Age and experience in swinging

[olycouple]

When Mr. Oly and I began considering the lifestyle, we joined a nearby on-premise club and dove right in...no full-swap...just getting comfortable with ourselves and our decision, but a lot of sex with just each other...out in the open around others, watching and being watched. We did notice there were very few people in the club in our age bracket. Heck, we've even begun to notice it elsewhere...here included. We've discussed the possibility that this is because the younger set may have less money (let's face it, clubs/travel/hotels/etc. aren't cheap) and less time (not as much accrued vacation time, kids, family). But, I just read a thread on here today that brought up a point I hadn't considered...that some more experienced swingers who have been married for a long time may feel that younger people might not be "ripe" enough for the lifestyle. Now, I can see where that might be true for some young couples. But, it definitely begs the question, do age, experience, and length of relationship lead to greater success in the lifestyle? Or is it simply that for some, what might have taken 20 years of marriage to finally work up to could come more quickly to a younger couple today?

[lustylearning]

When we first started in the lifestyle, I believed you had to be a long-term and "established" couple for lifestyle to be a good choice. Since then I've come to the conclusion that whether or not lifestyle is a good decision for a couple or individual has much more to do with personal belief systems and what amount of socially trained baggage needs to be cast off.

[Opportunists]

we are 39/31 we have been married for 10, but began dating 12 years ago.

before our third date, mrs was hanging out with a friend who mentioned that mr was an attractive guy.

we had a threesome that night.

[2insandiego4u]

Originally Posted by lustylearning

When we first started in the lifestyle, I believed you had to be a long-term and "established" couple for lifestyle to be a good choice. Since then I've come to the conclusion that whether or not lifestyle is a good decision for a couple or individual has much more to do with personal belief systems and what amount of socially trained baggage needs to be cast off.

We are starting to come to the same conclusion. That being said, we're not sure how comfortable we'd be hooking up with a newlywed couple. It seems like a lot of responsibility and the potential for trouble arising just seems greater, to us at least.

[ktimephoenix]

There are a fair few factors at play. won't all apply to all young couples obviously, but these are a few of the factors i've noticed (we're 25 and 18 BTW).

Sexually experimental - despite what many people think, i've found that it is more mature people that become sexually experimental. bring up anally fingering a guy, or strap on sex, and the younger set normally laugh, treat it as completely freaky, or get all homophobic. the older set generally have an opinion such as "tried it and didn't like it" or "love it".

Length of time in a couple - the biggy. most people my (25) age are really only just starting to learn to trust their friends/spouses implicidly. probably due to the highschool antics and many a failed highschool romance. get to 40, and be with your partner for 15 years, and the trust is much more likely to be there. also the more life experience you have, the more likely you are to A: be able to trust your gut, B: a couple that has raised kids together, bought a house together, and been through thick and thin together are more likely to have both a lasting bond, and communication. younger age set consider "lv u, c u 2nite" via instant messaging good communication.

Maturity... seems obvious, but swinging kinda hinges on discretion and self control in some situations. neither are strong points of the younger set in general.

Sexual expectations. again this is like the experimentation, that it probably flies in the face of "stereotypes"... many young people (women in particular) have a hard time getting past the "sex = love" and the "i should be treated like a princess" ideals. more mature women (and guys) realise they can be royalty AND sexually free. they also realise that sex = sex. the younger girls that go out and get a new guy each night still think that when they find the handsome prince, it's princess/purity time.

Friendship Circles. most of the younger set go out and party in big groups, hang out in big groups. for many, the only way they'd go to a swinger club, even when interested in the lifestyle, would involve the whole set to go, both through fear of being the lone sheep, and because then they wouldn't have to keep it a secret/make excuses why they weren't at their regular that night... and if the group would go, it would turn into a night of connetations and ridicule for most people.... more mature couples generally have a friendship circle that is less rigid (you see your friends when you want to, not every night of the week).

Ego and self centred/ism:- the big one. ever notice that there are more drunk early 20's guys smashing each others face in at the pub, while the older crowd will sit back and have a quiet drink? insecurity, ego and testosterone. in their minds they are THEY deserve the girl, if anyone else speaks to her they're incroaching on their "territory" and it would be "unmasculin" to let the invader have his way with "the" woman... not a psyche that would work swinging. and heaven forbid that your partners lover for the night be bigger/thicker/more muscled/last longer/ make her moan more... instead of either learning a new technique, or being happy that their partner is being forfilled... they feel that they are going to be made a unic...

more young people are single, more older people are coupled off...

young people are more likely to get that thrill of being with a new person out at the vanilla clubs every saturday night, as they are single, and the clubs are a big meat market. if your 40 something, and been married for 15 years, swinging is one way to forfil that need.

also it's a self forfilling cycle too. because there are more older people out there, the younger ones quite often only have the view of mature people as their parents/aunties/authority... and despite what freud says, none of us want to think of our parents in a sexual way.

These are just what we've observed, or overcome ourselves to be a part of the lifestyle.

many of the comments i made about maturity and communication come from knowing my "vanilla" friends, and comparing them to the few young couples out there that are enjoying the lifestyle. for instance, vanilla friend "a" has lived at home all her life, and never really had to deal with the unpleasantness of the world. she has dumped a guy because he prefers burger king over mcdonalds. lifestyle girl "B" has suffered a chronic illness all her life, and as a couple lived through the death of 2 parents, and one of them being treated for cancer. they have THE strongest relationship i know. B is 4 years younger than A... so it's not just age that makes maturity.

[ktimephoenix]

Originally Posted by 2insandiego4u

We are starting to come to the same conclusion. That being said, we're not sure how comfortable we'd be hooking up with a newlywed couple. It seems like a lot of responsibility and the potential for trouble arising just seems greater, to us at least.

i don't understand this viewpoint. for instance, my parents grew up together, dated 6 years before they married, so as "newlyweds" had a 6 year long "romantic" relationship, and a level of familiarity with each other rivalling some 25 year marriages.

you might meet a couple thats been married 4 years, but only known each other 4 years and 3 months... i know which one i'd see as more of a "drama bomb".

[2inVT]

Another factor is that when a younger couple, as in the OP, goes to a party/M&G/club and finds very few people their age there, they just don't go back another time. This just makes it evolve into a gathering of older people.

I have the impression that people in their early 20s are way less likely to be interested in us 40-somethings. We, at our ages, tend to not look for anyone under, say, 35 - mostly because we can't imagine they'd be interested in us.

As far as drama goes, we're more apt to avoid people based on how long they've been swinging, not how long they've been together or how long they've been married. The drama we've seen has mostly been from newbies. Whether you've been married 30 years or 3 days, watching someone else fuck your spouse for the first time can be upsetting.

[des1re06]

After talking with some younger people recently (my child's college friends), they seem to be more open-minded sexually. Bi-sexuality seems to be common in their group and group sex the norm. I encourage them to explore safely and to make sure contraception is talked about.

This was how it was when I was in college too, so it's not new for me.

I think it depends alot on how you're raised and how mature you are sexually.

We don't avoid new or young players, unless they seem uncomfortable with the situation. One of my best memories was with a couple in their mid-20s (I'm early 40s).

Mrs. D

[JustAskJulie]

We are 35/33. I was 20 when I started swinging (and my husband at the time was 27). There are younger folks around although we too find it hard to find people in our age range (both back then and now), and we do find that a lot of that does have to do with most couples our age having kids at home to deal with and more life committments in general. We don't have kids (by choice) and we can pretty well go as we please, with the only thing holding us back being vacation time (if the going requires more than a weekend).

But, it definitely begs the question, do age, experience, and length of relationship lead to greater success in the lifestyle? Or is it simply that for some, what might have taken 20 years of marriage to finally work up to could come more quickly to a younger couple today?

I think that maturity both in individual people and in their relationship lead to success in the lifestyle. That maturity may come faster for some than others. Some couples may require 20 years and getting their kids out of the house before they finally learn how to really communicate with each other and discover there is more to life than raising kids. Look how many couples get their kids out of the house only to realize they have NOTHING in common anymore and end up divorced. Communication skills are something that need to be excercized daily and the more you exercise them the stronger they get and faster.... so I guess to me it all comes down to that.... maturity and communication.

[ktimephoenix]

Originally Posted by 2inVT

Another factor is that when a younger couple, as in the OP, goes to a party/M&G/club and finds very few people their age there, they just don't go back another time. This just makes it evolve into a gathering of older people.

I have the impression that people in their early 20s are way less likely to be interested in us 40-somethings. We, at our ages, tend to not look for anyone under, say, 35 - mostly because we can't imagine they'd be interested in us.

As far as drama goes, we're more apt to avoid people based on how long they've been swinging, not how long they've been together or how long they've been married. The drama we've seen has mostly been from newbies. Whether you've been married 30 years or 3 days, watching someone else fuck your spouse for the first time can be upsetting.

I can understand that you probably have good reason to think that but i have to say that, as stated previously, we are 25 & 18 and we have yet to be with a couple our own age. Come to think of it we have yet to be with a couple under 40+. We dont rule out on age, there is something attractive about everybody. Its really down to it how we click as people not just 'sex toys'. So dont rule out the younger ones thinking they wont be into you, everyone loves the MILF and i must admit i do love older men ;o)

~Mrs P

[2inVT]

We wouldn't rule them out, Mrs. P - but we'd be less likely to contact them.

It's funny - meeting all in person at a M&G or house party tends to blur the age lines more than when you're contacting people via swing site profiles online. If we met a much younger couple at a party/M&G, and we all were attracted, we'd certainly play with them.

[ktimephoenix]

Originally Posted by 2inVT

We wouldn't rule them out, Mrs. P - but we'd be less likely to contact them.

It's funny - meeting all in person at a M&G or house party tends to blur the age lines more than when you're contacting people via swing site profiles online. If we met a much younger couple at a party/M&G, and we all were attracted, we'd certainly play with them.

I think this is probably true from our end as well.. although we have never successfully hooked up with a couple from online, all have been met through parties. at a meet and greet, they are people first. online it is easy to objectify the person... then it becomes like shopping for a car, you can base it on age/mileage/colour.