Getting over self-esteem issues

[loveme38]

We have been married for 15years. This weekend was our first experience. We met a couple online, chatted for a week, met for dinner several times. Tuesday things heated up. Wednesday when we met again, I was to ashamed to do it again. I'm a shy person and have issues with my self esteem. How do I get over this. Is this normal for me to feel ashamed after the first time? I liked it, wouldn't mind doing it again, just don't know how to get over this. Thank you.

[JustAskJulie]

I have to ask why you were ashamed to repeat what you'd already done? This sounds like more than self-esteem, perhaps shame and guilt issues?

[fun4Ds]

Loveme38 if I may ask. What makes you use the word ashamed ?

Is this about how you feel toward your own body, that somehow you didn't feel comparable to the other female or just other women in general ?

Is it this couple or even the male that gave you reservations or embarrassments ?

Or was it more along the lines of feeling ashamed like if mom or dad, the preacher or society found out ? Like, I have been been a bad nasty person for doing this.

I know sometimes feelings and sorting them out can get... complicated.

If you feel like it, share your feelings. This is a good place to do that... Its hard sometimes to talk about this sort of thing with the actual people we are playing with..

We wont judge ya, we are just listening. Sometimes the folks here have shared similar feelings.

[2insandiego4u]

If the emotion you are feeling is truly shame, why do you feel that way when these people obviously like you and want to see you again? We understand that it was your first experience. Now the ice is broken, you had fun the first time, so try to relax and have some more fun! Have a drink and enjoy this! Good luck!

[loveme38]

Thanks to everyone. You've been so great! It is indeed self esteem issues. I don't worry about what the other woman looks like......I just worry if I'm going to look ok, am I attractive, sexy. All those self esteem issues. I am trying to feel better about myself, and am excited about our next adventure with this couple. We are planning a get a way very soon. I'm hoping, no planning to sit back, relax and enjoy the ride (no pun intended). Thanks again for all your help. It has truly helped me out.

[jjtrindc]

My wife has a funny motto that she developed to help her overcome self-esteem issues. We call it the 50 percent rule. When we go to a club or a resort like Desire, she walks in saying, she'll be better looking than 50 percent of the women and the other 50 percent will be better looking than her. (Course I think she ranks much higher lol). Allows her to take a "who cares" attitude. We go and have fun for us. If that includes other couples, great. If not, no worries we still have great sex. This did take a while but we're in a good place now. You should know that you aren't alone. Just last week we met a couple where the woman worked at a gym. She had an amazing body. Yet, even she was worried about what others thought.

There's also a lesson for us guys. Never stop complimenting the ladies in the lifestyle. Hearing other men say nice things or reading emails was also a big factor in my wife getting over self-esteem issues.

In your particular case this couple likes you. Don't analyze it. Enjoy it!

[loveme38]

Originally Posted by jjtrindc

My wife has a funny motto that she developed to help her overcome self-esteem issues. We call it the 50 percent rule. When we go to a club or a resort like Desire, she walks in saying, she'll be better looking than 50 percent of the women and the other 50 percent will be better looking than her. (Course I think she ranks much higher lol). Allows her to take a "who cares" attitude. We go and have fun for us. If that includes other couples, great. If not, no worries we still have great sex. This did take a while but we're in a good place now. You should know that you aren't alone. Just last week we met a couple where the woman worked at a gym. She had an amazing body. Yet, even she was worried about what others thought.

There's also a lesson for us guys. Never stop complimenting the ladies in the lifestyle. Hearing other men say nice things or reading emails was also a big factor in my wife getting over self-esteem issues.

In your particular case this couple likes you. Don't analyze it. Enjoy it!

Thank you so much. That did help me alot. I have been taking everyones advice to heart. I agree with everything that you said, and am going to put it to use. Thanks again!

[socolais]

When we first started, I had some confusion and I wondered if I would be accepted by other swingers. It took a few parties before I felt comfortable "just being me" and not something I thought other folks expected. Perhaps that's just a defence mechanism to avoid being too vulnerable. I don't recall feeling shame, but I wouldn't want everyone to know my activities.

Maybe you're feeling that things are going faster than you're comfortable with. Part of just being me was managing the pace according to our preferences. I still like encounters to develop at a slow comfortable pace.

We figured anything this fun and good for us HAD to be something positive for US. We could have developed stronger communication between us many other ways besides swinging. We've strengthened our self confidence and feel better about ourselves in many ways. Swinging has been a fun way for us to improve.

I find it amazing that we can love each other enough that we don't feel threatened by the possible bad effects of swinging. And we can encourage each other to go have a sexual good time - simply because it's fun.