I'm tired of my wife, mind if I do yours?

[JustAskJulie]

This is a phenomena that we've noticed a bit with some of the couples we've seen at clubs and met. Couples where it seems like one partner is no longer really attracted to their partner (due to weight gain or just general boredom, whatever) so they initiate swinging as the way to get to have sex with people they feel are more attractive.

I actually saw a comment from a guy today who's wife just lost 55lbs and his comment was "she's totally doable now". My reply was "SHE was totally doable before", trying to imply that it wasn't her that had kept the 4 of us from playing.

We've seen other similar things at clubs with couples we've met there, where it just seemed obvious that he was just there to do something more attractive than his wife.

[VegasLee]

As they say,

You Can't Fix Stupid!

[tittietwister]

Regardless of whether you are swingers or vanilla, we have always thought that you still owe it to each other to look nice and not let yourself go. It says so much about how you feel about each other. It reflects a deeper problem that won't be solved by swinging (which was your point, I think).

Regarding boredom, that's a delicate subject. One could say that the oft given reason to swing (to add more spice to one's sex life) is a nice way of saying that after so many years people are craving variety. I think some might classfify that as boredom. We all fall into routine and ruts. How you frame and address it, positively or negatively, makes all the difference.

Excellent topic Julie. From an INTJ, I just love the thinkers that inhabit this space.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

As they say,

You Can't Fix Stupid!

Well ya have to admit. Mrs.fun has made some improvements over the years with me She is still striving for the unattainable, but she has kept to her goals

Ya know Julie, we see this also sometimes. I can't conceive a woman being better or over the top of Mrs.fun. She will always have that edge of the person I am in love with. I for one, have picked up a sense of listening to other male playmates. That seem to make an occasional rude comments sometimes. Then they put Mrs.fun on a pedestal. Sure everyone likes flirting and hell yes we love any complements we can get.... We love giving them as well, to playmates and each other.

But the thing is, I don't find it pleasurable to see a guy step on his wife to get to mine. Its disrespectful.

It seems we have a much better time with couples that admire each other. We are more of the types to be with couples where we all have equal attraction.

[VegasLee]

One of the biggest turn offs in my everyday life is Negative selling. No matter what it is about.

Don't tell me why a product is bad, tell me why yours is better and what it will do for me. Don't tell me what is wrong with the other person running for office, tell me how you are going to make my life better if I vote for you.

Don't tell me your wife sucks, in a bad way or that she does not turn you on anymore. Chances are there is a reason she does not WANT to turn you on anymore. Why would I want to subject my wife to someone that their own wife does not feel the need to turn on any longer?

This country/world has become nothing but negative sales pitches and my buying experiences are becoming less and less each and every day.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by tittietwister

Regardless of whether you are swingers or vanilla, we have always thought that you still owe it to each other to look nice and not let yourself go. It says so much about how you feel about each other. It reflects a deeper problem that won't be solved by swinging (which was your point, I think).

The sad part is that most of the time when we have noticed this, the partner that seems to be expressing the boredom needs to do some work of their own as well. It's not typically the mis-matched couples where the one is quite attractive and the other has let themselves go, it's most often where BOTH have let themselves go (or perhaps since we didn't know them beforehand, one or both started off looking like that). Or worse, the one that is bored is the ONE that needs to do the most work (as in the example I provided above).

[BiloxiCouple]

You might do mine, but, I have got to do yours first before we decide if you might do mine.

[mnbryant]

Some people are just that shallow and never connect with their spouse. Those are the ones looking for a way to cheat openly.
Sure when I started dating my wife the outside counted a lot. But she stole my heart and it was all over with. she worries about gaining weight and being afraid i won't love her anymore but that is no longer what our relationship is about. She is my best friend as well and she has never lost my interest. If you can't move from an outward interst in someone to an inward interest then you are wasting your time in marriage as far as I am concerned. Sure when I want to fuck someone else they have to look and certain way to get my interest. But in my opinion if you look at your wife in this manner then you are basing your marriage on selfish reasons and someone elses wife ain't gonna fix it.

[LFM2]

I read this to Dave earlier this evening.

Yep, "Here's your sign".

I'm glad to admit that I've never seen this among the swingers I know around here.

[NT69]

I can't believe someone would say or even write such a thing about his SO.
With no respect for one another a relationship doesn't have any value...

[socolais]

From a tag-line I read on SLS: Variety is a spicy wife

[Edison Carter]

Susan here-- I have often found that one partner, often the man, speaking negatively about the wife, uses it as a form of control. Control of how the woman is perceived, control of how he wants to be perceived, with neither being effective in manipulating a certain result. The actual result is that the lie of their relationship is exposed and you can join in or not. We always choose not to.

[slevin]

We definitely watch out for people (men or women) who talk negatively of their spouse. For me, I am very protective of Katrina and whatever problems she and I may have along the path of our relationship are between her and I. I love her to death and would never disrespect her to talk badly of her to other people (swingers or not). Anyone doing that to their spouse is someone I don't want to be involved with at all.

On top of that, I just can't fathom how someone who is in love with their spouse could talk badly of them to other people! It points to some problems not just with the relationship, but with both people personally.

[singleagain]

Why do people want to swing...let me count the ways...

10 - My wife (husband) has a physical condition that prevents them from having sex.

9 - My wife (husband) is totaly indifferent to my sexual needs

8 - My wife (husband) is away from home for long periods of time and has given me permission find playmates.

7 - My wife (husband) no longer has the desire for sex.

6 - My wife (husband) needs the variety.

5 - My wife needs a bigger cock. (My husband needs a tighter pussy).

4 - My wife (husband) was a virgin when we got married and they need the experience of another lover to complete their sexuality.

3 - My wife (husband) just can't give me enough.

2 - My wife (husband) has never had a bi experience.

1 - My wife and I (my husband and I) enjoy each other immensely. We decided to offer each other the gift of extended sexuality because of our love for each other and our desire to make sure that both of us experience the utmost in sexual pleasure.

Alas, my wife did pass away. Many times we discussed swinging, but the sheer excitement of the discussions caused us to be drawn closer and rarely did we find the most elusive thing in swinging...a couple who thought like us.

In defense (without knowing him at all) of the man Julie references in her post, its really hard for most people to ignore the sight of some raving beauty (or in case of the ladies, some tall, dark and hansome hunk) and see past bodily images into the soul of a person. That being said, you first must have a soul of your own if you are to recognize that of another. Vegas Lee said it best, "You Can't Fix Stupid"!

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

As they say,

You Can't Fix Stupid!

And of course, no matter how much "better" his wife may look now, she probably didn't feel doable before, because she's married to such a jerkasaurus. And ironically, that's precisely what will make them, as a couple un-doable . . .

=)