How would you describe your progression

[socolais]

In every thing we do, there is a natural progression from novice toward mastery as we gain experience and proficiency in the activity. We've been doing this swinging thing for a little more than a year now and I've noticed some progression in our acceptance of casual sex with others and more significantly, we're more relaxed and comfortable with having and giving a good time.

We haven't had any real bad experiences like I've read about here (no one has cried or stormed out of a party or been wildly disrespectful). I guess the worst things that have happened so far is my wife got a hicky from a playmate and on another occasion she got locked in the master bedroom at a house party (pissed off the host). I've had a few erection disappointments and there were a couple of times I came much quicker than I would have preferred.

In the beginning, sex with others was more like "quickie style" - we felt comfortable enough to have sex with them but we were hesitant to "really get into it" and fuck their brains out. We're more relaxed now and have had several playtimes where we've had some "holy shit sex" with playmates that we happen to mesh with very well. If a woman wants a really good time with me, she needs to be able to communicate her sexual preferences.

We've mostly done heterosexual one on one play and experimented with a MFM threesome and she had one bi playtime. We've done same room, same bed, and seperate room playing - they're all fun. We're keeping our eye out for group sex opportunities.

There have been a few times we've had sex with folks when we first met, but mostly we like to select our playmates based on personality and our ability to communicate together. When we meet someone new at a party, we'll talk and flirt with them and generally watch the way they interact with others. If we like what we see, we'll wait till the next party to invite them to play.

Of course, good sex is always better. But even the parties where we didn't find someone we wanted to connect with, were plenty of fun. It surprised me that a party where I didn't connect with a playmate and she had 3 sessions - was one of the best parties. Good sex or bad sex at a party doesn't really matter - we'll have plenty of fun together either way.

So, I guess my question is: do you recognise a familiar pattern in our progression and what do you think is likely to be our next "milestone"??? How do we know when we're not beginners any more?

[two42lovers]

my question is: do you recognise a familiar pattern in our progression and what do you think is likely to be our next "milestone"??? How do we know when we're not beginners any more?

You don't sound like beginners to us, but what difference does does it make? As long as you and you playmates are having fun it's all good. One issue with labeling yourselves as novices is you may be missing out on couples who prefer more experienced playmates. It sounds like you mostly meet people at parties anyway, so unless you make a big point of saying you are novices/unsure of what you want (which I think is inaccurate) it doesn't matter what you say in a profile. People are more likely to judge by what they see.

As it stands, you already have more experience than a lot of couples ever get.

[realcplub2]

I tend to think the milestone you might be looking for, doesnt exisist

Given the enjoyable experiences you have already had, the only thing you are missing is a bad one.. and trust all of us who have had one or two.. they are the ones to FORGET

The biggest key is that you are both enjoying yourselves, and have a strong relationship together.. Beyond that.. so long as its enjoyable, go for it.. if its not, back up and go with what you know..

[celtic239]

I would have to say somewhere between "just about stuck" and a "snails pace", but since there is some movement hope springs eternal.

[JustAskJulie]

I don't know that there's a natural progression that everyone follows. Some jump in head first and full swap the first time they leave the house on a "swinging venture" others of us take our time and go a little slower.

For us, the progress went like this....

Local socials to meet people and allow him to see that swingers were normal.
On-premise club where we played with each other in public.
We continued with the on-premise club setting for quite a while (and still do) most of our progress occured there, going first to some girl/girl play while the guys watched, then on to soft-swapping with other couples. We've had a couple of opportunities to meet with couples one on one where things progressed and are now making more of an effort to actually meet couples (outside of just going to clubs and socials).

I would say that when we started there was a little more leaning towards wanting to get to know people and make friends, as we got more comfortable approaching things together the idea of "making friends first" fell by the wayside to the point that now if we look at a profile that requires "friends first" we will pass it by. We aren't against making friends and like the idea of it, but we aren't likely to meet people we aren't interested in having sex with, so that tells you where our priority lies. Neither of us have any desire to play seperately.


Now, you can compare that to the progress in my previous relationship when I started swinging.... talk about it, a couple of threesomes with individual halves of another couple we knew.... met another couple to play with, played on first meet. From there we ended up meeting a local group of swingers that we became "friends" with. Everyone would get together about once a month for a party and most of our swinging occured within that group. Then later a different group of friends. We also still played with others outside of those groups. We also played seperately as well as together.

[ktimephoenix]

our progression has been pretty erratic.

started with talking
then decided to "see" what the local house party was like.
ended up playing with a S-fem in the group room first party.
second party played with a S-fem... with an audience in the hot tub.
had a few partys with no play.
went to a social with no play on premesis. ended up having our first full swap with a couple we met there.
met up for another couple to play outside of the club/social scene...
and that's where we are now.