I'm tired of my wife, mind if I do yours?

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Edison Carter

Susan here-- I have often found that one partner, often the man, speaking negatively about the wife, uses it as a form of control. Control of how the woman is perceived, control of how he wants to be perceived, with neither being effective in manipulating a certain result. The actual result is that the lie of their relationship is exposed and you can join in or not. We always choose not to.

Very very true. It's something we had noticed with this couple in previous encounters (we never played with them but spent some vanilla time together) and it's why we chose to NOT play with them (along with the lack of attraction for him - which was compounded by his attitude towards her).

Originally Posted by slevin

We definitely watch out for people (men or women) who talk negatively of their spouse. For me, I am very protective of Katrina and whatever problems she and I may have along the path of our relationship are between her and I. I love her to death and would never disrespect her to talk badly of her to other people (swingers or not). Anyone doing that to their spouse is someone I don't want to be involved with at all.

On top of that, I just can't fathom how someone who is in love with their spouse could talk badly of them to other people! It points to some problems not just with the relationship, but with both people personally.

Amen to this as well. I am always weary of any couple who feels the need to air their laundry to us, or talk negatively about each other in our presence. Every couple has some small issues that they work through and deal with, but those are no one else's business but their own.

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

And of course, no matter how much "better" his wife may look now, she probably didn't feel doable before, because she's married to such a jerkasaurus. And ironically, that's precisely what will make them, as a couple un-doable . . .
=)

When I told Pet about this IM conversation, his initial reaction was "I bet he made her feel that it was her fault that we never played with them". It's entirely possible that he either outright told her that or at least made her feel that way.

[iapr]

I haven't read all the replys or discussions so my apologies if I am saying what has alreay been said of if I am missing the current dialog.

I think what you are observing goes deeper than someone putting on or losing a few lbs. I think it is a common female perspective that if a male is losing interest or is being an ass that it is because she has gained wieght or become less physically attractive. However, i really don't think level of physical attractiveness has anything to do with it.

Some people just lose their respect and compassion for each other and it doesn't matter a bit if someone is attractive or not. If a couple is starting to disconnect and lose their mutual respect and compassion it will manifest itself in a variety of desctructive ways even if they are both drop dead gorgeous.

There are people in the lifestyle that are disrespectfull of their own partners and there are people that are looking for extra sex because of something they are lacking at home. There really are people that are looking for replacements and there are people that are trying to stay together "for the children" that are looking to have their sexual and romantic needs met through swinging.

All of them are trouble and all of them will self destruct at some point and they all have the potential to drag others down with them.