. It's more like going to a party that has appetizers, we might decide to sample something or we might decide we don't see anything we want to sample. In either case, we already had dinner before we left the house and will have a snack when we get home, so we're satisifed