What's the bonus for you?

[JustAskJulie]

Ok, this comes up pretty often, but I'm going to bring it up again, hopefully in a different way. It seems that there are for the most part two factions in swinging (and here on the board)....

Those who are strictly looking for friends with benefits (the friends being the main thing and the sex is the bonus).

Then there are those who are while friendship may not be out of the question, they are mainly looking for others for sex, if friendship happens to come along in the process it's a bonus.

So what is your priority? Is it the friendship or the sex?

Yes, I realize there are many layers in between, but in the end, everyone has one priority or the other.

[lustylearning]

I chose option number one. That said, when the friendship does develop, it is a fabulous bonus.

[socolais]

I'm not looking for friends, just friendly people....

There's one couple we're starting to think of as friends and we like the way that relationship is going. Very cool "bonus"....

[BiloxiCouple]

Sex and we'll exchange names later I've had more people over for sex than have had vanilla friends over at the house. Now you know my priorities.

[good times]

Sex first, friends later. Then if we become good friends, no more sex.

[2inVT]

Sex first, definitely.

But - we have to at least find them friendly and likeable before we have sex. And we expect them to be friendly and likeable after we have sex, too. In a superficially social way, at least. (If I was sucking your dick the last time we met, I expect you to say hello and at least appear pleased to see me when we meet again.)

[Tia Vampire]

sex! friendship is a bonus. it seems to be that way with most of the people we have encountered. a couple's booty call.

[MrsVan]

When MrVan and I first got into the LS, we were looking for friends with benefits which we were hoping to make friends. However, as we have become comfortable in the LS we have learned that looking for friends first is not the way to go in the LS as it just never seems to work out. Therefore, we go into each play session and look at each couple with sex in mind. If after the sex, a friendship happens to bloom then we will run with it and just go with the flow.

We have better luck with friends who live further away than we do with those that are close to us. We have enjoyed the frienships that we have made but we also have REALLY enjoyed the sex...

MrsVan

[dodgechevy]

At first I was going to say you should have a third option of equally, but just realized that now that we think of it, it is really sex first. I suspect it is probably going to be the same for most couples. Especially since we believe that most people won't even meet up in the first place unless they were attracted to each other.

But we do prefer to make friends with benefits.

[des1re06]

We started out thinking we wanted friends with benefits, but that has changed. It's extremely hard to find people that interest us sexually, and trying to turn it into a friendship is even harder.

Don't get me wrong, we have made alot of friends in this lifestyle, but that doesn't mean we're sexually attracted to them.

Hope that makes sense.

Mrs. D

[two42lovers]

It's all about sex, but liking someone, being attracted, and feeling chemistry is all part of the package. If those things are in place, the opportunity for a friendship developing is good. It happens more often than not for us, but of course there are varying depths of friendship, and close friendships take time to grow.

I think swingers meet people in the lifestyle the way "vanillas" meet to share a hobby in common. Even if they enjoy the same hobby, non-swingers won't spend time with people if they don't like them, any more than swingers would. But sharing interests in common can be a good way to start a friendship, if the chemistry is there. The hobby of swinging is no different.

[Pepper & Drew]

The sex. The friendships have been great, and we've met far more people in the lifestyle than we ever would have met otherwise, but before going to a club or houseparty, it's not the thought of possibly finding new friends for friendship that excites me. It's finding folks to have sex with!

Pepper

[LFM2]

We go for the sex. We're not swinging for the friendship or even looking to have a friendship with another couple, but, if one happens to develop over time, we pretty much go with how things feel at the moment if we play or not. We're friends with a lot of swingers that we haven't played with. It would be weird to play with them now.

[cocpl2007]

Something we already knew, we are very much the minority. It is friendship, or no sex with us. We were both single not that long ago, there were many, many sexual partners available, most didn't even care to know your name, let alone develop the friendship. If you aren't interested in developing the friendship and being around for breakfast, we will be keeping our clothes on, thank you very much.

We are very much interested in Quality over Quantity, only.

[newlythree]

I guess for us the friendship is the bonus.
We always like to meet new people, and we like to develop new friendships. But the crust of the matter is that we have plenty of friends. We are looking to explore and heighten our sexual experiences. That is why we decided to explore this lifestyle.
And here is another thing, we WILL hang with you even if we don't want to have sex with you. If we get to know you too well, we may not want to have sex with you.
Does that make sense?
By no means are we judgmental or prudes in any way. We just know what we want I guess.